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We all have that friend or relative who tells the same stories over and over. As soon as he or she gets underway with the well-worn setup, you can see spouses exchange a \u201chere we go again\u201d glance, and people intentionally try to put on a face they hope disguises their disinterest and carries the appearance of listening to something for the first time.<\/p>\n
We want to be patient with people. Some folks retell stories because their memory isn\u2019t very good, or because the deck of life experiences they draw from to make conversation isn\u2019t very deep. At the same time, however, listening to the same stories over and over can make gatherings and get-togethers rather dull.<\/p>\n
So what should you do in this situation?<\/p>\n
Since it\u2019s not the greatest hardship to listen to a story for the tenth time, and it seems like it would be rude to tell the speaker you\u2019ve heard it before, most folks just grin and bear it.<\/p>\n
That\u2019s a fine course of action, especially if you\u2019re interacting with an older person, whose mind isn\u2019t what it used to be and who could use some grace and perennially attentive listening.<\/p>\n
But it\u2019s arguably not the best way to handle things in many cases, either for yourself as the listener, or for the speaker.<\/p>\n
Even though we think that letting people tell the same stories without correction is the \u201cnice\u201d thing to do, in some ways, it\u2019s actually not so polite.<\/p>\n
Though listeners try their best to pretend it\u2019s the first time they\u2019ve heard what is in fact a familiar story, most people aren\u2019t very good actors (some people start to look down at their phones because they know they\u2019re not); it\u2019s particularly hard to fake genuine, surprise-driven laughter. As a result, something invariably seems off to the speaker about the reaction of his \u201caudience\u201d; he can sense that his listeners don\u2019t seem as interested or amused by the story as he thought they\u2019d be. The speaker may thus feel confused and hurt, and wonder if he said something wrong, or is just a boring person.<\/p>\n
At the same time, most people would want to know if they were telling a story they\u2019d already shared before, which is something nearly everyone does on occasion, including yourself! It\u2019s a little mortifying to think that there have assuredly been times when people were faking their reactions to your own repeated anecdotes. You probably would have preferred that someone stopped you.<\/p>\n
You just wouldn\u2019t want them to do it in a rude way.<\/p>\n
Fortunately, there\u2019s an approach to stopping a repeated story which minimizes the sting of \u201crejection.\u201d<\/p>\n
Interrupting someone when they begin an anecdote you\u2019ve already heard with \u201cYou\u2019ve told this story before!\u201d will tend to make the speaker feel chastised and embarrassed.<\/p>\n
Instead, frame your interjection in a softer form — a question which shows you\u2019re already familiar with the story:<\/strong> \u201cWas this the time when you lost your hat?\u201d \u201cWas this the trip where you ran into Arnold Schwarzenegger?\u201d The speaker will likely then say something like, \u201cOh, you\u2019ve heard this story before!\u201d By getting them to say it, instead of you, the realization won\u2019t make them feel as awkward.<\/p>\n Sometimes, even if you have heard someone\u2019s story before, you realize you\u2019ve forgotten some of the details, and would like to hear it again, in which case you may say, \u201cI have heard this story, but I forget how it turns out. Tell us again.\u201d A story that might have seemed tedious if the speaker had \u201cforced\u201d it on you, will then seem more interesting, since you asked for it. Both speaker and listener will enjoy a greater sense of rapport.<\/p>\n If someone is a perennial story-reteller, it can help to bring up their previously-told stories yourself at other times.<\/strong> \u201cWell at least you didn\u2019t lose your hat this go round.\u201d \u201cWould you say the experience was even better than meeting Arnold?\u201d Hearing external affirmation of their stories will solidify in their memory the fact that they\u2019ve already shared them with you. (Re-surfacing things people have previously told you is just a generally good practice; everyone likes to know that you truly listen and retain what they tell you!)<\/p>\n When you\u2019re the speaker, if you feel any tinge of uncertainty as to whether or not you\u2019ve shared a certain story before, it never hurts to ask before you begin:<\/strong> \u201cDid I ever tell you about the time I got into a fist fight with the postman?\u201d<\/p>\n So too, which stories you\u2019ve shared with which sets of friends\/relatives can get understandably confusing, so it can help to make a mental note after a social gathering like, \u201cOkay, I\u2019ve shared my story about the ferocious koala bear with the Smith\u2019s.\u201d<\/p>\n Everyone re-tells stories from time to time, and if as a listener you like repeated tales, by all means enjoy them on each and every go round. But if you feel like it might be best for all involved to stop a narrative train before it leaves the station, know that there\u2019s a way to offer some polite redirection.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" We all have that friend or relative who tells the same stories over and over. As soon as he or she gets underway with the well-worn setup, you can see spouses exchange a \u201chere we go again\u201d glance, and people intentionally try to put on a face they hope disguises their disinterest and carries the […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":112935,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"activitypub_content_warning":"","activitypub_content_visibility":"","activitypub_max_image_attachments":3,"activitypub_interaction_policy_quote":"","activitypub_status":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[502,318],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-112931","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-character","category-etiquette"],"featured_image_urls":{"large":"https:\/\/content.artofmanliness.com\/uploads\/2020\/05\/story-538x280.jpg","aom":"https:\/\/content.artofmanliness.com\/uploads\/2020\/05\/story-372x230.jpg","reactor-320":"https:\/\/content.artofmanliness.com\/uploads\/2020\/05\/story-320x213.jpg","reactor-640":"https:\/\/content.artofmanliness.com\/uploads\/2020\/05\/story-640x427.jpg"},"yoast_head":"\n