Where Have the Good Men Gone? Or, Here We Go Again

Over the weekend, AoM readers flooded my inbox with this article from the Wall Street Journal called “Where Have the Good Men Gone?” It was written by Kay S. Hymowitz, who recently published a book entitled Manning Up: How the Rise of Women Has Turned Men into Boys.

In the WSJ article, Ms. Hymowitz laments that there are no longer good men out there, just a bunch of overgrown man boys. She then gives the same tired reasons for why American men aren’t doing so well today:  the economy, pop-culture, delayed marriage, video games, etc.

Personally, I’m getting tired of these “What’s wrong with men?” articles and books. I’ve lost count how many of them I’ve read over the past five years. I seriously have a bookshelf full of tomes on the subject. At first they were somewhat interesting–at least the place of men in society was being discussed and studied. But I feel like it’s just become an endless piling on. My biggest beef is that the authors typically don’t offer any solutions to the problem. Instead, they just pity these hapless men or laugh at them, but never try to help. Mostly because the solution–that men need to revive some of the lost virtues of manliness might seem sexist. The WSJ article says:

“What explains this puerile shallowness? I see it as an expression of our cultural uncertainty about the social role of men. It’s been an almost universal rule of civilization that girls became women simply by reaching physical maturity, but boys had to pass a test. They needed to demonstrate courage, physical prowess or mastery of the necessary skills. The goal was to prove their competence as protectors and providers. Today, however, with women moving ahead in our advanced economy, husbands and fathers are now optional, and the qualities of character men once needed to play their roles—fortitude, stoicism, courage, fidelity—are obsolete, even a little embarrassing.”

Those virtues are embarrassing? Embarrassing to whom? The truth is we need those virtues more than ever–they’re not just important in war and crisis, but in the every day decisions that we make, in how we lead our families, and build our communities.

These kinds of articles also always frame the issue in a way that makes all modern men seem like boobs, with the implication that all modern women are paragons of maturity and success (just look at the picture above that ran with the article!). Are men the only ones who need work? You would never see an article called, “Where Have All the Good Women Gone?”

Also, I have a feeling that these articles just perpetuate the low expectations that society has for young men today. The articles and books simply stereotype all men as loutish, clueless, neanderthals. If you want men to man up, we need to highlight the positive examples of masculinity in society and expect more from men instead of throwing up our hands and exclaiming “Men! What can you do?” How about an article on the fact that tens of thousands of men are extremely interested in bettering themselves these days? How about an article on the fact that while a lot of men grew up without a strong male mentor in their lives, and do in fact feel a little lost, they earnestly want to catch up on what they missed out on and are  eager to become the best husbands, brothers, and citizens they can be?

At AoM, we recognize that many young men are struggling today, but instead of just talking about the problem, we’ve made it a goal to provide the tools, information, and inspiration men need to improve their lives. We’ve also made an effort to highlight positive examples of manliness.

I’m really proud of the AoM Community that has built up these past few years. It’s an army of men who are sick of low expectations and unfair stereotypes. If women are wondering where all the good men have gone, then they simply haven’t met the men who I interact with every single day. Honorable men who are doing their best and who are dedicated to living a manly and virtuous life.

Thank you for being positive examples of manliness and your efforts in reviving the lost art of manliness. I know with all our efforts, we can improve the lives of men everywhere.

Read Where Have the Good Men Gone? – WSJ.com.

{ 174 comments… read them below or add one }

Shannon February 22, 2011 at 6:20 pm

Amen, good men are out there, not start a dating site so I can find them.

Shannon February 22, 2011 at 6:20 pm

*now

Matthew Del Rocco February 22, 2011 at 6:22 pm

I’m proud of the AoM community too, way to go gentlemen, just because some guys out there are slobs who do nothing and treat women terribly doesn’t mean we all are. I am also thankful that there are women out there who appreciate a manly man and don’t just want to usurp every man on their lives. Miss. Hymowitz doesn’t know the type of men here but i’m glad that i know the type of women that she is NOT.

D Rubino February 22, 2011 at 6:38 pm

Where have all the good men gone? They’re at the Art of Manliness!

Jasper February 22, 2011 at 6:40 pm

This post and its ilk continue to keep this site as a bookmark, great job AOM team

Selfy February 22, 2011 at 6:46 pm

So ok let me get this straight. Feminism is a great thing, but its direct influence on men is a bad thing? The last 50 years have been about the empowerment of women that they don’t just have to be a trophy wife, live in maid and baby factory and this woman is lamenting the fact that men no longer behave like the men 50 years ago who demanded it.

Mark February 22, 2011 at 6:53 pm

Good response to this lame-o article. Here’s mine: http://www.cockrockmag.com/how-women-can-tell-if-youre-stupid

Bill February 22, 2011 at 6:55 pm

You really ought to write a response in to the WSJ. I don’t doubt it might get published!

Troy February 22, 2011 at 6:55 pm

I read this article over the weekend and I had the same feelings. Splendid job putting my feelings into words, Brett. Sometimes in church I have heard similar sentiments about how women are inherently more righteous than men, and if a man gets to heaven, its because he was drug there by his wife. What kind of message does that send? Instead of scapegote one gender, lets celebrate the qualities that make us our best self and strive for those!

John Benton February 22, 2011 at 6:57 pm

Fortitude, courage, stoicism, fidelity, irrelevant? That’s down right heretical. Not only are they necessary for men today, but they ought to be necessary for women. Thank you Brett for leading the charge in trying to provide a model for virtuous manhood in modern society.

You have to remember that it’s much easier for people to damn the problem than to uplift and provide solutions. And that seems to be one of the problems in keeping modern men down. No one is giving them role models and inspirations. They just constantly hear about how lazy they are, how stupid compared to their forefathers, that manly pride and manhood are somehow inherently sexist, etc. Manhood indeed needs a revival in our culture, and I hope we’re stepping towards that revival with our current younger generations.

Dan Byers February 22, 2011 at 6:58 pm

I agree there are good men out there today. The problem is our socity makes light of the “bad boys” and the good men socity considers boring. They quietly run business, help neighbors, going to school functions for their kids. All important things but in socities eyes is boring. So in the end we need to look past what sells tv shows and magazines and the see the good men who quiety go foward running our world.

Leah February 22, 2011 at 7:02 pm

You wanna know what happened to the men? In my opinion, the family got broken up. It became okay to divorce. It became okay for the woman to make the financial decisions, and be a breadwinner, and raise children on her own. This should never have become okay, and with the acceptance of liberalism within the social fabric of the world, the men became “ruined,” which lead to the perversion of the women. The men need to take their place back. That’s my solution. If you’re a father, make sure you find a wife that hasn’t been brainwashed, and make her stay home if you have children. Make her excel at what SHE is good at NATURALLY: tending to children, tending to the house, cooking… and YOU excel at what you were BUILT to be good at: WORK! The nuclear family is not ideal. The best way is to work the land if you possibly can find a way to do that nowdays. Find a plot of land, and take care of your family that way.

Maybe what I’m saying is “old fashioned,” but does anyone suggest things are BETTER now than they were when people lived within their means and provided for themselves? I don’t believe anyone would rationally suggest that.

Call me a bigot, a misogynist, whatever you want. I’m a homeschooling mother. It’s not easy, but my family life cannot be beat, and I wouldn’t ever trade it for some career. My husband works overtime most weeks to provide for us and our 5 (6 on the way) children, and I make him feel valued, admired and appreciated. So much for the feminists screaming about “male ego.” YES, THEY HAVE AN EGO, and IT NEEDS TO BE FED, because THEY ARE WORTH SOMETHING!

Women, because of the corruption of customs, have contributed, nay, even MADE men the way they are, believing the lies about how they’re the SAME and “equal” to men, and all this hogwash. We’re supposed to be the helper to the man, whether anyone wants to admit it or not. That’s the way WE were made, and when women stop being brainwashed, MEN WILL REACT to that change, and act accordingly.

Wonder why there are so many men out there that are single and “can’t find a lady?” Because there aren’t many ladies left. Honestly, there aren’t, because they’ve accepted all these lies about themselves, and men really don’t want to be stuck worry about some non-committal woman, when men believe them to be disposable.

That’s my rant. Sorry if you don’t like it, but it’s what I think.

