A Man’s Guide to Moving Back in with His Parents…While Maintaining at Least a Little Dignity

by Brett & Kate McKay on June 27, 2012 · 128 comments

in Relationships & Family

“I’m back……”

Continuing to live with your parents after you turn 18, or moving back in with them after graduating college…isn’t that the antithesis of manliness?

That’s certainly how the regular spate of “What’s the matter with the menz?” articles portray it. The fact that the number of 25-34-year-olds who are living with their parents has doubled since 1980 (it now sits at 22%), and that more men in that age group than women have moved back home (22% versus 18%), is often used as evidence that young men are willfully refusing to grow up these days, and have gladly traded their manly independence for a chance to play video games in mom and dad’s basement.

While there are definitely cases of 20 and 30-something men living at home in order to prolong their adolescence, to say all men in this situation are lazy moochers is to paint the picture with far too broad a brush. The reasons for the increase in the number of young men moving back in with their parents are much more nuanced and complex, and include both cultural and structural changes:

  • Higher education costs. Back when your Baby Boomer parents were in college, a semester of school cost just a few hundred dollars, and it was easy to graduate with little to no debt. But since 1980, college tuition has increased between 1 1/2 and 2 times the inflation rate each year. Today students can graduate $25-$100k in debt, double that if they go on to graduate school.
  • Dismal job market for young people. Since the 1970s, real income has declined for young people, and the job market has gotten more competitive. The current recession only made things worse. The first decade of the 21st century constituted one of the toughest job markets for young people in recent history. Today just 54% of adults between the ages of 18-24 are employed. The recession also hit the paychecks of young people more than any other age group.
  • Increased education requirements. Fifty or sixty years ago, a man could get a decent paying job with just a high school education. Today’s job market typically requires candidates to not only have a college degree, but often an advanced degree as well. Because schooling is now both more expensive and lengthier, it’s taking young people longer to become financially independent.
  • Increased housing costs. On average, your parents and grandparents probably spent only 1/3 of their income on housing. Today 1 in 4 Americans are spending more than half of their income putting a roof over their heads. With housing costs up and paychecks down, getting a place of their own has become much more difficult for those in their 20s.
  • Decreasing generational gap. The rift between Baby Boomers and their GI generation parents is the stuff of pop culture legend. Boomers and GI’s often had completely different tastes in music, dressing, and values. Boomers couldn’t wait to leave home, and their parents were glad to see them go. These days, many of the Millennial generation get along great with their parents and consider them friends. Parents and children listen to the same Jack Johnson songs and sit down to watch Boardwalk Empire together. And because many Boomer parents worked full-time when their kids were growing up, they aren’t sick of their offspring yet and like having more time to spend with them.

So suffice it to say the phenomena of young people moving back home is more complicated than “Young men today are lazy and unmotivated.” And as we mentioned in our series on the history of the bachelor, far from being the recent anomaly the media has made it out to be, living with your parents well into your 20s was the norm for young men for much of history. It was in fact the post-WWII period, with its flush economic prosperity and robust governmental housing and educational subsidies which allowed young men to strike out and settle down early, that was the real aberration. It should also be noted that multi-generational households have long been, and continue to be, the norm in many other countries and cultures; the peculiar American fixation with having your own homestead is in many ways a function of our frontier history.

Now all of this isn’t to say that it’s always a good idea to move back in with your parents and that you should feel comfortable living with them indefinitely. Or that living on your own isn’t a very worthy goal. Rather, it is to point out that stigmatizing a young man’s decision to move back home as always unmanly is misguided. Like many things in life, if you do it for the wrong reasons, and you do it immaturely, it’s unmanly, while if you do it for the right reasons, and in the right way, it can be, if not overtly manly, at least dignified. What are those right reasons and behaviors? Read on.

