“Why did the invisible man turn down a job offer?”
He just couldn’t see himself doing it!
“Why did the teddy bear say no to dessert?”
Because she was stuffed!
“What did the left eye say to the right eye?”
Between us, something smells!
“Two pickles fell out of a jar onto the floor. What did one say to the other?”
Dill with it!
“Why was 6 afraid of 7?”
Because 7, 8, 9!
“How do you make a lemon drop?”
Just let it fall!
“Why did the cookie go to the hospital?”
Because he felt crummy!
“Why did the lion spit out the clown?”
Because he tasted funny!
“What did the little corn say to the mama corn?”
Where is pop corn?
“How much does it cost a pirate to get his ears pierced?”
About a buck an ear!
“What do you call a ghost’s true love?”
“How do you get a squirrel to like you?”
Act like a nut!
“How can you tell a vampire has a cold?”
He starts coffin!
“What did the banana say to the dog?”
Nothing. Bananas can’t talk!
“What do you call a boomerang that won’t come back?”
“Why can’t Elsa have a balloon?”
Because she’ll let it go!
“How do you make a tissue dance?”
You put a little boogie in it!
“Why couldn't the pony sing a lullaby?”
She was a little hoarse!
“Why did Johnny throw the clock out the window?”
Because he wanted to see time fly!
“Why didn’t the skeleton go see the scary movie?”
Because it didn’t have the guts!
“What's a pirate's favorite letter?”
“What do you call a sleeping bull?”
“What kind of music do mummies listen to?”
“Why is it so windy inside a stadium?”
There are thousands of fans!
“What do you call cheese that’s not yours?”
“What’s red and bad for your teeth?”
“Why can’t your hand be 12 inches long?”
Because then it would be a foot!
“What did the traffic light say to the car?”
Don’t look. I’m about to change!
“What do you call a sad strawberry?”
“Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom?”
Because the “P” is silent!
“Why can’t Cinderella play soccer?”
Because she’s always running away from the ball!
“What happened with the kidnapping in the park?”
They woke him up!
“How does Darth Vader like his toast?”
On the dark side!
“Where do generals keep their armies?”
In their sleevies!
“What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common?”
The same middle name!
“What did one hat say to the other?”
Stay here, I’m going on ahead!
“Why don’t scientists trust atoms?”
Because they make up everything!
“Why does the moon say she doesn’t want to eat?”
“Why did the banana go to the doctor?”
It wasn’t peeling well!
“What do you call a pig that does karate?”
A pork chop!
“Where should a 500-pound alien go?”
On a diet!
“What did one toilet say to the other?”
You look a bit flushed!
“What did Cinderella say when her photos didn’t show up?”
Someday my prints will come!
“Why was the belt arrested?”
Because it held up some pants!
“What has four wheels and flies?”
A garbage truck!
“Why did the robber take a bath before he stole from the bank?”
He wanted to make a clean getaway!
“Where do polar bears keep their money?”
In a snow bank!
“What do you call a duck that loves making jokes?”
“Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?”
In case he got a hole in one!
“Why was the math book sad?”
Because it had so many problems!
“What does a rain cloud wear under his pants?”
“What did the buffalo say when his little boy left for school?”
“Which hand is it better to write with?”
Neither, it’s better to write with a pencil!
“How do you get an astronaut’s baby to stop crying?”