Sara February 22, 2011 at 7:04 pm

If women like Ms. Hymowitz have a lot to complain about how these overgrown manboys have turned out, perhaps they would do well to look at home first. I can think of many examples of horrifyingly overprotective and overbearing mothering that would turn any child into a puerile, shallow adult. Whether it’s the fault of the “rise of women” or a lack of a solid male role model in a home, we might want to wonder when we stopped allowing the boys to be boys and started requiring them to act like something else. Also, the “limbo” she mentions isn’t at all reserved for the males anymore than puerile adulthood is. Ms. Horowitz describes a media portrayal of a young male but doesn’t describe the reality of one single man I’ve every personally known At age 33, I feel it’s safe to say I’ve now met quite a few men. I propose she and others like her are looking very much in the wrong place.

The secret to finding a good man (or woman, for that matter), and they ARE out there, is almost always the same for everyone: be so enthralled with making your own life into something wonderful that finding the “perfect” partner naturally ceases to be priority number one. And if you read that sentence and exclaim to yourself “But I AM!”, then news flash – you’re not.

mr boroughs February 22, 2011 at 7:08 pm

You will see an article along the lines of where have all the good women gone – it at least shows that some women realize they have a part to play as well… I live in NYC and this article captures the experiences men have with some of the women they encounter in the city.

http://www.villagevoice.com/2011-02-09/news/dear-single-women-of-nyc-it-s-not-them-it-s-you/

Jacob February 22, 2011 at 7:08 pm

Very well put, Matthew. The rhetoric in the image above the article suggests an alienating sort of human lek. Miss Hymowitz must have an incredibly distorted definition of virtues to consider them in any aspect to be embarrassing. I believe this is nothing more than a sexist article published solely for its shock-value; framed as though an independent woman fed up with men being such boys was a new or even daring scenario. Incompetent men have been the go-to butt-of-the-joke for a while now in popular culture and it carries with it the dangers of any stereotypical portrayal. People like Miss Hymowitz might easily have their generalizations of men validated by this popular form of sexism. I am glad to know that good men not only exist but surround me every day.

Tim February 22, 2011 at 7:15 pm

Brett –
In so many words: ‘right on’. I think that at some point AoM needs to address this as a stale stereotype. Journalism has been beating this ‘battle of the sexes’ dead horse for at least 15 years. Why would anyone secure in their role as a husband or father be threatened by what the WSJ thinks?

One of the greatest skills that a man can learn is when to turn off the noise and do what he knows to be right. In this case, the article positions men as weak or hopeless – I used to say it on the playground and maybe you did, too: Sticks and stones may break my bones but names (or labels) will never hurt me.

Z February 22, 2011 at 7:18 pm

I do have to disagree with the sentiment that no one addresses the issue of “what’s wrong with women.” Women are constantly told what’s wrong with them, why they can’t find a man, why they can’t get married, etc. etc. The entire dating/self help book industry is mostly geared toward “fixing” women. So maybe both sides need to stop piling it on each other.

Gdub February 22, 2011 at 7:20 pm

The issue is here one of society’s values. Often we want to have our cake and eat it too, but that acquisition of said desert often comes at the expense of other important values. For instance, feminism, for all of it’s great achievements has done a poor job of incorporating men. Feminism shouldn’t have taken the woman out of the home; it should’ve put the man back in. Without realizing that we’re all in this together, it seems feminism has cut the hand off to spite the body.

Just as formerly male-dominated society put value in ment at the expense of women (wrongfully so I might add), so today we witness the reverse happening. Today’s society doesn’t value inherently masculine traits aside from abs and pecs. Is it any wonder that making men a commodity has produced a sort of assembly-line, processed, sad excuse for a person?

John February 22, 2011 at 7:30 pm

People watch too damn much TV. Women watch idiotic stuff like “Friends” or Lifetime channel and then lose thier own sense of reality because they’re bombarded by fiction/fantasy. Then the (weaker) of the male species adapts his behaviour to fit a mold of fantasy and fiction in an attempt to jump in front of the runaway train of female emotions (guys trying to be “what women want” instead of just being Men). To some extent it works temporarily. Girls (many of which have not yet mastered the “Art of Womanhood”) make poor decisions to date, marry, and have children with these hollow shell guys.

Then they eventually find ethereal excuses for divorcing and sharing custody like “Finding themselves”. What they mean is that they have (in their late 30′s or 40′s) finally figured out that being cool, trendy, fashionable, or whatever else – doesn’t really make a good substitute for the solid, steady, anchored values that only a Man can bring to her life.

