The Problem With Porn

by Brett & Kate McKay on May 11, 2009 · 336 comments

in On Manhood

Porn is everywhere today. It’s impossible to pinpoint when it happened, but some time in the last couple of decades, porn went mainstream. Before you had to go to the seedy part of town to pick up a magazine or order a stag film that came in a non-suspicous brown package. Now, you can find porn pretty much anywhere you look. On TV, at your local bookstore, and especially on the internet.

This movement of porn into the mainstream is generally viewed as a healthy liberation from the suffocating sexual mores of older generations. While it’s fantastic that society has gotten past its Puritan prudishness, I do think the pendulum has swung too far when it comes to the ubiquity of pornography in our culture. Unfortunately, the ill effects that porn can have on men and women often go unnoticed by the media. Many men are left with the impression that  the proliferation of pornography is an entirely healthy phenomena.  But what effect is porn having on men? When I look around at guys today, I would say without equivocation that it’s sapping their manliness.

A Level-headed Approach

Pornography is such a polarizing issue, that it’s easy for people to take extreme sides when approaching it. Oftentimes, religious people, while very sincere in their beliefs, brand porn as vile filth that turns good men into sexual perverts and unclean lepers. I’ve sat through plenty of church sermons where porn is approached this way. However, such a approach hardly helps men rationally think through the issue. Rather it transforms porn into an even more desirable forbidden fruit, pushes porn consumption into a secretive underground fetish,  and prevents men from being honest in their need for help.

The other extreme sees porn as just a healthy expression of sexuality. Pornography is heartily encouraged in order to help people discover what pleases them sexually, no matter how graphic or violent the material is. The people in this camp will argue that as long as consenting adults are involved and no one gets hurt, then anything goes. However, this approach fails to recognize the detrimental effects porn can have on an individual, on women, and on society.

Neither extreme is helpful. What I want to have today is a frank, rational, discussion about porn and its effects on men. I’ll lay my cards out on the table from the get-go. I don’t think porn is good in any setting. I’ve just seen too many people hurt from it. But I understand that reasonable people can disagree on this issue.

Porn Can Ruin Your Life

Some people have argued that porn use can be as addictive as drugs. Personally, I don’t like the addiction label. It’s too easy to hide behind it as the reason you can’t help yourself. When I think of addiction, I think of people who suffer physical withdrawal symptoms when they finally quit. I haven’t met anybody who’s gotten the shakes when they go a week or two not looking at porn.

There is, however, no doubt that porn can be a full-blown compulsion. It’s more like food to a compulsive over-eater. Once you make those pleasure connections in your brain they can be very hard to break. And it’s not an exaggeration to say that porn can ruin your life. I know of a couple of marriages that broke up because of the guy’s insatiable addiction to porn. And I know of long-term boyfriends and girlfriends who have split up because of it. The stories out there are real and numerous. The man who gets out of bed at night and sneaks away from his wife to watch porn in his office. The man who keeps a secret stash of magazines in his car. The man who watches porn on the job and gets canned when he’s caught. I could go on.

I won’t deny that some men can consume porn and not suffer these kind of consequences. Just like I know men who have an occasional drink and aren’t alcoholics, I know men who dabble in porn and don’t become compulsive porn users.  But even if you’re one of those men who can consume porn without becoming dependent on it, I still think there’s a case to be made that porn should be avoided.  It simply won’t make you a better man in the least. And it can diminish your manliness for several reasons.

The Ways in Which Porn Saps Your Manliness

1. It objectifies women.

A real man sees a woman for who she is. He respects her and her individuality. He sees her as his equal and as a person that deserves respect. It takes a lot of work and effort to interact with women, but a real man has the cajones to do it.

Porn, on the other hand, objectifies women. It turns women into “things” that are only there to gratify a man’s sexual urge. Porn eliminates any need to connect with a woman emotionally or intellectually.

If you want an idea of how insiders in the porn industry feel about women, just ask Bill Margold, a long time performer. For Margold, his “whole reason for being this industry is to satisfy the desire of the men in the world who basically don’t care much for women and want to see men in [the porn] industry get even with the women they couldn’t have.” One writer for porn movies (they have writers?) said that pornography creates the illusion “that women are really in their rightful place and that there is no serious challenge to authority.”

