The Brad Pitt Rule

by Brett and Kate McKay on February 5, 2008 · 76 comments

in Dating, Relationships & Family

brad-pitt.jpg

The Art of Manliness wants to encourage men to stop hanging out and start dating. But negotiating the waters of dating can be tricky. Men often want to know if a girl is into to them or not. How can you know? Employ the Brad Pitt rule.

How the Brad Pitt rule works:

Call up the woman you like and ask her on a date. Did she say yes? Great, she probably likes you. What if she makes up an excuse for why she can’t go out? This is the time to employ the Brad Pitt Rule.

Imagine that instead of you, Brad Pitt had asked this same woman out. Would she use the same excuse with him? If Brad Pitt asked her on a date, would she still say she had to study or was going to the movies with friends that night? Nope. She would have dropped pretty much anything and everything to be able to accept a date with Brad.

Now you’re not Pitt obviously. But if a woman is interested in you, she will drop her other plans to be available to go out with you.

Of course there are exceptions; the woman may have a legitimate reason she cannot make the date. Perhaps she has to work or go to a funeral. But, and here is the real clincher, she will suggest a different time for the date. She will say something along the lines of “I can’t do it Saturday night, do you want to hang out next weekend?”

If she makes up an excuse and she does not suggest an alternative plan, you have been shut out. She is not interested. Do not ask her out again. Doing so will only result in awkwardness and you feeling like a tool.

But don’t worry, she probably isn’t as cool as you thought she was since she doesn’t appreciate your charms. Start pursuing another lady who will.

Hat tip to Kevin Barney in Chicago for this bit of advice.

{ 76 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Sherwin February 6, 2008 at 7:22 pm

I agree with what you are generally trying to say here. I definitely agree about eliminating hanging out and dating again.

However, I disagree on the “Brad Pitt” rule. I think it’s a bit of a stretch. Brad Pitt calling a girl up isn’t normal — he’s a celebrity, he’s proven, he’s got social proof, and of course, he’s beautiful.

We all know that in normal circumstances, girls play it cool. This is just how natural courting happens, even in animals in nature. The female stands back and lets the man impress her before she shows any real interest. You will find girls passively accepting dates without much enthusiasm, but then it’s up to you to show her a good time.

If you aren’t “hanging out” with girls but instead are dating them, then how is this girl really going to know you enough to be ecstatic about you asking her out? By accepting your, she’s giving you a chance to compete; you can’t expect her to be all head over heels over you yet. Don’t get down about flaking either, this is the flaw of women. Yes, it’s a bad sign if she says no, but just because she doesn’t suggest another time doesn’t mean she’s not interested. Try again, suggest another time (don’t wait for her to do it), but if she flakes a second time that’s when I would bail.

2 Kate February 7, 2008 at 8:03 am

I understand what you are saying Sherwin, but as a woman I totally disagree. I have never seen women play it cool. If they like a guy they’ll be dissecting his every move with their friends, concocting ways to run into him, and will do a little happy dance if he calls and asks her out. If they have interest, they will not flake. They will make that date happen. If you think she is playing hard to get, she’s not….she’s just not into you. And if you have to ask twice, she is just not into you.

Yes, if you are not hanging out that much, then a woman might not know you very well. And yes, a guy deserves a chance to prove himself and woo the woman in a date setting. But a little hanging out is fine. If you are asking a woman out, you should have had a least a couple of encounters with her. Even if it wasn’t too much time, people know fairly immediately if there is a connection or not. Even if she is unsure if she likes you, but is even somewhat intrigued, she will say yes to the date. If she doesn’t, then the attraction isn’t there.

That being said, if a guy really likes a girl and she initially rebuffs him, than he could keep trying to pursue her. Every once in a blue moon, she might change her mind, But in 95% of cases the Brad Pitt rule will hold true.

3 The Scam February 7, 2008 at 9:24 am

i like the idea of the “brad pitt rule” but i have known too many girls to either play hard to get or be cautious.

if a girl has read that lame-o book “the rules” then she might try to be all cool and say no just to prove you can’t get her too easily. how is a guy suppose to handle that? it’s not really rejection and it’s not really a green light. do you pursue under the possibility of being perceived as desperate?

the reason i like the “brad pitt rule” is because i think girls that play games are incredibly stupid and shouldn’t be dated anyway. it takes away all of the game playing and gets down to what people really want. if a girl says no and gives a crap excuse because she’s playing games – then she probably isn’t interested in a serious relationship anyway.

i bet there’s a billion girls out there that would disagree though.

4 Rahul February 7, 2008 at 7:20 pm

I can’t vouch for this rule enough… it’s so important. I cringe every time I see other guys forget this. You need to value yourself enough to stop pursuing when someone’s blown you off too much. If you don’t value yourself, you can’t expect girls to value you either. Often, maybe even months down the line, you’ll run into them again and things will be different. For now, let it go.

5 Brett McKay February 8, 2008 at 6:47 pm

@Rahul:

You’re right. It’s all about self respect. Even if the girl is playing games with you, is this the sort of person you want to be in a relationship with?

6 Brett McKay February 8, 2008 at 6:50 pm

@The Scam:

I couldn’t agree with you more Scam. Girls that play games shouldn’t be given the time of day. If you’re looking for a serious relationship, avoid women who play games.

7 Brett McKay February 8, 2008 at 6:55 pm

@Sherwin:

I agree if you don’t know a girl very well, she probably won’t say yes right away. I guess when I was writing the post I was assuming that the person knew the woman well before asking them out.

And perhaps this is too anecdotal, but in my experience a woman who is genuinely interested in you will either say yes the first time or suggest another time to get together. The girls who were playing it cool never went anywhere even after I kept pursuing.

8 Brett McKay February 8, 2008 at 7:09 pm

This is a test.