The sad thing isn’t that women are making these choices – it’s not really their fault. the sad thing is that so many guys are so incapable of being steadfastly Manly, and giving them the choice to date the popular fad follower or the tried and true Man. Hence why AoM is a great vehicle to explain to boys of this generation’s failed marriages, divorces, or unmarried domestic unions – that the grief in their lives doesn’t come from anything OTHER than a loss of values.. which includes the 1940′s definition of “Family” values… as well as the loss of value of Manliness.

Audrey February 22, 2011 at 7:30 pm

“Today, however, with women moving ahead in our advanced economy, husbands and fathers are now optional, and the qualities of character men once needed to play their roles—fortitude, stoicism, courage, fidelity—are obsolete, even a little embarrassing.”

There’s your answer, sister. It’s your attitude. If men are unnecessary, why the hell should they bother trying to impress any of us?

Chad February 22, 2011 at 7:44 pm

Great response to that article.

I think it’s an absolute joke that those attributes mentioned are “obsolete” – give me a break! As you mentioned, they’re arguably more relevant than ever. Articles like this that simply criticize the state of manhood and men in general are useless, and I agree that they are perpetuating the lower expectations placed on guys these days.

Many men have a distorted view of what manliness is, thanks to articles like that one. This site and others like this are refreshing to see, and NEEDED for that matter.

Great stuff!

- Chad

Ashley February 22, 2011 at 7:54 pm

Bravo! This is a wonderful article in defense of man. Not every man is a pig or a slob just like not everyone woman is virtuous. I’m tired of this constant attack on the quality of man. I know there are good men out there, men of character and I wish they’d get the credit that’s due them. There are respectful men who work hard, who take care of their families, who stay at the bed of a sick wife, and men who have their heart broken. Women are becoming increasingly sexist and they may not even realize it. Both sexes have a lot of proving to do. In my opinion, men and women should strive to earn each other.
I was just listening to a song by Maroon 5 and the lyrics are: “I’m a man. Be a woman now.”

Eric Hedman February 22, 2011 at 7:56 pm

When did contempt become a virtue for anyone, male or female?
We live in a world where women can be as vile, corrupt and as contemptuous as they want. (I live in California so I got to see two examples for high office come and go recently) The main role models for females coming to the fore politically are just as base and disgusting as their male counterparts. One can make a big salary and wear a suit and buy things but that does not make one a good human being. And perhaps even the opposite as the contemptuousness of the article seems to proclaim.
My mother recently canceled her subscription to the WSJ. The corruption of Wall Street and the lack of journalistic integrity of the WSJ continue to disappoint me.
This article is no exception. Because it is a just a sales pitch for her book.

Javier February 22, 2011 at 7:58 pm

AMEN!!! I’m sick and tired of reading about “the decline of men,” I’m only 17 but I refuse to become a man-boy. I know too many people like that and they contribute very little to society. Anyways, great article! I loved that second part, this is why I keep coming back to AOM.

Jon C February 22, 2011 at 8:44 pm

Yes!

International Bachelor February 22, 2011 at 8:51 pm

I wonder if the WSJ author isn’t married yet…Terry McMillian knows why:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/tracy-mcmillan/why-youre-not-married_b_822088.html?ref=fb&src=sp

Scott February 22, 2011 at 8:52 pm

I suggest that everyone should read this article on Manhood. You’ll get a good laugh as well

http://www.t-nation.com/free_online_article/sex_news_sports_funny_grok/you_dont_know_dick_about_manhood&cr=

Will February 22, 2011 at 9:07 pm

Where to start, wherever shall I start?

Ah yes, the cliche conservative shot at Hollywood. ‘Singles’ made obvious fun of the only man-boy of that group (played wonderfully by Matt Dillon) and the film resolved with his character (and just about everyone else) coupling up, moving out, and moving ‘forward’ (‘forward’ being the direction the writer of the WSJ article would approve of).

Reality Bites was a terrible picture, Superbad and Swingers had, at their centers, young men struggling but ultimately becoming the men “we’re all supposed to be”. So this glorification of the man-boy perpetuated by Hollywood seems rubbish to me.

