The Art of Manliness Podcast Episode #26: Being the Strong Man a Woman Wants with Elliot Katz

by Brett on July 6, 2010 · 10 comments

in Podcast

Welcome back to the Art of Manliness Podcast! In this week’s episode I talk to Elliot Katz, author of the book Being the Strong Man a Woman Wants: Timeless Wisdom on Being a Man. We discuss the three traits women are looking for in a man, the difference between being strong versus being controlling, and what men can do today to improve their relationships with the women in their lives.

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{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Steve July 6, 2010 at 6:31 am

The reason the media sends those bad ideas out is because there is a narrative they are following. They have an agenda and it is the feminist agenda.

2 Jordan July 6, 2010 at 10:49 am

I think this guest nailed it when discussing how being decisive man with a plan is so attractive to a woman. It makes her feel as though he is always in control of the situation and this speaks directly to her feeling of safety for herself and her kids.

Why don’t women like pushovers? It effectively communicates the opposite to her. The man becomes a liability for her. She is now responsible for the safety of her offspring as well as making all the decisions for the group.

A side note: Why not ask women what they want in a man? Women are notorious for saying they want one thing, but actually responding to something completely different. It’s completely unconscious so it must not be interpreted as malicious. One illustration is the nice guy vs. bad boy dilemma. Women really DO want a guy who treats them well, and is nice and caring, but typically these guys are BORING! What does that mean? It means that the nice guy doesn’t give her the powerful emotions that the bad boy does. There is no emotional roller coaster, no drama, no excitement when dealing with most of these nice guys. And as strange as it is to us men, women really do love to be on that emotional roller coaster. As a result, women can become hooked on these bad boys because they provide the drug they crave – the emotional ups and downs. This sort of situation can create a lot of cognitive dissonance. Women know they ought to be with a nice guy, but they just can not bring themselves to feel that gut-level attraction for him, and he becomes (as the guest said) like one of her girlfriends.

3 Rich July 6, 2010 at 5:39 pm

Great interview and true!

4 Vince Milburn July 7, 2010 at 2:30 am

Basically, a man should be decisive, quick and confident when making small decisions. Only important decisions require much thought.

I think it’s okay to ask a woman what she wants to do sometimes but that sort of give and take is not for brand-new relationships. You should always put your best foot forward first. If you can’t even plan an entire first date, she knows it’s all downhill from there.

I blame the weak man on television. Hours of passively watching TV has left us with an expectation of being passively entertained by the outside world instead of grabbing life by the horns.

I also blame Judd Apatow-style movies which are indulgent fantasies that tell loser guys they don’t have to change to get a hyper-competent woman who is everything they are not.

Lastly, being as little suave is a virtue. It is not evil and does not necessarily make you a phony or a player. I imagine that Jesus was competent with the ladies even though he never dated.

5 goldwave84 July 8, 2010 at 7:25 am

I liked the whole interview but one thing struck me. We know that women can be a bit indecisive so while it is good to take charge and “handle” things, we should give the lady a chance to lead, if only for a moment. If not, she well get used to being given instructions, and you are stuck with ALWAYS being the decision maker. Sometimes I would like the lady to take charge and take me out for a treat. Its healthy and balanced.

6 Vince July 8, 2010 at 3:39 pm

I agree with Goldwave but you should not start a relationship on that note. Asking her where she wants to go on a first date advertises that you don’t know enough about her or women in general to make a decent hypothesis as to something she might enjoy. If you can’t even think of one place that a woman would like, you are lost.

Plus, you asked her out, you didn’t ask her to take you out. Why not invite yourself over her house for dinner while you’re at it?

A good woman doesn’t want a decisive man because SHE is weak and indecisive. She wants someone who shares her strength and not fills in her deep weakness. A strong woman wants an even stronger man

7 Justin July 8, 2010 at 7:02 pm


Great podcast. I’m not usually a fan of the podcast format, and haven’t sat through a whole ‘cast before (ADD much?). But this one had me riveted.

I think this issue deserves a lengthy post of it’s own, especially the distinction between leadership and controlling. My own wife just last night let me know in a not-so-subtle way that I need to work on that particular balance (my issue apparently isn’t the one that Mr. Katz is referring to though, I guess I come across as too controlling at times).

I agree with Vince that you need to start out a relationship showing leadership, planning things out, and making the woman feel secure in your decision making abilities. However, at some point there is a need to make the decisions *with* your wife, and that transition isn’t always easy.

8 tgif July 9, 2010 at 10:05 am

Reversing societal collapse is infinitely more important than any woman’s emotions.

9 Ryan July 12, 2010 at 10:18 pm

Great podcast. I really enjoyed this. What is the name of the author that Elliott Katz mentions as a great source? I can’t make out what he says.

10 Jackie July 20, 2010 at 3:36 pm

Firstly let me say that as a women, wife and mother; a husband who comes home and washes the dishes, takes out the trash and baths the kids sounds pretty good. I agree with this guy it is frustrating that some men lack the abilitiy to make decisions and I would enjoy it if my husband had a plan about a date or honey do list, but I think the missing element is communication. I would like more if my husband came up with a plan and then asked for my input. For example if my husband came to me and said.”"Let’s go out this weekend would you like to go here and then do this?” and then give me the chance to say. “Yes that would be nice , or I don’t feel like going there how about here instead?” Leadership is important, but I don’t want to be dominated and I want the opprotunity to provide input. And really feminism is about being included, not about replacing men. It is unfortunate that the rise of women has not brought men up too.

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