9 Dj Chill February 10, 2008 at 8:16 pm

Most of it makes sense and then theres holes in it. Us being human beings we are never 100% predictable. Just as loopholes are found in written procedures/contracts , we can pull “loophole” like moves where we can make it around whats seemingly in stone.

ill have to fireback and oppose those who say yea this is 100% true. We both know, males and females about looking desperate. Its immediately realized and many would not pursue or would stop where they are with someone of the opposite sex because they are seeming too eager, allowing for that other person to come and pull up the slack.

Some females will fall 100% to this rule, others like 50%(meaning yes but then yet they will throw some turns in the idea) then the others not at all. Some will be straight forward and apply, others will jack you on the 1st time you ask them out but then later give in to it(just enough time avoiding the desperation look), then the rest will constantly play games for whatever reason personal or because they dont like you.

I’ve even had a few experiences. Where accordingly I THOUGHT i was shut out, done, i was following some type of idea similar to this. It wasnt official that i was shut out but i stopped pursuing anyhow to avoid looking like a stoot. All of a sudden at the drop of a hat everything flipped and It was like i found the key to the shop and opened it for business. Maybe she gave me a test and I passed? You think maybe she wanted to see if she could run me then found out I wasn’t about that and I passed her initial test.

ill agree with it for the most part but as said there is some times where your in between and it cant be ruled as yes or no, she is or isn’t interested.

10 ジャニーズの画像 February 11, 2008 at 3:43 am

bradd is very cute!!

11 Girl Advice February 19, 2008 at 11:00 pm

Easier said than done. You might get rejected, but its hard to just try to ‘find another lady.’

Good rule though!

12 Bruce February 20, 2008 at 3:37 pm

If they are playing it cool and saying no, then call their bluff. Don’t ask them out again. If they do like you, then they’ll engineer a way to get asked out again. You have to be willing to risk it. If you fold like a wet blanket and ask them again with desperation, then you’ll come across like that and any little spark of interest they may have had will be doused.

Two sayings here:
- absence makes the heart grow fonder
- if you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it’s yours. If it doesn’t, it never was.

Both apply. If they are playing it cool and really like you, call their bluff. Don’t ever put up with games. Don’t be a doormat and man up.

13 Dave February 20, 2008 at 3:52 pm

Two points, regarding the ‘hanging out’ There is a limited window of opportunity where you can ask someone out. It’s after they’ve gotten to know you well enough to tell you’re not a psycho, but before they know you well enough for you to turn into a platonic friend (or find out your bad habits). Ask too early (“but i don’t know you that well”) or too late (“I though we were just friends” or “I don’t think of you _that_ way”) and your chances are much worse.
As far as the chances, even if you are attracted to them and they to you, there may be other issues that may be at play that result in being turned down. So the odds are low, they used to tell door-to-door salesmen that they have to ring on average 20 doorbells before they make one sale. Frequently, dating is like that.

14 Dj Chill February 23, 2008 at 3:01 pm

You have to sort of know where to hit the button and collect. Like Dave just said, too soon, rejected, too late rejected. It doesn’t take a brain scientist to figure out when the right time but many guys would rather cash in early and ask too soon just cause they cannot hold it down. Its like how does that make you look in that girl’s eyes if your just being available and willing like that 100%? Even if a female was to do that to me, all of a sudden wanting to go out without me knowing her I’d question wtf is her deal? Its just basic human interaction, get the knowledge of how to talk to people and your set.

15 bridger February 27, 2008 at 2:55 pm

Just remember, they’re all Lesbians until they prove you wrong. Everytime a girl rejects you, unless you’re a douche bag, then she’s got to be a lesbian. This philosophy led me to three conclusions. 1. There are a lot of lesbians out there; 2. Lesbians still look good some of the time; 3. I’m lucky I found my wife in the sea of lesbians out there

16 Penelope March 30, 2008 at 8:42 pm

I don’t agree with the Brad Pitt rule. If a man asks a woman out, and she has plans, she will turn him down. She doesn’t know him that well, so she shouldn’t divulge why she can’t see him (it’s not his business yet). And since she has manners, she won’t leave others in the lurch for a date. If she is a classy woman, she won’t act so anxious for a date that she displays her calendar for him to pick another date.

A manly man pursues a woman he is interested in. I would imagine he wouldn’t want a woman that would dump her plans for a stranger or ask him out for another day she is free.

A better rule would be that a man asks a woman out for two consecutive Saturdays. If she says she can’t to the first, in the same conversation he should ask her out for one of the two following Saturdays. If she says no again, or maybe, at this point he can give up in order to not make her uncomfortable. Most women make plans a week in advance, and sometimes two, but usually not three. And they are usually not booked for three Saturdays in a month, even if they are booked for two.

He would not sound lame at all to say “Hi Sally, Are you free this Saturday? I’d like to take you out to a great Italian restaurant. No? Well, what about the 12 or the 19th? Busy both days? That’s too bad.” And then end the call politely and give up. In my experience I may have a couple of events in a month, but usually within a three week period I have one Saturday free.

It would be a shame for a man to give up on a great woman just because she is old fashioned and has manners and won’t dump a friend for a date, or tell a man “How about Thursday instead?” (not very feminine, she is taking away the pleasure he gets in pursuing her).

17 Anton April 18, 2008 at 5:57 am

i like this rule… as a matter of fact it all suddenly makes sense once ive read it.

thanks!

18 tatiana April 20, 2008 at 11:43 am

Bello e bravo, ha l’aria del classico bravo ragazzo ma soprattutto è un bravo attore. E’ Brad Pitt, (nome originario William Bradley Pitt), 45 anni.
Prima di diventare un attore hollywodiano di fama, Brad Pitt fa parecchie

brad pitt

19 EricC May 6, 2008 at 9:37 pm

@ The Scam:

“if a girl has read that lame-o book “the rulesâ€? then she might try to be all cool and say no just to prove you can’t get her too easily. how is a guy suppose to handle that?”

It’s simple: you employ The Brad Pitt Rule.