Friendly Advice on Moving Back in with Your Parents

Have a good reason for moving back in. This is numero uno in importance when figuring out if moving back in with your parents is the right decision for you. You should have a specific, sensible reason as to why you’re returning home (or haven’t yet left). Your reason shouldn’t be vague like “I need time to get my life back together.” How do you know when you’ve gotten your life back together so you can move out? Vague goals lead to vague results. Most American parents don’t mind housing their adult children so long as it’s furthering an important life goal for them. If you’re trying to save money so you can go to school, great! If you’re trying to save money so you can backpack through Europe, not great.

Don’t let standard of living trump autonomy. Another of the reasons sociologists give for young adults returning to the nest in greater numbers is that today’s young people value lifestyle over autonomy. It was the opposite for young adults in previous generations; while young Baby Boomers and Gen Xers were willing to slum it for a few years if it meant living independently from mom and dad, today’s young person seems more willing to sacrifice privacy, freedom, and autonomy if it means they can still buy new clothes, own expensive consumer electronics, and eat out instead of subsisting on ramen noodles.

But I believe becoming a man still means seeking autonomy over creature comforts. So related to the point above, this means your reason for moving back home shouldn’t be to use the money you save on rent to maintain the lifestyle you grew up with. That’s a recipe for thwarting your journey to becoming a man; having to live frugally, budget, and make sacrifices helps you grow up. If you’ve got money for video games and drinking at the bar, you have money to live on your own.

If you can get by with a very modest lifestyle on your own, then do it. Only move home if it allows you trade less autonomy in the short-term for more autonomy in the long term. Live as frugally as you’d have to if you were on your own, and put the money you save on housing costs towards things like education, health insurance, starting a business, and staying out of/mitigating debt. Especially that last one; some say living with your parents isn’t manly, well, going into debt isn’t manly either! Going deeper into debt for pride’s sake isn’t manly, it’s just dumb. I lived with my in-laws for three years in law school – the debt I incurred from tuition was large enough that it seemed foolish to add to it if other accommodations were available — and I’m not ashamed I did it. The arrangement wasn’t ideal, but it set me up for greater autonomy; besides my house, I’m now entirely debt-free.

Treat returning home as a privilege. In most states, as soon as you turn 18, your parents have no legal obligation to take care of you. Any support they give you after you’re 18 is a privilege and gift. Show some gratitude and humility and don’t act like you’re entitled to room and board. You’re not.

Treat your stay as temporary and have an exit plan. Before moving back in with your parents, establish a specific date when you’ll leave; you might even consider signing a contract with your parents to that effect. If you go in with an open-ended timeframe, you’ll never leave. Create a plan on how you’ll get the money and resources to move out by your established date, and share this plan with your parents.

Don’t fall into old habits. It’s easy to revert back to familiar family roles when you return to your childhood home. You’ll want to be taken care of, and mom and dad (especially mom) will want to take care of you. Nip those habits in the bud as soon as you move home. If you want to feel like a grown man while still living with your parents, you need to do as much as you can for yourself. Do your own laundry, buy your own food, clean your own room, and take care of your own problems. Your mom shouldn’t have to leave a post-it note on the counter to remind you of your dentist appointment. If you notice your parents trying to do stuff for you that you’re capable of doing yourself, kindly but firmly say: “I really appreciate your willingness to help me out on this, but I’d rather do it myself. I hope you understand.”

Redefine the relationship with parents from vertical to horizontal. One thing you can do to avoid falling into old habits with your folks is sitting down with them before moving in and having a “define the relationship” talk. For most of your life, your relationship with your parents has been vertical — they stood atop the family hierarchy, guiding, directing, and dictating how you lived your life.

Now that you’re an adult, your relationship to your parents needs to change to a horizontal one. Instead of engaging with your parents as a child, you need engage with them as fellow adults and on terms of mutual respect. Share your expectations and ask them what they expect from the new living arrangement and fight any urge to cry out “That’s not fair!” If what your parents expect is different from what you want, then you’ll have to find another living arrangement.