Unless you live in a cave, and if you write for the WSJ, you probably do, our cities are peopled by so many different personality types, factions, groups, interests, etc. that it’s brilliant. I currently live in one of the larger cities on the West coast and can socialize with just about any type of woman I want. The trick is finding that right person, right?

I don’t begrudge anyone not wanting to listen to my band. But, Ms. Hymowitz, I don’t want to listen to you prattling on about your new Fendi bag (or DKNY power suit). Sorry, I’ll skip the Tony Robbins DVD and instead watch the Daily Show.

I love the quote from the ‘comedian’ Ms. Klausner (never heard of her, and in this digital age, that’s saying quite a lot, she must be big on the mega-church circuit). “We are sick of hooking up with guys”. So why keep doing it? Sounds like your problem, ma’am, not mine. I can understand if you don’t feel like giving it up after a night of the Outback Steakhouse, the Maroon 5 concert, and bad Chardonnay at his non-descript ranch-style house in the burbs. I know I know tho, he’s manager at the insurance company and drives a BMW, so it must look enticing.

I guess I can only answer a cliche with another. How does it go…it’s the faulty player who blames the instrument? Not finding a fellow who floats your boat? Sounds like you need to put that baby in a new harbor.

Andy February 22, 2011 at 9:39 pm

Jeez! I read that article and was thinking the same thing!! I’m so tired of all these articles and women complaining about no good men. I felt like I could’ve written this article for AoM. Where do they back this up? And what about all the neurotic, cold, power-hungry women out there? Why should any man want to date someone so cold? If we want to start a family, we want a loving, warm wife, who takes care of herself. But we won’t sink to the level of where have all the good women gone articles, we’ll just keep on “silently” improving.

Matt February 22, 2011 at 10:17 pm

I agree 100%. All the articles and books I’ve seen on the “decline of men” are the same. No doubt the media influences this idea. Everywhere you look today on TV and in movies, you see male characters that are, to be blunt, worthless. And no doubt that many men/boys see this and try to emulate it, thinking that’s how they’re suppose to act.

Nonetheless, I find these articles and books annoying and a waste of my time. I do find it odd, though, that they’re all written by women. Feminists? Whatever the authors think about men, what could they possibly know about how to be a better man? Think about it, has a female friend ever asked for your advice about how to become a strong woman? My guess would be no.

That’s why I’m thrilled to have found resources like this to help me become a better man. It’s nice to be able to get the advice about life that I never got from my dad. Thanks!

Brian February 22, 2011 at 10:21 pm

I spent my high school/college years up to my mid 20s being told by female friends they’d love to marry a guy ‘like me’ in 10 years. They were busy chasing the bad boy types, and then came crying back when it ended bad (repeatedly……).

They knew when things went bad, or something broke, or they needed protection, I was there. I wasn’t a bad boy, i was a man. They didn’t want a man, they wanted what culture tells them they think a man is……until the times are bad. Then they know the steady dependable type is there.

Nothing new, going back centuries…..a quote from the 1870s I remember was that women respected gentlemen, yet slept with cads.

Ronda Wintheiser February 22, 2011 at 11:55 pm

I think you might have missed the point. The sentence at the end of the paragraph you quoted (“Today, however, with women moving ahead in our advanced economy, husbands and fathers are now optional, and the qualities of character men once needed to play their roles—fortitude, stoicism, courage, fidelity—are obsolete, even a little embarrassing.”) struck me as a description of how superficial women actually are (some of them); that it’s SAD that these character qualities are considered obsolete or embarrassing by women.

If they are. Maybe they are by some women. But not all of us. I’d LOVE it if I could say that the men I have had relationships in my life demonstrated fortitude, stoicism, courage, and fidelity. Not to start bashing men again… but they didn’t. Or, they had one but lacked the others…

As for your beef about no one offering solutions — you’re just not reading in the right places, and frankly, you probably wouldn’t accept the solutions that ARE offered. The book I’m thinking of is a book titled MISSING IN ACTION by Weldon Hardenbrook. I dare you.

