Heading Out on Your Own — Day 1: Develop a Self-Reliant Mentality

by Brett & Kate McKay on August 1, 2012 · 53 comments

in A Man's Life, Heading Out On Your Own, Personal Development

The first thing we’re going to cover in this series on 31 bits of know-how you should learn before heading out on your own, is really more of a mind-set than a skill-set, but it’s a crucial building block that will lay the foundation for the rest of the “harder,” more practical skills we’ll be covering throughout the month.

It’s developing a self-reliant mentality.

Part of being a grown man is taking care of yourself and making your own decisions. It isn’t until you’re on your own that you realize how much you relied on adults to make your life run smoothly. From doing your laundry to calling the doctor when you’re sick, your parents likely did a lot of things for you.

While you might not be completely self-sufficient right when you move out (many young people rely on their parents for varying degrees of financial support well into their twenties), you can certainly be self-reliant in a number of areas in your life. For example, you shouldn’t need your mom to remind you about important appointments or your dad to bug you about taking your car in to get its routine maintenance. You should be able to remember to do those things yourself. A man with a self-reliant mentality doesn’t wait around for someone else to take care of things that need to be taken care of. If he encounters a problem, he takes the initiative and tries to figure out how to resolve it himself.

So how does a man develop a self-reliant mentality?

One of the best answers I have found to this question actually comes from a great, albeit endearingly cheesy, 1950s educational film called “Developing Self-Reliance.” It’s ten minutes long and definitely worth watching:

In the film, a kind-hearted teacher lays out the four principles of building self-reliance for one of his young students:

1. Assume responsibility. Start taking responsibility for your life and the things in it. If you’ve relied on your mom to wake you up every morning so you weren’t late to school, it’s time to make friends with the alarm clock on your smartphone. Start using a calendar to keep track of your appointments and important due dates. When you notice your apartment or dorm room is looking messy, clean it up. Don’t blame your teacher or your boss if you’re not doing well in a class or at work. If you make a mistake, own up to it, and try to make it right yourself instead of immediately running back to mom and dad so they can fix it for you. When you come home to visit your parents, don’t fall back into old routines, and let mom do your laundry for you. Parents sacrifice much in taking on not only their own burdens, but the burden of responsibility for each of their children as well. But they should not have to carry more than their own burdens indefinitely; when a child is able, he, in gratitude to the unselfish care he received for many years from his parents, should begin to transfer his load from their shoulders to his, as soon as he possibly can.

I’ll be honest with you. Taking responsibility for your life isn’t all that fun. It requires doing things that are often boring, tedious, frustrating, and time-consuming. You’ll feel the burden of weighing a hard decision and accepting the consequences, even if they’re not favorable to you. You’ll often go un-praised and un-rewarded for being responsible.

But taking responsibility for your life is satisfying. You’ll gain a quiet confidence in yourself as you take control of your own life. You’ll feel empowered. Instead of feeling like life is simply happening to you, you’ll begin to feel like the captain of your destiny and master of your soul. As you assume responsibility for your life, you’ll notice doors open up to new and better opportunities. While you may notice that other young men who don’t take responsibility for their lives seem to enjoy a life of worry-free ease, give it a few years: those same men will probably have progressed little and seem stuck in neutral. You can have little responsibility, a ton of fun and pleasure, and few life options, or a healthy amount of responsibility, a healthy amount of fun and pleasure, and a ton of life options. I personally endorse the latter option. As the video above puts it, while it’s easy to get by by having other people do everything for you, “the trouble is, when you’re not self-reliant, you’ll never do more than just get by.”

2. Be informed. Of course in order to take on more responsibilities, you have to know how to carry out those responsibilities. Some young men continue letting mom and dad do things for them, with the excuse that they just don’t know how to do those things themselves. They often turn to their parents to make decisions for them for the same reason. But the truth is, they’ve never actually tried to figure things out on their own.

