In my unending search for just the right vintage images for our articles, I have looked through thousands of photographs of men from the last century or so. One of the things that I have found most fascinating about many of these images, is the ease, familiarity, and intimacy, which men used to exhibit in photographs with their friends and compadres.
I shared a handful of these images in our very early post on the history of male friendship, but today I wanted to share almost 100 more in order to provide a more in-depth look into an important and highly interesting aspect of masculine history: the decline of male intimacy over the last century.
As you make your way through the photos below, many of you will undoubtedly feel a keen sense of surprise — some of you may even recoil a bit as you think, “Holy smokes! That’s so gay!”
The poses, facial expressions, and body language of the men below will strike the modern viewer as very gay indeed. But it is crucial to understand that you cannot view these photographs through the prism of our modern culture and current conception of homosexuality. The term “homosexuality” was in fact not coined until 1869, and before that time, the strict dichotomy between “gay” and “straight” did not yet exist. Attraction to, and sexual activity with other men was thought of as something you did, not something you were. It was a behavior — accepted by some cultures and considered sinful by others.
But at the turn of the 20th century, the idea of homosexuality shifted from a practice to a lifestyle and an identity. You did not have temptations towards a certain sin, you were a homosexual person. Thinking of men as either “homosexual” or “heterosexual” became common. And this new category of identity was at the same time pathologized — decried by psychiatrists as a mental illness, by ministers as a perversion, and by politicians as something to be legislated against. As this new conception of homosexuality as a stigmatized and onerous identifier took root in American culture, men began to be much more careful to not send messages to other men, and to women, that they were gay. And this is the reason why, it is theorized, men have become less comfortable with showing affection towards each other over the last century. At the same time, it also may explain why in countries with a more conservative, religious culture, such as in Africa or the Middle East, where men do engage in homosexual acts, but still consider homosexuality the “crime that cannot be spoken,” it remains common for men to be affectionate with one another and comfortable with things like holding hands as they walk.
Whether the men below were gay in the way our current culture understands that idea, or in the way that they themselves understood it, is unknowable. What we do know is that the men would not have thought their poses and body language had anything at all to do with that question. What you see in the photographs was common, not rare; the photos are not about sexuality, but intimacy.
These photos showcase an evolution in the way men relate to one another — and the way in which certain forms and expressions of male intimacy have disappeared over the last century.
It has been said that a picture tells a thousand words, so while I have provided a little commentary below, I invite you to interpret the photos yourselves, and to ask and discuss questions such as: “Who were these men?” “What was the nature of their relationships?” “Why has male intimacy decreased and what are the repercussions for the emotional lives of men today?”
Men as Friends
Portraits
From the Civil War through the 1920′s, it was very common for male friends to visit a photographer’s studio together to have a portrait done as a memento of their love and loyalty. Photographers would offer various backgrounds and props the men could choose from to use in the picture. Sometimes the men would act out scenes; sometimes they’d simply sit side-by-side; sometimes they’d sit on each other’s laps or hold hands. The men’s very comfortable and familiar poses and body language might make the men look like gay lovers to the modern eye — and they could very well have been — but that was not the message they were sending at the time. The photographer’s studio would have been at the center of town, well-known by everyone, and one’s neighbors would having been sitting in the waiting room just a few feet away. Because homosexuality, even if thought of as a practice rather than an identity, was not something publicly expressed, these men were not knowingly outing themselves in these shots; their poses were common, and simply reflected the intimacy and intensity of male friendships at the time — none of these photos would have caused their contemporaries to bat an eye.
When the author of Picturing Men, John Ibson, conducted a survey of modern day portrait studios to ask if they had ever had two men come in to have their photo taken, he found that the event was so rare that many of the photographers he spoke to had never seen it happen during their career.
Snapshots
When portable cameras for the amateur photographer became more widely available, they allowed men to photograph themselves in a greater range of more spontaneous situations, and the practice of sitting for formal portraits together waned in the 1930s. The snapshots usually were developed by someone else who would have gotten a look at all of them, so again, these pictures were not likely purposeful expressions of gay love, but rather captured the very common level of comfort men felt with one another during the early 20th century.
One of the reasons male friendships were so intense during the 19th and early 20th centuries, is that socialization was largely separated by sex; men spent most their time with other men, women with other women. In the 50s, some psychologists theorized that gender-segregated socialization spurred homosexuality, and as cultural mores changed in general, snapshots of only men together were supplanted by those of coed groups.
In all male environments, such as mining camps or navy ships, it was common for men to hold dances, with half the men wearing a patch or some other marker to designate them as the “women” for the evening.
Forming pyramids on the beach was a popular pastime for men through the 30s.
After WWII, casually touching between men in photographs decreased precipitously. It first vanished among middle-aged men, but lingered among younger men. But in the 50s, when homosexuality reached its peak of pathologization, eventually they too created more space between themselves, and while still affectionate began to interact with less ease and intimacy.
It’s not true that American men are no longer affectionate with each other at all. Hand-holding and lap-sitting are out, but putting your arms around your buddies is still common. Physical affection seems more common among high school and college age men, a time when friendships are closer, than among middle-aged men, and this has probably always been the case more or less. Although it may also have to do with generational and cultural changes, as we’ll touch on at the end of the article.
Men at Work
It was also popular for men to get portraits done with the guys they worked with, often while wearing their work clothes — from aprons to overalls — and holding the tools of their trade — from frying pans to hammers. That men wished to immortalize themselves alongside their “co-workers” shows how important work was to a man’s identity and the close bond men used to feel with those they shared a trade with and toiled next to.
When a photo studio wasn’t nearby, snapshots were taken. These snapshots reveal the camaraderie men felt with those they worked beside.
As the trades waned in importance, and white collar work waxed, photographs of men on the job became more formal and less intimate. Instead of seeing each as fellow craftsmen, working for a common goal with a shared pride in the work, men became competitors with each other, each trying to get ahead in a dog-eat-dog world. And a lot less work-related photographs were taken in general. Perhaps because we only take photographs of pleasurable things, things we want to always remember, and the pleasure men took in their work had fallen.
“Enforced mobility of work groups, the resultant discontinuity in personal relations–sometimes even the wife won’t go with you–perhaps explains the unwillingness of modern individuals to embark on intense friendships. What is the point of having a ‘best friend’ or ‘blood brother’ if you are constantly changing jobs and flats?” –Robert Brain
Men on the Field
As team sports became one of the great passions of a man’s life in the 1890s, the team photo became a required ritual. A team wished to have a memento of the exploits of the season, and no yearbook was complete without one. The changing poses of the team photo provide a window into the evolving mores of male affection, and perhaps into the evolving nature of sport itself.