Ronda Wintheiser February 22, 2011 at 11:59 pm

Incidentally, Leah — I LIKE IT!!! Homeschooling stay at home mom here, too! Ditto what you said! :)

Joe February 23, 2011 at 12:09 am

Brian: you hit the nail on the head. I was a gentleman. It got me nothing: no romantic interest, no respect, and certainly no sex. I turned up the Asshole-o-meter, and lo and behold, I got laid constantly. I’m engaged now, to a wonderful woman; but I have to constantly check her on this garbage. Any time she tries to rag on me for not doing something I’m “supposed” to as a man, I turn it right around into her not obeying traditional female gender roles. Works like a charm. The long and short is, there really is no benefit to marriage for men these days, whatsoever. I should feel I have to acquiesce to the whims of harpies like Mrs. Hymowitz, because… why exactly? Because I’m not being “mature” or “responsible”? Getting married and breeding dont’ make you either of those 2 things, automatically.

Oscar February 23, 2011 at 1:42 am

Great article Brett. I really think you should write a response or an article for the WSJ. I strongly feel that you are best qualified to represent and write a rebutal letter.

Steve February 23, 2011 at 3:32 am

No point in being a gentleman anymore. Ladies are extinct

John February 23, 2011 at 7:34 am

Intelligent men no longer feel irrational pressure from society to settle down by 25. Why should we risk our futures by coupling ourselves with women who are untalented, unambitious, unfit, and frankly unworthy? How many teenage girls do you see learning how to cook nowadays, or working hard in the gym 5 days a week like many men? I’m almost 30 and my stock is only rising. I’m getting fitter, healthier, richer and happier. On the contrary your average 30 year old woman is in a race against time to settle down before she becomes unwanted. The onus is on women to do something to change, not men.

The truth is that women have been left behind. The only men you can get to play your games are the losers that will accept your emotional blackmailing and do all your housework while you drink beer with your friends. I’d rather keep my money, keep my sanity and screw younger girls for fun. What are you gonna do about it?

Crimon February 23, 2011 at 9:47 am

What’s wrong with men? B****es.

-A woman who is sick of b****es making all women look bad and turning all the good men into paranoid, bitter wrecks because they were tossed about like a piece of trash in a tornado by a selfish b****.

Josh February 23, 2011 at 10:35 am

“But these rational choices on the part of women only serve to legitimize men’s attachment to the sand box. Why should they grow up? No one needs them anyway. There’s nothing they have to do. They might as well just have another beer.”

Surely she is being ironic here, because she is describing the problem. Society and feminism have told the man that he is not needed and that his testosterone fueled cries of “This is Sparta!” are stupid, brutish, and wrong. Women want men to be women, but not. They want them to stop doing the violent, wild things that make them men, and come home and be domesticated. Ever try to domesticate a grizzly? Well it might come home to protect its cubs and be loyal to its mate, but please don’t complain when it tears the threats to it’s family into bloody little pieces. It’s still a grizzly bear for god’s sake!

There is blame on both sides. Dan over at danoah.com did a couple of great articles on it.
http://www.danoah.com/2010/11/worthless-men-and-women-who-make-them.html

http://www.danoah.com/2010/10/worthless-women-and-men-who-make-them.html

But women, you are going to have to understand, we are men. We are not like you. We can be kind, loving and gentle, but we can also kill with our bare hands to protect those we love. We can demonstrate great discipline, but inside there is always the part of us that would rather fight with bloodied sword on the country-side. It is completely foreign to you, just like you are completely foreign to us, but it is true. No, we don’t know what women want, but it’s time you admitted that you understand us just as little.

Dan February 23, 2011 at 11:17 am

The issue, as I see it, is that men actually listen to what women SAY they want (which isn’t what they want) rather than simply *being men*. What women ACTUALLY want are men that are MEN. How does a man show he’s a man? He demonstrates fortitude, stoicism, courage, and fidelity.

Curt February 23, 2011 at 11:46 am

I would not let myself be too concerned by the kvetching of yet another man hater. There have been numerous articles on both sides of this argument and the emotion sells magazines, which is their goal. People will see what they want to see and this article will either prop up their current viewpoints or become fodder for angry discussions at the water cooler. It has often fallen to the brave few to provide security enough to others to form opinions like these. When it comes down to being faced with a situation you cannot control and a real danger to life and limb, I am glad to have my brothers at my side. There are still plenty of real men. While some may struggle with maturity, it is only because others have been willing to do violence on their behalf and afford them the luxury. I feel that the revolution (manvolution?) is gaining momentum and a lot of us are truly trying to become better men and human beings. Our differences are our strengths and while they may be sporadic sources of irritation, they also prove to be our saving grace when they are needed. To effect change, we cannot rant in return. I agree that Brett and Kate could do much worse than to write a rebuttal. They are certainly more eloquent than I am. A carefully crafted and logical response could help with some on the fence but many have already made up their minds. If nothing else, a response would give others who may not have found AOM a chance to benefit from it.

Off my soapbox now.

Thomas Matlack February 23, 2011 at 12:32 pm

As the founder of The Good Men Project, I totally agree that this kind of media hype about men being bad is totally counter productive (see our response to the WSJ here: http://bit.ly/WSJonMen). Yes men have a unique set of challenges in 2011. That’s why we need a national conversation about what it means to be a good father, husband, son, worker and man. But just saying we all suck isn’t going to get us anywhere and is no better than generalizations made about women a generation ago. Thanks for sharing the path with us on this issue.
@tmatlack

B. Jennings Wilfordshire IV February 23, 2011 at 12:38 pm

There are plenty of good men playing video games. The smart ones just know that it is more valuable to spend your time playing a video game you can win rather than vagina games you can’t.

HuMan up ladies. Take it from the Millionairre Matchmaker. You’re never going to find that good man until you find ways to let him dominate you.

The good woman knows she runs the show, but lets the man wear the crown and wield the sceptor.

James H. February 23, 2011 at 12:49 pm

We live in strange times. Women liberated themselves from the social contract of old, it’s terrible shackles no longer bind them. Likewise it no longer binds men either. However it seems many woman still expect or demand that men adhere to some pre-ordained duty of providing them their romantic and financial needs and sacrificing our own dreams and desires so that we might fulfill their dreams, desires and sense of destiny.

A woman needs marriage like a fish needs a bicycle, that is what they said back in the day. A bicycle doesn’t need a fish riding it by the way, and it seems many fish are complaining that the bicycles are not all that of high quality anymore or eager to be ridden by fish.

Matt February 23, 2011 at 1:24 pm

She is clearly a victim of unsuccessfully seperating fiction from reality. It seems as if she cannot go one paragraph without referencing some form of media. She’s comparing real men, to characters portrayed in a film. I’m sorry, this article is offensive. This woman needs to get a real life, starting with shutting off the television.

Wandron S February 23, 2011 at 2:17 pm

You should read Nick Savoy on the same topic, maybe even by the same author?

http://therealsavoy.blogspot.com/2010/08/what-society-expects-of-men-today.html

Forbes February 23, 2011 at 3:09 pm

Males raised by single mothers–who would ever imagine that the lack of a father would make a difference in the outcome…

Warren February 23, 2011 at 3:52 pm

Women can start by not being embarrassed by male virtues and by actually admiring them, instead. They would be amazed how far that would get them, and how relieved and grateful men would be.

Kellt February 23, 2011 at 4:20 pm

I think you’re reading her op-ed all wrong. The criticism is of the modern culture and society, which denigrates many masculine values and achievements. Hymowitz isn’t saying that SHE thinks that “fortitude, stoicism, courage, fidelity” are obsolete and embarrassing, but that the wider society (which has become feminized) thinks that way. We’re in a very muddled time these days, especially with roles for men and women. Feminine values are applauded, anfd masculine values are often denigrated. But who runs into burning buildings and puts their own life at risk to rescue strangers? Men. (Women will risk their lives to save their own children, but generally not complete strangers.) I’m weirded out by the metrosexual young men that my teenage nieces go out with. Why would a young woman prefer a scrawny guy with a girly hairstyle? It mystifies me. Give me a macho guy who can fix things any day.

Derek February 23, 2011 at 4:28 pm

On NPR a few years back, I heard an African-American professional woman talking about the lack of marriage-eligible men in the black community. I was intrigued, until she said that there were no doctors, or lawyers, or businessmen. I literally screamed at the radio, “What the?? Are you telling me that trash collectors and repairmen and warehouse workers aren’t eligible because they don’t have the right job?”

I’m of the opinion that “Where have the good men gone?” is often the wrong question. Women who wonder that might ask themselves, “Is there anything about me that keeps me from seeing good men?”

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