This excuse is especially weak in the age of the internet, with answers to many of life’s questions just a Google search away. Need to figure out how to apply for financial aid? Don’t pawn the job off on mom — get on the computer and start researching it yourself.

This isn’t to say that you should completely avoid mom and dad or other adults for advice and counsel. There are some problems or decisions Google just can’t help with. You should definitely take advantage of the practical wisdom older people have acquired by asking for their input when making an important decision or trying to solve a problem.

However, I’d encourage you not to always make your parents a resource of first resort. We frequently turn to our parents when we don’t really want input — we want to be told what to do. And when parents hear about your problem, they often want to take care of it for you, even when you protest. So investigate yourself first; try figuring things out on your own. Experience can be the best teacher. Once you’ve reached a wall, then go talk to your parents. Because you’ve gotten your hands dirty with your issue, so to speak, you’ll be in a better position to ask them effective questions. Instead of feeling like a kid, you’ll feel more like a fellow traveler in the land of adulthood who’s simply looking for advice from someone who has already been there.

In situations where the stakes are high, turn to others sooner rather than later; oftentimes it’s better to learn from the mistakes of others, rather than making them yourself. But by always taking at least the first steps of intelligence gathering yourself whenever you can, you’ll grow and make discoveries you wouldn’t have otherwise.

The self-reliant man is always looking for a chance to learn and expand his knowledge and skills. He reads books for his classes not because he has to, but because he wants to. And whether he’s in college or on the job, he also reads regularly for pleasure. He keeps up with the news and current events. He talks to others and really listens to them. He’s very observant wherever he goes. In this way, he builds up a library of information that he can draw upon when making a decision or solving a problem.

3. Know where you’re going. A self-reliant man has goals that he has set for himself. His aims are not merely those things other people think he should do.  The self-reliant man is autonomous and doesn’t overly rely on others to validate his decisions. A self-reliant man works with an end in mind. He has created a blueprint for his future. When he runs into a problem, he informs himself on what an ideal resolution would be and then works to make it a reality. He plans out his weeks and ensures tasks that he’s responsible for are completed.

4. Make your own decisions. One thing I’ve learned the hard way is that life is actually much easier and a lot less stressful when you proactively make your own decisions.  It’s tempting when you’re younger to simply let life happen to you and hope that decisions and problems will magically resolve themselves. They won’t. In fact, problems and decisions often get bigger and harrier the longer you wait to take action on them. Make proactive decision-making a habit. With any choice or problem you may face, decide on an action plan quickly, and execute it immediately.

“In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing.” -Theodore Roosevelt

Also, while you should certainly seek advice from others to inform your decisions, don’t rely on them to make your decisions for you. It’s your life. Don’t let others live it for you.

Balancing Self-Reliance

Learning to be self-reliant takes time; you’re not magically transformed into a sage, totally autonomous adult the moment you turn 18. Rather, self-reliance is something you develop in stages as you get older, learn from experience, and become more and more independent.

I often get questions from readers like, “When my parents come and visit, is it okay for them to buy me groceries?” “Is it okay for them to pay for my rent?” These men want to know where a young man should draw the line in being self-reliant and receiving assistance from their parents. Unfortunately, I don’t have any easy answers for such queries, and I don’t think there are any hard and fast rules either. I would recommend asking yourself this question: “Will this support lead to more independence down the road or will it lead to greater dependence?”  For example, a recent study showed that college students who get less financial support from their parents think of themselves as adults sooner, drink less, and may be more career-oriented, while those whose parents give them a free ride are more likely to engage in risky behaviors like binge drinking, and may be less motivated in their studies. But students with parents who provide no assistance, are more likely to take longer to graduate and drop out altogether. Basically, what the study found was that either too much self-reliance or too little can lead to a compromised college career, and less independence in the future; thus, the authors of that study recommended a balanced approach in which parents provide some assistance, while the student is responsible for other expenses. All of which is to say, it’s best to grow into self-reliance in stages — concentrate on becoming self-reliant in whatever you can, wherever you’re at in life, in ways that don’t compromise your ability to gain more independence in later stages.