If you have to view porn so you can feel like a man, you’ve got some problems. Real men don’t have to turn women into things to feel like a man.

2. It supports a filthy industry

Almost no man I know would hire a prostitute for sex. The idea of paying a stranger for sex violates their sense of propriety. But porn is basically prostitution, just a few steps removed. No matter how you slice it or rationalize it, you are paying a stranger to have sex. It’s pretty gross when you take a step back: you’re paying people to have sex so you can watch them do it. No man would ever want his sister to be a porn star, so why is it okay for someone’s else’s sister to do it? The more porn that is consumed, the more porn that is made. Even if you’re sitting in your den in Omaha, you have a hand in making the industry grow.

3. It will mess with your expectations of sex

Porn creates unrealistic expectations in the minds of men about love and sex. In porn, the women are always hot and ready to go and have perfect airbrushed bodies. Best of all, the women don’t talk. Men don’t have to worry about nagging or having to interact with the women they view in magazines and videos. Men can just have their way them, and be done with it.

The reality is that women don’t want to have sex all the time, not all women have cantaloupe-sized tatas, and women like to talk. Sometimes a lot.

Porn-obsessed men thus have a hard time starting any type of meaningful relationship because the girls they meet don’t measure up to the women in their magazines and on their websites. And when a man does establish a loving sexual relationship, many sociologists have noted that men who have used porn view their partner through a “pornographic filter.” They’ll resort to impersonal fantasy of some porn scene when they’re having sex because the love for their partner isn’t enough to satisfy them.

The porn-brained man also pushes his woman into doing things she’s not very comfortable with, seeking to act out the exotic scenes he’s seen on film. And he’ll think women are all about it. On sites like Jezebel (the writers of which are far from prudish women) women complain that men of this generation will sometimes do things like ejaculate on their face the first time they have sex, thinking that every women thinks that’s really hot. What a sad commentary on today’s men.

If you want to have a good love life, avoid the porn.

4. It creates a cycle that diminishes your sexual pleasure

While society says that more is always key to happiness, the truth is that moderation is. The pleasure receptors of our mind are sensitive mechanisms. When you first try something new, be it travel, food, or porn, the stimuli easily activate these receptors. But after repeated exposure to the stimuli, your pleasure plateaus. At this point, people often reach for more-more food, more sex, more porn, etc. in order to recover the initial pleasure they once took in the experience. But this only begins a vicious cycle in which you must seek ever greater and more intense stimulation to return to your initial pleasure level. Eventually you overwhelm and numb your pleasure receptors.  Studies have shown that when looking at porn you get used to the level of graphics-ness that is portrayed and then need to ratchet up that level to get the same thrill from it. And where will that cycle end?

While society may sell you on the idea that the more sexual images you cram into your life, the happier you’ll be, the opposite is true. To quote Naomi Wolfe:

The reason to turn off the porn might become, to thoughtful people, not a moral one but, in a way, a physical- and emotional-health one; you might want to rethink your constant access to porn in the same way that, if you want to be an athlete, you rethink your smoking. The evidence is in: Greater supply of the stimulant equals diminished capacity.

After all, pornography works in the most basic of ways on the brain: It is Pavlovian. An orgasm is one of the biggest reinforcers imaginable. If you associate orgasm with your wife, a kiss, a scent, a body, that is what, over time, will turn you on; if you open your focus to an endless stream of ever-more-transgressive images of cybersex slaves, that is what it will take to turn you on. The ubiquity of sexual images does not free eros but dilutes it. Other cultures know this. I am not advocating a return to the days of hiding female sexuality, but I am noting that the power and charge of sex are maintained when there is some sacredness to it, when it is not on tap all the time.

5. It saps your manly confidence

Porn saps a lot of confidence you have in yourself. Men usually turn to porn when they’re depressed and lonely. Instead of making the effort to get out and meet real women, many men take the easy way with porn. More often than not, after getting their fix, men feel even more depressed and lonely because the only intimacy they can get is with a magazine or a web video. It leaves them feeling empty inside. Even worse, pornography can become a crutch for a man, which in turn can sap even more of their confidence.

