How to Clean Like a Man

by A Manly Guest Contributor on September 14, 2010 · 93 comments

in Blog

Editor’s note: This is a guest post from Joe Weber.

Part of becoming a man is picking up after yourself. Your mom used to do that for you. Being a man means doing it yourself. You could be the best dressed guy in town with an endless bankroll, but if your home looks like a 14 year old lives there, you’re dead in the eyes of women. But taking pride in cleanliness isn’t just about attracting the ladies. Keeping your place clean strengthens your discipline and attention to detail, keeps your organized and productive, and simply makes you feel good.

My mom was committed to cleaning the same way Pete Rose was committed to gambling. Every Saturday morning she was up cleaning and therefore the entire family was up helping. Top to bottom including the basement, cleaning the entire house.

Turns out having a mother addicted to a dust free home will teach you a few things. Here are the five steps you should consider following to clean your place quickly and efficiently-like a man. Complete with tools and techniques that’ll make it all go easier.

Step 1: Crack a beer and put on some loud music.

There’s no way around it, the next 45 – 90 minutes won’t be fun. Might as well enjoy a decent beer and listen to your favorite album while you’re at it. Loud and fast-tempo music will help keep the boredom away. So skip the Pink Floyd. High alcohol microbrews will make the experience more tolerable. So try something heavy.

Step 2: Put all the clutter away.

No sense in cleaning around the clutter. Your place will still look like a pit if you do. The stack of mail, the shoes you took off while watching the game, the bottles that never got taken out after poker night. Clean it all up. Spend at least 10 minutes doing this.

Step 3: Dust using a Swiffer Duster

What a revolution the Swiffer hath wrought. Not unlike the evolution of toilet paper (i.e.: leaves begat Sears Roebuck catalog pages begat Charmin), the Swiffer is the third and greatest leap in cleaning technology for its category. The feather duster just pushes dust around. An old sock or rag with pledge or Endust is a mess. The Swiffer uses static electricity and an almost infinite amount of soft dust grabbing fibers to clean. Use it on everything from wood to electronics. Don’t doubt it. It works. Pick things up and dust under them. Don’t dust around.

Step 3.5: Crack another beer.

Stay with the heavy ABV microbrew. This ain’t over.

Step 4: Vacuum. Everything. And consider investing in a Dyson.

Approach your vacuum purchase like you would your premier pair of dress shoes. Sometimes it’s worth the extra money if you can spend it. If you can’t? Then no pressure. But don’t skimp on the vacuum purchase if you have the cash and especially if you have a dog or three.

Vacuum everything. Use the bristle brush on counter-tops that you stand and eat over (there will be crumbs). Use the long corner attachment to run along the outer edge of any tiled floors (air currents deposit pet hair and other stuff there). Lastly, take that bristle brush and move onto the bathroom.

Step 5: The Bathroom

Who knows why men avoid cleaning their bathrooms. I do it for whatever reason too. Out of sight, out of mind, no? You open the door, you do your business, you flush and wash your hands (most of the time), and the door gets closed again. Too bad it’s a deal breaker for most women if your bathroom is disgusting. Here’s a fail-safe plan to making your bathroom woman friendly:

  • Vacuum anything that’s not wet with the bristle brush.
  • Apply solid layer of toilet bowl cleaner to bowl and let sit.
  • Wipe down mirror with paper towel and glass cleaner.
  • Using same paper towel and all purpose cleaner, wipe down the sink.
  • Scrub toilet bowl and flush.
  • Get the entire toilet nice and wet with all-purpose cleaner. Use toilet paper to clean tank. Flush. Use toilet paper to clean seat, then rim (in that order.) Flush. Use toilet paper to clean outer bowl. Flush.

Done. Finish the beer. Consider a third.

What are your tips for cleaning your place quickly and efficiently? Share them with us in the comments!

___________________________________________________________________

Joe Weber is the Director and Editor of www.Dappered.com where affordable style is the one and only focus. He believes that living right, living well, and looking good doesn’t mean you should go broke in the process.


{ 93 comments… read them below or add one }

1 john September 14, 2010 at 11:53 pm

Simple and easy. Can we please reduce the amount of flushes with the toilet, and perhaps increase the beer as well?

2 Ron Bozek September 14, 2010 at 11:57 pm

And clean the urine stains off the rim and the floor.

3 Nathan September 15, 2010 at 12:07 am

Love it. Especially the beer. But are we really using the same vacuum attachment for food surfaces as the bathroom? Ew.

4 Scott September 15, 2010 at 12:15 am

A Dyson? Real men vacuum with a large 5hp Shop Vac! I learned this when I had kids, it will suck up anything, no need to worry. I also use it to pre-emptively vacuum my golden retriever and he loves it! I do turn the Roomba loose on the living room carpet after I have done the edges and spot work with the shop vac, You can kill a lot of beers watching a Roomba work…..

5 Aaron September 15, 2010 at 12:26 am

Step 1: Hire maid service

Step 2: Go to bar to drink previously mentioned beers, and watch football!!