 Have any other tips on developing a self-reliant mentality? Share them with us in the comments!

{ 53 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Brandon August 1, 2012 at 6:18 pm

One thing I would suggest is a “cut the cord” approach, not just for the person, but for the parents as well. When I went away to college, I realized my parents had what I dubbed “Parental Nearsightedness,” basically, since I was “Their little baby boy,” they had a little trouble accepting me as an adult. I had to sit them down and ask them, “For the next month, please let me sink or swim by my own merit. By all means, call and let’s catch up, but don’t go through the ‘did you remember X?’ ‘did you forget to X?’ ‘are you doing X?’ routine.” When a month goes by and they see that, even without their reminders, food will be bought, clothes will be clean, and bills will be paid, it does wonders for their worrying and for the kid’s self-esteem.

2 lukecarey August 1, 2012 at 6:22 pm

This is fantastic!

3 Allan August 1, 2012 at 6:36 pm

Smartphones and the internet have made many things that used to be fairly challenging really, really easy. There simply is no excuse anymore for not being organized and knowledgeable.

Everyone has an iPhone or Droid with a calendar (with alerts), alarm clock, organizer, task lists, reminders, and finance apps.

Everyone has a computer with Google search, forums, and the ability to download detailed instructions for any task you can imagine. Witness this very website, after all…..

It’s far easier than it’s ever been to become self-reliant…..one just needs to want to do it.

4 JonyPy August 1, 2012 at 6:47 pm

I think the important thing with self reliance is being comfortable finding information and using it to make your own decisions based on all the facts at your disposal, and not just succumbing to the suggestions of the most obvious source. Self reliance is about being able to think and act for yourself and learning how to deal with getting it wrong and where to go after that, more than how to get it right all the time.

As a young man in my mid twenties, I actively seek situations that I don’t already understand for the pleasure of learning. The confidence gained from not fearing mistakes and knowing that they will lead to new experiences is really very liberating.

5 Garret August 1, 2012 at 7:33 pm

That TR quote is one of the best quotes I’ve ever heard. I often find that statements such as this – that is, those that make clear the importance of action – are invaluable when learning to be self-reliant. Choosing not to rely on anyone else is only half of the equation: the other half is that you’ve got to choose to rely on yourself!

I keep a journal and at the end of each entry I write a “lesson learned”. The most common lesson by far is the importance of taking the initiative i n something, anything – of simply taking action to do something new.
I think a lot of young people (including myself, at times) fear to do anything more than what they’re told to do; and this is one of the biggest hinderances to self-reliance there is.

So to all young people reading this, heed some of the most important advice that I ever got: take the initiative daily! You’ll find that this will help you become self-reliant more than anything else.

6 Thomas August 1, 2012 at 7:41 pm

This reminds me of another thing you should cover. finding an academic/life mentor. someone to challenge you as well as support you in becoming a man. I would love to see identifying, approaching, and continuing this relationship.

7 Carlos August 1, 2012 at 8:16 pm

Looks like this month is going to be awesome!

8 Chris Seiter August 1, 2012 at 8:21 pm

With all the technology, are we really becoming self-reliant when we use the tools to the point where can’t function without them? My family hit the rest button on our life and are starting over from scratch, basically. We thought about using the banks automated system of direct deposits and direct bill payment, but that wouldn’t teach us anything about paying our bills in a timely manner. That was just putting the responsibility on technology. Once we can get to a point where we are doing an acceptable job manually, then we’ll switch to automation.

There’s an art form to being an adult, just like everything else, and that art is getting lost.

