Throw a Classy Bachelor Party

by Brett & Kate McKay on January 8, 2009 · 66 comments

in Friendship, Relationships & Family

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If you are selected to be your friend’s best man in his wedding, you have several important responsibilities to fulfill. The first is to plan a bachelor’s party for your buddy. When most people hear “bachelor party,” they think keg stands and g-strings.

In today’s article, we discuss the honorable origins of the bachelor party and how you can throw one with real class for your bud.

The History of the Bachelor Party

Men may be surprised to learn that the tradition of having a bachelor party is rooted in ancient times. The Spartans, who originated the idea in the 5th century BC, would hold a dinner for the groom-to-be on the night before his wedding. The evening would be spent feasting and toasting the groom and each other.

The tradition of having a “bachelor’s dinner” continued into modern times. In the 1940′s and 50′s the occasion was called a “gentlemen’s dinner.” It was thrown by the groom’s father and involved the same toasting and eating that the Spartans had enjoyed. These bachelor dinners were designed for male bonding and to celebrate the groom-to-be’s important rite of passage from single life to marriage.

Some time during the last few decades, the “dinner” was dropped and replaced by “party.” This was more than just a change in semantics; the ethos and impetus for the tradition began to be transformed. It no longer became an occasion to celebrate the groom, but rather an opportunity for the groom to have one more night of freedom before settling down. Consequently, the bachelor party became an occasion to do all those things which would be considered verboten after the vows had been spoken. Dinner and toasting was replaced by, or supplemented with, strippers, gambling, and copious amounts of alcohol.

Fortunately, these kinds of parties have been going out of style of late. Such parties neither honor the bride-to-be, who will be stressed by the temptations her fiancée may succumb to, nor respect your friend, who has likely reach a point of maturity in which he feels ready to get married and settle down. For the groom-to-be, marriage does not likely signal the end to his days of strip clubs and bar hopping, he having left behind those things some time ago. But marriage will leave him less time to hang with his boys. So instead of viewing a bachelor party as your friend’s last chance for debauchery, a party should really serve as a golden opportunity for male bonding, a chance to do activities that may become less frequent post-marriage, and a time to blow off pre-nuptial jitters.

Pick an Activity

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The first step in planning a bachelor party is to choose an activity to center the party around. Just because your fiesta won’t involve stuffing dollar bills into g-strings, doesn’t mean that it has to be a boring affair. There are plenty of other activities that will unleash your testosterone and get your heart pumping. Here are just a few ideas:

  • Rent jet skis for a day on the water
  • Go snow skiing or snowboarding
  • Attend a professional or collegiate sporting event
  • Attend a boxing or MMA match
  • Spend the day golfing
  • Take a deep sea fishing trip, charter a fishing boat, or take a lesson in fly fishing
  • Plan a game of a football, basketball, soccer, or bowling
  • Create a casino night, complete with a paid dealer
  • Go paintballing

Take a camping or backpacking trip

Tips:

  • Don’t do anything insanely dangerous. You want to have fun, but you don’t want to risk breaking one of the groom’s limbs. He’ll find it difficult to go scuba diving on his honeymoon with a cast on his leg.
  • It’s nice to surprise your friend with what he’ll be doing at his party, but be sure to cater to his personality and interests.
  • Consider the relative budgets of your friends. You don’t want some of the groom’s friends to skip the party because they can’t afford to come.
  • After you choose an activity for the bachelor’s party, plan for a meal to follow it. If it’s warm, a backyard cookout makes an excellent choice. If it’s cooler, or you simply desire something more formal, rent a room at your friend’s favorite restaurant.
  • At the dinner, encourage your friends to make funny roasts and poignant toasts. They may also wish to impart words of wisdom to the groom. If you have some advice, or want to say things that won’t be included in your upcoming best man’s speech, feel free to contribute to the toasting.

Choose a Date

There are several considerations to take into account when planning the date of the party. While it is tempting to have the party the night before the wedding when all the guests are in town, this is not an appropriate choice. The groom needs to be sharp for the next day’s ceremony, not all tuckered out. Also, a rehearsal dinner is often planned for the same night and would conflict with your party. So choose a date several weeks before the wedding. If many of the groom’s friends live out-of-state, you may want to push it back even further, so they need not twice make the same trip in a short period of time.

Send Out the Invitations

Invite all the men in the wedding party and all of the groom’s good friends and male relatives with whom he is close.

Send out the invitations about three weeks before the party. The invitations should match the party’s level of formality. If the party is to be formal, send quality, written invitations through the mail. If the party is going to be a more casual affair, a phone call or email will do. If the party will involve an activity such as the ones mentioned above, include information such as the cost, meeting place and time, maps, etc.

Each invitee should be responsible for paying for the cost of himself and chipping into the cost for the groom. In the invitation, include a respectful request for a check to be sent to you for the appropriate amount.