6 Finn September 15, 2010 at 12:35 am

Ha, whiskey & loud music is the only way to clean.

I’d also recommend breaking out the Ajax for the bathroom (sink & tub). That stuff is some kinda magical wonderdust. Demolishes even the scummiest cakes of scum.

I’ve never been able to get my cleaning habits to quite reach inside my bedroom, though. Maybe because it’s pure futility. This is where I work, it’s a very small space, and so the mountains of paper, notecards, books, and miscellany will return in the next 24 hrs.

7 ced September 15, 2010 at 12:35 am

forget the toilet paper use microfiber clothes and reuse them. tip for really dirty toilet bowls wet sides and line with toilet paper and soak with cleaner let sit.
stay away from dyson got only average rating from consumer reports

8 Steve Harrington September 15, 2010 at 12:39 am

I borrowed my friend’s Dyson expecting to be blown away by the performance but I didn’t like it at all. I’m willing to pay good money for a really good vacuum (I’ve got a hairy dog), does anyone have any recommendations?

9 Countervail September 15, 2010 at 12:57 am

Two things to suggest. Along the lines of “measure twice, cut once” is the cleaning adage “top to bottom, left to right.” Keeps your efforts focused and streamlined and you get done that much quicker.

Second is put all your cleaning supplies in one carry-all. If you have everything you need with you as you go, no need to stop to find supplies.

Do these and there’s even more time for the game and a steak on the grill.

10 Nathan September 15, 2010 at 1:20 am

As for dusting, if you have any fine furniture it should never be touched by Pledge or Endust. Dust with some sort of microfiber based product regularly then twice a year you should use a damp, 100% cotton cloth to dust it followed by a thin coat of paste wax. This will keep fine furniture in great condition for decades.

11 Gabriel September 15, 2010 at 1:26 am

I use a Eureka smartvac boss; it had one of the better consumer reports at the time I purchased it about a year ago. It’s good for a bag vacuum for picking up the dog hair. A bit unconventional, but I occasionally lift it up and run it across the couch so the bristles can suck out all the embedded dog fur. Works a charm. Looks silly and a bit awkward, but it works.

12 Phill September 15, 2010 at 1:54 am

If you’ve never heard of it, go fine a cleaner called “Simple Green”. It comes in a spray bottle, can clean anything, and smells like pine trees. I use it for literally everything ever. Scrubbing floors, counters, cleaning glass, cleaning the tub, whatever. Simple green is the only cleaner you will ever need again.

I don’t work for simple green, by the way. I just love it

13 Stephen September 15, 2010 at 2:24 am

Shop vac all the way. You ripped all your carpet out already, right?

14 jordan September 15, 2010 at 3:16 am

From a female prespective, the best point in here, by far: pick up the clutter. so true. you can do all the scrubbing and vacuuming and beer drinking you want, but the random piles of junk on the kitchen counter will undo it all. And it’s annoying to look at. For the love of god, throw that shit in a drawer somewhere.

Worst point – using the bristle bruch on the kitchen counter and in the bathroom. You said it Nathan. Ew.

On another note – don’t be fooled when a girl gets annoyed that you didn’t dust under an object. We don’t either.

15 John September 15, 2010 at 3:19 am

I second the suggestion to lay off the paper towles and reuse the microfiber towels. Works great and no pile of paper everywhere you clean and in the trash.

To save money i have some extra spray bottles around and i cut the cleaners with water about 1 to 1. I leave a non diluted stash for big stains, but for touching up glass, mirrors, counters, floors, etc, no need to waste the pure stuff.

16 Jonny Gibaud September 15, 2010 at 4:55 am

Outstanding. Does no one else think it is just a little strange that we need to be told how to clean. It’s a pain yes but I presumed it was pretty intuitive.

17 Michael September 15, 2010 at 5:45 am

if you have the money a commercial vacuum, can be very durable, great suction and they are designed generally with replacement parts in mind. It is worth checking a quality commercial/industrial cleaning supply store, little more expensive but usually worth it.

18 Fox September 15, 2010 at 6:08 am

And what would the suggested refreshment be if I don’t drink alcohol? :p

Maybe that’s the reason I never get around to it … a can of Coke just isn’t going to cut it :D

19 Jason September 15, 2010 at 7:14 am

If you plan to have a woman spend the night a second time, you should occasionally throw your shower curtain in the washing machine with some bleach. Put it in with your whites, maybe. And get some bleach on every drain in the house. Just occasionally is enough.

20 ThomsonsPier September 15, 2010 at 7:56 am

I have found Miele vacuum cleaners superior to Dyson. Also, buy a steam cleaner if you can afford one. They are ridiculously useful for deep cleaning.

21 Dug September 15, 2010 at 8:17 am

Rigid 5-horse shop vac, microfiber towels, vinegar in a spray bottle for glass, scrub brush and sponge in a bucket of Simple Green, bucket-liner-pocket-thingy with brushes, scrapers, Goof-Off, powdered cleanser (mix of Borax and baking soda), rags, etc. One room at a time, top to bottom. Good beer and James Brown. I don’t do it often enough, but it works.