This will force you to move on to another woman who hasn’t filled her mind with the useless drivel espoused in ‘The Rules’. This will put you in contact with woman who are not using the manipulative tactics found in ‘The Rules’.

You will be much happier as a result.

20 vincent June 6, 2008 at 9:56 pm

What if she says she needs some more time to think it over ?

21 LtCook June 9, 2008 at 8:03 pm

This rule is kind of retarded. Of course a girl would drop anything for Brad Pitt, but the fact is, 99.9999% of guys in the world AREN’T him, and will be put off for more important things. If she has plans, it’s best to just have her call you back. If she doesn’t, then it was never going to work out anyways. It’s a better system than just giving up early in the game.

22 Jacques June 17, 2008 at 8:19 pm

I would gladly bet a thousand dollars that of all the married couples in the United States there are at a minimum 5000 couples, where the man originally called the woman and requested a date and the woman said no without offering another time. I suspect the number is actually much higher. This seems so obvious to me that I hardly feel it is worth wasting my time to state it here. I am new to this site and wonder if the tips will really be so valuable given how poorly thought out this invariant “rule” is. I post here only because someone who has not much experience in dating might actually believe the argument of this article. I wish there was an author listed so that, if sufficiently similar “arguments” were put forth I would know not to read this writer’s opinion pieces. Interesting and fun people have lots of interesting and fun things going on in their lives. People are busy. Maybe her cat is chewing up something. Maybe she is sick and doesn’t know when she’ll be over the cold but doesn’t want to go into that. Maybe she’s going away for work but doesn’t want to start talking about work right now and she doesn’t know when the business trip will be over, etc., etc.. Maybe the guy is not Guy #1 right now but if her Guy #1 and #2 don’t pan out she might get the chance to see what a great guy the caller is and fall in love. Anybody with a little creativity could think of lots of exceptions to a rule which says “She will propose another time.” This article just shows the inanity of such “rules”. I understand that people have to simply fill up space and make controversial claims to “get people talking/thinking” but don’t let that substitute for making an actual valid point. The problem may just be that a wishy-washy guy asks a woman out with no plan in mind and she isn’t impressed. Given the same guy with a fun and exciting game plan and she would definitely be there. And, what do you know, when she goes, she finds out he’s a terrific guy. A real man wouldn’t “as a rule” automatically give up so easily.

23 Max July 2, 2008 at 3:03 am

I like this. It’s simple, insightful, and basically sums up my own experience.

If a girl is interested, she will say yes. Anyone who’s denying this simple fact is totally delusional.

24 Ken July 9, 2008 at 12:54 pm

have you ever gotten any of these Brad Pit pics? The new on this site is cool, but I am scared to pay money for these wihtout knowing more:
This is the place: http://bigeasy.110mb.com/entertainment.html

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26 Mia August 11, 2008 at 10:21 pm

@Jacques

Wow, it’s nice to see that women aren’t the only ones who do a whole lot of over-thinking.

I’m sorry to say, you’re kind of doing the male version of “Oh maybe he hasn’t called because he lost my number or maybe he’s in hospital in an induced coma or he had to leave the country unexpectedly for work or…”

There are exceptions to every rule but 9 times out of 10, the rule holds.

I am only speaking anecdotally for myself and my friends but if we like a guy, we make it easy for them to ask us out. If we don’t, we try and let them down gently by doing the “I’m busy” thing.

I really don’t understand this apparent need to ‘not appear desperate’. The guy has already gone out on a limb by calling us and asking us out, just how many hoops do men think we want them to jump through? Unless it’s something some men need for the ‘thrill of the chase’ or whatever. How bizzare…

27 Virilitas August 16, 2008 at 2:45 pm

I would combine the article’s advice with @Penelope’s and @Bruce’s:

Ask a girl out for a specific date.
If she says no, ask about two other days.
If she says no, again, then politely end the conversation.
Call her bluff by not asking again. If she is secretly interested later on, then she will make herself available without you having to make a fool of yourself.

28 Barry October 3, 2008 at 10:58 am

The Brad Pitt rule works great if you only want to go out with women who are already interested in you (which is a logical thing to want). You will always date women within your own league. However, if you ever want to get to that next level, you must be willing to break through some resistance. If I ever run into Penelope Cruz, I’m asking more than once! A little rejection won’t kill me. It seems rather unmanly to always play it safe. But yeah, after two or three nos, you are beating a dead horse. Its the same idea as going out on several dates and not yet getting that kiss. Time to plow some new ground.

29 Barry October 3, 2008 at 11:36 am

Your other choice is to use direct communication. If she turns down a specific date with a lame excuse, then just be forthright and say, “Look, I’d really like a chance to get to know you better. I think we could hit it off, but maybe you are just not interested in me. Tell me straight out. Would you *ever* go out with me?”

Even if she rejects you, she will respect you for having the courage to lay it on the line. If she does reject you, this is actually a huge opportunity. You can parlay the situation into a win. It is suddenly perfectly appropriate to ask her if she has any cute friends that she thinks you might get along with that she would introduce you to. This sends a clear message that you are not even slightly phased by her rejection. You just scored two points with her that you wouldn’t have if you followd the Brad Pitt rule and just shuffled away. You are planting a seed in her mind for the future and you might also get a date with an even more desireable girl to boot. It’s all about networking.

30 Nicholai October 10, 2008 at 1:25 pm

This is genius. I cant believe it dosent enters the average guys mind to think of it like this.
This is jumpin deep into woman psychology from a point that we are not used too.
If only there were more rules like this.