Once you’re back in with your folks, maintain that horizontal relationship by taking an active role in the household. Don’t expect your parents to take care of you, and do what you can to proactively contribute to your family. Speaking of which…

Contribute to the household. We’ve talked about it before. Men produce and boys consume. If you want to feel like a grown man, even while living with your folks, then actively contribute to your parents’ household instead of passively consuming their resources like a leech. Understand that moving back in with your parents will have a financial impact on them. Discuss with them how you plan on contributing to the household and mitigating some of the financial pressure.

If you can afford it, volunteer to pay at least a nominal rent. Not only will it help your parents offset the extra costs of having another person in the house, it will help instill some financial discipline in yourself. If your parents refuse the rent, you can still pay them a sum every month, so you get in the habit of doing so, and they can save the money to give to you when you move out to help you get on your feet.

Even if you can’t pay rent, there are lots of things you can do to contribute to the household: mow the lawn, clean the house, buy the groceries, cook dinner, run errands, etc. Take the initiative on this stuff. Don’t wait for your parents to ask you to do it. Oh, and you should still do those things even if you’re paying your parents rent, and you shouldn’t expect effusive praise. Think of yourself as a roommate in your parents’ home. Just as you’d share chores and food costs with your apartment roomies, you should share them with your parents.

Don’t take advantage of the situation. Even though your folks are also unofficially your landlords, the fact that you’re their kid, and not just an impersonal tenant, puts them in a tough position; if you don’t follow the agreed upon rules, they’ll be loathe to call the cops to evict you and they can’t ground you anymore. This leaves them with little enforcement power, so they’ll be relying on your sense of integrity when it comes to following through with what you said you’d do. Keeping your word is good practice for mature manliness.

Respect your parents’ views on conjugal visits. If you have a significant other in your life, respect your parents’ views on couples sleeping together before marriage and/or under their roof. You might think your parents’ are old-fashioned and being unreasonable by not allowing your lady friend to share bunk beds with you, but again, it’s their house and they can set any sort of conditions they want. If you don’t like them, you’ll have to get busy somewhere else, perhaps in the backseat of your car; a few of these vehicular groping sessions may be just the thing to motivate you to get your own place.

Keep your parents abreast of your schedule out of courtesy. You’re an adult now, so you’re under no obligation to let your parents know how you spend your time outside their home. But as a courtesy, let them know what your schedule looks like. It will help them plan out their week, and they’ll know where they can find you in case of an emergency. If you’re going to be out late, let them know so they don’t freak out when they hear someone rattling the front doorknob at 3 AM.

Think of yourself as a guest. If you’re not sure of what you should or shouldn’t do now that you’re living with your parents again, simply ask yourself: “What would a guest do?” Always ask permission to use and eat things that aren’t yours, and do what you can to make your presence interfere as little as possible with your parents’ regular routines.

Don’t live in limbo. Living with your parents may make you feel unsettled, leading you to put off getting your life together until it “really starts.” But life is going on right now, bud. Whatever you need to work on personally, emotionally, spiritually, relationally, educationally…get to it. Your 20s are a terrible thing to waste.

{ 128 comments… read them below or add one }

101 graham July 7, 2012 at 4:10 am

I live in the uk. I feel very sorry for young people. When I went to uni in 1978 it was not only free but you also got a grant. Work was also much easier to find. All this nonsense about “man up”, what a bunch of neanderthals. If kids want to live at home so what, you stupid twits.