{ 64 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Jere January 8, 2009 at 9:05 pm

Man, I hope my best man throws me a simple dinner/sports event bachelor party.

But I know I’m getting strippers and booze, whenever such an event happens.

2 Marcel January 9, 2009 at 3:47 am

Classic information. My best friend would hate to have a stripper and booze party and a lot of my thoughts were along a similar lines. Also sailboating and go-karting are great ideas.

3 Andy Stager January 9, 2009 at 5:25 am

This is timely advice as I’m in the throes of all things Best Manly at present. I like the casino night–although that would be something I would enjoy, and not necessarily the first pick of the groom.

4 Eric Granata January 9, 2009 at 6:20 am

I’m glad to see this post. I get so discouraged when I see even the most upright of men end up with the typical get-smashed-oogle-at-girls-don’t-do-anything-I-wouldn’t-do-bride-to-be-asks-no-questions bachelor party. Sometimes it seems like the only reason they have these kinds of parties is because it’s “just what guys do”.

Whatever.

This post made me want to go canoeing badly.

5 NZR (the Plainsman) January 9, 2009 at 7:57 am

@ Jere

Remember, YOU are the one who is getting the party. Let them know what YOU want to do.

I had mine a couple years ago. It started with dinner at one of Denver’s finest steak houses and then pints at the famed Falling Rock Tap House. We did end up in the strip club, but it wasn’t as bad as some of the parties I have heard about. ALSO, my wife had full disclosure of all the activities during the night and was okay with it as she trusts me.

HOWEVER, something a little classier would be cool. I have to plan one this summer, so I will be trying to come up with some great ideas such as this thread allows. Of course, I will be listening to the Groom’s wishes during this time too. If he wants to pop into the Skin Bar we will, if he doesn’t, we’ll do something else.

My uncle (a science buff) went for a ride in a glider (you know, the ones towed behind an airplane and then let go) for his party. THAT sounded cool!

6 The Common Man January 9, 2009 at 9:41 am

@ Jere,

It sounds like your best man thinks that your bachelor party is his party. I agree entirely with NZR. This is your night, assert yourself and tell him that you don’t want strippers and craziness, and if he can’t handle that he can relinquish planning duties.

This was a great post. When I was a best man, the groom and I took week-long roadtrip from Maine to Minnesota, taking in ball games and Cooperstown along the way. Taking a road trip (if it’s possible) allows you to do a lot of different activities and bond over a couple of days.

7 amanda January 9, 2009 at 9:45 am

I just read this:

http://www.groomstand.com/gsblog/2009/01/nine_sure_ways_to_tick_off_you.html

And it said not to invite your future inlaws to a wild bachelor party. I never understood why some grooms invite the bride’s male relatives to an event where they’ll be drunk and possibly with nude dancers. Probably doesn’t make the best impression. Then again, I’m a lady so maybe I don’t understand guy code.

I also hate to see guys pressured into doing things they aren’t ok with. I like the ideas here. Thanks!

8 Ryan January 9, 2009 at 9:47 am

I’ve been to a host of bachelor parties in the past few years – some sex/alcohol and some not. The most memorable ones by far were the ones with activities. My favorites were paintball and skydiving. They were the best not only because they were fun and could be remembered first-hand but they also get at the core of male bonding. Great post.

9 Nick K January 9, 2009 at 10:00 am

I had my bachelor party this past summer and it was a blast. Paintball all day, followed by an outdoor BBQ and copious amounts of alcohol at my friend’s mountain cabin. We dubbed it the “Man Weekend”. It was hillarious to live out our paramilitary fantasies in the woods (everyone was a paintball virgin) and we’re still talking about the fun we had trying to act like Arnold in “Predator.”

To this article’s credit, a real man should never feel he needs to play the part of the cad for the sake of (according to Brett & Kate) a 30 year “tradition”.

10 Greg M January 9, 2009 at 10:21 am

Excellent advice and perfect timing as well. I will be planning a bachelor party over the next few months and I will certainly fall back on some of the ideas outlined in this post.

11 BRZ January 9, 2009 at 10:24 am

At my bachelor party we took our trucks/suv’s/ and dune buggies to Silver Lake Sand Dunes in Michigan. We had a blast, even stock 4WD’s were a ton of fun on the sand.

For a buddies party last summer we played paintball (my first time as well), ate, and then golfed the rest of the afternoon. We had a blast and had no reason to delete the bachelor party pictures off our cameras before our wives saw them!

12 George January 9, 2009 at 10:50 am

I believe it’s a wonderful thing the trashy strip-club bachelor party has finally seemed to have seen its day. There are always those in a group who want the strip club, but many guys I know completely pass up the party because they are uncomfortable with the idea.

13 Stephen January 9, 2009 at 11:13 am

Some of the best advice I’ve read on this site, and on bachelor parties in general. Mine was one of the best experiences of my life – a weekend of steaks, burgers, and whitewater rafting, staying in a mountain cabin.

