In light of the recent discussion on who should be rescued first from danger, this humorous “rescue etiquette” guide from Mark Twain is apropos. Twain wryly lists the order in which 26 types of people should be rescued.
“Rescue Etiquette”
By: Mark Twain
In assisting at a fire in a boarding house, the true gentleman will always save the young ladies first—making no distinction in favor of personal attractions, or social eminence, or pecuniary predominance—but taking them as they come, and firing them out with as much celerity as shall be consistent with decorum. There are exceptions, of course, to all rules; the exceptions to this one are:
Partiality, in the matter of rescue, to be shown to:
1. Fiancées.
2. Persons toward whom the operator feels a tender sentiment, but has not yet declared himself.
3. Sisters.
4. Stepsisters.
5. Nieces.
6. First cousins.
7. Cripples.
8. Second cousins.
9. Invalids.
10. Young-lady relations by marriage.
11. Third cousins, and young-lady friends of the family.
12. The Unclassified.
Other material in boarding house is to be rescued in the following order:
13. Babies.
14. Children under 10 years of age.
15. Young widows.
16. Young married females.
17. Elderly married ditto.
18. Elderly widows.
19. Clergymen.
20. Boarders in general.
21. Female domestics.
22. Male ditto.
23. Landlady.
24. Landlord.
25. Firemen.
26. Furniture.
27. Mothers-in-law.
From Lists of Note
Hat tip to Evan W. for this link.
The internet is a big place. A man can waste a lot of time searching for the manliest stuff the web has to offer. Let us do the searching for you. The AoM Trunk is a collection of cool stuff that we find while wandering the vast deserts of the world wide web. Like your grandpa's old trunk, the AoM Trunk is full of manly photos, films, and accouterments. Check back daily for new, manly finds.
Keep up with the latest acquisitions of The Trunk by following it through the following channels:
{ 9 comments… read them below or add one }
I notice “wife” didn’t make the list. I wonder if that was intentional? Or would she be classified as either number 16 or 17 depending upon her age?
Probably comes under Female Domestics.
Dear Heather,
I never waivered from number 1, Fiancées as the same catagory as Wife. The person to whom you are Engaged or Betrothed. The rest is just paperwork.
Cripples are sandwiched in between first and second cousins. …I would love to know his reasoning. .. Twain is a riot.
Politicians weren’t mentioned on his list as worth saving. His regard for them was not high. Twain once said, “Fleas can be taught nearly anything a Congressman can.”
I pretty much agree, but personally, I would rescue firemen long before babies.
Kenny, I would do the reverse.
Firemen are much more able to save themselves than babies. Come to think of it, that’s the entire list. But I digress, it’s humor.
Shouldn’t fathers-in-law precede mothers-in-law