31 Joel October 30, 2008 at 3:30 pm

Hey, The Brad Pitt rule yeah, is all about self respect that´s true,and should always be taken into acount when dating or even hanging up with a girl. BUUT. It´s not true that girls who are interested in somebody and with a legitimate reason to miss a date will ask for another time to meet. I mean that happens, and it´s a huge IOI ( indicator of Interest) but you shouldn´t count with that as the only way to know if a girl is interested. I mean, it could happen that the girl is shy to seem very straight forward to suggest another day, maybe she is trying to put a ring for you to jump into. No no, we shouldn´t play games with them, but come on, most of men are average looking and applying this rule seems a little to pretencious don´t you think? I´ld give the girl a 2nd chance and after that, ohhh hell yeah let´s apply the rule.

32 Jeff October 31, 2008 at 4:23 am

From my Sunday School teacher/father of one of my good buddies, when I was a young teen came this pearl of wisdom: “Be yourself and be nice. If you can not get a woman that way, then she is NOT worht having.”

33 JC December 3, 2008 at 7:15 am

If she says no and doesn’t suggest a different time that will work for both of you, then move on – She’s just not that into you, and not worth your time. No matter how bleak the prospects for meeting another woman seem, there are ALWAYS more women available for you to meet and date.

34 SuperJNF December 10, 2008 at 12:22 pm

If she makes up an excuse and she does not suggest an alternative plan, you have been shut out. She is not interested. Do not ask her out again. Doing so will only result in awkwardness and you feeling like a tool.

^ I strongly disagree here and some of what is said in this tiny paragraph is false information.

What about asking them for an alternate time? Have you even forgot to add that in? You are not completely shut out just because she says that she has plans without telling a time herself.

It doesn’t matter if the person has interest in you or not. It only matters on you and how you feel. If the person wants to make a stupid desision by not giving you (the right person) a chance, then it is her fault to blame, not yours.

Also asking her out multiple times is not awkward. This is not even possible. If you ask her out multiple times, then that shows how much you love and care for that person. You are not being used as a tool. Again, if she says no or tries to say no, it is her own fault to blame and not yours.

Anyways, if she is not interested, you don’t need to have a relationship with that person, even if you love them.

35 Michael December 16, 2008 at 10:50 pm

It’s amazing, this very thing has gone through my head but I’ve always tried to deny it. With someone else telling me, though, I’m wondering if it’s more credible than I’d like it to be.

The thing that gets me, though, is this: There is this girl who always has some excuse as to why she can’t do whatever it is I”m inviting her to do. We’ve known each other awhile, and she has shown flirty behavior, but every time I try to make some advance there’s always some excuse. Now, she’s a very busy girl, and so her excuses are usually legit. However, like you said in the post, wouldn’t she be willing to drop some of her plans if she really liked me? Or at least suggest an alternative (something she never has done).

However, here is the kicker. I often will get discouraged and just give up, but it’s seems that every time I do she comes along and says or does something that communicates to me like she’s still interested in me. It’s like the closer I try to get to her the more I feel pushed away, and the farther I draw away the closer she tries to get to me. I guess this is what you all have been referring to as “playing games” with me.

So I don’t know what to think of the situation.

36 Athios December 19, 2008 at 1:09 am

@Michael
It certainly sounds like “playing games” to me, although she may or may not be doing it intentionally. I guess the question really comes down to whether you are willing to put up with it.
If you’re being tormented by this, you may be better off just telling her point blank what you want or where you want the relationship to head towards, and try getting a yes/no answer about how she really feels. It’s hard thing to come out and say, but it’ll save you a lot of time spent confused and in doubt.

37 Greg January 28, 2009 at 3:01 pm

I like the brad pitt rule. Look it’s not the 1900s anymore. Men and women are equal. If a girl likes a guy than start dating – busy or not. We are all busy! For a guy if a girl says no then why should he pursue her. She said no, remember?

38 AaronP February 11, 2009 at 9:22 am

Addendum to Brad Pitt rule:

Ask for the girl’s phone number after meeting, talking, or dancing with her in person after a few minutes of conversation and then move on. Call her and make whimsical, friendly conversation asking her if she would like to have kids, if so, how many, the importance of comfortable shoes and underwear, the last book she read and liked, the things that should be done to improve the town you live in, and the places the both of you would like to travel and why. All of these varieties of topics or similar ones are meant to engage her brain in multiple ways. To create an altered state. She is going to try to weave a narrative out of the meaning of all this, but she won’t. Because there really isn’t one. You want to turn off her “man-repellent” mode if there is one and just access her “girl” at heart.

If she doesn’t respond to any of these conversation starters with some sort of enthusiasm or laughter, she’s probably not going to accept a date invitation. If she laughs at any of your jokes, or expounds on any of the topics, ask her out. If you are unsure, ask her anyway. By first saying that you would like to go out with her. Ask her when she would be available. And pause……..until she speaks.

Whatever she’s says next is her answer. Anything other than a time is a “NO”. If she says she’ll get back to on that, don’t offer your number. Let her ask.

If she says yes, ask her to bring a girlfriend and then proceed to spend most of your time convincing her friend of your worthiness by engaging in the same type of conversation you had with the girl. All the time, acknowledging your date, and getting her to chime in. Spend a minutes, here and there, apart by taking a restroom break or getting food or drinks. This will be a critical part of the date to allow feedback between them to become digested. After restarting the conversation, re-emphasize your attention to your date. Then continue will her girlfriend.

When the date is over, if you’ve done a good job on the boyfriend interview, her friend will convince her of your worthiness if she was impressed herself.

Do not underestimate the importance of her friend’s opinions. You were going to get deconstructed anyways. Might as well go straight to the source.

Demonstrate courage and straightforwardness. And polite invincibility. Even if things don’t work out, you’re unlikely to get completely blacklisted among the circle of acquaintances these people know, unless you really do something stupid. Remain calm and polite. You’ll be remembered even if one of their friends is afraid to break rank about dating you. Whatever you do, don’t be just “friends”. Move on if no one if biting.

I’ve had girls break things off with me by admitting they were engaged when I started talking to them. If she’s interested she’ll say yes, at least to talking to you, even if it she shouldn’t be.

I’ve been on both sides of this, from the outside looking in and from the in looking out and seen decent guys blow their chances for lack of courage. Forever doomed.