About the idea of it being akin to the rite of passage many of us never received: mine also involved my best friends and groomsmen laying hands on me and praying for me. I know everyone has different beliefs and practices, but it was an amazing moment of trust and solidarity as some of the best people I know placed their confidence in me and their trust in God for my marriage.

14 Litzner January 9, 2009 at 11:52 am

I met my dad, brother, a few friends, and my future male in-laws for a weekend in Detroit. We went to a Wings game one night and the casino the next night. We also went out to two great restaurants for dinners. It was great.

Very low key and not run of the mill with strippers and out of control drinking.

15 Adam January 9, 2009 at 12:08 pm

When I planned my friend’s party we spent three days with a bunch of other car buddies camping out in the middle of a race track (Road Atlanta, there’s actually a little forest in there), watching the race when we weren’t drinking copious amounts of booze, building a fire, or eating. It was a great time, we try and get the same guys together at least once a year when there’s a good race in the area (like Petit Le Mans).

16 Adam Snider January 9, 2009 at 12:19 pm

Great post. Something classy like this is exactly what I’d like when the day comes. Thankfully, my friends know me well enough to know that when I say, “No strippers,” I mean it (as opposed to thinking that I’m just saying it to keep up appearances).

17 Anonymous January 9, 2009 at 12:59 pm

I liked Adam’s answer. My husband also told his friends “no strippers” and meant it. I really think he would secretly have loved strippers, but even more didn’t want to offend future father-in-law, brothers-in-law, nor any of my friends or family. To me, this makes him a real man.
He really could have had strippers and all the debauchery his friends could have dreamed up—I would have put up with it, my folks and b-i-l’s would have understood or gotten over it (maybe not my mom), but instead he chose the higher ground, and that increased my love for him. They had a big golf outing, which is still a great memory. Love and marriage require sacrifice. .

[And let's just say, I have done my best during our 15 married years together to make up for him missing the bachelor party strippers.]

18 David C. January 9, 2009 at 2:36 pm

A friend of mine recently got married, and his brothers and I threw a bachelor party for him a few days before the wedding.

Even though it was December, we had a cookout; we built a big bonfire outside of town, grilled some burgers, and just had fun hanging out with him and a number of our friends.

I was trying to think of something manly to include in the party; something more unique than flasks and all the other cliche gifts and tokens that get passed around before weddings; something memorable.

Mead.

I made some (non-alcoholic) mead by mixing water, honey, and spiced apple cider. Mead was a beverage enjoyed by viking warriors, Beowulf and his cronies, and I figured you couldn’t get much more manly than that. So we all came together, and toasted our friend with glasses of homemade mead, and it was a good time.

Moral of the story: I’m not saying you have to include mead in your bachelor party, but definitely find something unique that will set the party apart from others.

P.S. Un-fermented mead is almost unbearably sweet. It’s pretty much like drinking liquid-honey. But it’s still good.

19 lou January 9, 2009 at 2:58 pm

if you don’t want strippers at your bachelors party thats cool but i get the feeling the only reason guys say no strippers is cuz of what their wife will think. if thats the case then ur whipped and not a man. its the grooms last night as a single dude and he can do whatever he wants

20 Stephen January 9, 2009 at 3:25 pm

After discussing this with my wife, a second observation came to mind. After hearing about my bachelor party, she was disappointed the following weekend to find her bachelorette party to be nothing more than a sexually themed prepare-for-the-penis party. Perhaps our failure historically to stand up and respect our wives during this night has more ramifications than we thought.

21 Daniel January 9, 2009 at 4:39 pm

“if you don’t want strippers at your bachelors party thats cool but i get the feeling the only reason guys say no strippers is cuz of what their wife will think. if thats the case then ur whipped and not a man. its the grooms last night as a single dude and he can do whatever he wants”
Right, because god knows taking your wife-to-be’s sensibilities into consideration when planning a part is just so un-manly. Grow up.

22 Jere January 9, 2009 at 6:43 pm

Let me just clarify: I’m not getting married, it’s just a hypothetical of what I imagine would happen if my best friend were left to his own devices.

Thanks, though, guys.

23 Nate January 9, 2009 at 8:27 pm

I recently spent a weekend at a bachelor party with some great friends. The groom to be is a big rock and roll history fan and so we headed to Memphis (one of the coolest cities in America by the way)

A day visiting famous sun studios (where rock was born) and the rock-n-soul museum. That evening it was ribs at the famous blues city cafe and an evening listening to blues up and down beale.

Great night with the guys! A good male bonding moment not to be soon forgotten!

24 Morgan hanson January 9, 2009 at 9:09 pm

We had a party for my buddy. We took everybody to the target range and fired guns all day. Manly.

25 Virilitas January 9, 2009 at 9:41 pm

@David C.–
Mead is almost unbearably sweet when it is fermented, too. ;)

26 Steven Copley January 10, 2009 at 11:43 am

Excellent article.

