Dim & Dash: The Best Man’s Toast

by Brett & Kate McKay on October 7, 2011 · 40 Comments

in Dim & Dash, Visual Guides

{ 40 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Jeff October 7, 2011 at 12:45 pm

I have been to FAR too many weddings with Dim. My greatest wish is that Best Men would learn what it means to Toast. Most of the time, the Toast is turned into long, sentimental, poorly done remembrances of growing up together with a few leering, semi off colour comments about the wedding night. Oh please, teach young men what it means to give a proper Toast. I’m beggin’ you.

2 Daren Redekopp October 7, 2011 at 1:07 pm

Every best-man’s toast would be vastly improved if the speaker were to live by the dictate of a single maxim: NO SEXUAL REFERENCES.

3 DMWyatt October 7, 2011 at 1:17 pm

I think public speaking in general has been lost to the Internet age. Debate and public speaking are two things that ought to still be taught in schools, although I wonder about the potential efficacy. It seems that the English language itself is in decline as of late. I find secondary speakers easier to understand now than most native speakers.

4 H. W. Scobie October 7, 2011 at 1:43 pm

It’s Goofus and Gallant from Highlights magazine!!

5 Ian October 7, 2011 at 2:55 pm

I’m off to a wedding tomorrow, and I despise weddings after too many boring traditional ones with utterly forgettable speeches and plenty of awkward interactions with strangers. So bring on Dim for once, dear Lord, and rend my expectations with hefty crudeness.

Although when I had to give the speech I talked about my friend protecting a property from burglars. At least it was exciting.

6 kennethm October 7, 2011 at 3:17 pm

This reminds me of Steve Buscemi’s toast in the “Wedding Singer”

7 The Blue Rhaj October 7, 2011 at 3:28 pm

There is just no story that the addition of a midget does not make better.

8 Victor October 7, 2011 at 3:29 pm

I had the honor of giving a toast once. Being sober and succinct while profound won the day. Then again, I don’t meet a lot of people like Dash in my church.

9 Rob October 7, 2011 at 6:02 pm

Love that Dim is a ‘total bro’ with the ball-cap and everything.

10 Josh Knowles October 7, 2011 at 6:44 pm

More guys need to learn the art of giving a best man’s toast. It’s actually not that hard

1.) Be sober
2.) Cut the awkward sexual references
3.) Likewise the inside jokes that no one else will understand
4.) The point is not to embarrass either the groom or the bride
5.) A little humour is OK, but go for witty rather than crass

Even if you’re not a great speaker a few simple rules such as these should be able to guide you toward something that will ensure that you are still friends the next time you meet.

And I have to say, I have been enjoying these comics tremendously. Well done!

11 zeus October 7, 2011 at 10:40 pm

Like they say always watch what you say or it could backfire on you.

12 Colonel October 7, 2011 at 11:33 pm

Okay, I get it, Dim is a frat boy and Dash is a boy scout. You’re preaching to the converted here so how about something a little less ham-fisted?

13 The General October 8, 2011 at 12:41 am

One’s man’s ham-fistedness is another man’s gem. If that other man has a sense of humor and fun. Seriously, I love this series and I love Ted’s illustrations–keep em’ coming folks!

14 Basil October 8, 2011 at 3:08 am

Sorry, I think Dim is bang on the money here. Why would you want some ponce like Dash to give a “speech” at your wedding? Whining on about how you two are “made for one another” – come on. Apart from the retch inducing tweeness it’s been done to death a million times over. Far more mortifying than any drunken story about midgets.

15 Artimid October 8, 2011 at 5:12 am

Oh geez, I had to give a best man’s toast when I was 15… for my father and his newest wife that I did not know.. in front of the entire town (literally, I went into a shop to buy a shirt and didn’t have to give my ID, they knew who my sister and I were simply because we were out of towners). That was just horrible. I was closer to Dash, but this might be a good topic for a discussion. My father tried to get me to go online to copy a best mans speech (yeah, that’s how he is), but that just felt wrong.

So yeah, maybe an article on how to give a proper one, components, and stuff? I would certainly never do it again, but had this website been around during my younger years, even without an article on it, that might have helped.

16 Len October 8, 2011 at 6:40 am

If you do it like Dim, then the apostrophe in the cartoon’s title changes from possessive to omissive.

17 Bradley October 8, 2011 at 11:31 am

OK there are rules for making a Best Man Speech similar to regular public speaking:
1. Be Articulate
2. Be Sober (Hungover counts as drunk)
3. Sexual comments such as anything involving an ex girlfriend, a midget, a stripper or a transvestite hooker, etc., etc. needs to be saved for a men only type situation or a true roast. Bodily functions are included in this.
4. This is not a roast. You do not need to degrade his character in front of his new in-laws no matter what their opinion of him or funny you think it is. What may seem funny to you may not be nearlier as funny to anyone especial.
5. Be sure to thank the families for allowing this to happen.
6. Stories about any of their parents see rule 4 no matter how awesome you think they are.
7.Remember anything said by you at this wedding can be used against you at your own wedding.
8. No one cares about the time he soiled himself in the 3rd grade.
9. Do not insult the bride or her family.
10. Try to use as littler profanity as possible. Not everyone may be as insensitive to calling the groom a dumb/lucky S.O.B.
11. Have fun with it. Remember most likely it was your best friend or a person who considers you their best friend.