Some of you guys will spend hours on getting playing video games to master a level or boss. Use the same persistence. Consider it a game.

And please turn off the porn. Learn to deal with real people and not fantasy. So you can get a real girlfriend.

In a world full of pussies, be a man. You’ll be respected for it even if hurts your ego every now and then.

39 Brian May 8, 2009 at 4:43 pm

@Bridger

As weird as it sounds – that’s been my experience, too. My first gf ended up being a lesbo and now that I’ve had that experience, I’m much more perceptive of different womans’ sexual inclinations. I’ve found that a huge portion of them actually are (or are open to the idea) of being gay.

Maybe that is a result partially attributed to the equally sizable sea of man-boys out there?

40 Sarah August 5, 2009 at 1:43 pm

I am so glad that you are encouraging men to stop “hanging out” and starting dating! I totally agree with the Brad Pitt rule. If I don’t suggest another time it’s because I’m not interested. But sometimes I really did want to go I just absolutely couldn’t. If I do want to go and just can’t, I always suggest a different time. Go with this guys it’s good advice! Oh and he is right about not taking rejection personally. It isn’t that we think the guy is unattractive, maybe we just started seeing another guy, or we know there isn’t romantic chemistry there. Don’t let it bring you down, another amazing lady is waiting for you to ask her out!

41 Nick December 13, 2009 at 11:32 pm

I agree with Penelope: people have plans, people won’t break plans to go out with some stranger they don’t know well.

I don’t remember who said it above but something about “if you employ this rule you will only get with chicks at your own league”. Hell, I don’t care how many times I call her, it doesn’t bother me and if she doesn’t like me she could just say no. Either way I don’t give a crap.

People should just sop worrying about their inflated egos.

42 Seven December 14, 2009 at 7:51 pm

Did Brad Pitt give you this rule? I think not .I thought this website was about manliness not celebrities. Men need to stop trying to be like someone else or following what is in fashion.
Many websites use Brad Pitt as the way males should be when in fact the don’t know anything about who he really is. The formela for getting women is simple, it is real manliness , real self respect ,and some attitude. Enough with the Brad Pitt nonsense!

43 m February 4, 2010 at 12:38 pm

wrong wrong wrong. why would the woman offer another specific time? so the guy can tell her he’s not available and feel like a dummy? if i couldn’t mkae a date a guy proposed i woulld say, “I can’t, but I’d love to see you another time, soon.” That is sufficient enough!
Buck up guys, ask 2-3x and if it’s nos across the board, then move along.
As for the deluded ones suggesting a girl ask a guy out on a date–any woman who isn’t desperate will not do this (or do so very very rarely).
99.99999% of the time, whether guys admit it or not, they want to do the pursuing. It’s human nature.

44 OFWHAP March 1, 2010 at 4:31 am

Yeah I wouldn’t ask a girl out too many times if she keeps saying no. Y’all need to realize that girls have a tendency to talk about guys with each other, and I would hate to be that “desperate loser” who just called for the third time to ask out a girl after being rejected the previous two times. A girl who’s interested may not necessarily break previous plans to accept a guy’s date but she will definitely let him know that she would like to be asked out at another time. If a girl flat out says, “No,” then she means it.

45 JJ March 20, 2010 at 12:00 pm

If you really like a women and have the right intentions you will know what to do.

46 Renee March 27, 2010 at 6:37 am

Brett/Kate:

I know this article was from a while ago, BUT – why do you think that if a girl is playing games, that she is not worth your time?

I can’t remember who it was but someone said in the comments section about spending your time elsewhere instead of pursuing the one you want if she doesn’t respond well, says no, or plays games with you.

A girl can be playing games, but not coming from a bad place. She could be doing it out of good intentions – or to be fun. It depends where it comes from in her heart!

My boyfriend asked me out 5 times before I said yes (it took 2 months). His certainty, loyalty, masculine resolve and strength have ensured we’ve been together for 4 and a half years – happier than ever, And, I respect him so much for that dedication. I didn’t say no the first 4 times because I didn’t like him – I was (and still am) crazy about him – I said no because I was uncertain, and he proved to me that he’d be an amazing boyfriend :)

What do you say about a woman whose perspective is that, if the man gives up after the first try; then he didn’t really want her? I think it’s a sure sign of masculinity, certainty, and strength if he DOES continue with what he wants.

Isn’t this like success with anything? Most average people give up at the smallest sign of ‘failure’ or ‘mistakes’.

That’s why most people end up in the ‘content’ range. Not particularly happy, but not UNhappy enough to do anything about it.

I’m not sure if I’ve made sense. But anyway, that’s my 2 cents :)

47 Lainey April 6, 2010 at 8:00 pm

I disagree with this advice…to a point. A woman with manners and class is not going to ditch her friends for you if she already has plans with them. Not even if you ARE Brad Pitt (remember, I said a woman with manners and class). And with the ability to create Facebook events, it’s possible that she will have plans that have been planned for months in the future. She won’t likely have them every day, though, so I agree with those who have suggested asking her when/whether she’d be free. Also, it’s possible that she would suggest another time, but if she doesn’t, I would say give her two or three chances.

If you are direct with her and she hesitates, though, move on. She’s not interested.

48 Peter Gue April 11, 2010 at 3:58 pm

Hey mate, when viewing at your site i see some sort of weird codes all over the page, in case it’s important I just thought I’d let you know it says this with all sorts of other stuff after it: Message : Exception of type ‘System.Web.HttpUnhandledException’ was thrown.

49 Bgirl May 26, 2010 at 1:17 am

After reading some of these comments, it reminded me of an interesting article by Pierre Mornell (psychiatrist) “Passive Men, Wild women”
Women get frustrated with men who are passive, I think for the most part, we like men who take initiative and lead.
I think that it’s only fair to be up front and honest about our thoughts regarding a date.
We need to be real and not hide behind a mask. If we’re hiding from love, then we should’nt be pursuing a relationship.