102 victor j July 8, 2012 at 1:10 pm

Thank you Average and Brock for your comments. I agree that it is simply false to stand above and look down upon men in their 20′s and 30′s. This world is different that it use to be and the avenues of growth and success are much more steep, crowded and few than they used to be. I am 32, very responsible with my money, but have a job below my skill set and previous salary. I am burdened with student loans on a second degree that never panned out. Irresponsible credit card debt could be knocked down a huge percent or put to bankruptcy. Responsible student loans cannot. Schools have become businesses and mostly abandoned a lived mission of education and societal advancement. Costs are up and salaries are respectively down compared to the past. The caliber and character (including appropriateness) of institutions, private and public, has fallen even in my own adult life and certainly compared the past generations. If I were completely destitute I’d have access to programs in which I’d be leaching off the system, whereas now I give over 30% of my salary and living expenses beside to contribute to it. And those that are from working class and middle class families are hit harder than before financially, socially in spirit as the sense of hope and getting somewhere good is much lessened or lost. And young men today have to deal with this confusion and changed circumstance and no promise of reasonable practice from banks, government, schools, etc.
A monolithic image of manhood apart from his environment is foolish.
A man today can do the whole sleep in a car, live in a slump, try to save, work many hours turmoil that some critics here seem too happy to claim, but we know that this is unlikely to lead to any better future for ourselves. And would our parents be happier knowing that we are miserable, confused, angry/depressed, and living in shit housing?
I think that if I were working 80 to 90 hours a week and not having any fun and still paying someone else to live in a shit hole, my dad would sooner say, come back home my son, they fucked up your generation and the world good.
And my dad is a real man if there ever was one.
One person used the word “choice” in moving back home whereas before the act was spoken of as a forced action. And that brings too much guilt and pain into it. Making the decision as a choice rather than a strong-arming does sound more empowering and spacious in something that can be painful and constraining.

103 Erickson Anupol July 9, 2012 at 9:17 pm

Nice article. Thanks again guys!

104 Jeff July 10, 2012 at 6:55 pm

“Try moving out into the real world without any real skillset at the age of 18 and let me know how far you get. ”

How about 15? I’m 33 years old, I left my parents home at 15 due to their abusive behavior. I’ve worked a full time job (at least 40 hours per week, usually more) since the day I left with never more than a one week gap in employment. I worked full time and paid my own way ie; housing, insurance, automobile, etc etc etc, for two years while finishing high school. While my friends played and planned summer vacations I put my nose to the grindstone and did what I had to do, without ever feeling sorry for myself or resenting my friends, because I knew I was better off on my own.

I didn’t have the money, or the credit to afford to attend college, so guess what, I didn’t go. I worked my ass off and earned my way from one job to another subsequently better job and so on, for the past 18 years. In that time I’ve bought and sold two houses, gotten married, moved around the country, started and sold three businesses and traveled internationally. I did it without debt or outside help. I did it the way I did because I didn’t have a choice in the matter.

In my current job I work closely with a hiring agency for an international manufacturer. Every day my company offers jobs to prospective employees, and everyday over 50 % of those prospects turn down the job offer even though our starting pay is higher than the national average for manufacturers, and in the top 10 percentile in our area for starting pay. Holding out for something better, I suppose. Of those who accept a job, more than 50 % quit within the first week. Too difficult or “not their thing” being the two most common reasons given. And I hear the same thing repeated by people in the same position as I am, at other businesses throughout the area. Where does this dream job entitlement belief come from? For gods sake, quit sitting around acting like you can’t dare take a job “beneath you”, and make something of yourselves.

To me this is the glaring issue with moving back home, you are robbing yourselves of the opportunity to become men. You are kicking the can of responsibility down the road rather than nutting up and dealing with the discomfort of your situation in an adult, and dare I say manly way. The fact is that if it was acceptable, or manly, to move back in with your parents this article wouldn’t exist, and you wouldn’t be coming here trying to virtually pat each other on the back for something so obviously wrong.

I wouldn’t normally post a comment on a website but reading the comments here really bothered me. Playing the blame game in the comment section of a website about manliness wont make you a man, boys. I suppose I could have sat around blaming my mom and dad for any number of things, maybe their parents too, I could have sat around blaming this and that, or her and him, or them and they for all the ills of the world, but my situation wouldn’t have improved. What improved my situation was action.

I saw one comment above about how a recent graduate was proud of what he had “earned” with his labor,his financed degree, his apartment and his new financed car. You hadn’t earned shit, son. If you had of earned it, the bank or the landlord couldn’t have taken it away. You bought it, with cheap money you borrowed, and then when the bill came due you ran home to mommy and daddy rather than doing what you should have done before you bought it, which was figure out how to pay for it.