What do you all think? Is porn really a problem for men? Drop a line in the comment box. Again, this is a touchy issue, but I know we can have a frank discussion about this important topic with the civility and class  Art of Manliness readers are known for.

Also, stay tuned for a future post on how to quit porn.

Further reading: The Number 1 Reason Why So Many Boys and Grown Men Surf Porn (and What to Do About It).

{ 336 comments… read them below or add one }

301 Tapis Sinclair August 26, 2013 at 10:39 pm

Hmm. Well my wife is watching a romantic movie on TV. I’m thinking of looking at porn. To each gender its own. We love each other and are too tired for much with our busy lives, kids, ages, been together forever. I’m with the moderation but anti-toxic forms of porn perspective. Men masturbate and prefer visuals. This does not have to be a great evil. Avoid obsessive spirals, love your woman (or let her go), and you’re fine. :)

302 Stephen Hughes September 6, 2013 at 6:52 am

Thank you for writing this article, this is absolutely brilliant!

When I used to feel porn before, I knew that it was disgusting, degrading to women, and it made me feel bad – empty and unsatisfied.

I wish the whole world could read this article

Thanks

303 joy September 7, 2013 at 7:15 pm

I’ve been really frustrated with men of my generation and am glad to read something that makes good sense. And no doubt those men are terribly frustrated with women as well – what a let down we must be after the bottomless parade of porn stars.

I’m in my late twenties and have been surprised by the number of men at this young age with ED and/or difficulty reaching orgasm through intercourse. All but a couple of my partners have also needed a frustrating amount of training in foreplay (more than 30 seconds? a clitor-what?), and several even dislike kissing! Most men I’ve been with initiate (often without asking) sexual acts that are enjoyed only by a minority of women, and take a refusal personally or attempt to educate me on my preferences.

Men in my dating pool seem to prone to pick a partner based on what makes them horny, not what makes them happy, and I have to think this has been worsened by modern porn. Unfortunately, the standards for what makes men horny involves more and more T&A at the expense of humanity and connection.

304 Ben G September 19, 2013 at 2:06 pm

I’m with Brett McKay for all the reason he listed plus two more major ones.

1. The Bible says not to lust. This should be an “end of discussion” by itself.

2. Because of a vow I made to my wife. “…forsaking all others, keep her only unto yourself for as long as you both shall live. Do you so promise?” I responded with “I do.” Looking at another woman in a sexual manner is not forsaking all others. I won’t get into whether other say it’s manly or not, I know for a fact that breaking your word, especially to your wife, is extremely unmanly.

It is surprising how the more angry posts on this are by those defending their porn. Just one question…….would you be ok with the person you respect the most knowing you look at porn? Your pastor, wife, mentor, friend, etc? Would you look at it if they were there? No? Then you know that it’s wrong.

305 C Wright September 20, 2013 at 7:49 pm

Hello, my Partner of nearly 2 years confessed yesterday that he was addicted to porn. He felt the need to tell me after yet another romantic evening in front of the fire, bodies oiled during a massage ended in passionless frustration. I was getting very fed up with our sex life and lost my usually very high sex drive, became frustrated and had thoughts of ending this relationship due to the lack of desire, which I am not used to at all.
When my partner told me about his addiction I felt at first very relaxed and thought ‘so what, a lot of men have a wank using images’ but as the day went on I became more and more angry. I felt betrayed and lost my sense of feminity. His confession reduced me to a worthless hole and I do not know how to deal with it. The memory of him not being able to be passionate destroyed my whole confidence, even though I know that I am a rather attractive woman.
The worse is that I am feeling rather helpless on how to fix it and don’t know whether our relationship will survive.
So please men, do consider your partners feelings. My partners addiction, or rather compulsion could easily destroy our relationship; and I do know that my partner very much adores me.

306 JY September 20, 2013 at 11:04 pm

Somewhat related to all but especially the fourth point I would like to point to this particular site that goes into the mechanisms of porn addiction, effects it has on men, and how to deal with it. There is also a section about “rewiring” for people wanting to break the habit ans replace their porn stimulus with real partners. More than not people who have problems with porn also tends to have problem with masturbation, and the two of them combined to reinforce each other can be a destructive mix, to the point that some men would prefer masturbating to porn fantasies than engaging in sexual activities with willing and available women (!)