Once in awhile, for serious cleaning, I break out the Wagner 905 steamer (same thing available under McCullough and Shark brands, I think). It’s made for wallpaper, but good for so much more.

To address the “Ew,” drop another $5 or so on a second brush attachment to use only for the yuck stuff. I’ll have to try the Swiffer.

22 BenL September 15, 2010 at 8:34 am

Great article…good music and great beer really do make it enjoyable.

Once you get the kitchen counters cleaned up, try Bar Keepers Friend on a stainless steel sink. Dry the sink after you finish rinsing for a spectacular shine…my sink cleaning always impresses the Missus.

Also, I recommend the Swiffer SweeperVac too. It is great for wood/linoleum/tile floors (kitchen, entryway, bathroom). It makes it very easy to keep your floors clean often. And don’t be deceived…the dry Swiffer pads (as well as the previously aforementioned dusters) can be reused. Just toss it when it gets real dirty.

I will also attest to the Eureka SmartVac Boss. It is a GREAT vacuum, ESPECIALLY for the money. It is my opinion that bagged vacuums are far superior to their cannistered brethren.

Enjoy the cleaning!

23 Tim September 15, 2010 at 8:52 am

Great article! It’s YOUR toilet and YOUR water bill! Flush the toilet as many times as you want.

24 Wesley September 15, 2010 at 9:00 am

In terms of vacuum cleaners, you can’t go wrong purchasing a Riccar. My wife and I registered for a Dyson when we got married. It was one of the more expensive items on our list. My mom said she’d gladly buy it for us, if that is what we really wanted, but she wanted to take us to a store specializing in vacuums (I didn’t even know such places existed) and show us the Riccars. They pulled out the Dyson we wanted and did a head-to-head comparison with the Riccar. The difference in quality, construction, and suction blew us away. The Riccar actually pulled water from a tank, through a tube, all the way to the ceiling (about 30 feet). The salesperson had to turn the vacuum off so it wouldn’t come rushing out of the tube. The Dyson, on the other hand, lifted the water about 3 feet. Riccars are expensive and not as easy to find as the big names we see advertised, but they are American made and built to last. We have talked to a couple of professional cleaners and they have all said the same thing, “buy a Riccar.” Happily, that is what we walked out of the store with. In the future we will buy nothing else. Here is a link to the website: http://www.riccar.com/

25 Gabriel September 15, 2010 at 9:20 am

Those that have mentioned Simple Green are correct about it being the ultimate all-in-one cleaner. It’s powerful stuff. Back when I was into miniature modeling I’d purchase previously painted and assembled models and soak them in Simple Green overnight and take a toothbrush to ‘em in the morning. It would strip off the paint and and glue and whatever weird gunk people put on their miniatures. Fun cleaning product. Heh.

26 Josh W. September 15, 2010 at 9:40 am

I’ve found the “clean as you go” concept makes general cleaning days easy. If you put stuff away when you’re done with it, wash your dishes (stick them in the diswasher) after every meal, and pick up the little bit of random clutter at the end of the day (which won’t be much if you put things back in their place), there won’t be much of anything to do on cleaning day. It can be tough to make yourself do at first, but it is worth the effort. I have 4 kids and I knew I couldn’t expect them to clean if I didn’t have something for them to model first. I’m not perfect; I let things slide too often, but I always think about how much easier and quick cleaning is and how much nicer the house looks when I’m keeping up with the cleaning.

27 Will September 15, 2010 at 9:43 am

I almost consider forwarding this to my roommate; last year he managed to clean our single shared bathroom (between three guys) zero times. If it hadn’t of been for me the thing wouldn’t have been ever cleaned. I just wish he knew how much tail he lost because of how disgusting that bathroom was perpetually.

28 Nicholas Storey September 15, 2010 at 10:01 am

Ah, surely, the answer is a maid…

29 Ryan September 15, 2010 at 10:01 am

I try to pick up the clutter every evening before I got to bed so it doesn’t accumulate. I pretty much have the same routine as outlined above minus the beer. After you vacuum/sweep the bathroom and/or kitchen floor, use a swiffer wet jet. So much better than a mop and it dries within a few minutes.

If you keep your place from becoming a disaster area and clean every week, it only takes about an hour.

30 Heather September 15, 2010 at 10:22 am

The easiest cleaning is the cleaning you don’t have to do. I hate doing the hour-long cleaning marathons (even with proper libations), so I like cleaning in 2 minute increments.