Luckily my brother and I had the good sense to coordinate each others “parties” and they were extremely small, personal and memorable. As I recall, a few of his closest friends joined us for the night of fun and we spent time reflecting on life, enjoying the company and got a coffee at Starbucks to cap the evening off.

My brother did the same for me, with much shorter notice, when I got married. Small, intimate, memorable time with friends.

Thanks for the guide, perhaps some men will consider this when planning their friends in the future.

27 BT January 10, 2009 at 12:00 pm

@ Stephen

Your wife’s comments about the ‘prepare-for-the-penis” bachelorette party is spot on. I’m female, and have only been to three bachelorette parties. One involved a male strip-club (hilarious and not at all sexy…most of us gals would rather have watched women strip than the oiled Fabio wannabes rubbing their genitals on us!), the other a super lame and uncomfortable penis-themed party (penis ice cubes, suckers, pinata, etc)….

But the best one of all was my best friend and I on a 3-day backpacking trip at a National Park. Hands down, one of the best things we’ve ever done together – and her hubby-to-be was insanely jealous! Unfortunately, her other girl friends thought it absolutely unacceptable that she not have the night of penis paraphernalia, so she was the one with the lame penis party mentioned above (which she herself did not enjoy one bit)! When asked what kind of bachelorette party she had, she always mentions the backpacking….never the other party.

Point is – the girl’s parties definitely need some tweaking too! No way do I want anyone taking me clubbing or making me a penis-shaped cake. What’s the point!

I have a few friends who have been tapped to throw some upcoming bachelor parties, and will definitely be directing them to this page.

28 Dave January 13, 2009 at 9:09 pm

I planned a party for one of my good friends a couple years back. The plan was paintball, dinner and a Black Label Society concert. Paintballing was awsome, but you have to remember that activities are tiring! Most of the guys were dead tired after be got back in the early afternoon. Dinner was great and the the BLS show was the icing on the cake, mostly because my buddy got called up on stage and was congratulated by Zakk and the guys. And was of course ribbed to DEATH. We hung out after the show and jammed at the bar. That was easily one of the most memorable moments Ive had in my lifetime. The more effort you put into doing something right, the better it always is. Be creative. I think the camping thing is a little lame, but Im not a camper and if it floats your boat than party on dude! Its your party, I wont judge… Harshly ;)

That’s what having a bachelor party is all about. Make it something to remember. My poor best man is going to have to think hard as Ive spent more than my fair share of time in strip clubs and going to one wont be all that memorable for me. For mine I have no idea what I want. Had we gone boobie watching we would have missed out on a seriously memorable night.

Also make sure you find out who is coming and how this sucker is financed. The only person who shouldnt be paying for anything is the groom. Everyone else better be ponying up! And make sure if you organize you get paid ahead of time so its not coming out of your pocket. Overcharge people a little so there is money for incidentals that come up because they always do. As the best man and party organizer its unfortunatly your job to make sure party goes smoothly and everyone has a great time. That means easy on the booze there big guy. That was a problem I ran into. Money. Everything sounds great and awsome until guys realize they have to pony up. I had a bunch of commits to the paintball and dinner part, (the concert was reserved for a select few very good friends and hey not everyone is into metal.) Only to have people back out of the paintball and only want to come to dinner. Ironically the more people you have come, the cheaper per person it can be for activities and transportation. But you get a bigger bill overall. We had a huge H1 limo(Groom is a car guy) and it was the same price if it was 1 of us or 20. Maybe friends of the groom were just cheap bastards but I never heard a bunch of guys commit to something only to start backing out after all plans had been made when it came time to pay the bill. Always call for group rates and party rates. Lots of places are doing bachelor/ette party packs now. So call. It can only save you money.

And dont be that drunk guy. Drunk guy at dinner paid for EVERYTHING. I think the bill was 1500 before tip. And if you thought we paid him back… Well, he drank it all himself and he insisted numerous times on us letting him pay… I mean NUMEROUS times he insisted. Good story to that too. He doesnt remember how he got into his apartment. He remembers laying down on the street in front of his building, but he woke up in his bed. How he got there he doesnt know. I guessed the doorman.

29 Mike January 15, 2009 at 12:40 pm

For my bachelor party I basically planned it myself. A friend has a farm a couple of hours outside of town. We had about 20 guys down there. All the guys chipped in on two cases of shotgun shells and two cases of clay pigeons. We spent an afternoon shooting and having a blast. Then my brother organized the kitchen detail and we had a big grill out. The beer came out after the shooting was done and all the guys spent the night at he farmhouse so we wouldn’t have to worry about anyone driving home. (That was a mandatory rule I laid down). The next day a couple of guys stayed and we went hunting for a bit. It went really well. I had several of the guys tell me how great it was to do something different than Hooters and a strip joint. The married ones especially appreciated it because they didn’t have to lie to their wives.