9 Nusy August 1, 2012 at 8:58 pm

Great article… I know some people who are just starting to spread their wings like that, and unfortunately, I see the “helicopter parents” as well. The other day I had to drop by the Dean’s office for my Dean’s List certificate (woot!), and I peeked in to FinAid… it was disheartening. At 3 of the four windows, it was Mom/Dad sitting at the chair, typing in the kid’s student ID number and doing their application, with the kid standing behind them, playing on their phone. I know that for “dependent” students (living at home – it’s a community college without dorms) they require the parents’ tax forms and signature as well, but this is no excuse to drag them into the office to get the aid straightened out.

@Allan – no, not everyone has a smartphone. And especially in college – personally, for me it was the first thing on my drop list when money got tight. I don’t see why people would pay $100+ a month for a service they can essentially cover with a $15/mo landline, a $20/mo DSL internet, and a one-time purchase of a $15 answering machine. I haven’t had a cell phone, smart or dumb, for over 4 years, and I’m alive, organized, and connected. (And I wouldn’t trade my old-school rolodex and pocket calendar for anything. :) )

10 James August 1, 2012 at 10:26 pm

Love the article, getting people to become self reliant early on is important.

I have to nitpick with the idea that students given a free ride are more likely to binge drink. For one the definition of binge drinking is one drink a hour for five hours, not exactly a high limit, in fact if you do this even once a month then the APA considers you an alcoholic, so clearly statistics in this area are hugely screwed up. Also, I doubt that having a free ride makes students more willing to engage in so called risky behavior, chances are they simply have the money to buy alcohol.

11 JosephRT August 1, 2012 at 11:03 pm

Great post, I’m looking forward to the rest of the month. I take a bit of pride in my independence, although it’s always good to get a refresher. I will say that even though I make all of my own decisions, I personally talk to my parents and grandparents with some things first. Their experience and knowledge can sometimes explain things to me better than the top Google link.

12 Kiltie August 1, 2012 at 11:37 pm

One of the best experiences of my life when it comes to self-reliance was in high school. I was an exchange student in Finland. Mom and Dad can’t fix every little problem across the Atlantic. It didn’t teach me everything I needed to know (Host Mom and Dad took care of basic day-to-day needs after all) but it was a hell of a primer.

13 J. Delancy August 1, 2012 at 11:56 pm

A hokey 1950′s video that should be mandatory in all schools. Before reading this post, I was on http://www.whitewhine.com. It was damn shameful to see what some people will complain about.
Self-Reliance is the cornerstone of manhood. Despite all that women have accomplished, many of them still look to men to lead relationships. If you can’t be reliant, what good are you as a man?

14 Jim August 2, 2012 at 12:32 am

I really enjoyed this.

As a 23 year old man, I’m at the stage in my life where I’m learning all of these things very quickly. This article hits on all of the things that I’ve come to learn over the last two years.

15 David Knapp August 2, 2012 at 12:55 am

@Allan, not everyone has an iPhone or Droid. I’m not sure how anybody can afford to dish out that kind of money each month.

I use good old fashioned paper to do my organizing.

16 Andrew August 2, 2012 at 4:20 am

Hmm…I’m going to have to find that Emerson booklet Alan’s father was talking about. (Don’t know if I should ask for a link or not here. Wouldn’t be self-reliant, I suppose.)

17 Ruben Navarro August 2, 2012 at 6:26 am

@Brandon: Absolutely, spot-on observation. I know this to be true, since I am the parent. I lose sleep over all my kids – 3 grown and one starting his senior year in high school – and since I’m writing this at 3:00 AM, I’ve lost more sleep.

I’ve been a cop for over two decades and a Marine before that – eight years, dropped out of high school to enlist. As I was promoted or pushed into leadership roles, these four tips – or variations thereof – are the same I’ve given my troops and my kids. I really look forward to seeing the rest.

Great website that I’ve recommended to my sons & nephews – and at the risk of being tarred & feathered… I also recommend it for my daughters & nieces. Good advice is good advice, and gender neutral!

18 Aaron August 2, 2012 at 8:42 am

Great post! I look forward to the rest of these.

19 Jo August 2, 2012 at 9:19 am

Loved this … Great advice, although I hope that parents would be installing independance and resourcefulness way before leaving the nest : Molly coddling leaves a young man a boy and makes him very unattached to women !!!

20 Sam August 2, 2012 at 9:23 am

This is a great article for us men and those soon entering into manhood. The idea of being able to live well on your own with a community of wisdom surrounding you (i.e. parents, adults, and friends) is a principle I’ve lived by since leaving home. I try my best to solve my own problems and when I can’t seem to do it on my own, I seek guidance and wisdom from others. Again, great article. Looking forward to the rest of this month’s insight.

21 Aaron August 2, 2012 at 10:31 am

I think the type of tools one uses to organize one’s life is less important than the fact that the organization is taking place. Some people prefer paper, some prefer computers and phones, tomato, tomahto. When I couldn’t afford technology, I kept a calendar and budget on notebook paper. Now I have a smartphone I can comfortably afford and absolutely love, but it wouldn’t hurt my feelings to go back. Do what works for you, as long as it is in fact working for you.
That being said, the importance of organization cannot be over stated. In my experience, every part of my life which I take the time to plan out and organize runs more efficiently and reliably, and ultimately consumes less of my time and resources.

22 JB August 2, 2012 at 11:12 am

Wish I’d read this when I was 18. Still good advice, even at 44!

23 gervias August 2, 2012 at 11:53 am

I think the groceries/rent thing presents and interesting point. Self-reliance, and responsibility is great, but it can easily slide into seeing all offers/expressions of kindness as ‘charity,’ or somehow implying that you can’t do things on your own. This was a bug I had in my ear for years. I would always answer with a childish, petulant “No!”

Then I realised that when my parents ask if I’m ok for money, or go out and buy groceries when they come to town, what they are doing is expressing their love and fondness. I do the same thing. If I have a good month I very often lend money to friends who are hard up, because I want them to be in a good place too. Sometimes I get the money back, sometimes I don’t, but that’s not the point.

Also, the offer of buying groceries can be seen as them simply being “gentlemen” in their own right. Not only do they want to help, but it’s only polite. I can’t imagine going to stay with a friend or relative for a few days/week, eating up all their food and paying for nothing.

So when my parents come to town, I pay for most stuff, and am happy to. But I’m also just as happy to give in and let them buy dinner or groceries or something.

It’s all give and take…

24 Miles August 2, 2012 at 12:03 pm

This encompasses a lot of things I’ve been forced to learn but it’s dissapointing that not everyone has a desire to get away from dependence on their parents. All they have to do is want it. Great article. Excited for this series as I go off to college!

25 Miles M. August 2, 2012 at 12:05 pm

Great article. Excited for this series as I go off to college!

26 K West August 2, 2012 at 12:42 pm

This was very wise and insightful. I think it has broader application than just the young man leaving the nest for the first time.

I’m 28 and recently divorced. I was married shortly after I left my parents home at 18. So in this way I developed another kind of reliance on my wife.

Last week I moved into my own place for the first time. No parents, no wife, no roommates. Just me and my 3 year old son (50% of the time). I am learning how much I have been dependent on other for all kinds of things.

27 Andrew August 2, 2012 at 2:50 pm

I think there’s a very fine line between self-reliance and isolating yourself. That’s the one thing I’ve had to learn the most is knowing when to ask for help or when to get involved in a community.

28 Christopher D. Knapp August 2, 2012 at 2:56 pm

Hey, had to weigh in –
As a soon-to-be first year college student, I found this article very insightful and helpful. The college I plan to attend is roughly 1600 miles from where I have lived, and so being self-reliant is a VERY important virtue since I simply cannot go back to mom and dad with a minor problem.

-Christopher K.