1. Don’t put stuff on the counter. Garbage goes in can. Dirty dishes go in sink.
2. If you are walking into the kitchen, look around for something to carry with you.
2a. If you are walking into the kitchen to get a new can of soda/beer, be carrying the old can with you.
3. Close your shower curtain. It looks better, and allows it to dry (preventing mildew).
4. Put dirty clothes in the basket. If you have a clothes basket waaaay over there, and you throw your clothes over here in the corner, move your basket.
4a. If you can’t use your basket because it’s already full of clean clothes, buy a second basket. Yes, you should put clean clothes away, but sometimes we are busy. Have a second basket ready.
5. Keep a set of cleaning supplies in the bathroom and in the kitchen. (The recommendation to water down the products is a good one.) If you are sitting on the toilet and you happy to see a small bit of crud, you are far more likely to clean it right then if you didn’t have to walk to the kitchen to get something to clean it with.
6. If you spill something, wipe it up. It’s far easier to clean something wet and fresh than to clean something dried and caked on.

And my cleaning product recommendation is the Magic Eraser. That thing has cleaned stuff (like caked on lime) that I never thought it could. Get the ones with the sponge attached. They tend to fall apart, and the sponge gives it integrity.

31 William September 15, 2010 at 10:22 am

Not sure it was mentioned, but when I clean windows I always use vinegar and water. No need for windex or anything like that. A simple 1:1 ratio works well, maybe a little more vinegar. Additionally, my father always used newspapers for cleaning glass. Leaves less streaks, it’s cheap, and eco-friendly. As an extra tip he showed me to clean the inside using an up/down motion and clean the outside using a side/side motion. This way you can easily tell which side the streak is on.

32 Len L September 15, 2010 at 10:22 am

I bought he Dyson DC17 Animal back in June after a 2nd $100 vaccum shit the bed in less than a year. Macy’s (through Amazon.com) has the DC17 Animal for sale for $375 (it’s now back up to $550). Granted we’ve only had the vaccum for a little over 3 months, but compared to the two prior $100 Hoover and Bissel uprights, this is FAR superior–zero complaints thus far. I based my purchase on the experience of my sister, my aunt, and a co-worker who all made the jump and bought Dyson’s and have not regretted it at all.

As for the rest of the article….yup…can’t disagree with anythig their.

I have two Spray bottles: One is filled with Simple Green for my all purpose cleaner (the stuff is awesome…) The other is filled with a Bleach & Water mix (for my disinfectant). Besides that, a bottle of Comet and you’re good to go.

33 HDH September 15, 2010 at 10:48 am

I love this article! I may even start cleaning this way. One thing though- what about the kitchen? Even you eat out of tupperware containers seeing all those piled up is a real downer for a lady. If I could make a suggestion:
At step 2 when you clearing up clutter, get all the dirty dishes in the house into the kitchen.
Step 2.5:Then run a sink full of the hottest water you can get out of the faucet. Add dish soap and a little baking soda. Get as many dishes as you can into the sink. Leave to soak until you finish all the other chores. 2 reasons:
- The gives the degreaser in the soap time to really get in there and do its job and the baking soda time to get into the tupperware and freshen it (after it’s held leftover spaghetti for a week trust me it will smell like 8 day old tomato sauce and may even have an orange red tint to the plastic).
- Gives the water time to cool down so you can put your hands in.
Then if you have a dishwasher let it do the rest. If you don’t: while your in the kitchen check your microbrew supply in the fridge. Then wash and rinse dishes and grab a beer.
P.S. @ Heather- I completely agree about the Magic Eraser. When I scrub the tub to get it clean that cuts my time in half.

34 Tommy Lane September 15, 2010 at 11:04 am

Why does beer drinking seem such a prerequisite for a man? I can clean without it. You can be a man without drinking beer or any kind of alcohol, but then again, my apartment is a cluttered mess. haha.

35 Joseph September 15, 2010 at 11:08 am

I prefer the Herculean approach: simply divert a river to wash out the filth. Easy, peasy.

36 Tarcas September 15, 2010 at 11:11 am

Tip for glass (both windows and mirrors)
Use a wad of newspaper with glass cleaner. It doesn’t fall apart and leave pieces of itself behind like a paper towel does, and it doesn’t streak like a sponge will.
Also, the Simple Green that Phill suggested is great! Use it strong (1 part Simple Green, 1 part hot water) and it works as a degreaser for a BBQ grill, fireplace, or car engine Alternatively, you can dilute it to 1:150 and it makes an excellent substitute for Windex. In between (about 1:30) it works for anything from walls to counter tops to concrete. Plus it has that bad-ass manly pine forest scent.
http://www.simplegreen.com/solutions_cleaning_tips.php
http://www.simplegreen.com/pdfs/06_dilutions_consumer.pdf

37 jesinalbuquerque September 15, 2010 at 11:14 am

re: vacuums. One word. Shark.

38 Brucifer September 15, 2010 at 11:24 am

I chap I know was always complaining to me about whenever he’d invite a woman over, they wouldn’t want to stay long. He was a good-looking, bright and mannerly fellow. What gives, he’d ask. Then one day, I stopped over at his apartment … I didn’t want to stay long there, either. Even *I* wanted to go home immediately, take a shower and wash everything I’d worn over there. Grab that beer and bleach, boys!

39 K Star September 15, 2010 at 11:38 am

Instant Manliness
Just add beer!