30 Tim January 20, 2009 at 9:27 am

I’m thinking paintball with strippers is the happy medium here.

31 Greg T January 29, 2009 at 10:58 am

I appreciate this article a lot. I’ve been to three bachelor parties, one my own, and we fortunately never had to worry about the strippers or excesive alchol comsumption. For the one in Tx we went golfing and bowling that night, and for the two in MN during the winter, we found golf simulators and “played” the Old Course at St. Andrew’s and then hung out. Great times and great memories.

And as a joke, I did stop by Ace Hardware before my buddies bachelor party and for $3-$4 got a stripper- paint stripper. His wife thought it was hilarious and he brought the “stripper” back to my party a year later.

32 Bob February 11, 2009 at 10:35 am

Sounds kinda wussy to me, way too politically correct.

33 Sharon February 24, 2009 at 11:23 am

I am so glad to know that I am not the only person in the world that believes that a bachelor or bachelorette party should be about celebrating that a friend is about to enter a new and wonderful part of their life. Why it became acceptable and even expected for a person’s last hoorah to have to include a naked or almost naked person of the opposite sex is beyond my logic. You can celebrate the end to your single life and the beginning of your married life in so many better ways, that won’t lead to anger, resentment, or suspicion from your future spouse. And if a stripper party is the bachelor’s last chance to do this type of thing, why are there almost always married men present, too?

34 justin June 11, 2009 at 2:31 pm

I dont even know to begin with you guys.You are walking a groom down the plank and all you can think of is paintball and camping?Man,if you guys made me do that stuff at my “Party”,KEYWORD “PARTY”,i would never speak to any of you again.Its not about bonding,You already know each other.Its not about being classy,thats for the wedding.It truely is a celebration that should make the groom feel like “THE MAN!” thats your job as best man.Not to insure you bore him with the same things you can do any old weekend.You have one time to do things that he wont be able to do anymore without hearing from a lawyer the next day and losing half his stuff! Do the right thing and get him drunk,take no pictures,and let lots of hot girls have their way with him.if you tell your girlfriends what happened,you should have went to the brides party instead.Dont act like any guy reading this doesnt agree,its the truth,and if you cant admit it,your old lady must be reading this with you. Best of luck!!!

35 Portia July 25, 2009 at 11:37 pm

Justin,

What rock did you crawl out from under? First of all, anyone who views marriage as “walking someone down the plank”, clearly has the mentality of a ninth-grader. Secondly, you’re dreaming if you think that your lame advice will make anyone happier (not the groom, in the long run, and certainly not the bride). Commitment just doesn’t work that way, having “lots of hot girls have their way with him” mere hours or days before he says I do.

It’s about RESPECT. I’ve been told that having respect is more important to men than love. Well, it works both ways.

36 anna namous August 12, 2009 at 1:06 am

One of my good friends is getting married this Saturday and none of his groomsmen planned a bachelor party for him…his fiancee, also my friend, suggested that I take him out. Seeing as how I am a female I wasn’t sure he would be interested, and I didn’t even know what to do because the first thoughts I get when I think of a bachelor party are strippers. I would partake if need be but that isn’t something he is into. I discussed it with him, and he said he would love for me to plan it.

I wanted to do something classy and manly of course so I went out and bought some nice cigars for the group. We are going to have dinner at a local steak house and then to a local piano bar to sit around with our cigars and pipes and drink some good scotch… I might even bust out a fake mustache to fit in a little more…I think the boys will be impressed a woman planned this.

37 George M October 7, 2009 at 5:54 pm

This post was great! My friend is getting married in a month or so and we planned a similar party for him the week before the wedding. We’ll be paintballing all day then getting cleaned up for a nice dinner at the local brew pub. Hoorah for an end to the classless caveman party!

38 Michael October 29, 2009 at 3:19 pm

I really love this site but there are clearly alot of uptight people that do as well.

Hiring Strippers doesn’t have to be a trashy thing. Your friends should hand pick the “right’ ladies to entertain you on such a night along with hand picking other activites you would enjoy as well.

Oh my poor castrated masses, with cries of “RESPECT”. No one said disrespect was apart of having strippers at a party, unless that is how you conduct yourself in the presence of an exotic dancer or if your bride to be would disapprove of course.

Perhaps some of you don’t have the self control to have such a party and that’s fine, but don’t call your fellow man a cavemen because he chooses to enjoy himself in a non-prudish manner. Puritans, please exit the 16th century.

For me a casual evening( no jeans, no sneakers) at a nice catered hall with football on multiple screens,a fine collection of cigars, rare bottles of cognac and scotch, only my closest friends and family (hers and mine), good looking strippers, and lots of toast all night would be great. My woman would not only approve she would encourage me to have a good time and not feel the slightest bit disrespected in the process. I think we could even merge our bachelor/bachelorette parties, that would be fun too.