At the turn of the century, team photos were more intimate and casual, with teammates piling on top of one another, leaning on each other, and draping their arms around one another.
1915 basketball team
Starting in the 1920s, team photos became more formal, more like the team photos we know today. Instead of touching each other, the men crossed their arms across their stomach or put them behind their backs. Each player stood more isolated from the others, much as the space between businessmen had grown as well. Still a team, but a team of distinct individuals.
Duke basketball team 1942-43
Men at War
Some of the most intense bonds between men have always been found among those who serve in the military. Gender segregation (at least in times past), is at its very highest. Men are far from home and can only rely on each other; together they face the highest dangers and are motivated less by duty to country and more by the desire not to let their brothers down. Serving is such an unquestionably manly thing, that homophobia dissipates; soldiers care less about one’s sexuality than whether the man can get the job done.
The man who served in WWII and experienced intense camaraderie with his battlefield brothers, often had trouble adjusting to life back home, in which he got married, settled in the suburbs, and felt cut off and isolated from other men and the kind of deep friendships he had enjoyed during the war.
My Buddy
Life is a book that we study
Some of its leaves bring a sigh
There it was written by a buddy
That we must part, you and INights are long since you went away
I think about you all through the day
My buddy, my buddy
Nobody quite so true
Miss your voice, the touch of your hand
Just long to know that you understand
My buddy, my buddy
Your buddy misses youMiss your voice, the touch of your hand
Just long to know that you understand
My buddy, my buddy
Your buddy misses youYour buddy misses you, yes I do
Written in 1922 by Walter Donaldson, “My Buddy” was originally inspired by the heartbreaking death of Donaldson’s fiancee, but was adopted during WWII by the troops as a way to express their deep attachment to each other.
Today’s serviceman enjoys the same intense bonds as his forebearers did. But, at least in photographs, he is much less likely to express this bond in overt ways. The most common pose among today’s soldiers is standing side-by-side, holding one’s weapons.
Conclusion: What Is the Future of Male Intimacy?
“Boys imitate what they see. If what they see is emotional distance, guardedness, and coldness between men they will grow up to imitate that behavior…What do boys learn when they do not see men with close friendships, where there are no visible models of intimacy in a man’s life beyond his spouse?” -Kindlon and Thompson, Raising Cain
Sociologists have noticed that Millennial boys seem much more comfortable with showing affection for each other than their fathers did. According to an article in The New York Times, whereas their parents might have given each other a high five, hugging has become the de facto way for teenagers to greet each other and to part ways — even to the point that non-huggers are viewed warily — and is as common among boys as girls. “We’re not afraid, we just get in and hug,” said Danny Schneider, a high school junior who was interviewed for the story. Some theorize that Millennial boys have become more comfortable with touching because their generation is less cynical and more cooperative and group-oriented.
Others posit that because so much of young people’s socialization is done online, they have a deeper need to physically connect in person to balance things out. And it may also be traced to the culture’s greater acceptance of homosexuality, although that has in turn solidified being gay as an identity, and it seems unlikely that men will cease wanting to communicate to others whether they are homosexual or heterosexual anytime soon. It also seems unlikely that in a transient and very coed, non gender-segregated society, male friendships will ever be as intense as they once were. Although even that is changing: twenty-somethings are much less likely to move these days than they have been in decades.
So what do you think is the future of male intimacy? What thoughts came to you as you looked at these photos? I know AoM has readers from all over the world, so fill us in on how men interact in your neck of the global woods.
______________
Source:
Picturing Men: A Century of Male Relationships in Everyday American Photography by John Ibson
Photos sources: Picturing Men and Flickr
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Awesome Post! While I feel completely comfortable being “intimate” with my close friends it can sometime make them feel awkward. I lost my best friend in a car accident when I was 15 and it made me more comfortable telling my close friends that I love them and since they did not share the same expirences I did it is hard for them to understand. But I never miss a chance to tell my friends they mean a lot to me. Our culture should put a end to this macho idea men cant be close.
http://content.artofmanliness.com/uploads//2012/07/friendsportrait8.jpg
Mr. Centeno on the right?
Very cool article. I remember living in Brazil that male intimacy was much more common and I was glad to have the excuse to hug my friends or sit close to them. At times I miss that, it was very therapeutic to know that I had a close connection with other men that I worked with.
Oh, and I get everything but sitting on someone’s lap… that’s still just weird to me. It’s not that it’s offensive, I just don’t see the point.
I still hug and kiss my best buds, and they fear me for that, never the less they know I love them as my brothers!!!
This is an awesome set of photos, makes me feel like we are really missing something in terms of closeness with our buddies in today’s culture. As an aside humorously speaking I feel like a pic of Ben Afleck and Matt Damon should be up here.
Very inspiring photos. I gotta say, I wish that friendship were as affectionate as these manly men of the past made it. Personally, my best friends and I usually greet and part ways with a hug, especially if we won’t see the other for a while. There’s that, and then there’s our signature handshake, which, if done correctly, extends very slowly, limp as a dead fish, but only allows the briefest contact of the fingertips before the hand is quickly retracted.
Wont Lie, when I first saw this post, I was hesitant to even open, but it was very insightful. There such a fear amongst a lot of men to not “look gay” that we are afraid to show affection of any sort towards people we care about from friends to family.
What a great article! Male friendship/intimacy is rarely talked about. Nice photo collection. Not a huge hugger myself but I always cringe when I hear someone say its “gay” for men to show affection. I see my male college students much more willing to hug, rough house, walk with arms draped over neck etc than my middle age peers maybe things are changing?
These photographs are beautiful. They document an ease and comfort of male bonding we are hard-pressed to find in today’s dichotomy of a sexually repressed, yet over-saturated, society. In psychotherapy, when an individual leans towards a tendency to sexualize anything in the absence of revelatory information, it is a strong indication of the presence of sexually repressive and guilt-related issues. The bottom line is, intelligently and obviously as it should always be, conversations of sexual intimacy are best left to the parties between whom such intimacy occurs, and is certainly not fodder for the speculation of small minds. I appreciate this post and your views.
I’m proud to say that my male friends and I have been able to be intimate without the label of being gay. We are all straight men, but we have no fear of engaging in some Platonic Male Intimacy, or PMI time as we call it. It does help bond us together, and we are certainly comfortable with sitting on each other’s laps or cuddling. When it is known that there is trust and no sexual tensions involved, I’ve found that there is no shame in our times together.
Sadly, it is not something that I can easily explain. Among my peers in the college world, ‘bromance’ is something that is often found, but not in the level that my group of brothers is at. Simply talking to one another frequently can be labeled as bromance. So there is an attraction of sorts to the idea, but I agree that the culture is not very conducive to anything more than having an arm around a fellow man.