18 Paul210 October 8, 2011 at 1:25 pm

I understand the point you are making but this comic is too juvenile for this site.

19 Theo October 8, 2011 at 2:29 pm

Hey dad those illistrations look really extraordinary. Keep up your good n’ hard work. From: your most awesome son ever!

20 Steve October 8, 2011 at 3:54 pm

I know everyone says, “be sober”, but I wouldn’t advise being completely sober to the nervous speaker. I have an extreme fear of public speaking. It absolutely terrifies me. I had to give a wedding toast a couple of weeks ago and was very nervous. I showed up well prepared- I had written, rewritten, revised, and rewritten my toast again multiple times. It wasn’t too long, and I think it had a good balance of sentimental thoughts and humor.

Even being prepared did not change the fact I was terrified. I had a couple drinks (emphasis on a couple, not 6!) before giving the toast. It was the right amount where I felt relaxed and much more at ease than if I had been stone cold sober. I delivered the speech smoothly and didn’t even need to glance at my notes. It went over very well and I felt really good about it.

If your as nervous as I was I would highly recommend having a couple to loosen up.

21 Steve October 8, 2011 at 3:56 pm

One more thing. I think throwing a light joke early in the toast is helpful. I did this, knowing it would be one everyone present would understand. The laughter it drew early in the toast made me feel like everyone was on board and made me feel much more relaxed.

Remember, everyone wants you to do well. There is nothing worse than watching an awkward speaker!

22 Logan October 8, 2011 at 4:55 pm

“Remember, everyone wants you to do well. There is nothing worse than watching an awkward speaker!”

Well said, Steve.

23 Josh Knowles October 8, 2011 at 7:37 pm

@ Steve

I was one of the ones who said to be sober. Perhaps I should have said don’t be drunk. In my mind, having a drink or two with the meal isn’t a problem. While you aren’t “sober” in the strictest sense of the word, you’re not drunk either. I am more concerned with the guy who, as you mention, has had six drinks in quick succession before trying to make a speech.

24 Steve October 8, 2011 at 8:06 pm

@Josh

Yes, the guy with 6 drinks is certainly a problem. I’ve never actually witnessed this in person though, only in movies. I’m convinced it is a fable!

Yeah, most of us know our limits and should exercise them in this situation. I think hitting that sweet spot where you feel social and relaxed, but you aren’t sloppy is key. Some people may refer to this as a crutch. I don’t care though! Not all of us have careers or other things in our lives that require public speaking. When you only do it once every decade I say go ahead and loosen up a bit!

25 JeffC October 8, 2011 at 8:59 pm

I’ll wager that half of the readership of this site has either winced through a presentation like Dim’s, or has been called upon to perform just this public speaking task. So much, then, for today’s cartoon being too “juvenile” for this site.

Bradley gives excellent advice. This is a toast: it’s not supposed to be a speech, or a sentimental personal memoir, and you’re not auditioning to replace Jay Leno. Even if the groom has been your best friend since the third grade, people didn’t come be your captive audience and hear about that. Get yourself out of the limelight: affirm their love for one another, acknowledge their loving parents who raised them to be such outstanding examples of humanity, note their unique suitability, then raise you glass, drink, and sit the hell down. If you go past twenty seconds, your audience’s attention begins to drift; if you’re especially charming, you can keep them for thirty seconds. You’ll come off looking good, too.

Here’s the thumbnail version of what Bradley posted:
1. Be entertaining.
2. Be brief.
3. Be seated.

26 Joe October 8, 2011 at 10:53 pm

Best Man’s Toast doesn’t equal Groom Roast. Do that one at the rehearsal dinner, if at all.

27 Trev October 9, 2011 at 1:21 am

At my own wedding, due basically to the goofy nature pf myself, even my mother roasted me welcoming my wife to the family. However, it was always tasteful, and never left on the “inside”. Jokes about my lack of shoe tying until mid elementary school, turned out funny.

But I would like to echo what others have said, this is a toast, not a roast or occasion to pour your heart out to your brother or best friend since grade 3. Always end the toast by asking those gathered to raise their glasses to So-and-So. Last few weddings I’ve been to have had an uncomfortable “And Nancy and Drew are wonderful people” ending with everyone else wondering what we should do.

28 Justin October 9, 2011 at 11:45 am

I had to give my first and hopefully only best man’s speech about two years ago. I didn’t know the bride all that well and didn’t want anything particularly long-winded. However, I did want to do something a little different.

Luckily my father had an old collection of books on giving speeches with inspiring quotes and poems to use, categorized and everything. I took them with me to the wedding the night before and perused them before finding a toasting poem that I liked. After a a minute of introducing myself (no one at the wedding knew who I was really) and being a little sentimental, I asked everyone to raise their glasses (mine was shaking so bad I thought I’d spill all my champagne everywhere) and recited the poem. Everyone drank and applauded. Later I got compliments for using the poem since no one there had ever heard one in a toast before.