29 Erin August 2, 2012 at 2:59 pm

Thank you so much for posting this…as I write this, my now-16-year-old is at work. We have been butting heads because I’ve continued to enforce basic standards…yes, you are working, but you still need to make your bed, tidy your bathroom, and fulfill your regular commitments that commit to the care and wellbeing of the family. I hear too many parents say “Oh, school is little Bobby’s only job…how can you make your son work?” Seriously? How else are our children going to learn to prioritize, to make the tough decisions, to balance responsibilities with privileges?

I guess what I am trying to say is that I am looking forward to the next month…discovering I am not the only one who thinks these things is just the support I need to stick to my guns.

As always, thank you for what you do.

30 Erin August 2, 2012 at 3:00 pm

Oops:

“commit to the care” should read “contribute to the care”

31 Mark August 3, 2012 at 7:17 am

Manly! And an awesome video!

32 Drew Wood August 3, 2012 at 7:30 am

One of the most useful things I found to keep me from panicking in making decisions was asking, “In reality what is the worst that could happen?” In most cases I realized the worst possible outcome wasn’t nearly as bad as my fertile imagination would have initially had me believe.

33 Garrett August 3, 2012 at 11:51 am

Great series and I am curious to see the 31 topics that you cover. Awhile back I put together a list for my teenagers; these were the 25 topics:

25 LESSONS FOR TEENAGERS

• How to balance a bank account
• How to mitigate catching STD, flu, dengue fever, etc.
• What to do in a medical emergency
• How to take care of your own personal security
• How to shop for bargains
• What to do if you have an accident
• Basic car maintenance
• How to save for major purchases/retirement
• How to manage credit
• How to invest/the value of compounding
• How to protect yourself legally
• How to deal with a police officer
• How to do basic maintenance around the home
• How to cook the basics
• How to write a thank you letter
• How to act at a formal dinner/cocktail party
• How to sew, iron, and do laundry
• How to get a job
• How to use basic tools
• How to say no
• How to pay your taxes
• How to vote and how to choose who to vote for
• How to rent an apartment, find your first home
• How to build a personal network

34 Jason August 3, 2012 at 1:21 pm

Garrett,

I am totally stealing that list for my daughter. She’s only 13 now, but she is completely adrift with no motivation whatsoever so become independent or even an adult.

35 Tom August 8, 2012 at 1:34 am

As far as the question “when to depend on others,” I would say this: if when asking, you would be equally fine with the answer no. This means that while you could do the task yourself, it would be easier and more helpful to have someone else do it.

Of course, this implies that you have an inclination to be self-reliant, or else you would ask everyone for help with everything! Self-reliance is about taking care of the things that interest you, for yourself, so naturally it should be a priority for everyone.

36 Matt August 9, 2012 at 9:41 pm

I have to admit, this article, especially the Leave-It-To-Beaver movie, has really lit the fire under my ass.

37 Layla August 11, 2012 at 2:16 am

My parents and I have done pretty well in terms of letting me become self-reliant at a pace that wasn’t too fast or too slow.

As I go into my fourth year of university, I’ve come a long way. When I graduate, I don’t want to have to accept any more money from my parents. I’ve got my first year after graduation planned out: staying at my current job until I can find one I like in my field of study, staying at my current apartment (cheap, with roommates) and pretty much trying to figure out my next steps. It’s exciting!

38 Maria August 12, 2012 at 9:35 am

As the mother of boys whose independence is very important to me – I am thrilled to read this article! Nicely done and spot on; self reliance is a skill learned over time. It is well worth the effort and inevitable bumps and bruises that making mistakes will cause.

It really is a mind set and once an individual truly buys into being responsible for their self, their life and their actions – everything else falls into place.

39 Chenja August 24, 2012 at 1:55 pm

I have learned that once you make a decision you act on it quickly I am prone to saying so much and doing too little. Acting as soon as now! Thank you

40 CJ August 26, 2012 at 3:48 pm

I love all this suggestions. I agree with Chenja… sometimes I tend to say “I want to do…”. I just tend to do one thing out of everything that I say that I want to do. I just need to do it!