I wish that other men could relax and not worry about expressing their intimacy towards their friends. Even if we look in the Bible we can see this intimacy found among Jesus and his disciples, and Paul writes about “greeting brothers with a holy kiss”. Granted, this is not generally accepted in our culture without judgment, and may not in the future, but the idea certainly has been around for millenia.
Interesting article. To put a biblical perspective on it, the Apostle Paul told the church in Thessalonica (Greek) to greet every brother with a holy kiss. He also relayed this message to the Romans and Corinthians. Kissing among males in the French culture is still practiced.
Men still hug today, albeit a one-armed version, chest and shoulder bounce. That being said, I think we’ve seen the last days of lap sitting and hand-holding among males in American culture.
Well to be honest were some of these be taken now they would indeed be gay’ish. In Greece men tend to hug on special occasions and only when close. But still are not really as distanced as other cultures as far as physical intimacy goes. I think northern europeans in general tend to be a lot more guarded. Serbs as far as I know have the customary thrice kissing as greeting.
Great post.
One of the first things that came to my mind was the friendship of David and Jonathan found in the Bible.
1 Samuel 18:1-3:
“As soon as he [David] had finished speaking to Saul, the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Johnathan loved him as his own soul. And Saul took him that day and would not let him return to his father’s house. Then Jonathan made a convenant with David, because he loved him as his own soul.”
Love it! On a similar note, I hate the word bromance. It’s an annoying word and it presumes that there is something gay about men being close friends. Manhood is a fragile thing, to me more fragile than femininity.
Here’s a great interview involving some of these things with Ice-T: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZzEZPtaRIAY
I teach in a private school in Taiwan and some of these images remind me of how my male students interact with each other. The boys in junior high school (grades 7 to 9) often sit on each other’s laps, slap their friends on the rear, or stand directly behind their friend, groin to backside. While I recoil at the thought of being touched like that, these kinds of interactions are common for the boys at my school. It should be noted that the boys who do these things are in all-boys classes (there are also all-girls classes at the school I teach at).
The interesting contrast is that Taiwan is not a society that shows public affection often. I rarely see a parent hug their child (of any age) when they pick them up from school or hold hands with them as they walk down the street. Perhaps the boy closeness in school is a substitute for the lack of parent-child affection?
I really appreciate the sentiments expressed in this post—something I’ve thought and felt as a heterosexual male. But I think what makes this discussion so moving is the medium of photography—the lives and stories hinted at. Thanks.
In my country (Chile) the ways of showing affection to your male friends depends highly on the way each family raises their own children, or the social circle they belong. More “conservative” families tend to look warily on displays of affection further than a handshake or a tough and distant hug, specially between men over their thirties or forties; where others, more latin-descendant families tend to be very cheerful and close with those displays, even kissing each other on their cheeks; being this quite a standard practice to greet between adolescents and young adults.
Great post, as always. AoM is a fantastic page.
I couldn’t agree more!
However, some of those pictures are, without intention to offend anyone, uncomfortably gay.
Well I didn’t think they were “beautiful” pics and many of the “guys” looked a bit too comfy in contact with another man. I don’t mind a handshake but I only hug my son or brother and not my friends. “Bromance” is another way of feminizing men and making us all gender neutral. I noticed a lot of comments attempt to dispell any notion of gay-ness about these but unfortunately a majority of them are very gay appearing. I have photos of me and my buddies when I was in the army and while we may have leaned on a shoulder or something like that, hands on legs or posing in an embrace like being with a woman is just not quite what I would call “The Art of Manliness”. I just don’t get why we think we have to act like women to be a “modern man”.
Eurux – I think a more accurate statement here is that you are uncomfortable not the pictures.
My addition to the comments is that as a gay man, I long for friendship with other men, gay or straight, that is this intimate and loving, not sexual. It is a challenge for us all, or at least in north American culture in general.
@Eurux
Some of those pictures look uncomfortably “gay” (homosexual) because our society says that if two men are affectionate towards each other they must be “gay”. Thus if they make you think “gay” because that’s what our culture forces you to believe.
I think too many impressionable young men look for appropriate male affection and believe our culture that that makes them “homosexual” and end up going in that direction not because they are homosexual, but because they believe that that’s what they must be because that’s what culture says.
It’s funny because Abraham Lincoln shared a bed with another man for years. They weren’t gay. That was a normal thing to do. In fact when Lincoln was a lawyer on the traveling circuit all of the lawyers and judges on the circuit shared beds with at least one other man except for one of the judges who was too big to be able to fit another man on the bed with him.
What a change from our culture today… and maybe not such a good change.
I disagree with you mah-10,as it was said in the article, these pictures are from a different century where homosexual wasn’t something you were, but something you did, and the guys in the photos aren’t , in my opinion, showing affection in a sexual way but in a way that brothers would. Finally in the article wasn’t stated that one should act womanlike to be a modern man, but quite the opposite, as i think it was meant to be an article on retrospective on how the human interaction between males has shifted.
I wonder if it is possible that men who have no problem showing affection in this way begin to wonder if they are, and associate as “gay,” because society has made them feel as though the are. ie. Society says because you have no problem with hugging a guy you must be gay, so then the individual says “oh, this is what it means to be gay” and then associates as such.
This post is encouraging. My freshman and sophomore years of college I lived in an all-male dorm on a Christian college campus. The relationships that I had with other men in that house were the closest and most honest friendships that I have ever had. We were not afraid to be ‘intimate’ with one another knowing the platonic nature of the friendship.
The physical intimacy in those relationships was merely a reflection of the emotional intimacy and the close emotional, and especially Spiritual bond that I shared with those guys.
I love the responses to this article by Sam, Micah, and Leroy; they point to the fact that the intimacy that men (and in my case Christian men) share with one another is a reflection of the love that Christ has for us. He loves his Church with an intimacy that we cannot truly understand. I will always cherish the memories I have living in Bowman House, and cling to the bonds that I created with the men who surrounded me.
I was in the US Army and I have to say not all pictures are distant and guarded. At least not the ones after work is done and sometimes even at work. It really comes down to the personality of the people in the pictures to be honest.
This post is very eye-opening. The photos are shocking, but that is because (as the article and other commenters have pointed out) current American culture is so quick to sexualize all forms of intimacy. I know others will disagree but I mean no offense: I believe that homosexual desires and behaviors are often developed in men whose well-intentioned parents and peers seek to keep them physically and emotionally distant from other males. It’s like pushing a beach ball down into the water: it’s going to pop up, and forcefully. I hope our culture can advance toward the more emotionally healthy, affectionate behaviors of the past.