The site can be found here:

main page: http://yourbrainonporn.com/

description to the problems face by people with addiction: http://yourbrainonporn.com/doing-what-you-evolved-to-do

A forum not related to the above site but basically focusing on the same topic:

http://www.yourbrainrebalanced.com/

Hope these links help people becoming more aware of this issue.

307 nofaplife September 26, 2013 at 12:15 am

I agree that porn can ruin your life; it ruined my youth. I was addicted to masturbation and porn from ages 16 to 30. My life was a wreck and I hadn’t accomplished anything. I had a scrawny body, no friends, no career or money, no accomplishments, never had a gf, and people picked on me. I would spend hours every day looking at porn and masturbating.

I stopped masturbating eight years ago at age 30 and I’ve gained 20 pounds of muscle while doubling my strength. I improved my mind, and gained boldness and confidence. Masturbation and porn seem so lame and stupid now, things that only losers would do. I’ve tried to also quit sex but that’s been harder and I’ve relapsed many times. I will quit though because I think sex is harmful unless you’re trying to procreate.

308 David September 29, 2013 at 3:42 pm

Methinks that a lot of these points can also apply to women and romantic movies…

309 becca October 2, 2013 at 11:09 am

Thank you so much. You do not know this article means to me. I was struggling with porn and affected my sexual life. I was no longer feeling for sex but to rather watch it. God bless you for this article that has really enlightened me

310 SMG October 10, 2013 at 9:38 am

Interesting article. I agree with it for the most part. I find it bizarre that people have such a great desire to watch OTHER people having sex. Or to masturbate while looking at a woman that is not real and that the viewer will never have sex with– frankly it seems pathetic and childish. Personally, I would much rather have REAL sex— men who resort to porn regularly do not seem very manly to me. They seem like children unable to live and function in the real world with real women.

311 Jeff October 12, 2013 at 12:33 pm

I take issue with the idea that “Porn Can Ruin Your Life.” Just as when we ask the question “Is porn bad for you?” we forget that we give porn all its power. Porn has no power to be good or bad or to ruin anything. Only we have that power.

312 lonely October 18, 2013 at 3:33 pm

I definitely think that my husband is addicted to porn. It has a bad effect on our sex life or lack thereof. I feel unwanted and very sad. Hope therapy will help us.

313 Lolita in Despair October 19, 2013 at 1:03 pm

This is what you made me think. I re-phrase.

Thanks for reading. It has been a destructive experience. I do not believe i will never get over it.

1) The complex of being exploited. Those men avoid real women because real women “want things from them”. Those are: a steady relationship, marriage, children, stability. They do not want that. They are responsibility- allergic. I still remember the case of a man being scared of women wanting things from him.

2) Good Girls are as useful. In reality, those men are utterly conservative persons when it comes to relationships, or social surrounding. They hide their addiction from porn and their need to perform live porn shows from their friends even the closest ones, from their family, and above all from theis social surrounding. They have to, or else they are in danger. Because they are fully aware of what they do is Wrong. When with a real woman, they are looking for all kinds of fflaws: has she been having sex from the anus? because if she has, she is “no good”.Is she taking good fellatio? they will deny it, because that would make her a slut. Is she fat? they can not show her off around. Is she of low intellectuality? She is not good for their intellectuality. Is she poor? no, they would have to support her. Is she not beautiful? no, how will they live with her? They need a woman who would willingly take orders (even) in bed. Because she is an object.

3) Never judge anyone before you see how he ends. Or with whom he ends. When those people do marry, at a late age, are either with an absolut lowlife, a woman who would be depended on them, always from the porn industry, or a completely unaware of their disorder woman, who is young or serious, but in both cases suitable for reproduction, whom they would leave for no reason after having an offspring. They would divorce, only to keep their secret safe.

4) The Other person inside Me. In their porn discussions, with their porn friends, they speak of those “good girls” with the worst of words. The language they use for those with whom they have been sleeping with, is unbelievably filthy. They call them useless, fat, ugly, old, finished, a nothing, unimportant. I have been a witness of such an image and i could hardly believe it was for me. It was a very painful experience, if i had not witnessed it with my own eyes, i would have hardly believe someone else telling me.