Finally, I’ll say this and leave it alone. If you can truly look your mirror’s reflection in the eye and say that you are OK with the decision to live with your parents as an “adult”, then by all means carry on. I suspect very few of those here who are lauding this article and giving all your excuses really think that what they are doing is acceptable or “Manly”. Perhaps I’m wrong though, and the generation younger than me is more delusional than I suspected.

Oh, and one more final thing. If you are really working two full time jobs or 80 hours a week to scrape by and still need to live with your parents you need to either move to a less expensive area of learn to live within your means. As a matter of fact, if people, specifically you young people commenting here, would learn to live within your means you wouldn’t need to bare the shame of living with your parents in your 20′s or beyond.

105 Bryce July 11, 2012 at 7:39 pm

For 5 years, I lived with my grandparents after moving back to my hometown after losing a job in a far-flung town that I had no desire to live in. This was beneficial, as I was able to and keep an eye on them for my parents, help my grandparents with living expenses (I paid the heat and cable, plus did a lot of in-kind stuff like yard work, chauffeuring, and whatnot) while I was between jobs and while I was working, until I met my present wife and married her 3 years ago. As it turned out, this living arrangement was conducive to saving up enough of a down payment so that I could buy a 3-bedroom house in a great school district. with a full 20 percent down, as well as pay off student loans. It also provided my grandparents with much-needed stimulation to keep their bodies and minds sharp from simply associating regularly with a younger person. Lesson learned: If you’re moving back home, have a really good reason and a plan.

106 Ty September 22, 2012 at 3:20 pm

dear old timers,
I don’t care if you moved out when you were 13, and could grow a beard at the age of 8. I don’t care if you were in the war. I don’t care if you married a super model, and have a shlong the size of california. That doesn’t make you a man. Love, smarts, and wisdom will get you far, but how does calling us “boys” show how tough and manly you are? In reality the only thing that makes us men are the parts between our legs. So RESPECT my generation, it’s young, it’s different, and your old hide doesn’t fully understand us (and that’s ok). YES we should be self-reliant, but DON’T ASSUME your life is the template for us, because have our own lives to live. If you think we owe you respect and don’t give it, you can kindly piss off old timers! Love us… the younger generation…

107 PeeWee September 26, 2012 at 9:00 pm

Commenter “Jeff” seems to have completely missed the point of this article and possibly the whole website.

108 Benji October 1, 2012 at 7:28 am

lol @ the different kind of posts here. The biggest thing I would say to my generation and younger generation is don’t go into ANY debt. If you don’t have 30K for school. Avoid it, unless of course, you have cash, government assistance, grants, or scholarships. Don’t live in a car dependent city and rely on mass transit. Sorry, the old USA is never coming back due to the sins of our fathers.

109 Nick October 2, 2012 at 3:12 pm

I’m sorry, but when you approach 30, it’s time to go. You’ve had 10 years to figure out an exit plan; that should be more than enough. Besides, what man doesn’t want some autonmoy? A grown a$$ man living at home is not a good look.

110 Deltaboy October 19, 2012 at 1:12 pm

Beware of the Mom needs you trap. I spent 6 months working with a young man whose Momma didn’t want him to move out after he moved back in after college.

111 Maria November 5, 2012 at 10:25 am

I have a question for all the men:

Where do you suppose women fit into this picture? I’m 31 single mom and since my divorce 5 years ago, I’ve been struggling really hard to make it on my own. I have my degree and I’ve been working as a substitute teacher. But I also have $20,000 student loan debt and I’m hesitant to go back to school for a full teaching credential. Salary only starts $41-43k for teachers in CA, which isn’t all that much! Infact, it isn’t enough for me to be fully self-sufficient w my daughter. I have applied for many jobs for the state and county, willing to take a decent paying job to leave substituting. Its been two years and I’m still working as a substitute :-)

I’m currently in the process of moving back into my parents house. It’s been quite an emotional process because a part of me truly feels like a failure. I feel like I had such high dreams and expectations, and I was CONFIDENT that I would be able to fully support my daughter and I. But the reality is that I can’t even pay my rent and car insurance and gas and bills and my student loan. I’m grateful that my parents ASKED me to come home, with open arms. I feel embarassed, and I’m trying my hardest to keep my dignity throughout this process.