41 Ruo'elle August 31, 2012 at 5:05 am

Much praise to this article and website. I’ve never visited before but this is perfect for what I’ve been needing to realize. I think I consider myself as one who was once self reliant but gave in to the idea of taking the “easy” road of fun, pleasure and no stress. I regret it now that I’m 27 years old, and not living any of the 4 points discussed on a consistent basis. I’m taking this new discovery of information as a sign that the life I’d always preferred to lead is at my finger tips and willing to take me back. Self reliance and mastering the AoM are a life long commitment.

42 frank October 16, 2012 at 8:45 pm

As a 22 year old college student, who is learning the hard way how to care for himself, this post really made my day. A lot of my time is spent studying and working, and the remainder is spent wondering whether I’ll turn out okay after graduation…but this post definitely boosts my resolve. Sometimes it helps to have things spelled out for you like this. Thanks for this post!

43 logan M November 6, 2012 at 11:50 pm

Thank you!! I needed this. This whole site is amazing!

44 --E November 17, 2012 at 7:12 pm

One of the best pieces of advice I ever got on this subject came from a high school science teacher. He said that if you have a destination in mind, you can head that direction. If you change your mind, you can recalibrate your course for a different direction. But if you don’t know where you’re headed, then you wander around and don’t get anywhere.

The other great piece of advice was to break down all long-term goals to steps. It’s a lot less intimidating to approach something if you do it in steps. This not only offers smaller moments of satisfaction in the process of a long-term project, but it also allows for multiple points where you can change your mind if circumstances have changed. It also helps put you back on track if you are interrupted and lose focus in the middle–just go to the next step in the process and pick up where you left off.

45 Raphael January 23, 2013 at 2:44 am

It’s the first time I’m reading this and it is a HUGE wake up call.

It feels like you are talking exclusively to me; to get my life together, to figure out my things, and to be a man, dammit!

46 Veganbeast February 22, 2013 at 9:49 am

“For example, a recent study showed that college students who get less financial support from their parents think of themselves as adults sooner, drink less, and may be more career-oriented, while those whose parents give them a free ride are more likely to engage in risky behaviors like binge drinking, and may be less motivated in their studies.”

Too true, this is exactly the road i took, i am 26 now but finally am establishing a life for myself totally independent from relying on anyone else financially and in living my own life. Will be returning to college this year, and i have finally realized my goals and where i want to head in life. Thank god i got this now though, there are 30 and 40 year olds who never get it, so sad.

47 Stephen Muiruri April 23, 2013 at 1:08 pm

Exactly what I needed. I was still in a dilemma as to keep on living like other guys who have everything done for them or head out on my own. This has helped me make my decision. Am heading out to the future as a man.

48 AspiringManlyMen May 17, 2013 at 3:34 am

Just found this website, it’s pretty fantastic and this is a great article, can’t wait to read the others

49 Rophine August 6, 2013 at 4:07 am

I feel totally impressed when I got this web site .I am 21 years old I am joining university
I think I am not too late to take a right path of decision to have a self reliant life.

50 Ken August 20, 2013 at 4:24 pm

Great advice. Makes me think critically about how I operate my life and where I should be improving. Fight on fellow gents!

51 D M Wolf November 8, 2013 at 8:43 am

This was very interesting to me. Ive always wanted to be my own person. This article held something to me. I used to have to be now im not so much. i want to get back into “im me not you” mentality I think if i can do that I will be better of

52 Meiko Voldemort November 8, 2013 at 8:45 am

Being self reliant is important because you need to know how to do things on your own and not depend on other people, so you can rely on yourself in any situation. This article gave me very good advice. You shouldn’t depend on other people to do things for you because when you’re on your own, you won’t get anywhere.

53 Karlo March 5, 2014 at 9:22 pm

Hi, I’ve recently decided to cut ties with my parents. I believe this would be the best decision for me. I just graduated from college and I’m using this article to help me become more independent. I’m only in day 1 now and I hope this 31 days would be an enlightenment for me

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