But seriously, can’t a man just be a man without having to drink alcoholic beverages?
Occasionally I have a beer, but my lifestyle is not dictated by beer.

Don’t be a wimp. Sober up!
…and face reality

40 blzzrd September 15, 2010 at 11:44 am

A man buys a central-vac system on Craigslist, punches holes in his walls & floors to run the plumbing and sends all the vacuumed-up crap outside.

41 Anthony Corps September 15, 2010 at 11:45 am

I definitely agree with the beer. I feel like beer makes anything better, not just cleaning. Also, I make it a point to listen to music while I’m doing pretty much everything since I am an avid music lover. For anyone who cares, The Arctic Monkeys are a good band to listen to while cleaning.

42 Steven September 15, 2010 at 11:58 am

Do what I do: throw everything away and go shopping.

43 Bar None September 15, 2010 at 12:28 pm

I will say, cracking a beer and cranking tunes does help. I agree with the folks that talked about using newspaper on glass and mirrors. Let it dry out when it is done and you can recycle it. One huge thing that kills me is a lack of dishwasher. I have time when I travel a lot and my house becomes a terminal. A dishwasher would help in the cleaning process a ton. Stupid rented old houses.

44 Josh September 15, 2010 at 12:43 pm

Amazing secret, while Dyson vacuums are nice and look hella cool, they actually aren’t the best. My wife and I recently were making the decision to invest in a vacuum, but decided to check Consumer Reports. Wouldn’t you know it, none of the Dysons, even the $600 dollars cracked the top 25. But you know what was number 5, with a score of 72 points? An $80 hoover. The number one vacuum was a $400 Hoover with a score of only 74, number was a $200 Hoover with the score of 73. I was shocked, and felt gullible at fancy marketing. Here is the number 5 vacuum, we have it, and it is a real killer. Plus, I saved myself 320 bucks!
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0009ONZ8G/ref=oss_product

45 Walter September 15, 2010 at 12:47 pm

Personally I think the best way to clean is to pay someone to do it for me.

46 Pete Zefo September 15, 2010 at 1:19 pm

Before you begin picking up the clutter, do the first chore your mother ever gave you…MAKE YOUR BED! Think of it as 30-sq ft of completely organized space. Then, proceed to putting everything else where it goes.

Straighten first…the “deep” clean.

47 LIz September 15, 2010 at 1:25 pm

Great article!
This is something I wrote for a man I know :-)
“PROVERBS FOR PATHETIC MEN – How even the most hopeless man can learn some basic housekeeping skills.”
There is some language that might not be acceptable here, so here is a link instead of the full text: http://bit.ly/alGVlk

48 Turling September 15, 2010 at 1:29 pm

“You could be the best dressed guy in town with an endless bankroll, but if your home looks like a 14 year old lives there, you’re dead in the eyes of women.”

Why do women matter? How about just having some self respect and some discilpline?

49 Brust Roethler September 15, 2010 at 1:56 pm

get a Roomba robot vacuum. Dismiss those who say they are a gimmick. All those places your normal vacuum won’t go, the robot will (think under the bed, under the couch, etc). All while you are doing the rest of the cleaning or sitting on the couch with your beer. They aren’t as quiet as they could be, and they take some time, but I wouldn’t go without one now. You won’t believe all the crap they pick up.

50 Erik Kublash September 15, 2010 at 2:00 pm

Oreck XL2 vacuum. My grandmother bought me one when I was in college. I’ve had it for about 8 years now and it is still the best vacuum I have ever used.

51 John September 15, 2010 at 2:05 pm

For all the people making comments about being able to do things without beer, good for you. Most of us can. But that doesn’t mean we want to. Take care of your responsibilities as a man and there aint a thing wrong with enjoying some brews.

And on the vacuums, if you’ve got the money, KIRBYs last forever and are high quality vacuums, I actually was given a Kirby Generation 3 by my mother (after she’d had it for around 15 years) and it still demolishes dirty floors to this day.

52 DR September 15, 2010 at 2:08 pm

I like this article and the comments. Two notes:

1) Simple green smells bad to some people. It smells awful to others. Check this out before you go buy 10 gallons of it.

2) Simple green will destroy aluminum if you leave it on there a long time. Spray and wipe is fine — just don’t let it soak. Same with bleach. I put a leaky bottle of bleach into our sink and went out of town for the weekend. It ate a hole in stainless steel over the weekend! Whoops!

53 Ryan September 15, 2010 at 2:35 pm

Another tip: When they go to commercial during a football game get up and pick up for a few minutes until the action resumes. By the end of the first half, you’re pretty much picked up.

I make my bed every day and clean the sheets every weekend. Then again, my house looks like no one lives there. If anything, a woman would be turned off by my house being too clean.

54 Anna September 15, 2010 at 3:42 pm

I know men that have probably lost women due to their housekeeping. It’s not something that will keep me from dating a guy, but it will certainly keep me from getting serious about him!

