A man has many roles in his life-leader, father, brother, friend, and so on. Yet there’s one name that fewer and fewer men may be called by: lover. Manliness is often ranked by how many random women a dude can bed. But one of the things that separates man from the beasts is the ability and desire to focus his romantic energies on one woman at a time. Being a lover and romancer is something that makes us hu-man, not just another mammal on the Discovery Channel.
There is no better tool in the romantic man’s arsenal than the date. The date’s structure allows a man to show off his ability to woo a lady. Unfortunately, few men have been taking on the challenge of being lovers these days as our dating abilities have become infected with the plague of hanging out.
Dating and the Single Man
We’ve previously discussed the way in which “hanging out” has largely supplanted dating these days. Young people hang out in groups of friends and “friends with benefits” and rarely pair off for an official date. There’s nothing wrong with hanging out, but it’s not a substitute for dating. Dating is the way you find a woman you’d like to have an exclusive relationship with. Exclusive relationships are one on one affairs, so there has to come a point where you leave the comfort of the group and start getting to know women on a one-on-one basis.
Dating and the Committed Man
Hanging out isn’t just a romance killer for the single set, it also has a nasty habit of snuffing out the sparks of long-term relationships as well. Too many men think that the courting phase of a relationship ends at the altar or once they’ve landed a lady. But this is patently incorrect, at least if you want to have a happy, fun, and intimate relationship.
Think about it: If you want to feel the same way about your wife that you did when you were dating, then you have to do some of the stuff you did when you were dating. The most obvious of which is, of course, actually going on dates. Every couple should make a weekly date night a non-negotiable in their life. And not just the same dinner and a movie dates either. It turns out that if you want to get back the butterflies you used to feel for your lady, you need to make the effort to keep your dates fresh and interesting. By injecting some novelty into your relationship, your brain gets flooded with dopamine and norepinephrine, the chemicals that used to make you think about your love obsessively and feel down right giddy about her. So ditch the whole pizza and Netflix routine and really get out and do something new and different.
Today’s Task: Take a Woman a Date
Dating has fallen into such disfavor that we should perhaps give a primer on what a date is. At it’s most basic, a date must include the “3 P’s” to be official:
1) Paired off
2) Planned ahead
3) Paid for
The “paid for” and “paired off” business isn’t as important for the fellows already in a long-term relationship as it is for the single gents, but for both groups of men, the planning ahead part is crucial. You need to try to cook up something cool for your date.
But keep in mind that a date doesn’t have to be expensive or formal. With a little creativity you can come up with an inexpensive, yet creative date that will really impress your lady. Check out this post for some great ideas.
A woman needs to plan ahead too. So you are hereby charged with asking a woman out in the next 24 hours. You then have the rest of the week to plan a killer date.
Listen to our podcast on the problem with ambiguity in relationships: