It’s a new year, which means people everywhere are making resolutions about what they’re going to add to their lives. More exercise. New routines. A fresh system that will finally get everything they’ve got going on dialed in.
There’s nothing wrong with trying to add good things to your life. But there’s another, often more effective way to improve it: subtraction. Instead of asking, What should I start doing this year? ask, What should I stop doing?
Nassim Taleb calls this approach via negativa. It’s about improving your life by removing the things that diminish it. In many cases, giving something up delivers faster, more noticeable gains than adding something new ever could.
If you’re looking for some ideas of things to give up in the new year, we’ve got 27 suggestions below, along with plenty of resources to help you take those ideas and put them into action.
1. Keeping up with the news
Think about all the news stories you’ve kept up with in the last ten years — the wars, disasters, elections, and so on. How much did those events affect your life, and how much were you able to influence them by being informed? Chances are, the answer is close to zero on both counts. Staying a little abreast of news is important for being a sound citizen, but you can drop about 95% of its consumption without hurting yourself or society. Your life will in fact improve without this stress-inducing, time-sucking, almost entirely pointless distraction.
2. Engaging in negative self-talk
You wouldn’t let a friend talk to you the way you sometimes talk to yourself. While it might feel like your inner critic is helping you improve, that negative inner monologue is making you more anxious, more depressed, and more likely to flub a performance. Drop the negative self-talk this year, and you’ll free up the energy needed to navigate life more resiliently and adeptly.
3. Looking at your phone right when you wake up
Rolling over and grabbing your phone first thing hands the steering wheel of your day to whoever emailed, posted, or tweeted overnight. You start the morning reactive, not proactive, and that sets the tone for the rest of the day. Use a real alarm clock to wake up and wait thirty minutes before you check your phone, allowing your brain to boot up on its own terms.
4. Consuming caloric drinks
What a colossal waste of calories caloric beverages are. They simply don’t taste that great (especially if we’re talking about soda), and have little to no nutritional value. If you want a treat, at least consume something you can chew! Switching to nothing but diet drinks and water is the very easiest way to lose weight; people can often drop significant poundage and improve their all-around health profile just by making this move.
5. Mindlessly scrolling your phone
We’ve all been there. You’re bored, so you pick up your phone and start scrolling through your various apps. “Just five minutes,” you tell yourself. But five minutes turns into thirty, and you don’t even remember the content that flicked across your screen during that time. And to make matters worse, instead of feeling refreshed and invigorated after that scrolling-filled brain break, you feel more stupefied. What a waste! Break your smartphone habit this year, and you’ll slowly start to feel your brain come back to life.
6. “Shoulding” on yourself
Constantly telling yourself what you should do is like living your life by someone else’s checklist — a way of avoiding real choices and accountability. When your goals are driven by what you think others expect from you rather than what you genuinely want, you give up a bit of your personal power and head down a path paved with resentment, guilt, and frustration. This year, stop shoulding all over yourself and start making decisions because you choose them, not because you feel obligated by some invisible script.
7. Saying you’re too busy to read books
You’ve got plenty of time to read books. Being “too busy to read” is usually just a failure of priorities. You’ve given up mindlessly scrolling. Use that time to read a book. You can even use the Kindle app on your phone to read books while you’re on the subway or waiting for a doctor’s appointment. You can get a lot of books read when you break it up into 5 to 15 minute chunks throughout the day.
8. Skipping cardio and mobility work
Strength training is awesome. But don’t neglect the other aspects of fitness. Cardio keeps your heart healthy; mobility keeps you moving like a human instead of a rusting Tin Man. It’s not hard to get this stuff in. Take a short walk every morning. Do a quick mobility routine when you get out of bed. Do longer Zone 2 cardio sessions two times a week. Life’s more fun when you feel vital and spry.
9. Letting minor annoyances ruin your mood
Slow drivers, long lines, glitchy Wi-Fi, inept customer service reps. These minor inconveniences and annoyances aren’t personal attacks. Sure, they’re annoying, but those annoyances probably won’t matter in ten minutes, so stop letting them ruin your mood for the rest of the day. No circumstances can make you feel a certain way; you’re in charge of that.
10. Avoiding difficult conversations
That talk you’re avoiding doesn’t get easier the longer you put it off; it just gets harder. Unsaid things have a way of leaking out sideways. Addressing issues directly is uncomfortable, but it usually brings relief. In fact, the awkwardness and discomfort you imagine will exist during that conversation usually don’t arise to the degree you think they will; the exchange typically goes much better than you imagined (here are some tips for upping the odds of that outcome). Rip off the band-aid!
11. Watching porn
We’ve written about the downsides of porn. Porn trains your attention and desire in ways that don’t translate well to real intimacy. Many men find that cutting it out improves their relationships, their mood, and simply how they generally feel about themselves. Why not give quitting porn a try and see if it makes a difference for you?