1.) I adore Bon Ami (along the lines of Bar Keeper’s Friend and Comet). A kitchen doesn’t look truly clean with burned bits under your element/burner. Bon Ami with a Scotch Brite, some water, and a little (or a lot) of effort will shine up metal you thought had fused to the burned grease. Keep up on it and do it once a month or so; the effect will be incredible, and it’ll only take about 10 minutes, even if you’re a sloppy cook!

2.) My mother taught me an old trick to avoid buying a new shower curtain liner every 6 months – when the soap scum and mildew start to get noticeable, toss the thing in the wash with vinegar. You can get that $6 -pain to replace- bit of plastic to look good 2 years or more with an occasional vinegar bath!

3.) Every once in a while, drains must be cleaned, especially if you have lady friends visiting on a regular basis. Don’t expect copious use of Drano to get you through this – that can get very expensive, and doesn’t always work. Invest in a cheap set of dental picks (you should be able to find them at a hardware store), get downright tipsy to desensitize yourself, and start digging.

55 Jack September 15, 2010 at 5:42 pm

You know the crud that builds up on the bottom of the shower? Use Gojo / Fast Orange on it. Works like a champ.

56 James September 15, 2010 at 6:19 pm

Use newspaper to wipe the mirror clean. Doesn’t seem like it would do anything… in fact, it sounds like it would be counter-productive, but it works great!

57 Sergey September 15, 2010 at 8:36 pm

We have a Dyson ball vacuum and it is amazing. Highly recommend investing in one if you got the moola.

58 Sara September 15, 2010 at 11:58 pm

How about some water conservation Mr. Weber? I think one flush suffices!

59 Andrew Ampers Taylor September 16, 2010 at 5:42 am

@Aaron at 12:26 am

Step 1: Hire maid service [I fully support this]

Step 2: Go to bar to drink previously mentioned beers, and watch football!!
[Here we differ - as a Sith Ifrican (pronounce it that way) I am a rugby fan.
As long as it is without any protective padding of course]

Read more: http://artofmanliness.com/2010/09/14/how-to-clean-like-a-man/#ixzz0zgSwSZ00

60 James Hambrick September 16, 2010 at 7:51 am

Keep it neat and tidey. Then all you have to do is put vacume lines in the carpet and spray TileX in the shower, potty and sink. Between the vacune lines and smell of TileX she will think you cleaned all afternoon. Drink red wine, and get a massage with all of the time and money that you saved by doing this yourself.

61 DJ September 16, 2010 at 8:10 am

Vacuum a kitchen countertop? And with the same attachment you vacuumed your pissy bathroom?! Are you for real? I gagged just thinking about it.

62 Jeffersonianideal September 16, 2010 at 9:50 am

Consider investing in a Dyson? Any real man knows the difference between an investment and a convenience. They should also be able to tell the difference between corporate marketing hype and a good value. According to a popular consumer publication, none of the three Dyson models examined, placed in the top 14 of vacuum cleaners tested. Dyson’s $600.00, 15th ranked, DC28 scored well overall but several other brands tested better for less money including an $80.00 Hoover. A real man knows how to manage his dwelling as well as his wallet.

63 reader September 16, 2010 at 10:00 am

I clean tub/shower tile with a scrub mop. The reach and leverage of “something on a stick” makes it fast and effective.

64 Ken September 16, 2010 at 10:33 am

1) Buy a few Rubbermaid industrial spray bottles. Fill one with diluted orange type cleaner and leave in the bathroom for rapid clean up, it Kills odors and will shine stuff up in one quick step. One in the kitchen with dish soap that is heavily diluted is great for quick dish, sink, floor and appliance clean up etc. Fill one bottle full of 150% diluted “Super clean” (purple stuff) will dissolve grease on the stove, sink and pans instantly! Metal will gleam with shine and you may hear angels singing Hallelujah! (great to use on sporting goods, engine compartments, wheels and tires dirt-bikes etc)
You will use a lot less soap/product and the bottle is so handy that cleanup is a snap!

2) Leave a squeegee in the shower. A quick squeegee of the walls of the shower before jumping out does wonders for reducing scum and stains.

65 Ken September 16, 2010 at 10:43 am

Manly floor clean up;
Buy a mini shop vac and set up in a corner of the kitchen. Attach the vacuum line to the wall so that the pickup foot (1′ wide) is on the floor and ideally, the vacuum is high enough to reach the switch without even bending over. Now when sweeping the floor aim the dirt at the pickup foot! Works great in the shop/garage too. It is so fast that if the broom is handy (hang it on the wall in a conspicuous/handy spot) the floor will be cleaned more often!

66 Ken September 16, 2010 at 10:59 am

I cant believe the talk about vacuums…. Is there any doubt that an industrial/janitorial shop vac is the obvious MANLY choice and is the way to go?! Do not consider one that cant pick up at least 14lbs of nails in 30 seconds or suck up an entire newspaper or sock without plugging.. It should try to suck the yarn from the carpet, pull dirt from the linoleum from 3 foot away, I am talking about violence here… Kick it over, drop it, drag it around hitting walls etc. It will take it! De-hair the dog at the source, suck up water on the floor/carpet etc.
Don’t weenie out and get a “Woman’s tool” get the REAL unit that makes a statement about how serious you are about power and speed!