5) They are experts in Hypocrisy. They usually have two faces: that of day, ant hat of the night. The do not have a steady job, neither they really want one. Anything Steady would take them away from porn. And they live for that. Needless to say that in 90% of cases they are very bad lovers. Because they are interested in their own pleasure, not the pleasure of woman. They even avoid to kiss her, because they are disgusted by saliva and they refuse to caress her, when she asks them to, because they are not allowing it. They make her wah up all the time, scared by her liquids, who terrify them, because they are not as harmless as those of the porn girls in the screen. The porn girls are harmless. Good Girls, aren’t.

6) They need admiration. From other porn addicts like them, both male and female. They love to show off their manliness, their phallus, their ability for erection, and they usually perform simultateously to several porn sites. They make their girlfriends take nude pictures of them, they are proud in a way that they “teach them” into this. It is like a mystical ritual in which they gradually lead the women, trying out new things such as nude photography, live sex, nude pictures. Their memories of ex girlfriends are nude photos, not common photos. They often have nicknames, at least a couple of them, with which they upload all nude photos of themselves, who would know who they really are. The need admiration like oxygen. Tell them how unforgettable their phallus is, and they will love you for ever.

7) They hide their addiction behind excuses. Theis parents divorced wheh children, no girl wanted them during puberty because they would not look handsome, they do not have the proper income to raise a family. All of this is an excuse. An excuse for Being Who They Really Are..

314 Jon October 27, 2013 at 9:07 pm

I don’t really agree with the comparison between porn and romantic movies, and I’m a guy. There’s a level of daprivity that goes much deeper than women just fantisizing about an ideal relationship. This is fantasy that keeps relationship completely out of the equation, which is more deluded and depraved, imo.

315 Sandra November 1, 2013 at 1:13 am

“The man who gets out of bed at night and sneaks away from his wife to watch porn in his office.”

What’s wrong with that? …doesn’t bother me. Sometimes we all need a little “me” time.

316 Sandra November 1, 2013 at 1:16 am

“3. It will mess with your expectations of sex”

Actually, as a woman it has made me feel self-conscious about my ability (or inability) to basically orgasm on command.

Rationally I know that I’m not abnormal but it’s hard not to feel anxious when the girl in the porn has instantaneous orgasms and I muddle through one for 15 minutes. Kind of makes a girl feel broken.

317 natsicova November 13, 2013 at 1:06 am

I recently found out my boyfriend watched porn throughout our relationship which is over a year. I sat next to him, he wanted to show me something on his phone and I saw the video which he forgot to remove. I was so disapointed and angry with him, but mostly sad because I feel insecure about myself now and I can’t help but wonder what he thinks when he sees a woman. Is he turned on by the women he works with, his girl friends, my friends, celebs in movies…it is making me crazy. I’ve been trying to deal with this for two months (he put a block on his phone and bla bla) but will I ever trust him again? Will I ever be convinced that what we have is real and not objective? I just feel that men should be satisfied with their partners (especially when he claims that she is irresistibly hot and beautiful and fun and what not) that he won’t have the urge to turn to something as filthy as porn. I agree, it can destroy lives – it is destroying my relationship and my idea of men. What good can come of that?

