When you’re a busy dad, the first day of school can sneak up on you.
One day you’re taking your family on a road trip through the American West, and then — BAM!— it’s the night before the first day of school, and your kids are still going to bed at midnight and you and your wife just realized that all the kids have different school start times, and you haven’t coordinated rides yet.
Kate and I have been sending our kids off to their first day of school after summer vacation for over a decade now. We’ve learned some things along the way to make the transition from vacation mode to school mode a bit smoother. Maybe they’ll help you, too.
Have a Back-to-School Marriage Meeting Two Weeks Before School Starts
We’re big proponents of the weekly marriage meeting. A couple of weeks before school starts, Kate and I will have a longer marriage meeting that’s dedicated to getting us both on the same page for back to school.
In the “To-Dos” section of your marriage meeting, discuss the following:
- Drop-off and pick-up schedules
- Back-to-school forms that need filling out
- School supplies and clothes shopping
- New upcoming bedtimes
- Extracurricular activities that kids need to sign up for
- Calendar sync-up
- Add all known school events: back-to-school night, parent-teacher conferences, etc.
- Map out sports practices, music lessons, tutoring, and activity overlaps
- Homework routines for kids
- Any concerns about your kid and the school year ahead
After you discuss this stuff as a couple, have a family meeting where you sync up with your kids and make sure everyone is on the same page regarding schedules and expectations.
Get the School Sleep Schedule Back on Track
When it comes to shifting from a feral, let-it-all-hang-out summer sleep/wake schedule to a structured school-year sleep/wake schedule, there are two philosophies.
You either work to move your kids’ schedules back before school starts so by the time the first day rolls around, they’re on the school schedule, or you don’t do any adjusting and just rip the band-aid off when the alarm clock starts blaring on the first day of the semester.
There is merit to both approaches: one is gentler on the body and mind. The other maximizes the fun summer vibes.
I take something of a moderate tack, having my kids start to push their bedtimes back before school, but not going all the way to the school-year bedtime until school actually begins.
You probably know this already, but kids generally don’t do well with abrupt transitions. Neither do adults, really — we just have more socially acceptable ways to melt down.
So a week before school starts, we gradually move our kids’ bedtimes earlier by around 15 minutes a night until they’re about an hour off from their school-year bedtime. We let them go to bed at that later-than-usual time the night before school starts, since they’re not going to be able to fall asleep earlier. They’ll be a bit more tired on the first day, but that helps them fall asleep at their new school-year bedtime the next night.
Create a Get-Out-the-Door Checklist for Your Kids
One of the recurring friction points we experienced with our kids when they were younger was that they’d forget items they needed to bring to school: snack, water bottle, homework folder. That sort of thing. Because they were six, they’d sometimes have a meltdown in the car about this right when we were dropping them off.
To prevent those 8 AM crashouts from occurring, we wrote a morning checklist on our kitchen whiteboard that our kids had to go through before we got in the car:
- Eat breakfast
- Brush teeth
- Homework folder signed and in backpack
- Snack in backpack
- Water bottle
Meltdowns averted.
When your kids get older, nudge them to create their own morning routines.
Establish a Confidence-Inspiring Back-to-School Ritual
Kids can get a little nervous as they contemplate embarking on the uncertain adventure that is the year to come. So establish a ritual that helps them feel more grounded as they go back to school.
We like to talk to our kids about any concerns they have and what their goals are for the year. Then I say a father’s blessing (a prayer) over them. Create a ritual that works for your family.
There’s a lot going on during back-to-school season. With a bit of planning and gradual, proactive ramp-up efforts, you can create a smoother transition for everyone in the family.