I don’t think mah-10′s comment makes any sense. If doing stuff like pictured above feminizes men, then are you saying that the men from a century ago were more feminine than men are now? That the men who settled the frontier, and were blacksmiths and loggers, the men who fought in WWI and II and the Civil War were more feminine than the soft suburban men of today? Seriously?
Being a man isn’t just not acting like a woman.
I would venture to guess that none of these photos portray men who are homosexual. Even the ones where one guy is sitting on another’s lap, it’s pretty clear that they’re horsing around. Men used to be able to do stuff like this and not have the entire world make an inference of sodomy. The fact that we immediately leap to that conclusion is more condemnation of our culture than any negative reflection on the way things were 100-150 years ago.
This should have shown the pinkie-holding that manly Indian men still do.
I tried to show this series to my wife; she couldn’t stop giggling and pointing out that all these men were obviously gay. All of them.
I guess that says something about how much things have changed. We talked about the odds that every one of those photos was a photo of a romantically-involved couple, and they don’t seem all that high, but she just could not get past blurting, “But come on! They have to be!”
The letters written by Herman Melville to Nathaniel Hawthorne seem ‘gay’ but probably because they were written during the same time period as these photos. Culturally defining sexuality is difficult because the standards of one age are not the standards of another.
Having said that, photo 4 looks both submissive and gay.
First off, and inconsequently, I’m a gay man. But one thing I’ve discovered over the years is that even showing platonic affection to certain male friends can seem “gay,” so I don’t express it very often. I think these photos are great, especially the military ones. These are more than friends in the photos, they’re brothers. They literally live and die at each others’ sides and there’s no words that can express the intimacy they share. Even now as a cop, and seeing the dynamic between my brothers in blue and I, there’s a connection that isn’t even felt by family. I think that men would be more like men, true men, by expressing this to their friends as they did throughout history.
Eurux and mah 10′s replies are a good example of today’s bizarre obsession with homosexuality even going so far as to project it onto photos that were taken over a century ago.
My sister spent some time in China and mentioned that it was not uncommon in the region she visited for young men and women to hold their same gender friend’s hands in public. I found this interesting because they would never consider doing this with someone of the opposite gender since expressing physical intimacy with a man or women you weren’t married to is taboo.
I for one have never had a problem hugging other men. I don’t know that I’d be comfortable with kissing but I’ve know guys who didn’t even hug among their immediate male family (brothers and father) so I definitely think our society takes the fear of intimacy too far.
I would ask if it’s manly to be so insecure about something as simple and innocent as a hug?
As a gay man, I am really pleased to see these pictures, and to read most of the responses here. I agree that men being able to be physically intimate in a platonic context, regardless of sexual orientation, is a good thing. Men who hold on to the fear of physical affection, or as mah-10 put it, being feminized, have the wrong idea of what it means to be a man.
this pathology of anti-intimacy among western culture is sad. if you even hold hands with your best buddy or hug him in a photograph, you’re gay. in other cultures male intimacy is not discouraged, for example in India(where i am from), it is quite common for even grown men, to hold hands while they walk in the street. i have many pics of mine where i am having the same bit of physical intimacy as some pics here. but alas, as the world becomes more and more globalized, the line between sexuality and intimacy is fading. sad thing.
The photos remind me of fooling around with friends when we were kids. Now? No way in hell. You can’t say “I love you, man!” without adding “no homo”. The all-pervasive phobia is sad in so many ways. Even if no one around is actively homophobic, one still feels obliged to point out “gays are okay but I’m not one, oh no. And neither are you, of course, never meant to imply that.” Which speaks not only of an annoying sexualizing of intimacy, as a previous commenter pointed out, but also means that deep down inside – nope, gay is not okay. It’d be nice if our culture could grow up. Or the other way around – return to innocence. :(
Good article. Reminds me of after the Lord of the Rings: Return of the King came out on film and was reintroduced to a new generation, how many guys were cracking jokes about Frodo and Sam being gay, and I thought this was really, really sad. It’s too bad we’ve come to a point that men can’t be companions and close friends without being considered “gay”. Everything has become so sexualized that the concept of anything Platonic is hard for some folks to grasp. Damn shame they may never get to experience real friendship.
I am living in China for several months. I am from the the US where I have 10 very good men friends (all straight) who have been buddies for 16 years., We typically are together for dinner monthly and spend 6-8 days on retreats each year. I have received and given affection similar to the photos to each on of them. I call them my Band of Brothers. They are and have been the single biggest asset I have in my life.
I’m an old fart who remembers my grandfathers and the way they acted or related with other men. Both of them were born in the 19th century. Neither posed in any sort of gay looking manner with other men. And I have never known any other men who did this.
That said I don’t care how men choose to show affection with other men, gay or straight. But this “too close for comfort” is not for me – it simply makes me appear as something I’m not.
Conversely, I hug my son-in-law and a couple of very close friends when the occasion is appropriate, i.e a guy does something special such as getting married.
The bottom line for me is, a handshake is sufficient in most cases. I have no need to sit on a guy’s lap and neither do my male friends.
We have in our society acceptable social space. Invading someone’s space in to make them feel uncomfortable.
I found this article deeply disturbing because it brought home to me just how much you have been influenced by a culture that seems to be overly insecure about one’s sexuality. I am from India and not one of these pictures suggests to me that any of the pairs of friends might be sleeping with another. What it does suggest is that these guys are indeed good friends.
Let me explain this sort of outlook a little more and I’ll bet that this was the outlook that prevailed in western societies as well when these pictures were taken.
In a traditional society no one has any problem with two people of the same sex expressing their affection through acts like hugging etc. because the possibility that there might be something sexual between them is seen as minimal. Homosexuality is seen as a monstorous aberration, something extremely deviant and by extension very rare.
On the other hand, a man and a woman who are not married to each other showing such sort of affection is frowned upon and looked at with a lot of suspicion since there is every possibility that between a man and a woman the relationship might be sexual. I will bet that American pictures from this era will not show men and women who are not married or closely related hugging each other etc.
I think the current culture which is spreading all over the world is pretty unfortunate and somewhere or the other is a direct result of the sexual revolution.
I have to say thank you for posting this article. These images brought back a rush of emotion for my friends and brothers. I actually sent a few of them a message this morning with this as a link.
The military images are what really made me laugh though. As a Sailor, this level of male bonding was rampant on board the ship. Frankly, as much as I hated the military, I would do anything to regain that bond I had with my shipmates. You don’t have that level of love and respect in the civilian world.
I wish more men could be this comfortable with their sexuality, meaning just because you’re close to your guy friend doesn’t make you gay, it makes you a sociable human.