39 Despedida Soltero February 22, 2010 at 12:01 am

Informative content, In bachelor party you can drink all night but between the beer and the strippers, wouldn’t it be fun to have a few bachelor party games such as Despedida Soltero.

40 klara March 5, 2010 at 4:21 pm

I agree some more creative ways to spend a day or night out for a bachelor party, but geez what is up with all the whining about strip clubs and booze? And the concerns for pics to be seen by the future missus or how uncomfortable it would all be in front of the in-laws…??

I think you should all man up a bit. If my fiance isn’t wasted and has his head between a pair, i will be pretty disappointed. Its all about a funny experience that you laugh and maybe cringe about later. And put some trust in your ladies. I’m sure most think like me.

Happy partying! :-)

41 Ellie March 22, 2010 at 3:51 pm

I’m a bride-to-be and my future husband doesn’t drink. it’s not a religious thing and he doesn’t look down on drinking, it’s just a personal choice. So all his groomsmen keep asking me what the heck they’re going to do for his bachelor’s party. I had no idea until I read this. Awesome suggestions and totally helpful. I forwarded it to all of them. Thanks!

42 Chad June 23, 2010 at 9:18 am

On the issue of strippers I think the final say should always be left to the groom. If he wants to see naked ladies than go for it, but if he says no than the rest of the group should respect him for that as well.

When I planned my brothers Bachelor Party we met at my house for a BBQ and lots of beer and drinking. we then had a rented school bus to take us for a night of clubbing.

Some of the older family members (fathers of bride and groom etc) came only for the BBQ, but were happy to have a way to be included. Others met the bus and just came to the clubs. It was a good way to include many different groups. chance to talk and bond at the house and chance to party at the club.

the plan worked so well that when my brother had to plan a bachelor party for my sisters husband he did the same thing.

43 Johnny June 23, 2010 at 10:16 am

First of all, great article. One of my good friends had a great bachelor party; there was tubing, waterskiing, and the detonation of explosives all weekend.

@Michael, Justin, and Iou,

The fundamental premise that makes me and many other men on this comment board not want strippers involved in a bachelor party is that looking at a woman lustfully is wrong. Because Brett is engaging a larger audience, one that might not necessarilly share this premise, he also emphasizes the other consequences of having and “unclassy” bachelor party (i.e. angry in-laws, angry bride-to-be, embarassing pictures, etc.) these arguments are useful, but they do not take away from the fundamental problem with hiring strippers. When you use others for sexual pleasure (be it for your eyes only or if you “go further”), you hurt yourself as well as the person who is being objectified. Mt. 5:28 is the basis for this traditional Christian view. This is the source of all the other social stigmas associated with going to a strip club. The in-laws don’t like it because it shows that you aren’t an upright man or that you aren’t willing to sacrifice looking at other women for the sake of your relationship with their daughter/sister and the fiance feels the same way.

So, we can argue about the premises (whether or not Jesus was wrong in saying what he did) but the fact remains that many people think that hiring strippers is wrong—and they’re right!. Ranting to us on this board about how we need to “man up” and not worry about what the in-laws are thinking is missing the point. A real man doesn’t avoid strip clubs because he worries about what others would think. A real man would stay away—even if he knew that no one would ever know—because he wants to preserve his ability to look at members of the opposite sex in a healthy way. THAT is being manly. I can tell you from experience that the first few times I refused to join my buddies in going to a strip club I was a bit embarassed to say so because it was “what all the guys were doing”, but I spoke up anyway. After the first few times, I soon realized that many guys I knew were relieved that someone was giving them an “out” and were more than happy to do something different that evening. Even the guys who were dissapointed by not going didn’t protest too loudly, for fear of others hearing just how much they wanted to pay money to look at woman they don’t know dancing naked in a dark room with a bunch of other men. Sounds kinda lame and strange when you say it out loud, no?

Just my two cents.

44 T.D. June 23, 2010 at 12:58 pm

@ Johnny and all the other ‘party haters’ – Religion should have absolutely no baring on the decision to hire strippers and whether or not a person is considered a ‘real man’. A ‘real man’ could be thrown into a den of 10,000 smokin’ hot virgins all eagerly awaiting him and still not even lift an eyebrow because he has the love and trust of a woman with whom he has chosen to spend the rest of his life with. This is a million times better then some cheap thrill that a stripper provides. No one says you shouldn’t speak your mind if you feel uncomfortable at the inclusion of strippers at a bachelor party; however this does not give you the right to demean other men who can otherwise control themselves, and know what they truly have.

Pull up your panties boys, and stop hiding behind your mothers apron strings… sometimes in life you are faced with things you don’t want to do or don’t agree with. A true gentleman is true to his beliefs no matter what situation he is finds himself in. Don’t go and blow some dudes bachelor party because YOU are scared of vaginas.