Thank you for this article. Although I’m not a man, I relate! And I do play the role of a man being a single mother. But how do the guys feel about women living at hm with their parents? Is the standard different between men and women?

112 Zipit November 24, 2012 at 10:05 pm

Whose to say that expecting all adults to have their own residences isn’t a pipe dream that drained many of the resources currently missing? Instead of getting a crick in the neck turning around to pat themselves on the back, the older generation should be ashamed at what has happened to this world under their watch. ps I am 50

113 Gerad December 8, 2012 at 11:44 pm

“But how do the guys feel about women living at hm with their parents?”

Actually this seems to be even far more common, and widespread in many countries. (Japan, China, Middle East, Southern Europe)

114 mike December 14, 2012 at 7:19 pm

I been living on my own since 18 my parents lost their house and i moved im 29 been wasting rent for 11 years im moving back with mom and her husband for a year to save some money,i really dont want to but lost my job, but i see nothing wrong with ur parents helping their children, but thankgod its a huge house lol

115 charlie January 26, 2013 at 7:48 pm

This made me laugh:

“It also provided my grandparents with much-needed stimulation to keep their bodies and minds sharp from simply associating regularly with a younger person.”

I’d love to here the grandparent’s take on it.

116 Grown Man February 19, 2013 at 12:28 pm

LOVE this website for so many young people who seem to have no clue how to behave. My unruly – entitled step -son is driving me crazy and dricing us to the poor house

117 name February 27, 2013 at 11:12 pm

i moved out when i was 17 to go to university. but i wound up moving back home after my first year because i wanted to work, make money, and grow up a little. Now that ive been workin some of the shittiest, low paying, hard laboring jobs out there i can truly say that i appreciate school alot more now. especially after hearing the sob stories of the other workers on how they completely messed up their lives. (i was always the youngest guy at these jobs). anyways i do feel a little embarrased that i live with my parents, but then i remember that im doin everything i can to be an adult. im also saving every penny i make. still not enough to move out but thats the economy i guess.

118 Sam March 13, 2013 at 4:29 am

This is a great article and I’m glad I found this website!

I graduated from university in the UK with a mountain of debt (nothing compared to my sister who will graduate with continent of it with the tuition fee price hikes lately). I escaped the UK to do some volunteer work in India where I’ve been for the past three years after I couldn’t get a job at home. I’ve decided it’s time to move on and I’m returning back home in four months time where I’m starting a new, well-paid job. Unfortunately, it’s still not well paid enough to pay rent and everything else (paying off my debt). I’m moving back in with my parents and this has provided some good advice.

Dad was very happy when I approached him on Skype the other day and said I wanted to draw up a contract. I’m paying rent and, until I get my own car, have agreed a usage schedule. My mum, dad and I are going to cook two nights a week each and the remaining night will be my youngest sister (still at school). I will have to contribute to the internet plan and what have you.

After three years (plus three years of being at university) I’m an independent person already. Whilst I want my own place I still want to return to university to complete my masters degree. This job is to save up for that.

Commenter ‘Jeff’ has somewhat ired me. Whilst my upbringing wasn’t abusive at all I resent the idea that I am not being responsible. I am a qualified science teacher but couldn’t get a job as a teacher after qualifying. What was I left with? McDonalds? I don’t think it’s below me – my mum flipped burgers when I was growing up and she’s got a degree. However, I wouldn’t have got anywhere doing it. Instead, I took the opportunity to do some volunteer teaching in rural India, which I have loved, and I am now going back because the jobs market has recovered.

If I moved to a much cheaper area of the country I could scrape by and survive on my starting teachers salary, but for what purpose? I’d barely be paying off any of my debt and I wouldn’t be saving to do my masters degree. I’ve got the opportunity, why not?

My grandfather is an Eastender who earned a number of scholarships to go to university from his very poor background. Unfortunately, those scholarships don’t exist anymore.