12. Complaining about things you can’t (or won’t) change
Complaining feels like action, but it’s usually just noise that allows you to slip responsibility for doing something about what’s bugging you. Stop your bellyaching: if you can’t change something, accept it; if you can change it, get to work.
13. Letting algorithms choose what you read and watch
Algorithms are everywhere, from your social media feeds to your streaming platforms, serving up things they think you’d like based on what you already like. But sometimes we don’t know what we like until we’ve tried it. Open your life to new flavors and delight-inducing serendipity. Browse bookstores. Wander record shops. Pick a movie at random. Choose articles and podcasts based on interest, not just recency or virality. Rediscover the joy of surprise.
14. Being cynical
Cynicism masquerades as manly intelligence, but it’s mostly just emotional armor. It keeps you from being disappointed by keeping you detached and aloof. The problem is that cynicism also keeps you from being moved and inspired — from the emotional investments that give life its richness and depth. This year, trade cynicism for love. You’ll notice that your life becomes bigger and more vibrant.
15. Thinking you’re too old to learn new skills
When you were a kid, you developed skills in academics, art, music, and sports, and likely even taught yourself things like how to do magic tricks and skateboard. Now that you’re an adult, can you think of the last new skill you learned? If it’s been a long time, consider ending that drought. That voice saying “it’s too late for me” is lying. It is harder for adults to learn new things, but it’s still very possible. So pick up that guitar or skateboard this year — just make sure to wear kneepads.
16. Drinking alcohol
Alcohol is essentially a poison, and in addition to making you feel like crap the next day and dinging your wallet, more and more research shows that even moderate drinking is bad news for your health. Make this the year you extend Dry January into the next eleven months.
17. Trying to win every argument
Winning arguments often means losing goodwill. Not every disagreement needs a verdict. Sometimes the better move is to try to understand the other person and agree to disagree.
18. Holding on to your anxiety habit
Anxiety ruins your well-being and ability to enjoy life to the hilt. You may think of it as a reaction, a feeling, or a disorder. But perhaps the best way to think about anxiety is as a habit. Like all habits, the anxiety habit can be broken. Here’s how to break yours.
19. Dressing like a boy instead of a man
For most of human history, dressing differently marked the passage into manhood; it helped men take themselves seriously and be taken seriously by others. Clothes don’t make the man, but they do shape how he shows up. Dressing more like a grown man and less like a boy will remind yourself (and the world) that you mean business.
20. Saying yes when you mean no
You’re probably a nice guy. You like to help people and you don’t like to disappoint them. But saying yes to things when you really want to say no is just setting you up for burnout and resentment. This year, learn to say no tactfully without over-explaining. It will free you up to say yes to meaningful, freely-chosen priorities.
21. Settling for a job you hate
You spend at least a third of your life at work. Why spend that time at a job you despise? Enduring a bad job drains more than your paycheck can replace. Even if you can’t leave tomorrow, you can start positioning yourself for something better.
22. Being a conversational narcissist
Conversational narcissists only like to talk about themselves; they don’t ask other people questions, and even when someone else has a chance to talk, they find ways to bring the discussion back to themselves. Conversations are meant to be games of tennis where you each take turns hitting the speaking ball over the net. When you listen as much as you talk, you’ll learn more, come off as more charming, and walk away with stronger connections.
23. Going through your week without a plan
Winging it sounds freeing until the week runs you over. A simple plan creates orientation and reduces decision fatigue. You don’t need a color-coded system; you just need a rough map. Check out our article on how to plan your week; it shares the system I’ve used for nearly twenty years to get stuff done.
24. Being too proud to say you’re sorry
Apologizing is hard; it’s never easy to admit you’re to blame. You feel like you lose status and face. But shirking responsibility costs you more in how people see you. You’d be surprised how much respect you can gain from others with a clean, unqualified “I messed up and I’m sorry.”
25. Not responding to emails and text messages
A hundred years ago, people set aside a dedicated hour or two each day to answer handwritten correspondence. Twenty years ago, people would spend hours each week writing each other long emails. Today, it feels too onerous to dash off a 30-second response to a text. Don’t let your attention span shrink so much that you don’t have time to reply to people who may need an answer to move forward on something, or just feel dejected over being ignored.
26. Blaming your parents for your current life
Your upbringing matters, but at a certain point, you’ve got to take responsibility for who you are now and who you’re becoming. You can’t change the past, but you’re in charge of the future.
27. Thinking good times are just around the corner
You’d like to get together with friends, you’d like to host a party, you’d like to take that trip you’ve been thinking about, but this month is just too busy. You’ll make those things happen a few months from now, when your calendar seems clearer. Of course, when that future time arrives, your schedule will feel just as busy as it currently does. The idea that good times are just around the corner is a mirage; life will always feel crowded. There’s no better or worse time to make fun happen, so why not pull the trigger right now?
