When I played football in high school, our head coach had one refrain that he’d hammer into us over and over again: act with class.
It meant no trash talk. No showboating. Help the other guy up, even if he just tried to take your head off. Don’t scream at refs. Don’t throw your helmet. When you win, act like you’ve been there before; when you lose, don’t sulk and pout.
I’ve tried to carry that refrain with me even after taking off my football pads for the last time. For me, acting with class is a way of moving through your social world with dignity, respect, and a little heartening warmth and charm.
For most of Western history, class was about economics and where you sat in the social hierarchy. Centuries ago, your class was determined by what family you were born into, how much land you owned, or how much armor you could afford for battle.
But beginning in the late 1800s, the word “class” started being used in another way — as a signifier of bearing rather than birth. It was used to describe comportment, especially for athletes and entertainers who carried themselves with skill, decency, and poise. To perform well under pressure, to exude grace, made you a “class act.”
Today, “classy” can describe anyone who evinces magnanimity and self-possession. Someone who’s generous, but not a show-off — decorous but not stilted. A class act is governed by standards rather than moods or incentives; even when circumstances would excuse poor behavior, or a boorish move might gain them advantage, they still do the right and fair thing. Wherever they go, they elevate life a bit. They leave situations better than they found them.
We like classy people because their steadiness and consistent good graces can be relied upon. They inspire you to live a little better without preaching. Classy fellas make the world a bit more pleasant with their everyday civilities.
Below are 25 of those small courtesies that you can practice to be known as a classy SOB.
1. Say hello first
A classy fella doesn’t wait to be acknowledged. He initiates eye contact. He gives a warm “hello” to the neighbor, the cashier, or the guy at the gym he sees every morning. It’s a small thing that can brighten people’s day.
2. Use people’s names — and remember them
As ol’ Uncle Carnegie said, “a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.” So regularly use people’s names. Be natural about it. You don’t have to say it after every sentence. That just comes off as forced.
When you meet someone new, make a point of remembering their name. When you see the person again, use it (“Hey, Chip! Great to see you!”), and you’ll leave them thinking, “Man, what a classy guy!”
3. Hold the door open for the person behind you
Holding the door open used to be a chivalrous gesture reserved for men to offer women. Now it’s a way for one human to acknowledge the presence and reality of another. It’s a way of saying, “I see you, fellow person; we share in the collective struggle of existence; and I’m going to make life a tiny bit easier for you.”
4. Let people merge in traffic
A classy SOB doesn’t treat driving like a zero-sum moral contest. He waves people into a busy traffic line. He understands that getting home 12 seconds earlier is not a victory worth defending.
5. Write handwritten thank-you notes
We’re big proponents of the handwritten thank-you note here at AoM, and in this day and age, when most communication is conducted digitally, a handwritten thank-you note really sets you apart as a class act. Whether someone gives you a gift or you just appreciate some small gesture, let them know with paper and pen.
You don’t need to be verbose with your thank-you notes. Two or three sincere sentences will do the job.
6. Don’t bad-mouth people behind their backs
Trashing people when they’re not around is easy, and it might get you some kudos from your peers; who doesn’t like to hear salacious rumors about others? But it’s also how you earn a reputation as someone who can’t be trusted. Everyone knows that if you bad-mouth some other person, you’ll probably do the same to them when they’re not around.
If you wouldn’t say it to someone’s face, don’t say it when they’re not there.
7. Compliment people behind their back
This is the inverse of the above rule and an underratedly classy move.
When you say something kind about someone who isn’t there — and especially when there’s no strategic reason to do so — it enhances that compliment. It creates goodwill that often travels back amplified to the person you praised. And to the people who heard that third-party compliment, you seem like the kind of guy who sees and dwells on the good in others and not some two-faced, backbiting grumbletonian. Class act!
8. Pick up trash that isn’t yours
A classy gent leaves whatever environment he finds himself in better than he found it. One way to do that is by picking up trash. If you see it at the park, in your neighborhood, or in the breakroom, throw it away — even if it isn’t yours.
9. Dress appropriately
You don’t have to dress like Fred Astaire 24/7 to be a classy gent. In fact, there are plenty of stylish fops who are completely classless boobs.
But a classy guy dresses appropriately for the situation he’s in. A funeral isn’t the place for a t-shirt. A wedding isn’t the time to test the level of casualness you can get away with. Showing up appropriately dressed is a way of saying, “I recognize the significance of this occasion, and I want to add to it.”
10. Be on time
Tardiness is a form of thievery, as it steals other people’s time. Being on time communicates that you value other people’s schedules as much as your own.
There is an exception to this rule; when it comes to a dinner party, arriving early is the unclassy thing to do and being a few minutes late the classy — it gives the host a little buffer in finishing their preparations.