Interesting opening comments. I have been thinking about the distinction between practice and identity for a few years, and it’s always encouraging to find someone on the same wavelength. It really makes a difference in how one addresses homosexuality, whether you view it as a thing you do or as a thing you are.
Oh my gosh – is that “the Beaver” smoking a pipe?!
I’ve often thought it a shame that men are discouraged from showing or expressing their affection for friends without having such misinterpreted as homosexuality. To stymie their emotions in such a way has to be problematic for their emotional well-being.
I’m retired military and have a close friend who is still active national guard (AGR). He has several tours in Iraq and Afgahistan. He is much younger than me and the son of a couple that is close to my wife and me. Because of our close military bond, we regularly have full hugs, especially when thoughts go to friends that didn’t come home. I’ve held his hand and held him close when he has been hit particularly hard by feelings of loss of these friends. We’ve cried together and laughed together. I don’t think this type of closeness is uncommon among those with a strong bond of some sort. I do think that the thought of what others may think has cross most men’s minds. It is a shame that it is something that can be lost to some degree because of the “sexual openness” of our society.
So are these men gay? I found this to be an interesting article as it relates to men and intimacy. We have noticed a lot of young 20ish men who seem way more comfortable hugging their guy friends (front hugs included) in public than what I can recall back in the 80′s-90′s. Making much of us older men cringe. So maybe this article is simply a a montage of truly gay men and not really a norm for the day as the author seems to infer. I am going to survey the older men that I know and see what they recall and have them view these photos. I am going to guess that just because someone puts together a bunch of photos of similar nature together does not equal a majority. What of the pics that are omitted from the same time period? Using this logic you could go online and download a bunch of porn, homosexual porn, etc and state that apparently a lot of men of this era are gay and enjoy taking pictures of them selves naked. But we know that’s not true.
Now I tend to agree that today’s Macho Men don’t hug, nor cry and it’s probably not very healthy. Because of homophobia it seems to be even more taboo for a man to hug another man. Including myself, I rarely feel comfortable hugging another guy, I prefer solid handshake and that’s it. But then again when my dad died recently I failed to cry, I even tried to a couple of times with no success.
Curious to see what older men 70′s and up think. Do you recall back in the day hugging your buddy? I am not saying I don’t agree at all with this post, but I am not 100% sold.
I concur with Florentius, I don’t think any of these men were homosexual, either in lifestyle or in practice. Gender definitions and rites of passage were much more pronounced them, hence physical affection was not looked upon with so much suspicion.
Having spent almost all of life in an age when such definitions do not exist, I have to express my own discomfort at looking at these photos. I think the strong handshake, an act of camaraderie dating back centuries, is just as telling.
Great post. Here’s an article that is called “A requiem for friendship: why boys will not be boys and other consequences of the sexual revolution”. I literally just read it 3 days ago so this post is very timely. The article does take a “conservative stance” on the issue of homosexuality, but even of you disagree with the author’s conclusions it is good commentary to accompany these pictures.
http://www.touchstonemag.com/archives/article.php?id=18-07-021-f
Men were men. And they were stright.
And they despised gays. They simply could not immagine gayety as a mode of action and living.
So they gave hugs to each other, sat on each others’ laps and yes – they loved each other. As straght male friends had done for many centuries before this dictatorship of gay perverts established making straight men reluctant to show thier feelings towards their friends and buddies
Yes, what I say is not politically correct, but it is true to very great extend. Unfortunatelly.
The pictures show us that social norms for how to express certain types of intimacy have changed — I imagine you could see a similarly interesting shift by examining engagement photos. The comments, though, tend to show some interesting clusters of assumptions: that straight/reserved/manly are all connected in some way, and that gay/intimate/feminine are also connected to each other. The desire seems to be to “reclaim” intimacy from the gay/feminine side of that dichotomy, without questioning the set-up of the whole tangled mess. When many of us can comment, “I hug my friends and I’m still straight,” there are some underlying assumptions required for the rest of us to make sense of that. Notice how it would be nonsense to write, “I hug my friends and I’m still a banker.”
Personally, I’d like to see less defending of intimacy against the imagined charges of being gay, and more honest examination of what it means to be a manly gay man like some of the men in these photos undoubtedly were. Because no matter how you spin it and couch it in terms of wistful nostalgia, the first option still bears the faint whiff of heterosexual panic to me.
First of all this is a cool artical. Its one of those subjects that would probably never come
Up in a social circle had it not been for this article… However as a college student I will say that the phraise now days is “Comfortable with my sexuality,” meaning I know where I stand and I know where my friends stand so I am able to hug it out or rough house around in the floor or throw an arm around a buddy for a picture, and not fear looking gay to my buds or to anyone else for that matter.
Insightful. The greater issue: why does ANYTHING need to be labeled?
I don’t know that the changes in male affections are all good or all bad. Some of them are just natural. For example, like the article sited, when work became more white collar the relationships just became more formal. That isn’t necessarily bad as much as it should be expected. Men are by nature physical creatures. Where do you see the strongest bonds above? When men sweat, bleed, fight and toil physically together. Where do you see men showing a lot of affection for one another now? When they are on the battle field, athletic field, in competition, out in the wilderness fighting to survive, etc. If you throw on a tie and sit at a desk you’re not going to have the same natural inclination toward this level of intimacy. (Though it still can occur.)
I don’t think we should get too caught up in a rush to “get more intimate.” I’d venture a guess that if you look at ALL of the male photos throughout history you would see a much more balanced view of some men being that intimate and others being more conservative. Showing physical intimacy isn’t the point. Being comfortable with allowing your natural emotions be obvious to others is the real issue here. In some cases, that will mean arms around the shoulders. In others, it may mean a firm handshake. For some a kiss is just too much and for others it is just right. When you’re dealing with a base as diverse as human beings you can’t just say “This is the way you show affection correctly.” That is as close-minded and narrow as saying the pictures above are gay. So what if I don’t want to kiss my friends or cuddle with them. Does that make me emotionally stilted? No more than giving my friend a kiss on the cheek forces me to be gay.
My point is just that the answer is rarely on one side or the other, but more likely in the middle somewhere. We should allow for people to be themselves and show affection in the way that works for them without making everything into some kind of side-taking issue.
AofM, I’ve been waiting for you to do this. What took you so long? Fear perhaps? Some of the photos are beyond suggestive but you know what? Who cares? It’s likely that most of the men in these photos are gay because the vast majority of straight men do not and would not pose for a photo like these, even 100 years ago. Most surprising is the support I see here for the post with a smattering of homophobia thrown in for good measure. Where would we be without that?