318 Michelle G. November 14, 2013 at 9:53 am

I absolutely love this article because it speaks the truth. Granted maybe not everyone may agree, but it definitely speaks the truth to me. I had known my boyfriend for over 10 years and I was the first person he had sex with. We met many years later and had a year long relationship. I loved him deeply and actually I always will because he was a wonderful man. However, I found out that he would masterbate to porn because “he thought I was too tired for sex” (I’m never too tired for sex!) I wish he would have talked to me. Earlier I found sexy pics of his exs, nipples out through their clothes and all the goods! & nude pics of singers on his laptop & hot and sexy videos on youtube. I had already dealt with a man the same… my ex husband who cheated on me with a prostitute (& he started out with videos too!). It was immediate Deja Vu. I really did feel my new boyfriend loved me and would respect me and NEVER make me feel insecure. All I thought of when I saw him was a young teenage boy wanking off to someone “more beautiful”, “sexier”, “hotter” than me. I felt alone, disrespected, and most of all… betrayed. How could he do that KNOWING I hated it, and knowing I had expressed my feelings about it. How can I trust a man not to cheat when I’m clearly not enough for him? How can I trust him to have a daughter with me if he has NO respect for women and their bodies? & If we had a son, how could I trust him to guide our son in the right direction if he isn’t going in the right direction himself. I know DEEP down in my heart that there are men who love their women, and don’t need that trash. I know and my heart has been telling me that his eyes should have been mine! His eyes should never have strayed from me if he really truly honestly loved me. If you’re sick too, seek help and don’t drag your beautiful women into the sad lonely disgusting world of porn, youtube, objectification and womanizing! Also, if you’re into this stuff, BE FAIR and make sure your woman knows about this early on so she can make a decision before you drag her beauty and self respect through the dirty disgusting cesspool of your sick habits! Learn to control the head in your pants & learn to be loyal to ONE person! Devote your eyes, your hands, your heart, and everything else to that one special person and respect and trust that she will do the same for you.

319 Eunice November 30, 2013 at 3:53 pm

I was so happy to read this article and see that I’m not the only one who sees the evils of pornography. This article could not be more accurate.

320 Claire December 19, 2013 at 12:53 pm

Previously I had an addiction to porn because psychologically I didn’t envision myself as someone who was a perfected species, I kind of just let my self image do its own thing, and I am not aware of what it may be doing, my expectations have been hampered because someone told me that I won’t get some action, I believe others are taking things a little too far when it comes to women and their psychology, I want a woman who is self confident with unexpected possibilities physically and spiritually, someone who is loyal and respectable.

321 Sethnjessie January 7, 2014 at 3:46 pm

I love this article! It makes complete sence about todays generation.In my opinion I feel that more people should be more informed about porn in todays society. Its pretty sad knowing that relationships can get ruined over porn. Befor my bf had stoped watching porn it mad me feel very unwanted and not beautiful at the fact that he had to watch other people have sex… To all the guys out there who may think oh well i can get away with it or i dont really care if my gf dont like that i watch it im just saying it really makes a lot of girls feel ugly or unwanted.In the end u can live without it! Its really not that hard. Also love this article! :)

322 Greg January 10, 2014 at 8:06 am

The majority of the time, when married or attached men or women have an issue with their significant other viewing porn, this reflects their own insecurities and low self-esteem, and says nothing about the porn nor its viewer.

323 Brandon January 11, 2014 at 12:20 pm

For everyone one man that has a problem with porn, and by problem I mean it has a negative affect on his life, there are thousand and hundreds of thousands that watch porn without it ever affecting them. The arguments in the article are also poor because they are the one sided opinions of the author. No real data is provided and if the author even bothered to look any of them up through psychological association of america, he would see that the only legitimate concern is number 3 and like I already mentioned, it only affects a small percent of the watchers.

324 secret January 18, 2014 at 10:34 am

I’ve been dating a man for half a yr and ever since he went back to work he watches porn everyday and I get sex 1 week and I’m angry because I put lingerie on and all I get is I’m tired, I’m 25 and he’s 36 ,he said it’s because of his age but That’s not true because when I first met him we had good sex life now I wonder is it me or porn