I’m not shirking responsibility. I’ll be more autonomous when I can finance it.

119 John April 6, 2013 at 11:14 pm

Another reason is to help your parents. I moved back home to help my mom raise my elementary-aged sibling when my dad got in some trouble a few years ago. He has been back, but doesn’t work…and hasn’t for roughly 15 years. Mom is the breadwinner. I think they’ve developed a co-dependent relationship with me. Cultural reasons keep them from treating me as an adult. I haven’t left because I think they will treat it as though I abandoned them, which I think is also cultural.

120 John April 6, 2013 at 11:17 pm

The question from my previous post is: would it be manlier to stay or to leave?

121 Donny April 23, 2013 at 10:10 am

I am currently 21 and living at home, not because I can’t afford my own place, but because my mother is disabled. She requires certain medications which she will die without, but her insurance(medicaid) will drop her if she works and most insurance companies won’t pay for her meds because it is a “pre-existing condition” When I turned 18 I became CDL certified and became a trucker. I myself cannot work a job in which I stand for hours at a time because of a physical disability. Does living at home make me less of a man under these conditions? I certainly don’t.

122 Christine May 2, 2013 at 8:02 am

Sometimes adults live with their parents so that they can be caregivers. I grew up with two disabled parents. I took care of them starting in childhood. Going to college was a deep struggle, and after college, although I could have moved out (I had a good job), the expectation was that I was going to stay and keep doing what I’ve always done.

I was expected to sacrifice my own autonomy in order to provide for my parents’. I’m not the only person who has lived in this way.

123 CS May 8, 2013 at 1:15 am

Also, a lot of us have parents who are encouraging us to stay with them.

I don’t know about the rest of you, but whenever I try to get advice from my parents on doing anything remotely risky (in a positive way), they try to talk me out of it and tell me to stay home until I’m financially secure.

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125 adcmelb November 2, 2013 at 7:23 pm

These days the number of people moving back home because of costs or saving for a home deposits is huge, add in men screwed in divorce – I fail to see what the big deal is I work with Asian people who have their mothers or mother inlaws living with them they fail to see what the big deal is.

126 Drew January 16, 2014 at 6:04 pm

This is a great article. I’m currently in the same situation myself, working hard to get out of it. I’m 33 years old, a disabled veteran of the Iraqi war, and I recently got my MA. It really sucked to have to move back in with my parents, but my roommate bailed on me and I was laid off from my job. I have no money to help contribute to the house, but I try to give the whole house a once-over every day, do the dishes, give rides to people, and help out my sis with her newborn. I also spend about 8 hours a day looking for work. It’s a crappy thing for anyone to loose their autonomy, man or woman, but like this article says: try to pull your own weight; do your best to rectify the situation; and don’t let anyone make you feel like crap for the setbacks in your life. Feeling sorry for yourself is only going to distract you from the opportunities that may arise and help fix the situation you’re in.

127 terrance March 14, 2014 at 10:30 pm

I’m 18 but I at least work, pay for my own stuff and insurance. I would move out but I caught a serious illness now I’m not even healthy to work I had many dreams crossed off I tried to enlist in the Marines wasn’t able to go. I tried to work auto shops and constructions. No, one hired me but I guess I’m the group of no regrets. Due to I tried my best but sometimes God has other plans, maybe I could still be a Fireman or EMT in a year or two like I always wanted.

The real question to ask is what is job you see yourself with pride and joy then see if you need college or not question answered!

128 Lucas March 17, 2014 at 6:31 am

I live in Poland and over here living with your parents isnt a choice. A lot of young people simply cant afford living on their own, even though they have full time jobs. So for example average salary over here is about 1600 – 2000 zloty/ which would be around 500 – 700 US dollars (and thats before tax, after tax it leaves you 1100 to 1400). Now people may think, well living is cheaper in those post soviet countries. NOPE! bills you got to pay for rent and food is around 1700.
I have so many friends living with their parents but they simply cant move out, unless they go to the UK and work as a dishwasher or waiter. And for many that is not an option either.

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