45 John June 27, 2010 at 9:23 am

From a MUCH earlier comment, “lou” says – “if you don’t want strippers at your bachelors party thats cool but i get the feeling the only reason guys say no strippers is cuz of what their wife will think. if thats the case then ur whipped and not a man. its the grooms last night as a single dude and he can do whatever he wants”

This is a complete illustration of a lack of manliness. There are two definitions of manliness. One is the opposite of womanhood, the other is the opposite of childhood. In reality manhood is the opposite of childhood. Thanks to the decline of men’s culture, there are immature souls wandering about trying to pretend to be the “opposite of womanhood”, whilst clinging fervently to their childhood. A man getting married is most likely engaged, at which point the “exclusivity” of his relationship with his fiance is sealed. Sleazy bachelor parties with strippers are not an indicator of manliness, but rather an indicator of a lack thereof. My father never had (nor would have allowed) any kind of college-frat party “in (dis)honor” of his wedding, both my Grandfathers even lesser so. Hence when I got married I made damn well sure that my brother and all my best friends knew there would NOT be something like that before my wedding.

46 prufock June 28, 2010 at 2:03 pm

We’re having our cake and eating it too for a friend’s bachelor party. Paintball in the afternoon, barbecue, poker w/drinks, and the strip club to end off the night.

I’m sure some are sincere, but I still find it funny that some men pretend they don’t want drinks and strippers or, worse, chastise other men for participating.

47 dan July 12, 2010 at 10:08 pm

I think that it definately depends on the guy and the bride to be. Some guys are so pussy whipped by their women that they feel guilty about doing anything that might hurt their feelings. So planning events like going on the lake would be fun for these type of guys since they are just going to act like a nervous little baby if you took them to a strip club anyway.My best buddy is a good example of this.

Then there are the kind of guys who’s fiance’s don’t want them to go to a strip club but are okay with a night out on the town. In this scenario, doing shots with random women is acceptable( i.e. Coyote Ugly) and is a good middle of the road.

And then there is the rare couple who doesn’t care what the other does at their bachelor/bachelorette party. In this case, a trip to Vegas is in order.

Personally, I’d love to have both. Maybe go to a ball game with a night on the town as a night cap.

48 Jaz October 2, 2012 at 8:36 pm

While I do appreciate the sentiment and agree with the premise that a B party can be gentleman ly and not a vomiting frat party, , I don’t know where everyone here is getting the idea that the stripper thing hard party element is somehow dying? I see zero evidence. Yes, we are in the midst of planning an event weekend (an NFL game and 5 star dinner, plus golf). But there will be some sort of adult entertainment by hook or by crook, as has been the case at every single B party I’ve gone too. And generally, the number of “strip club regulars” is far outnumbered by the guys who basically never go to clubs, but who are happy to do so when the opportunity arrises and it isn’t totally sketchy. I guess I don’t know the readership here that well, but I’m just saying, I’d think twice about proclaiming the death of the naughty party.

49 GREG WILLIAMS November 19, 2012 at 5:16 am

You should also make sure that you dont invite someone that the groom may not want there. Always check with him beforehand on who he wants to invite. You dont have to give him any more details, but the guest list is important!

50 Rex Berg December 21, 2012 at 10:29 pm

I was just asked to be my brother’s best man, and my first response was to come to this blog. Thanks for the timely advice!

51 Ezekiel January 21, 2013 at 5:52 am

I realy appreciate the write-up & comments.im about to function as a bestman soon,so this is a good guide to successful organisation for me.thanks to you all.

52 Donald January 29, 2013 at 9:12 pm

We took a chartered fished boat out grouper fishing for mine. Good, clean fun while still having plenty to drink…

53 mike d February 17, 2013 at 12:21 pm

My best friend wants me to be the best man at his wedding. He has demanded, I take him to Vegas! I love him, and I will, but thanks for the advice, I can do something else for him too!!!

54 S April 4, 2013 at 10:23 am

Gee whiz most of the whiners are females on here.

And of course the religious nuts aren’t going to want strippers etc.

Its a bloody bucks night, its light hearted and if the bride and groom have trust then what’s the problem.

To the men who posted on here saying ‘I didnt have strippers/waitress etc” you are only lying to yourself.

Its a bit of fun and generally the adult entertainment side of things is pushed by the older guests (dirty old deprived uncles)

55 KayDub May 12, 2013 at 2:21 am

When I think bachelor party, I think: What would Ron Swanson do?
I’m planning a camping trip with the groom and groomsmen, to a place we used to go as kids. Upon our return: the finest steak dinner our city has to offer; followed by a beer crawl.

Classy; memorable; and bonding with the boys whom you may not have seen in a very long time.