I really enjoyed looking through these pictures. I have been uncomfortable with male intimacy in the past, probably for the reasons cited in the article, but I found myself smiling and envying the bond inferred between the men in these photographs.
As pathetic as it sounds, I haven’t had any close friends since college (oh so many years ago now), and I think a lot of it has to do with a general cynicism I’ve built over expending energy on friends that come and go so often in life. Not only is plutonic physical intimacy not present amongst me and my “friends”, but so is most emotional intimacy. It like no one wants to get past sports and the weather–in fact, I feel like I have the same conversations over and over with a lot of people. I long for something deeper and more connected.
I’m part of Gen X, so hopefully things are changing (from the sound of things, they are).
Great post and comments!
I routinely will give a guy friend a hug for a big congratulations (on a new job, marriage, baby) or if I don’t see someone for a long time. Never thought twice about it. While in the seminary that’s how we greeted one another as well, and never any hint of gayness.
Now holding hands would be different in my 21st century mind, but then again, different mores for different times.
Thanks for this post to remind us of innocence in male friendships, the way they were meant to be!
Excellent article and photos – always enjoy the ideas/articles that you present. Keep up the good work!!
I enjoy AoM’s articles on manliness especially in a culture that is actively trying to blur the biomechanics lines between male and females by emphasizing similarities instead of celebrating the differences and how each one “completes” the other through the context of marriage. At first I thought this article was promoting homosexual relationships by pointing to history condoning the practice. I thought it was a new low of AoM. I am glad that Brett (whom I assume wrote the article having posted it) clarified stating, “… the photos are not about sexuality, but intimacy.” In that I agree! There is a BIG difference between sexual intimacy and a friendship intimacy. You can be close to someone of the same gender and not practice sexual acts. Would have to say though, I disagree with Brett concerning the military mindset “homophobia dissipates …” It is a crucial Biblical view point that since all people are created in the image of God and God is the one we should love, respect and obey; therefore we are to respect people. However, this does not mean we have to agree with their beliefs or condone homosexual acts which God clearly condemns.
Great article! I’m fairly young (25) and have to say I fall into the category of being affectionate to my friends. I believe a lot of that has come from growing up with 3 brothers and about 7 cousins all within 3 years of the same age.
We were always very open and affectionate with each other, and formed a very strong bond of brotherhood. I have several friends that I share a similar bond with
Did anyone else notice the old timey segregation in these photos?
Fantastic article. Cultural inhibitions have taken a toll on brotherly love/kindred affection, and I appreciate AoM facing the issue fairly, squarely, and as always, with true manliness.
Great article!
Today, when I see many men hug, the hug is accompanied by a few demonstrative and loud pats-on-the-back as if to signal “this is a non-gay hug”.
Interesting – thanks again for the thought-provoking article.
Very thought-provoking post. I think it’s significant to note that the intimacy demonstrated in these portraits is an outward manifestation of what these men’s relationships were composed of internally. To participate in such intimate friendship, a man would have to open himself to scrutiny and admit dependence. Thus the examples of brothers at arms, trades workers,etc. In order to do this a man must bury his pride, admit his need for betterment and be willing to invest the same in another. John Donne wrote in the 1700s: “no man is an island unto himseIf”. I’ve seen some Scripture posted earlier…another one that comes to mind is Provers 27:17 – “Iron sharpens iron; so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend.”
Some of the subjects look like brothers, even twins, and they are not completely fair to include in this study. But I too had a rush of emotion; especially when I saw the broad grins, jocular wrestling, and proud cigars. It is clear that there’s a level of camaraderie and friendship showing that’s just plain missing from my life. Many words, like intimacy, have had their meanings perverted; but I’m discovering through this process, and through the sexual addiction of this culture, that I really don’t know what true intimacy is. Thanks Brett.
I think it’s sad that there is such a fear of being gay. Who gives a rats behind? Flip it around and ask yourself, “Does standing too far apart make me look STRAIGHT?!” It’s completely absurd. Own who you are. Love the way you love. There isn’t “gay love” or “straight love.” It’s just love. Be love.
Good article. From Colorado, in the 70′s. I was raised in a very non-touching type of family, so male on male intimacy of any kind is foreign to me. There wasn’t even much male/female touching in my family. It didn’t take long to find out in high school, with my first few girlfriends that I liked a bit of touching. Interestingly though, I traveled to Argentina 4 years ago, and they’re so much more into touching than I think we are as Americans. They greet each other with a hug and a kiss, regardless of sex. This took me by surprise at first, but quickly got used to it and accepted it. I did used to hug and put my arm around my buddies in high school and after, but now as I’m closing in on 40, I don’t as much. Not that I’m against it, maybe I just don’t have anyone I feel that close to right now. It is a shame though that men can’t show affection without being labeled as “gay”. I’ve had friends I’d take a bullet for and vice versa. I’d say if we can take bullets for each other, we should be able to hug now and then :)
Fantastic article. I’m not surprised that many of your readers who commented are gay – there is no barrier to ‘manliness’ in being gay. Also, it might be worthy of note that, within the gay community, platonic intimacy is alive and well. It’s not all a giant sex party – we tend to be very comfortable playing and working together while enjoying much more non-sexual physical contact and emotional intimacy than our straight counterparts. I guess because we don’t have to worry about looking too ‘queer’. Often, a ‘one night stand’ can begin a life-long friendship with no more sex involved – the same has happened with some straight friends who wanted to ‘try it’ and decided they didn’t care for it but the friendship and intimacy continued – it takes a very self-assured straight guy to pull that off! In a sexually repressed culture people tend to get very weird about ANY kind of intimacy. I tend to ignore convention here in my conservative, little New Mexico town and I often hear comments like, “how come you get to hug EVERYBODY in town, male AND female?” I guess, because I can and because I just genuinely LIKE people – and was rewarded by being elected to the town council. It’s all about not being afraid to be seen being who you are – definitely a manly trait!
I recently returned from several months working in missions in East Africa. It is very common for men there to walk hand-in-hand or arm-in-arm as they travel on city streets or rural highways, talking or going about their business together.
I think our American culture is very screwed up. If you are male and have the balls to live your life—then do it. Hand holding and “I love you man” are a lot better than “F you” or a drive by shooting. I was in the Air Force and had my bunk-mate tell me I was very closed off. My mom would always ask me if my male friends were gay. Guys in school made fun of me, even girls—but who didn’t get made fun of. I didn’t have enough scratches on my hands. I mean, who cares. I grew up on the coast of South Carolina and despite the fact that we measure the love we got or didn’t most girls I date say, “you’re the sweetest guy I’ve ever dated” and my male buds tell me I’m very masculine and boyish when I don’t even know it. I’m not posting to Facebook me skipping down the street with a buddy, but if we cant share that we love them and appreciate them then why even exist? I say I’m very jealous when my new friends post pics riding bikes together or I see 8 buds on IGram having dinner. We all have the need to be loved. A guy above said he kisses all his buds on purpose! Great!
