While the divorce rate has fallen over the last several decades, plenty of couples still don’t pass the test of time. Fortunately, the odds as to whether or not you divorce are not a matter of pure chance, but something you can improve with intentionality.
My guest has some research-backed advice on how. His name is Scott Stanley, he’s a professor of psychology at the University of Denver and the co-author of the book Fighting for Your Marriage. We last had Scott on the show to talk about the problem with ambiguity in relationships. Today we begin our conversation discussing how marriage issues have changed since he originally published Fighting for Your Marriage in 1994 and the state of American marriage in the 21st century. Scott then shares the biggest issues he sees pop up in marriages over and over again, such as escalating arguments and avoiding conflict. We then discuss communication skills you can use to defuse these common marital conflicts, including uncovering hidden issues and establishing ground rules for arguments. Scott then makes the case that in addition to mitigating conflict, happy couples need to focus on creating positive encounters with one another. We end our conversation discussing how to grow in your commitment to your marriage.
- What’s changed with the culture of marriage since the book was originally published in 1994?
- What’s the state of marriage in America today? Why is the marriage rate coming down?
- Why people expect more from their spouse nowadays
- The most common problems that pop up in marriage, and the problems that actually lead to divorce
- Sliding vs. deciding
- Making your marriage a safe environment for connecting
- The biggest communication problems that couples have
- How our issues escalate so quickly
- What is “negative interpretation”?
- Why do partners withdraw?
- 3 helpful ground rules for couples to establish
- How to take a meaningful timeout
- What does a spousal friendship look like?
- How to grow your commitment and dedication to your spouse
Resources/People/Articles Mentioned in Podcast
- My first interview with Scott about the problem of ambiguity in relationships
- Should You Live Together Before Marriage?
- The Surprising Benefits of Marriage for Men
- The All-or-Nothing Marriage by Eli Finkel
- How to Avoid a 3-Car Pile-Up In Your 30s
- The 10 Commandments of Clean Communication
- Why the Secret to a Happy, Successful Marriage Is Treating It Like a Bank Account
- The Best Ways to Fund Your Relationship Bank Account
- The Speaker Listener Technique video
- How to Test Your Relationship Without Moving In Together
- DIY Marriage Counseling
- Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts
- How and Why to Hold a Weekly Marriage Meeting
- Marriage as a Master Mind
Connect With Scott
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