11. Be a generous conversationalist
A classy SOB doesn’t treat every exchange like an opportunity to bask in the spotlight. He isn’t always looking for a way to turn the conversation back to him. Instead, he asks questions, listens intently, and adds commentary judiciously. He gives other people the chance to open up and shine.
12. Return things in better condition than you received them
If you borrow some tools from a friend, bring them back cleaned and sharpened. If you borrowed a truck to move something for your mom, return it with a full tank of gas. If something breaks, even if it was an accident, pay for or procure a replacement.
13. Say “excuse me” and “sorry” without qualifiers
If you bump into someone, say, “excuse me.” If you mess up, say “sorry” with no “buts.”
14. Tip generously (within reason)
There’s a lot of unnecessary solicitation of tips these days, but when a service calls for it, and someone does a genuinely good job, harness your inner Frank Sinatra and duke ‘em.
You don’t have to be reckless, but err on the side of generosity when you can. It’s one of the simplest ways to practice everyday magnanimity.
15. Put your phone away during conversations
Nothing says “you’re not worth my attention” like glancing at a screen while interacting with another human being. A classy SOB keeps his phone in his pocket when he’s with someone in the flesh. He understands that undivided attention is a form of respect — and true caring.
16. Keep your word — even on small things
If you say you’ll call, call. If you say you’ll show up, show up. If you say you’ll handle it, handle it.
17. Don’t overshare
Class includes a sense of discretion.
Not every thought needs to be aired. Not every personal struggle needs to be psychoanalyzed publicly. Don’t make others cringe because you feel the need for catharsis or are hunting for social media likes.
18. Give credit freely
If someone helped, say so. If an idea wasn’t yours, acknowledge it.
Classy people aren’t afraid of diminishing their own glow by letting others shine. In fact, giving people the credit they deserve lends you a greater luster.
19. Act with dignity when things don’t go your way
Anyone can be gracious when life is going their way. The classy SOB keeps his composure when it isn’t.
No sulking. No public tantrums.
You gotta learn how to lose and “never breathe a word about your loss.”
20. Give people an out
A classy person doesn’t corner others socially. If someone’s late, flustered, or clearly wants to leave a conversation or decline an invitation, he offers them a graceful exit rather than making them feel cornered. He lets people save face. Mercy is a form of manners.
21. Acknowledge service workers as people, not automatons
A lot of service workers spend their workdays being instrumentalized — ignored or treated like machines. The classy SOB doesn’t do that. He goes out of his way to acknowledge the humanity of the people who make everyday life function — cashiers, customer service reps, janitors, bus drivers, delivery people, waiters, garbage men, etc.
Don’t fiddle with your phone while you interact with them. Don’t berate them.
Make eye contact. Give them a warm “How’s it going?” Say “thank you.” Easy stuff.
22. Keep your complaints private and proportionate
If someone does something that upsets a class act, he takes care of it privately and keeps his complaint proportionate.
A classy man doesn’t gripe loudly in public or turn every minor inconvenience into a moral crusade. He handles issues calmly, directly, and without an audience.
Kid not getting playing time on the basketball team? Have a private conversation with the coach instead of airing your grievance in the parent group chat.
Your boss snub you? Set up a meeting with him. Don’t blast him on a Slack channel.
23. Don’t correct people unnecessarily
If someone gets a minor fact wrong, mispronounces a word, or tells a story imperfectly — and the mistake doesn’t matter — a classy guy lets it go. He understands that being right is often less important than keeping the interaction humane and preserving the person’s confidence and dignity.
Correction is sometimes necessary. But most of the time, when we have the urge to do it, it’s just ego and the desire to get one-up on another.
24. Don’t brag
A class act is secure in his own worth and doesn’t feel the need to boast — either overtly, or more subtly in the form of namedropping and humble bragging. He knows it’s off-putting, and he doesn’t wish to induce the noxious feeling of envy in others.
25. Act like a “host” wherever you go
For a classy gent, being a host isn’t limited to those times you initiate and invite others to a social event; it’s a mindset you bring to every place and interaction.
In thinking of yourself in the role of perennial host, your focus is always on making other people feel welcome and “at home” (even when you’re out and about). Your disposition and behavior says, “put up your feet and relax”; you seek to immediately make those you meet feel taken care of and at ease.
As a host, you take the lead in initiating conversation, and picking it up when it lags. You introduce people and help them find their footing. You ensure that others are having a good time and seek to make them comfortable — whether that’s getting them a drink or choosing a conversational topic that makes them feel good to talk about.
A class act becomes people’s atmospheric getaway and carries hospitality with him wherever he goes.
