The Santa Claus Workout [VIDEO]

by Santa Claus on December 18, 2013 · 15 comments

in Fitness, Health & Sports

Ho! Ho! Ho!

Santa Claus here. With just a week to go until the Big Dance, things are hopping here at the North Pole. While the elves make their final preparations, I’m busy preparing myself physically and mentally for my grueling 24-hour work shift delivering toys to boys and girls around the world.

Yes, I do have magic to help me, but magic only gets you so far. You need to be in pretty good physical condition to do my job.

Now, I know what you might be thinking. Santa? In good physical condition?

Yes, it appears I have a belly that shakes like a bowl full of jelly. It’s part of my personal brand. But thanks to elf magic, I’m able to maintain my rotund physique, while simultaneously being a specimen of peak physical health and conditioning. Suck on that, mortals!

Anyways, I thought I’d share with you the HIIT (high intensity interval training) routine I use to get in shape for my Christmas Eve flight. It works for me, maybe it will work for you.

Maybe. Only if you’re good.

The Workout

Perform each exercise back-to-back with no rest. After you complete a circuit, rest for thirty seconds. Complete the circuit 10 times, 5 times if you’re a mortal man. If you can’t do one set, you’re on the Needs-to-Get-Their-Lazy-Butt-in-Shape List. Expect to receive a lump of broccoli in your stocking this year.

Snapping the Reins

reins

I spend an entire night driving a sleigh of unruly reindeer. To prepare my arms for all that rein snapping, I perform a 30-second round of intense double arm waves with a battle rope. Practice your reindeer roll call while doing it.

Toy Sack Lift

sack1

sack2

To prepare for the loading and unloading of my toy sack from the sleigh, I perform 10 reps of the Toy Sack Lift with my sandbag. You can make your own sandbag for less than $25 following the instructions here.

Make sure to perform the hoists over each shoulder.

Chimney Squat Jumps

squat1

squat2

While Christmas magic helps me get up chimneys after I’ve broken into homes and put presents under the tree, I need to use a bit of my own physical effort to get things started. When I jump up chimneys, I use a basic squat jump technique. So to prepare for a night of jumping up billions of chimneys, I perform a round of 2o squat jumps.

Be sure to practice putting your finger on the side of your nose. That’s what initiates the magic that carries you up the rest of the way.

Elevation Mask

mask1

To prepare my body for the decreased oxygen during my high-altitude sleigh flights, I typically train with an Elevation Training Mask. It restricts breathing, thus simulating breathing in high-altitudes. I don’t wear that mask around the elves though; they think I’m Bane from Batman and run in terror.

Off the record: I’ve occasionally done blood transfusions to increase red blood cell counts, but don’t tell the Federation of Magical Beings that.

Post-Workout Meal

cookies

After every workout, I replenish my muscles with a post-workout meal consisting of, what else? Four Tri-O-Plex protein cookies and bottle of Muscle Milk. I don’t do Paleo. I tried it back in ’02 (when it was called the Atkins Diet). Made me cranky and less of a jolly old elf, so Mrs. Claus put me back on the carbs.

Well, there you have it. That’s how, I, Santa Claus, get in shape.

Here’s wishing you and yours a very Merry and Manly Christmas!

Ho! Ho! Ho!

{ 15 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Victor P December 18, 2013 at 6:46 pm

Muscle Milk is garbage. Drink egg nog!

2 Berna December 18, 2013 at 7:53 pm

LOL I want some weapons for Christmas, Santa.

3 Travis S. December 18, 2013 at 8:13 pm

Back when it was called Atkins. HA!

4 James December 18, 2013 at 8:33 pm

Gold….

5 Kenzal December 19, 2013 at 4:51 am

Looks like a ClausFit WOD to me.

6 tony December 19, 2013 at 6:39 am

Some sprints for running from guards dogs could also be added.

Merry Xmas to all.

7 Thiago December 19, 2013 at 6:59 am

I laughed at the eating cookie part.

8 David Y December 19, 2013 at 8:56 am

Looking at bit warm at the North Pole this year. Anyway, it’s good to see Santa will be in good shape for the big night.

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to all the AOM family.

9 John B December 19, 2013 at 10:29 am

Very clever. I have the same battle rope as Santa. Fun!

10 Bryan J. Oates December 19, 2013 at 1:25 pm

This video, had me busting up! Thanks for this Brett. Much appreciated

Bryan J.
(Lacey, Wa)

11 Jim Collins December 19, 2013 at 2:29 pm

Esteemed Boys and Girls, both naughty and good,

I have always suspected that Mr. Clause is a student of Sumo wrestling.

Joyous Yule,

Jim Collins

12 Mark December 20, 2013 at 12:13 pm

This is awesome. I hope you don’t mind if I share it with my community (with credit due of course). Thanks for creating cool stuff!

13 Franek December 24, 2013 at 2:03 pm

Hahah best video i’ve seen this month!!
All my best wishes to the McKay family!!
From Poland,
Franek

14 Brandon H January 1, 2014 at 11:42 pm

Wow. The North Pole looks just like Brett’s driveway!

15 Jason January 2, 2014 at 10:09 am

Santa with an elevation mask looks terrifying.

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