Grow a pair and tell someone you love’em.
This is an excellent article, certainly one of the best you’ve ever done. I’ve felt this for a long time, but in my line of work (psychology) I have to be careful what I say because its so un-PC. Going from homosexuality as a behavior to an identity was not a good thing in my opinion, and the strict dichotomy between gay and straight is simplistic. Human sexuality–and emotions–are far more complex, and this view denies men the intimacy that we all need.
Brothers don’t shake hands, Brothers gotta hug!
Seriously some of the pictures look more like family members than just friends. But even if they aren’t, a good friend can be like a brother.
I remember when I started studying in Rome (20+ years ago) how strange it was to see two adult men holding hands while out for a walk. Even in the late 80′s, that was a double-take moment at first, but I learned that, at least for the older generations, this was just a normal sign of affection and did not mean that there was a romantic or sexual meaning to the gesture. Of course, I never saw younger men in Rome doing that, so the cultural norms were definitely changing.
I am very grateful to this post. Sadly, today’s society has become so mired by the rising homosexuality issue that it’s almost impossible for men to have close relationships that aren’t slapped with the “gay label.” If I can put on my nerd glasses for a moment, this reminds me of why I love Jackson’s film adaptation of The Lord of the Rings. The friendship between Frodo and Sam, indeed all the members of the Fellowship, is one of love, compassion, and fraternity, all without a hint of homo-undertones. It is beautiful, and it captures something that our society seems to have lost – much to our detriment.
I have three male friends I have known for 40 years (I am 47) and am in monthly if not weekly contact with at least two of them always. Even with that history behind us in today’s climate I am careful when I refer to them as my most intimate friends because of some people’s inference with the phrase. When one of my friend’s father passed away two years ago and I kissed him on the cheek and embraced him at the funeral, even my wife said she was a little suprised to see me do that so casually. I was suprised at her comment, but probably should not have been considering our culture today.
“Why is it that, as a culture, we are more comfortable seeing two men holding guns than holding hands? ”
― Ernest J. Gaines
All good comments. I think too, remember, except for the more recent references, photography was different than now. Attitudes for showing friendship may have been different, but too, the whole concept of having one’s picture taken is completely different.
I think the comment about the wife laughing at all the “gay” pics is revealving. The Woman’s movement lead directly to the gay movement and women love to sexualize men’s friendships. IMO. It will never be the same, but the post WWII era is a reflection of the womans’ movement and the gay movement being forced on society… and unintended consequences abound.
Wait a minute Rob. Don’t blame us or women for straight guys’ inability to be intimate. What’s that all about? Nobody is stopping you from being intimate with whomever you want. Just because you get hung up on a need to “look straight” doesn’t mean that everyone else has to stay in the closet or under the patriarchal thumb. Society, if it is to advance, has to let go of medieval ideas about sexuality and gender roles as well as about feudalism. Sorry that you’re just as much a victim of societal homophobia as we are but it’s NOT our fault.
Enlightening but not surprising. We don’t have to stick together anymore. In the past, the only way to get anywhere in life was through the accumulation of relationships; you needed people you could trust with your life. Today, you still need relationships to go far, but the successful man must always be willing to break off a relationship that hinders him. Self sacrifice is how the team survives and the individual dies. The kind of closeness in these photos is one that could crush a man in our society, where you need to work hard as an individual in order to separate yourself from your peers.
Esteemed Readers, Kate, and Brett,
I think that the responses to this article underline one of the author’s original assertions and motivations in creating AoM — that many men are confused about how to play the role of being a man.
I extend my thanks to AoM for provoking these thoughts, some of which I find to be uplifting and some to be simply sad.
Fewer and fewer boys are being raised in families with a father living in the home, so there are less opportunities for our boys to learn from fathers. My husband did not grow up with a father most of his life. Though he is a wonderful father to our boys, his physical touch is usually a slap on the back or punch in the arm. We were dismayed when our oldest son at about age three, punched one of our pregnant friends in the belly. It took us a few boys and years later to see this pattern repeated and realize the boys were not showing aggression but affection. Oops guess we have work to do.
In looking through these photos, only a few struck me as ‘gay.’ I think of myself as a very liberal person (at least in comparison to my family) and I have no problem with being intimate with my male friends who feel comfortable letting me.
I didn’t look through all of the comments so I’m sorry if I’m repeating anyone but I thought to myself and then you said, Brett, that this male intimacy is still noticeable in high school and college age men. Those at that age and older men who are uncomfortable about hugging and sitting close and telling their good friends how they feel always feel they must follow it with an obligatory “no-homo.” The same way that male intimacy makes those kinds of men uncomfortable, that phrase makes me uncomfortable because it immediately takes a situation to a place that it wasn’t before and discounts the moment. The phrase ‘comfortable with one’s masculinity’ comes to mind. I wish men as a whole would be more comfortable with each other instead of believing that openness and self expressiveness is a sign of weakness.
When i see some of these shots, I think, maybe only one of the men could have been gay. Perhaps that’s because my best friend is a straight male; I’m gay. We’re both well-grown men, beyond Millennials and Generation Y. We grew up well before any positive gay role models were visible. We greet each other with a hug, especially when we haven’t seen each other in a while. Sometimes I’ll even kiss him on the cheek, like on his birthday. He knows I probably feel a little more for him than he could ever feel in return. Handsome straight males might not say so, but they often choose handsome male friends even though there is no sexual attraction. He sees me as “attractive” even though he is not “attracted.” He also knows I will never futilely attempt to cross any naturally occurring line between us because I respect and love the bond of brothers that we have formed over the years and I’d never want to ruin that. I’d like to think that my respect originally helped to make him comfortable with me, but the reality is that he was already a cool guy when I met him, someone who passes no judgment on others and is so comfortable with his own orientation that he is able to show affection without weirdness between us. A few times he has cried on my shoulder about girl troubles, relationship issues or a death in the family. He has asked for hugs when he was down about something. He even listens to my relationship advice despite my own somewhat choppy record on male/male intimate relationships (perhaps my former misguided marriage to a woman helps here). Also, he knows that his best friend appreciates his attractive manliness and has accepted advice on appearance enhancements that straight guys might want to talk about with a buddy but just lack the comfort or closeness to do so: What to do about sexual situations, hangups on body image, style calls, body hair, etiquette, workout or other appearance issues – you name it, any and all subjects are fair game and much easier for us to broach specifically because I’m not straight, not a mating competitor, not too conventional to hammer him with homophobic judgment or questioning his masculinity when he needs moral support, advice, or emotional connection. Now, after helping fix him up I have kind of made him into a hottie. He looks his very best — and that has worked out quite well for him with the ladies. I tell him whenever he looks handsome and that builds his confidence. He knows I’m not being suggestive when I compliment him. In return, he now tells me when I’m looking my best if I’m headed to a client meeting or a date. Why should a straight guy not see and say when any male friend needs a boost? Typical straight/straight male Insults seem jocular but fratboy BS is not manly; usually just uneasily machoistic. And such nervousness (born of homophobia) is never manly. Following dates, my best friend now asks me if things worked out without getting too queased out about the details. When we go out to straight clubs, I keep an eye out for interested females, if ever he’s off his game. He calls me his wingman and that acceptance makes up for all the years when straight guys gave me crap or rejected me for being gay. I finally feel not just accepted by a straight guy, I feel appreciated for who I am, completely. I’m the only close gay friend he’s ever had and we live in a conservative city in an agricultural region of the U.S. so it’s not like he was already a pro at being superfriend to the gays.