325 Edward Spray January 23, 2014 at 1:25 pm

I have found porn to be the reason of an irrational thought process, such as distrust in men and women thinking that everyone is thinking about sex at the same point in time, I think it has moulded my farther for how he sees women and his influence on me towards women, luckily I have three sisters and a beautiful girl friend and I have seen heart ache through my sisters because of men’s silly immoral ways of exploiting women. I do believe porn can be addictive! This may seem odd and make me seem like I am a hipocrit but I am still addicted to porn as I am having withdrawal from it. Before I met my girlfriend I had sexual relations but couldn’t keep them going because I got bored easily or always picked on small imperfections mainly to do with their physique, as well as sexualrelations I would watch porn upto at least three times in a day, I though I just had a high sex drive and that I needed to and it was fine. Although I did begin to get down about isolating myself away from the world sometimes watching porn for upto three hours per viewing sometimes it would just be a quick 10 minute splurge but slowly and surely it became more often and more prolonged and after each viewing I would begin to feel deppresssed, angry and frustrated. I could ramble on for ever about how porn has seriously deluded my view on sex, women and life in general and believe it is happening to hundreds of thousands of men and in Some cases women. About a year and a half ago I met my girlfriend who I am still with and I fell madly in love with her I have never loved a girl like I do her, i pretty much stopped watching porn at all I fact I couldn’t remember the last time I watched it until we had our first argument. After the argument I felt down and felt a need to pick myself up so I automatically turned to porn like a reflex and it changed our relationship, she could tell I wasn’t myself and sex wasn’t great anymore I was increasingly disinterested, angry and frustrated. I told her I had been watching porn and she wasn’t at all happy about it and she shared with me her views and fortunately because I love her and I can see her point of view I am trying to stop but each time we have small disagreements I turn to porn to try and extinguish my feelings but it makes everything worse and my girlfriend who has inspired me to get up off my arse and do something with my life has said that if I can’t stop in the long run then she won’t stick around because she finds it impersonal and degrading, she put it to me and asked how would I feel if she had been looking and men’s penises and masterbating to it, and I admit I would hate it and I am almost that deluded by porn I find it hard to believe she doesn’t watch it. One if the hardest things to understand is that a large population of society is becoming more and more sexualised and accepting of porn but I feel it is all wrong and encourages promiscuous actions in extreme cases. I think that my case is particularly acute due to how I came across porn and the age I was which is more alarming as porn is far more accessible than it was 8 years ago, I was 14 when I first saw porn and had had no feeling of love or sexual relations with girls, this is not healthy and porn needs to be policed properly because people are becoming desensitised to sex and sexual relations. When I get down I sometimes run theory’s through my head thinking that maybe the huge boom in porn is an evolutionary process to slow the reproduction of mankind as we all know world resources are running out and the more we reproduce the less time we have on our planet. Anyway when I’m feeling normal I rethink that porn encourages sexual desires and misbehaviour, and that if a life is produced amongst all of this sexual activity it eventually has a negative effect on society. I’m going to stop now but I feel that I would like to campaign against porn in that it needs to be policed properly and people need to be educated on long term mental effects. A strange fact about porn is that all serial killers and psychopaths have strange sexual desires and have been known to blame pornography for how they have become the monster they are

326 Jay February 15, 2014 at 9:24 am

Haven’t watched porn or masterbated for 2 months.. i have said sex a couple times though and to be honest i can feel a massive increase of energy and the confidence improvement is true.. but in such a unconscious way. You will find yourself doing the things you wouldnt do because your mind would be telling you no but now your body has urges to do them!

Amazing

327 Krisstel March 5, 2014 at 6:45 am

Thank you so much for writing this. You have no idea how much you helped me. Thank you. I wish everyone in this world could read your article. Please publish it as best you can, there are so many hurt women you could help. I have forwarded this link to people, I wish I could do more. Thank you once again for being amazing.

328 Joy March 13, 2014 at 12:24 am

I had a long term boyfriend that used to tell me I should loose weight because he was more attracted to skinny women, he always wanted lights on and anal play. (anal sex I refused) I am sexy and beautiful, I take good care of myself and work out and wear a size 4. In fact, I think I looked better than him. I do not know how much he watched porn, but I know he did often and tried sharing it with me many times and I never liked it. I caught him a few times and he even admitted that it was easier than sex for him. He spent many late nights at the office and eventually his appetite for kink got to a point that It felt like we just could not connect from the heart anymore…more and more I felt like sex was just his stress release and I could never be sexy enough to fulfill his fantasy. I am still reeling from this relationship but I did dump him and I am slowly regaining my confidence and self esteem… I would not date a man who is into porn again, because real men know that sex is about how it feels, not how it looks, they know a real live human is there with them and that they can travel through galaxies of love bliss when they drop into the heart and let the all that mind warping crap behind.