67 S. September 16, 2010 at 12:02 pm

Real men whizz outdoors.

68 detroitjoe September 16, 2010 at 12:37 pm

I saw a few comments about reducing the number of flushes, nonsense. Additionally, you should go to Canada and get a big honking 3.5 gallon toilet. That will reduce the number “3 flushers” most men take. Now that is a way to conserve water and also flush a birthday cake down the crapper if needed.

69 Tess September 16, 2010 at 12:39 pm

I agree that the Swiffer duster is the way to go. A caveat: the Swiffer works best if you dust at least weekly. Possibly more often if your house is on a major road or train tracks or something. If you wait until there’s a visible coat of dust on your furniture, you could use 2 or 3 duster heads in one go, which is a little discouraging.

70 Ally September 16, 2010 at 1:23 pm

There is no reason to layer the toilet with cleaner (open the windows, the stuff is toxic!) if you clean up after yourself when you go and keep a bottle of vinegar/water next to the toilet–spray, wipe, flush (once! because you don’t need any more) and you never have to worry about your toilet being disgusting. Now that is magic–a man with a perpetually clean toilet. Same deal with the clutter; if you take off your shoes by the door, deal with your mail when you walk in and spend 2 minutes gathering up the bottles after poker night, you don’t have to spend the (much more than) 10 minutes decluttering before your once-a-week clean. Man, your mom worked harder than she needed to! If you maintain, you don’t have a reason to take several hours and the entire family to get the house clean. It just stays clean.

71 Kretsch September 16, 2010 at 2:21 pm

Having grown up with a father who served 23 years in the Military and moonlighted as a carpenter with a shop cleaner than most homes, I couldnt help but pick up the habit of cleanliness and organization. Not to mention, my mother was a very clean house mom, too. From my leather boots/shoes to my baseball gear to my vehicles, ive always walked a close line of OCD. It’s not so much a matter of just being clean and cleaning up after yourself…. its more so about taking care of whats yours so that it’ll last.

Anyways, my two-tips:

1) Invest in a dozen or two of good cotton rags and a few microfiber rags. Microfiber is good for detail work and glass/mirrors. You could also make rags by ripping up your old shirts. Just make sure you keep them until they are literally falling apart.

2) Clean as you cook. Keep a damp rag next to you on the counter and as your steaming veggies/rice or cooking in a pan… use the damp rag to wipe up the splatter. So many times do I see the stove top of peoples houses so dirty that id rather eat off the ashphalt. How does this get overlooked so often?

72 jeff September 16, 2010 at 3:48 pm

Change your bed linens, bath towels, kitchen towels and throw them all in the laundry while you clean (assuming you have your own washer/dryer). I agree on Simple Green – works great!

73 Erik Bramsen September 16, 2010 at 3:49 pm

I fully agree with Ken. If a tool is not dangerous to the operator, it’s not worth owning.

74 Kirk Patrick September 16, 2010 at 5:12 pm

Most toxic substances in household:

1) Toilet Bowl Cleaner
2) Fabric Softener
3) Windex

Part of being a man is cleaning up after yourself alright – but that includes the local pond where your toilet outfall pipe goes.

Men should switch to organic versions of #1 and #3 – and if you are using fabric softener to begin with: sorry, you are not a real man.

75 jerry whelan September 16, 2010 at 5:43 pm

Looking to clean-your digs with an American legend with real good products and a good opportunity for a second income, career, chance? Look no further than the venerable Fluuer Brush Company. Look, try, buy at http://www.fullerdirect.com use login ID 0555929. One of the join-up offers ($39.95) includes a “sweeper” that is about indestructable and is great for zipping up any room or whole house for that matter…goodbye dustballs! Fuller Brush since 1906 !!!!

76 jerry whelan September 16, 2010 at 5:46 pm

Sorry about the typo above as I’ve had the fluu ! JW

77 Ryan September 16, 2010 at 9:49 pm

What’s with all the water Nazis? I’ll flush as many times as I please.

P.S. I also leave the water on while I brush my teeth.

78 David Linnabary September 16, 2010 at 11:24 pm

A couple items for single men:

1. Always take a few minutes to pickup all your clutter every morning before you leave for work. It’s good for morale to walk into a neat home after a hard day at work and it’s easier to keep up a clean home without clutter. Also no embarassment if you have unexpected company.

2. Never make plans on Thursday evening, on the way home from work pick up a few necessities at the grocery then come home and clean your home, do your laundry, shine your shoes, iron your dress shirts, pay bills, If there’s time give your car a quick clean. Now you’re ready for the weekend.

79 Colby September 17, 2010 at 10:08 am

A very good resource for cleaning is a book I found by Jeff Campbell called “Speed Cleaning”. Jeff has a residential cleaning business in San Francisco and knows how to get the job done fast. His teams of three can clean an average house in 42 minutes or a one-bedroom apartment in 21 minutes–no fooling. The emphasis of the book is how to be efficient. Check it out.

80 Tor September 17, 2010 at 4:18 pm

Create habits.
Committing to a habit means that you’ve gotten the decision making process done with once and for all. It frees up energy and time for more important things. The result is that you’ll have a good conscience, and a clean house. You’ll be less stressed. Also, do the dishes before you leave home.

81 Jeremiah September 18, 2010 at 1:29 pm

Man Up! Clean the whole house in 3 hours. Start with dusting and vacuuming. Go from room to room, taking everything with you. Go from right to left, top to bottom. End in the kitchen, then do the floors last. If you are super focused, the beer and music are just a distraction, but it does make it more fun! I say skip the beers and just go for a gin and tonic when your done. Relax, and read a book or watch a game, heck, just take a nap.

82 Macon September 18, 2010 at 4:44 pm

I bought a Kenmore vacuum at Sears because it has a rotary brush hose attachment for cleaning upholstery. It’s got some major torque for cleaning up pet hair off furniture. If you wait till they go on sale, a nice vacuum is rather affordable and some department stores offer free financing if you put it on a store credit card.

83 Sean September 19, 2010 at 2:45 pm

For my money, the Kirby is the ultimate vacuum cleaner. It has more more configurations than Voltron, a super powerful motor, can be used to steam clean, is made in America, and has a Lifetime guarantee. You can send them your 30 year old Kirby and they will restore it for you. They are only available from salespeople, and they are expensive, but if you never have to buy a vacuum again, then I figure you make up for it.

84 Todd September 21, 2010 at 5:27 pm

Great article and great additional cleaning ideas, did not read thru all of the other comments, but guys do not forget to clean the shower 2x a month!

Nothing will gross out a female worst then a dirty shower….

85 jeff October 1, 2010 at 12:38 am

I have a habit that has taken me years to develop. I give myself fifteen minutes after coming home from work, or play, and clean. Most of the time I will go to a room and spend the time there, but sometimes I just sort of look around to see what needs to be cleaned, organized, or just simply dealt with without any excuses. Oddly, with the exception of the time it takes to clean the kitchen after cooking, the fifteen minutes takes care of almost everything I have to do to keep the apartment looking sharp. I never have to make up excuses for how my place looks because a grown man lives there, who does it all in fifteen minutes. I even have the countdown feature on my watch set for fifteen minutes and when it signals I stop, unless there is water involved or the vacuum.

86 Alan October 8, 2010 at 5:00 am

An alternative I like instead of the music and beer, for combating the tedium of housework, is singing. Slightly more interesting than just listening to music, cheaper than beer, and helps to maintain the quality of my manly baritone.

87 Angela West October 12, 2010 at 1:11 pm

I don’t think this is cleaning like a man. I think this is cleaning like you’re awesome.

88 whatamess January 11, 2013 at 4:46 pm

The only cleaning stuff you need is actually water, white vinegar and some type of degreaser. Use water and vinegar for just about everything, except anything that has a bit of grease, soap scum, etc…for that, add a couple of drops of the degreaser into whatever water/vinegar bottle you use. For floors, wood, glass, etc. you can use just the vinegar. Sams sells cheap gallons.

Dust first from top to bottom, vacuum after so dust doesn’t fly everywhere then use the cleaners to clean.

PS – I love my Rainbow vacuum. It works for everything, no bags to buy, just use water…cleans up spills and more.

And yes, please, please, please de-clutter and do NOT leave stuff on counters. No matter how much you clean, if you have stuff all over counters, tables, etc. it will still look dirty.

89 Steve August 24, 2013 at 2:02 pm

Don’t flush paper towels down your toilet. They’re not meant to be flushed. That’s a great way to screw up your plumbing. If you have finicky plumbing, make sure you buy toilet paper that’s labeled “septic safe”, it is designed to dissolve better in water.

And for that matter, don’t flush anything that doesn’t really need to be flushed down your toilet. For example, if you blow your nose on some toilet paper, throw it in the garbage. It’s better for the environment.

While we’re at it, sink disposals are also bad for the environment, not to mention expensive and prone to breaking.

90 ANDREW October 30, 2013 at 6:21 am

The Marines will teach you to clean like no other. Bleach, pledge, a tooth brush, and lots of paper towels will clean anything. Bourbon and classic rock helps too.

91 Dan December 12, 2013 at 7:38 pm

Step 4, I’ve used a dyson and I prefer my Oreck XL Pilot. I got it at a deep discount at Big Lots and it works like a champ. The only drawback is the lack of a hose/attachments.

92 Dan December 12, 2013 at 7:43 pm

Oh, and I used Simple Green to clean my 100k+ mile engine block, so it will pretty much clean anything else you have.

93 Jakub January 18, 2014 at 2:19 pm

Sadly, I wouldn’t make it past Step 1.

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