56 Commander13 June 12, 2013 at 5:02 pm

I was already thinking along these lines, in planning my wedding next year. I call it “The Groom’s Retreat”. One of my good friends out in California did it as a camping trip- one of the most relaxing weekends I’ve ever had. One of my friends has offered his secluded, log-built house for the Retreat, and spending the weekend there with just my closest male friends sounds terrific- time for everything from solitary meditation & reflection in the woods, to drinking, grilling, and music. And, it’s held a week before the wedding, so no hangover concerns. I’m glad this more male-bonding approach is taking over, from the trying-too-hard sexual hedonism that’s been typical of American Bachelor Parties.

57 Meshakhad August 11, 2013 at 3:41 pm

While it’s a bad idea to have the bachelor party the night before the wedding, you don’t need to have it several weeks in advance. Just make sure that the bachelor party and the wedding are at least 24 hours apart.

58 KJ August 26, 2013 at 4:06 pm

Its all about the groom. I’m currently hosting my third bachelor party and I CANNOT stress this enough…ITS ABOUT THE GROOM! Do something he enjoys AND something where he can usually make some money. Many times you should make it a happy medium.
First party was a casino party with girls dressed up in very nice lingerie who delivered our drinks too us the entire time. (open bar and each girl did it for 30$ an hour with free drinks). They were nice and had fun. I also had strippers and a 50/50 which made it very memorable because they kind of embarrassed him and me due to me being the best man. But all in all fun.

2nd party was NO strippers out of respect. We went to a really good BBQ place called Sticky Lips (was on Man VS Food) and had a limo pick us up and take us. We then went to a brewery and toured it. After we all went back to a house where I had a dunk tank set up, a fire burning and cards. 5$ to try dunking people (mostly me) and the money went to the groom.

This next party I’m setting up a Golf outing with some close friends and family so its respectful. Then I am having a contact set up a Home Run Derby at our Triple AAA baseball stadium at the Rochester Red Wings (Minnesota Twins AAA team). He loves baseball so this is a surprise and Im only bringing him and the wedding party when everyone leaves to get ready for the party later. I rented out a room at a the bar where I’m friends with the owner and My other buddy works for a food company so they donated food. We will have some strippers to bring in more people so they can buy tickets and he can go home with some money.

A GREAT party should ALWAYS include something where the Groom will remember and enjoy forever. Also where he can make some money for his lovely bride and himself for honeymoon activities, and where he can act as himself and be a free bachelor with the boys, one last time. (I do not allow ANYTHING to happen between the groom and any stripper – she would not get paid if so)

hope this helped.

59 Mike Kilgore September 22, 2013 at 11:00 am

Brett great post. I’m surprised, it was written in 2009 but still feels good to read.

Can you tell me what is the best location to have a bachelor party and some great, unique ideas of planning it? Thanks!

60 D Das September 30, 2013 at 6:21 am

My son got married recently to a Polish American girl and I heard all this discussions about gifts for groomsmen.
I am sure his friends would be getting married too and I my be asked to find gifts for the grooms men. I wonder if something like the flasks featured here following make sense!

http://www.dreamflasks.com/gifts-for-groomsmen-s/1854.htm

61 Matt S October 14, 2013 at 10:21 am

Awesome article! I 100% agree that an exciting, fast-paced activity which furthers male-bonding is the ultimate way to throw a bachelor party.

It certainly wouldn’t hurt to keep the bachelor party going into the night and get the best of both worlds.

62 Dan November 27, 2013 at 2:58 pm

Speaking from first hand experience as the recipient of such an invitation, make sure the invitees of the bachelor party are also that of the wedding, especially if the bachelor party is at a farther distance than the wedding. I felt like I was being used to get a cheaper rate for the hotel suite in New Orleans (20 hour drive), when the groom didn’t feel it was necessary to invite me to the destination wedding less than 2 hours away from where I lived.

63 Brandon Howard December 19, 2013 at 9:01 pm

I have so many stories regarding Las Vegas bachelor parties. Being a VIP host I have seen it all. For instance there was a bachelor party of eight I was escorting to a gentlemen’s club and night club, this group was wild and crazy! We had a party bus pick us up after the gentlemen’s club minus one guy we seemed to have lost but the night had to go on. On the way to the nightclub we lost a second guy!! This time due to him throwing out his back while trying to recreate some of the tricks he saw on the stripper pole which was in the party bus. We had to call an ambulance. Even though there were a few “casualties” throughout the night we made it to the nightclub with five guys. At the nightclub the party continued with bottle and table service. I must say these guys knew how to party hard! One guy was even asked to leave for passing out at the table.

64 Meshakhad February 16, 2014 at 9:25 pm

While I think having the bachelor party the night before the wedding is a bad idea, I don’t think it’s necessary to have it weeks in advance. When my friend got married, and I was the best man, we had the bachelor party three nights before the wedding.

He did explicitly tell me “no strippers” although that wasn’t really necessary, given that I’m the religious type. We ended up going out to an arcade, followed by a sushi dinner. Then we went back to his place and played Cards Against Humanity with the rest of the wedding party, like we’d done nearly every night.

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