Getting close to her family is something that’s unlikely to be high on your agenda motivating you relationship.
But the positive consequences that can stem from this can be phenomenal.

At the end of the day, it all boils down to social proof. What other people do, and how other people behave, even other’s thoughts and feelings are highly influential to our own behaviour (despite us not being consciously aware of it) . Therefore if you can get her family to sing your praises, it will only make your relationship with your girlfriend stronger in the long run.
The same goes for making an effort with her friends. When you get into a relationship, it’s not just with that person, you should be taking on their social circle.
I guess Baby Spice from Spice Girls said it best … “if you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends!”
Truly great post!

I think it may be harder for a woman to get on with her future in laws – especially his mother – even more so when that woman is trying to keep him as a ‘mummy’s boy’. I looked so forward to my new ‘family’ but what can you do when they are idiots? I’ve done nothing to earn this hostility, in fact quite the opposite. But I’ve learnt in my advancing years that you cannot change people, and if they’re intent on disliking you because of their own secret agendas there’s nothing you can do.

When we’re properly living together I won’t be a part of his family’s life. I’m too old and tired out for anymore mind games! (He does not want much to do with them either).

Brad, you sound like a really nice young man, your girl is lucky to have you. Yes, they do come across as somewhat racist (I’ve also been there, done that. and racism does exist also from non-whites believe it or not!) Her father sounds like a nightmare, a real selfish person. I wouldn’t bend over backwards to try and get on with him / them if they are being continually hostile. Take it from an old gal, you’ve been more than fair in trying to get on with them and if you continue to ‘bang your head against a brick wall’ you will start to resent your relationship – and maybe your relationship will suffer because of it. As long as your mate really loves you, you will work it out together. Respect to you.