I hope I never have to do it again. :D

29 Derek October 9, 2011 at 5:32 pm

Kudos, these comics are excellent. Keep it up!

30 Nick October 9, 2011 at 5:52 pm

I love “Dim & Dash”. Always good to see another comic.

31 don Roberto October 9, 2011 at 11:35 pm

Don’t do this (entirely work-safe)

32 cappidad October 10, 2011 at 8:08 am

Hooray for pointing out what should be common sense, but in today’s world of increasing societal coarseness……..profanity in public by men and women, wearing ball caps in restaurants (don’t get me started on that), wife-beaters being worn anywhere in public, etc……..I’m not surprised by the need for this. Every Best Man could help the cause by simply sticking with iced tea, water, or Diet Coke at the rehearsal dinner, BEFORE giving his toast. You can always get blitzed later while accosting every semi-attractive bridesmaid. A bit off-point: one of the best one-quarter courses I took in college was Public Speaking, bar none. That’s helped me greatly during my adult life. If you’re already past college, go join a speaking group or take a course. It will make a big difference if you’re not a comfortable speaker. And, remove your hat indoors!

33 the commodore October 10, 2011 at 6:47 pm

My best man at my wedding had, in my opinion, the “best” best man speech I’ve heard to date. It started…..

“Giving this speech, like it would be for most people, is extremely nerve racking. I’ve read many books and articles online about how to perform a good best man speech. Everything I read, said be charming and humorous. That’s when I really panicked, because I was none of those.”

At the end of that, he had every ear at the wedding.

34 Bobby October 10, 2011 at 8:38 pm

I would much rather hang out with Dim

35 Michael October 10, 2011 at 10:48 pm

There are many aspects and situations that come into play when developing a speech… As for a bestman’s speech, you have to take into consideration that what you say will be (in most cases) documented on video for the bride and groom to cherish forever. You want it to be perfect for them. Sure for some, Dim is great, and for others they’ll want Dash.. But the biggest question in a bestman speech is simply “What am I going to say?” People get stuck on that question all the time because of either stage fright or fear of upsetting someone. I’ve given speeches over 100′s in three different languages someone front of 1,000′s of people. The hardest speech I’ve ever had to put together was a bestman speech, which I’ve only done one.. Best advice is ask the bride and groom for some guidelines.

36 rOGER October 11, 2011 at 9:15 am

Remember that the speech is about the new couple not about you. I have had to sit through too many best man speeches given by self absorbed best men. They drone on about growing up with the groom, living with the groom, having wild times with the groom. Save that for the bachelor’s party. The best man speech is about the new couple.

I’ve given two best man speeches. The first I wrote ahead of time. The second I put together in my head as people were arriving for the ceremony. In both cases my number one rule was to not use the words “I” or “me” in the speech. Both went over very well. After the first one the parents of the groom asked me for a copy of the speech so that they could have frame it and give it to the newly weds as a gift. After the second my parents walked up to me and said that they never knew I could speak like that.

37 Alexander Tronchin-James October 13, 2011 at 12:01 am

Reading this post reminds me of a great toast to be delivered only at bachelor parties (best in a drunken stupor, roared over a loud bar standing on a chair or something):

Here’s to the women we love the best
We love them best when they’re undressed
And when they’re dead and long forgotten
We’ll dig them up
And f*** them rotten

I know, it’s savage, but here’s the key: since everyone will think you have only one toast, to really impress the below is then delivered at the wedding (also well drunken or faking, so they think you just might do it):

Here’s to the women we love the best (same first line! gesturing the raised glass at the bride and bridesmaids. pause for suspense, aside to groomsmen: “don’t worry, it’s not that one!”)
And here’s to the men who passed the test (gesturing to other groomsmen)
Here’s to their folks, who brought them around (to the parents)
May they live long and prosper
And love abound

I have delivered the first at many a bachelor party (picked up long ago from someone’s dad at a bachelor party), but I just now conceived the second and the sequence, and will have to try out the combo at an upcoming bachelor party this weekend and wedding following. Concise, suspenseful, respectful, and celebratory.

38 Anonymous October 13, 2011 at 11:18 pm

Hmm…I’ll be giving my first ever best man speech in a few months.

What is the average length? I’m thinking short, to the point and as has been established, focused on the couple. With an attempt at humor.

I’m thinking around the 60 second mark.

39 Bob October 20, 2011 at 11:52 am

Please remember it is a “toast” not a “speech.” After saying what you have to say, and thanking all the appropriate people, finish with “Join me in toasting…” or “So here’s to…” Then raise your glass and have a sip of your drink before sitting down.

I have watched too many best men finish their (otherwise fine) speech with everyone looking around awkardly wondering if it is over and now is the time to toast. Or what’s going on now?

40 Gabe October 28, 2011 at 6:20 pm

Not to mention, Dash hangs out with people of all colors! Whereas Dim is apparently a slightly less colorful, cheap, and likes to wear his frat boy hats to weddings.

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