Research has consistently shown that a good marriage can significantly improve a man’s happiness and quality of life.
But a bad marriage can make you utterly miserable, and even ruin you financially as well.
While many men chalk up the odds of a successful marriage to the luck of the draw, my guest today argues that by looking for certain red flags in a relationship, as well as certain positive attributes, you can avoid getting involved in a draining marriage, and instead marry someone who will make your life better.
His name is Shawn Smith. He’s a clinical psychologist based in Denver and the author of The Tactical Guide to Women: How Men Can Manage Risk in Dating and Marriage. Today on the show, Shawn and I discuss the risks and rewards of love and the mistakes he’s seen men make over and over again in his counseling practice when it comes to dating and marriage. Shawn then shares the script most men follow to find a partner, why that script can backfire on them, and a better, alternative script men should use instead. Shawn then walks us through the character traits men should be looking for in a woman and the changes men should make to ensure they have a fulfilling marriage. He then explains why “happy wife, happy life” is terrible advice and what to do if your marriage isn’t doing well right now.
- The risks people face in the dating and marriage game
- The legal and health statistics of how divorce affects men
- The biggest mistakes men make when choosing a dating or marriage partner
- Why sliding into an ambiguous relationship is so unhealthy
- The script that most men follow in choosing a mate, i.e., how men and women size each other up
- How do you figure out what a good “fit” really is?
- Why it’s so important to know your core values (re: money, sex, big life philosophies)
- Why a long relationship is beneficial to that relationship’s health
- How our neurobiology changes during and after a relationship’s “honeymoon” period
- What women mean when they say “you’ve changed”
- How to get your mojo back and reconnect with your wife when you’ve stopped being affectionate
- Why men need to maintain connections with other men
- Why “happy wife, happy life” is actually terrible advice
- The false dichotomy of the “nice guy” problem
- The “bright triad” to look for in women (as opposed to the famous “dark triad”)
- 5 non-negotiable emotional skills that any potential partner should have
- What to do if you and your partner’s values diverge
- What to do when you have a partner with mental health or substance abuse problems
- How to get to the root problem of an argument or disagreement
Resources/People/Articles Mentioned in Podcast
- My first show with Shawn Smith about dealing with aggressive people
- 14 Red Flags to Look Out for in Relationship
- The Surprising Benefits of Marriage for Men
- Men Going Their Own Way (MGTOW)
- How Do You Know She’s the One?
- Sliding vs Deciding: The Problem With Ambiguity in Relationships
- Should You Live Together Before Marriage?
- Why Men Should Read Jane Austen
- Defining Your Core Values
- How to Have Better Conversations About Money & Marriage
- The Men Taking Classes to Unlearn Toxic Masculinity
- Building Your Band of Brothers
- How to Be Assertive
- What Being Alpha Like the Wolf REALLY Means
- 10 Commandments of Clean Communication
- Shawn Smith’s website
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Last updated: February 14, 2018