* Brad Pitt is good looking. honestly though, I would not be interested in him on his good looks alone. I’m much more attracted to good character than good looks.
I’ve heard it said: “we might in love with someone’s good looks, but we end up living with the inside of that person”.
Bgirl

50 David June 5, 2010 at 1:42 am

Let me see if I understand your advice.

“If at first you don’t succeed, quit trying and move on.”

Who among us calls that manly?

How many times have you heard of stories where a girl finally agreed to go out with someone who persisted in asking until he convinced her she was worth his time because he was that interested? Isn’t it usually from older married couples?

Don’t be a stalker, but don’t take no so easily. Just because a woman didn’t jump at the chance to go out with you doesn’t mean she’s not worth trying to win. It may mean she’s even more worthwhile. Wait a few days, then try sending a dozen roses and a signed card that simply reads “Are you sure?”

51 Tito Boy July 2, 2010 at 10:22 am

Today’s men are wussies, and most of them are my friends, the trouble is, how do I wake ‘em up?

52 MSL July 25, 2010 at 4:14 pm

You should ask her out once and forget about it. If she’s not interested, there are approximately three billion other women out there that have the exact same things to offer that she does.

53 DallasChick August 1, 2010 at 5:02 pm

I think the problem with “dating” is that there even are “rules” that the other sex is totally oblivious to them and that change as times/fads change…so most singles don’t even really know what the rules are…lol. If we could get around all the “rules” and just take a risk to ask a person out (also, should it really matter who asks who?) without being vague (i.e. we should hang out, we should do drinks sometime, etc.) and just being direct. For me, I may even say yes to a guy that I may not be that into, if he has enough guts to ask. Is this leading him on? I don’t think so…I give him the benefit of the doubt and hopefully we are both adult enough to have a good time no matter if sparks don’t fly…or perhaps you even decide you like him/her enough to be good friends that you could get/give dating advice to/from – and maybe even debunk some of these ridiculous rules! I’ve never met anyone who had too many friends. Am I just old-fashioned?

54 Rick j August 13, 2010 at 3:18 pm

And don’t buy into the notion that you aren’t as good as Brad Pitt; you asked her out, and he hasn’t. A woman who has that in her head isn’t worth your time.

Things to keep in mind:
Women, like men, want what they can’t or don’t have. They also want what the other girl has. If she sees you out having fun with another woman, especially one she knows, all of a sudden she becomes more interested.
Having a good time without her is the best cure for rejection, so move on!

55 Kevin October 15, 2012 at 7:44 am

Exactly. Spot on.

56 Tyler November 5, 2012 at 2:13 pm

This rule is the shit
“the power in all relationships lies with whoever cares less”
It all depends, if you want to cultivate an Alpha male mentality and lifestyle you have to get abundance. By no means pursue just one girl, pursue a lot of them tons and tons of girls, they are every fucking where. You asked her out, and she flakes try one more time then give up, call another chick.

You will soon realize that hey are not that special, they are ok. it is only in your head that “she is the one”. Get out of that emo mentality and act like a man.
Go out and talk to girls, flirt with them, they’re everywhere: streets, malls, coffeeshops, clubs etc. of course your are gonna get blown away most of the time at first, but that is good man that will make you hard like a rock, if you identify your mistakes and learn from them.
Someday you will have your little rotation of chicks.
And always remember It is your party you decide who do you want to invite, and if this she doesn’t want to come to your party it’s her lost, but first you’ve gotta have a party going on.

Now, if you want to be the pathetic beta male who only receives pity dates, until she had enough fun with the Alphas and decides to give you a “chance” to become her boyfriend, the go chase her and forget about Brad Pitt’s rule

57 Jill November 23, 2012 at 6:57 pm

Ok boys…here it is, so listen carefully as I am divulging some pertinent information on “Be a Man 101″. I like the Bard Pitt Rule somewhat, however I would change that to “What would Brad do?” when in doubt about how to approach a lass that you fancy. Any man who is comfortable in his masculinity or as a human being for that matter, would take a risk of asking a girl out (I’m sorry guys, I know we don’t make it easy for you these days, but really we are thrilled to be asked out) and at the same time ACCEPT the possibility of a “no”-for whatever reason, and you MUST respect the reason…but don’t give up. Also, a good old-fashioned phone call is the BEST way for success…and if you have the balls to ask her in person, that is HOT. No e-mail, no texting crap, no subtle hints, no lazy way out or cowardice. Respect her like the lady she is and your diligence will not go unnoticed :) I say this to you, fine gentleman, as I passed up a date tonight with a man that I have been smitten with the past 5 months who finally worked up the courage to ask me out to dinner via E-MAIL less than 24 hours ago…WRONG WRONG WRONG! Give her at least 2-3 days notice to show her that you respect the possibility that she DOES have a life other than waiting for you to MAN UP and call. So needless to say I am not a smitten kitten anymore ;) but perhaps a wiser one!
I wish you all gents good luck in life & love!

58 Brandon December 16, 2012 at 3:27 pm

This article has actually helped me understand my life a little more. I’ve been in love with this girl for the longest time, I can’t even imagine myself with any other girl anytime soon, I’ve asked her out a bit, but she suggested another date instead of simply rejecting me. This may sound corny and lame, but I’m motivated on taking her out. I hope I will get a chance to tell her how I feel about her soon.

59 Jonathan January 7, 2013 at 3:58 am

do you guys think that somehow asking her to do something with you is not that hard? whether she accepts your offer or not is her choice. however i find it awkward to ask when there are always like 5 guys surrounding her…

60 Jeremy January 21, 2013 at 9:39 am

@Jonathan:

I am not a woman, so I could be wrong, but I would be willing to bet both my automobiles that if you present yourself well, and then walk up to a woman you like and ask her out with five guys surrounding her she will be so blown away by your assertiveness she will be unable to resist, assuming she likes you to begin with.

In addition, those five guys around her will feel emasculated by the event, which is not at all your goal, but kind of a nice bonus. :)

61 davelister February 5, 2013 at 6:58 pm

@jeremy

If you are at all concerned about how masculine other men are feeling, you should probably be trying to date them instead.

62 Meta February 7, 2013 at 6:11 am

This rule is so far beyond true. No girl would ever go against this, and any girl who purposely acts like that when she’s actually interested, is probably crazy or full of drama and might be obsessive or clingy, or just stupid. If someone asked me out, and I couldnt go but still wanted to, I would say I couldnt but imediately follow that with a question of when theyre next free, and make plans for then instead. If I just say I can’t, even if I apologize, even if I say another time (not a specific time, just a generalized statement or a “maybe”) it means I don’t want to but guys are so sensitive, I can’t just say I don’t want to.

Basically, there’s absolutely no situation, and no circumstance, where this isn’t true. Period.

63 Victoria April 8, 2013 at 3:17 pm

Oh how I wish this guy I met through my Uncle had understood and employed the Brad Pitt rule. In college this guy would come visit my family with my Uncle and would send me notes and ask me out, and I was not interested like that whatsoever. I admired him as a nice fella, but….as you can see, any girl that refers to you as a ‘nice fella’ is not interested in you romantically. It was so bad that my Dad (thank you Dad!) took him for a walk one day and was just like “look, she’s not into you at all. No harm, no foul, but maybe spend your energy else where.” I had no idea my Dad did that for me, I just knew that the guy FINALLY stopped pursuing me. I had done my best to not lead him on, I was never ‘available’ to hang out, but he didn’t seem to get it at all. Thank you Dad for helping me out, when I didn’t even know or ask you to! found this out years later…my Dad is the man!

64 zeke June 5, 2013 at 8:24 pm

. So as a man, I want to give some advice to women on how to “let a man down easy”.First of all, You need to understand that men are basically logical when it comes to dating, or at least, they are much more logical than women. I don’t mean that in an insulting “men are superior” kind of way. I actually see it as somewhat self-deprecating. We approach Romance more or less the same way we approach auto mechanics, which is ridiculous, because the differences between women and cars are as obvious as they are numerous, but we proceed nonetheless. This can result in some very Amelia Bedelia like misunderstandings on our part. So if you’re a woman, attempting to get a point across to a man, you basically need to pretend you are giving instructions to a robot.You’re a really great guy, and I really like you, but I just feel like now is not the right time for me to be datingIs a terrible way to let a man down easy. A much better thing to say would be something likeNo, I’m not interested in you.…There is no need to explain it further. Just say no, and move on.“But That’s Sooooo Harsh!” you are going to say to me. No it isn’t, not if you’re speaking to a robot. that would be harsh if you said it to a woman, but to a man that is exactly what you need to communicate“Hey Jenny would you like to go to the movies with me on Friday”“No Ryan, because I do not find you attractive”“Okay cool, I’ll move on then”I’m not a woman, but I’ve spent some time with them, and from my understanding to a woman, saying something like “I don’t find you attractive” translates to something along the lines of “You’re horrible and ugly, nobody could ever love you, why don’t you stop bothering me” but to a man, when Jenny says “I don’t find you attractive” it actually translates to “Jenny doesn’t find me attractive”… and that’s Jenny’s problem.When you say something like “You’re really great, I just don’t want to go out with you now” then you are talking about us. it translates to “Jenny doesn’t want to go out with me this week”…the implication is that you may want to go out with us later… And if that’s what you want to imply than that’s what you should say. But if you want us to bug off you need to tell us so. because otherwise we have to tell ourselves. “No Ryan, She said you are really great but she didn’t actually mean that”Most of us guys are not so poorly socialized that we don’t understand that usually means but if we ask you out it means we like you, and we would much much rather hear “no to a date but yes to you” so when we hear“You’re a really great guy, and I really like you, but I just feel like now is not the right time for me to be dating”that sounds a lot like what we want to hear, but we know at some level it isn’t. So we can’t move on we have to sit and think about it and figure out if that really means what it appears to mean.And then you have those statements about us in there, where you say we’re great and you like us, but we have to fill in the gaps to understand that you don’t like us that way, and we’re not quite great enough for it to be worth 2 hours of your time and a free dinner to get to know us a little better.We end up having to build voices in our head that are much much harsher than anything you would say.So be a little harsh, if that’s what it takes to be clear.You’re cute, but noIs confusing, but an improvement upon what I usually hearNo, Thank youis better, but still leaves room you don’t want to leave “No to the date, or do you just not like Italian?” “What are you thanking me for exactly?”No, I don’t find you attractiveIs goodI’d love to go to dinner, but I’m not interested in dating youMight actually be the kindest possible thing to sayYou are not handsome enough for meIs going too far. You don’t want the poor guy thinking if he starts doing more crunches you’ll say yes. but it’s still not as hurtful asI just don’t feel like now is the right timeCommentsRead more: http://blog.beliefnet.com/fear

65 Dino June 9, 2013 at 4:35 pm

There are no “rules” when it comes to dating. Yes there are universal “rules” that people should follow but everyone is different. Everyone expects different things from different people. There are guys that want girls to ask them out and there are girls that are willing to do that. Norms are constantly evolving. What is “normal” to me might be “abnormal” to you. It’s all about perspective. If anyone ever saw the movie “Hitch” with Will Smith, if you remember the very last line of the movie, Will Smith said: ” the final rule when it comes to dating, there is no rule!”

