in: Featured, Homeownership, Lifestyle

• Last updated: September 25, 2021

How to Clean Like a Man

Vintage man vacuuming for floor cleaning.

Editor’s note: This is a guest post from Joe Weber.

Part of becoming a man is picking up after yourself. Your mom used to do that for you. Being a man means doing it yourself. You could be the best dressed guy in town with an endless bankroll, but if your home looks like a 14 year old lives there, you’re dead in the eyes of women. But taking pride in cleanliness isn’t just about attracting the ladies. Keeping your place clean strengthens your discipline and attention to detail, keeps your organized and productive, and simply makes you feel good.

My mom was committed to cleaning the same way Pete Rose was committed to gambling. Every Saturday morning she was up cleaning and therefore the entire family was up helping. Top to bottom including the basement, cleaning the entire house.

Turns out having a mother addicted to a dust free home will teach you a few things. Here are the five steps you should consider following to clean your place quickly and efficiently-like a man. Complete with tools and techniques that’ll make it all go easier.

Step 1: Crack a beer and put on some loud music.

There’s no way around it, the next 45 – 90 minutes won’t be fun. Might as well enjoy a decent beer and listen to your favorite album while you’re at it. Loud and fast-tempo music will help keep the boredom away. So skip the Pink Floyd. High alcohol microbrews will make the experience more tolerable. So try something heavy.

Step 2: Put all the clutter away.

No sense in cleaning around the clutter. Your place will still look like a pit if you do. The stack of mail, the shoes you took off while watching the game, the bottles that never got taken out after poker night. Clean it all up. Spend at least 10 minutes doing this.

Step 3: Dust using a Swiffer Duster

What a revolution the Swiffer hath wrought. Not unlike the evolution of toilet paper (i.e.: leaves begat Sears Roebuck catalog pages begat Charmin), the Swiffer is the third and greatest leap in cleaning technology for its category. The feather duster just pushes dust around. An old sock or rag with pledge or Endust is a mess. The Swiffer uses static electricity and an almost infinite amount of soft dust grabbing fibers to clean. Use it on everything from wood to electronics. Don’t doubt it. It works. Pick things up and dust under them. Don’t dust around.

Step 3.5: Crack another beer.

Stay with the heavy ABV microbrew. This ain’t over.

Step 4: Vacuum. Everything. And consider investing in a Dyson.

Approach your vacuum purchase like you would your premier pair of dress shoes. Sometimes it’s worth the extra money if you can spend it. If you can’t? Then no pressure. But don’t skimp on the vacuum purchase if you have the cash and especially if you have a dog or three.

Vacuum everything. Use the bristle brush on counter-tops that you stand and eat over (there will be crumbs). Use the long corner attachment to run along the outer edge of any tiled floors (air currents deposit pet hair and other stuff there). Lastly, take that bristle brush and move onto the bathroom.

Step 5: The Bathroom

Who knows why men avoid cleaning their bathrooms. I do it for whatever reason too. Out of sight, out of mind, no? You open the door, you do your business, you flush and wash your hands (most of the time), and the door gets closed again. Too bad it’s a deal breaker for most women if your bathroom is disgusting. Here’s a fail-safe plan to making your bathroom woman friendly:

  • Vacuum anything that’s not wet with the bristle brush.
  • Apply solid layer of toilet bowl cleaner to bowl and let sit.
  • Wipe down mirror with paper towel and glass cleaner.
  • Using same paper towel and all purpose cleaner, wipe down the sink.
  • Scrub toilet bowl and flush.
  • Get the entire toilet nice and wet with all-purpose cleaner. Use toilet paper to clean tank. Flush. Use toilet paper to clean seat, then rim (in that order.) Flush. Use toilet paper to clean outer bowl. Flush.

Done. Finish the beer. Consider a third.

What are your tips for cleaning your place quickly and efficiently? Share them with us in the comments!


Joe Weber is the Director and Editor of where affordable style is the one and only focus. He believes that living right, living well, and looking good doesn’t mean you should go broke in the process.


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