329 Shaye March 20, 2014 at 7:52 am

Thank you so much for this article!!! I am so glad there are people out there who think the same as I do about this subject. I recently wrote up a question for ‘yahoo answers,’ there wasn’t much said about my questions. But this article above it amazing. Thanks every1 for sharing their thoughts! I thought that I was going crazy or something..
Here’s what on yahoo answers:
Am I the only one who feels this way?
Am I the only one who thinks sex should be amazing and sooo special to you and your partner without wondering if they are thinking about someone else or something else they may have seen? Rather than seeing it being exposed on every day TV like its nothing to just to get money because ‘sex sells.’
Am I the only person who dreads the thought of when a naked/half naked scene comes up on a movie or TV show? Am I the only one who would expect and ask my partner to look away out of respect for me as I would for them?
Am I the only one who would get deeply hurt if I ever caught my partner having a sneaky perve?
No I am not religious. I just think the way the world works in society today is so messed up and perverted. No wonder it is so hard to find love. No wonder there are so many rapes, paedophiles and pervs and users around nowadays. No wonder people give up on love and allow themselves to be downgraded. I refuse to believe sex is just nothing and that it’s ok to think sexual thoughts or choose to get turned on by someone who is not your partner when you are in a relationship. No I am not perfect, I have done many stupid things in my life and I never use to care about this stuff but as I have grown up I have changed a lot (I am 19 now) and believe shits getting way too out of hand.
Why do you think a lot of parents don’t want their young son or daughter watching that sort of stuff? Because it should be private. And it would be breaking their innocence.
Why do you think you see little 12 year olds walking around the street hardly wearing anything? And posting pictures of themselves in their bra and undies on Facebook etc.? Because its everywhere you look, it’s on TV, music videos, store posters, movies etc. Media is trying to make it ‘normal.’ Young people look up to them and want to be like them, they want to be noticed like them. Do you think its wrong seeing a little girl dress like that? If you had a child would you not care if they were watching raunchy movies and TV shows? Do you feel awkward watching a sex scene that comes up on TV with one of your parents? If so, then why and how would you feel comfortable watching it with your partner? I would personally feel guilty looking at another naked person by choice who is not my partner.
No I am not against sex, I do have humour when it comes to the topic, I just believe that female and even male sexuality is being downgraded to the max.
I’m not bagging out people who are in a happy relationship and don’t care about that sort of stuff, good for you but personally I myself would rather a partner who would respect me and love me for the way I am and not have to look or think about anybody else to get pleasured.
I really wish there was a way to make the world less perverted and help people open their eyes.
I would like to know if any one feels the same way I do, and I would also like to know peoples opinions on this subject. Thanks.

330 Edward March 24, 2014 at 12:43 am

You just inspired me to delete my whole porn folder and clear the recycling bin so it’s permanent… you fiend.

331 Chris Olsen March 26, 2014 at 1:23 pm

Awesome article thx a lot. Maybe one day porn will be a little more regulated for the sake of men in the world

332 Nate March 27, 2014 at 7:20 am

I agree, porn is a huge problem. In addition to its practical problems there is also a spiritual component. God hates lust and other such sexual immorality. Hopefully, the porn industry gets it’s just desserts someday.

333 Derek March 27, 2014 at 10:44 am

I would agree with most of you that porn does damage the mind. it as strong as heroin. Masturbation on the other hand needs to be balanced. three to four times a week. Masturbation builds stamina in bed, and secondly it relives stress, reduces ED. I believe guys need to learn moderation and practice the secrete art of tantra. its more about sex and more about satisfying your partner. We need to learn the middle ground. Our culture seem to support two extremes the heavily sexed porn addicts and the bible thumpers.

334 Josanne Duthoit March 27, 2014 at 10:53 pm

I’ve had to deal with men who use pornography my entire life. From my family to my friends all the way to lonely children at school who beg for attention by bragging about all the porn they use and what’s in it. I have an extreme dislike towards it and it’s so good to hear when a man also is not in favour of it, so thank you so much for writing this. It was so nice to read, thank you.

335 meghan March 28, 2014 at 11:20 am

Thank you for this article. I also recently found out about my fiancé watching porn and have been torn up over it. After reading and reading thing after thing to make sense of my pain this is the article that really helped me put it all in perspective and begin to heal. I really can’t thank you enough.

336 K Naga Babu April 10, 2014 at 3:43 pm

Thank you very much for the great article which get rid out off from frustration and guiltyness. This article really clarified so many doughts and motivates in right direction.

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