In addition, when it comes to asking a girl out, if a girl doesn’t offer an alternative day to go out, then I see it that she is not interested in me. People will argue that oh maybe she’s shy or playing hard to get. First of all, I don’t go out with shy girls because I, myself consider to be a little on the shy side. Also, I’m that guy that if a girl is truly interested in me but plays hard to get, it will backfire on her. I have too much pride to “beg” or chase her. There are so many other girls in the sea that won’t play hard to get. If it is a test to see how much I really want her, then I guess I have more pride in myself then interest in her. So girls, just remember to be careful when you play hard to get because there are guys that are not arrogant and will actually believe you are not interested in them and might lose them forever. Don’t worry, you won’t come across as desperate because it depends on the guy that asked you out. I would never think your desperate. But that’s me. Like I said earlier, everyone interprets things differently. Playing hard to get will work with some guys and will backfire with others. With me it will backfire. If a girl truly wants to be with someone, she would not risk playing hard to get with him.

66 Andy June 12, 2013 at 2:48 pm

Dating is like a card game. Make sure you see her hand before she see yours!

67 John June 19, 2013 at 10:53 am

Wish I’d heard this rule when I was a much younger man. But then, I’d have probably married sooner, and missed out on the hottie I got now. ;-)

68 James August 11, 2013 at 9:11 am

I’ve been single for 8 months, following a 7 year marraige. I recently ran across an interesting quote on Tapiture, “Don’t chase women, chase your passions and the women will chase you.”

That has been the most effective way for me to meet and date women over tha past few months. I don’t call up a woman and say, “Hello, I would like to squire you about on a date this friday evening.”

No.

I call a woman, tell her the awesome thing the I am going to do on friday (or whenever), and I invite her to come along.

This worked like a charm a few weeks ago; I wanted to go to the rock gym and do a little climbing. I hadn’t been in years, and it seemed like fun. Obviously I wanted some female companionship, so I called up a girl I am interested in, told her I was going (with an undertone that I was going with or without her) and invited her along.

Be the guy with a plan, a plan that is fun and maybe a little edgy.

We had a great time, and she actually told me it was one of the best dates she’d been on.. actually, I think she said the phrase, “knocked it out of the park”

I’m no suave guy, with sexy moves, or bulging muscles.. hell, I could barely climb the easiest routes. But we both had a lot of fun.. which I guess is sorta the point.

Made it much easier to ask her on a dinner and a movie sort of date a few days later.

Food for thought.

69 John Waldron August 11, 2013 at 2:01 pm

After having dated several woman and after a stint in the USN, I can assure you that American women are in a class by themselves. Foreign women, particularly Asian women, are MUCH easier to date. Hell, women make up about 50% of the population, so why sweat it? Self confidence goes a long way-so does ease of conversation. Although I have a lovely steady redhead, I still flirt with the ladies, as I enjoy the art of flirting-ladies do to! There’s no magic pickup line-just be yourself and be funny, if you have a sense of humor. My dollars worth:)

70 Henry August 11, 2013 at 5:28 pm

The new rules if you are persistent it can be interpreted as harassment. If they say no move on there are other fish in the sea. I liked James’ post though – good advice.

71 Mike August 11, 2013 at 11:54 pm

I CAN NOT Believe that there is not one single mention of Mike Tyson in the comments on this one! I doubt if this is where this wisdom was born, but it is a rather hilarious ‘origin-story’ to consider.

72 Chris August 12, 2013 at 9:17 am

“I don’t ask women out often, but when I do, I only ask once.”

73 Todd Johnson August 18, 2013 at 9:53 pm

I disagree with “The Scam” (near top of comments).

If a woman is busy, and is more or less acting the same as a woman who isn’t that interested by her tone and not suggesting another time where they can get together — even putting it off to the next weekend as the author suggested — she’s NOT “playing cautious” or “hard to get” — she’s NOT Interested.

Now, that’s not to say you don’t suggest another time yourself. I agree with that notion. You won’t come off as a “tool” there. If she’s apprehensive/vague about it when you do, even if it’s a next weekend, put the ball in her court. If she’s vague about next weekend say “Alright, I understand… with you being busy and everything, hit me up mid-week and let me know if you have an opening.”

If she’s overtly happy/positive but vague/apprehensive (which is uncommon), tell her you’ll text her mid-week to see if she’s open and what also fits with your schedule — is that cool?

Your chances, in either scenario, when she doesn’t suggest another time when she denies you of going out this weekend — and is apprehensive/vague when you suggest the next weekend — Is Low. At best, she’s Not That Interested In You. She’s not playing hard-to-get. So don’t expect results.

It is good to keep it on pleasant terms and not left with a feeling with HER that she denied you.

If you can’t solidify a date with her, either by her not reaching out to you when ball’s in her court, or her continuing to be vague when it’s in yours… OR if she cancels tentative plans after her 1st denial…

… respond with letting her know that coincidentally it’s actually good, because you have some sweet plans come up that you’d really like to go to anyway… and that in the future it’d be cool to hang out some time.

A SMALL % will write you back with a convincing tone that they want to go out. But it takes little time to adjust it so that it’d be comfortable for her to hit you up in the future if her Plan A Guy fell through a couple weeks down the road. 1 out of 10-12 will do so. Taking, what, an extra text or so with each one? Totally worth it.

Not that you should have hopes up either. And just because one writes you back do you just want to merely “hang out”. Don’t hug the friend-zone lane line. Make sure that it’s a hang-out date (ie casual, no official term), not just hanging out. In doing so, build up the rapport… then at the end make a move for kissing — and if she willfully responds without being hammered — then you know you’re far from the friend-zone.

74 Ken December 13, 2013 at 12:55 pm

Finally!!!!
Good to see. Stop hanging out!
The Brad Pitt rule is great! But like all rules they are flexible.
JUST DO IT!!!!

75 Axl January 13, 2014 at 1:35 pm

I have a different query…. what if you are having a good conversation with a lady and when you are leaving, the lady takes her time closing the door or is not showing any sign of wanting to close the door.. I am confused.. Please advise…

76 J.S. March 31, 2014 at 4:30 pm

I always needed a lot of encouragement to ask a woman out.

I didn’t usually get it.

Until I got married.

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