Thanks for the great post, and the comments suggest some really positive societal changes are happening.
As a trans man (born female, identify, and present, and live as a man), I have been “learning” how to be a man for eight years. This set of photos, and the accompanying thoughts, reiterated to myself how alone men in western culture are: is my lack of intimate male friends the result of a desire to be accepted as a man by other men, and this is how it is done in this culture, or is it a result of my fear of opening myself up to the very real possibility of violence/exclusion due to my biological history? How much my story seems to imperfectly reflect a larger experience: isolation and fear.
Hi,
Wow! I sent this link out to my buddies and fambly, and it was the H-Bomb! NO responses whatsowhomever.Not even from the gays. Congratulations, with this one, you have hit the hard spot right in the middle!
Have a nice day!
Antti
A fellow member of my all-male a cappella group sent this to me. As a gay man (both in practice and in identity as your article intelligently noted) who still loves male camaraderie, this post was really great for me. And as a man who was afraid to show to much affection at a young age so as not to come off as gay, I really enjoyed this post. I also really liked hearing the historical background for the changing feelings towards male intimacy.
Great post. I think this is a great example of the difference between intimacy and sexuality. It’s sad that society dictates that men can’t be physically close anymore. My best friend and I are very close and have been close physically for pictures. We’ve also cruised down the interstate on motorcycles holding each others hands. It’s a bummer that our closeness is frowned upon these days. I’ve had some of the best times of my life with that dude and we’ve shared experiences that wouldn’t have been the same if I was with my fiancée. He is happily married and I’m about to be. I still consider his family my family and my fiancée is also close to him and his family. As far as the military is concerned things are still fairly intimate in my experiences. I was on a submarine, which two years ago when I got out was still an all male service. There was plenty of intimacy on board and much of it acceptable with the majority of the crew. I also had a couple of shipmates that were homosexual. They too were a part of that intimacy without any sexual connection. Even though this was still the don’t ask don’t tell military, the majority of us knew and very few had an issue with it. Outside of that all male environment society acts much different and I feel like I’m missing out on things. Thanks for the history lesson. If you want some pictures of male intimacy in the 50′s-70′s check out Danny Lyons’ books. I think they were called the Bike Riders. They are photo essays of motorcycle culture of that time period.
It’s a sad day when we keep putting labels on people. I have pictures like these in my photo albums they are of my grandpa my dad and his brother and cousins etc. Back in that time was an innocent time. When affection from family and friends were not thought of weird or labeled.They were true old time LOVE something that is not in the world today.Today we have labels for everyone and everything.Nothing is sacret or honored today. We are all divided. Families are not really families today .I used to kiss my dad on the mouth when I left him does that make him a chamo ? Now I wish he was here to kiss. My family was a very affection one both male and female and I was not raised to label people as people are doing today. I think it sick. As long as a person can love someone who cares !!!!
I really enjoyed this article. Personally, I think society is too scared of appearing homosexual, to the point of limiting any contact between men. I mean physical contact does not equal love, and to anyone who says it does, why don’t you go ask one of those men of our armed forces who fought in Belleau Wood that they are “gay” because they found comfort in the men next to them while German shells were raining down, or the men who worked in dark, dangerous, mines for years, in conditions where they could die to any number of things, if the guy next to them made a mistake, why don’t you go tell them that you think of them as less of a man for doing so. because lemme tell ya’ all that’s going to happen is rather than one angry guy beating the hell out of you, you’re gonna have one angry guy, and a dozen of his closest friends who worked, or served, next to him. It’s a damn shame we’re so scared of social perceptions that the art of men being incredibly close friends with other men, say for in incredibly high stress situations such as the military, has been lost.
My favorite part of this article is the comments. It’s refreshing to see real men acknowledge that intimacy and friendship doesn’t emasculate you.
Thank you for posting this very well-researched article and photos – nice to see some historic photos of African-American gents included, as those are rather hard to dig up. For anyone familiar with 19th-century and early 20th-century social attitudes, these photos will not seem particularly gay but rather entirely normal for the era. Of course, some of these gents could be romantic or sexual partners, but you could say the same for any modern photo of two male friends. The close physical contact in this photos indicated friendship, not homosexual relationships, at least to the people who were their contemporaries. Friendship was extremely important to both men and women in the 19th and early 20th century, and was often expressed in terms as sentimental and romantic as those between lovers. People were not always fortunate enough to marry for love – there were generally practical and considerations, and that was true for both upper- and lower-class people. Of course, many people did marry for love, but bonds between same-sex friends were especially important to our forbears. It is a shame that in modern society, a loyal friend of many years is not accorded the same importance as a romantic or sexual partner, no matter how brief, and that a close same-sex friend is sometimes interpreted as a romantic or sexual partner. It’s almost as if we must filter every human bond through a sexual lens. I am not sure why we are so much more focussed on romance and sex than on friendship nowadays, but I do believe that a loyal friend of many years is a person we ought to cherish. And it’s not necessarily about physical contact – some people are just not touchy-feely types – but sentiment, which can be expressed in any number of ways. I do think that things are changing. I’m 40 years old, and when I was younger, straight men and gay men moved in different worlds. There was so much homophobia and straight men who were friends with gay men would generally be assumed to be gay. I am glad to see that things have changed a bit and same-sex friendship does not always have to be defined in the context of romance and sexuality, but can be appreciated for the sincere friendship and camaradie that, by its very nature, makes it different, but no less noble, than romantic love.
Reminds me of the old photo of the young guys at the beginning of the show, “Cheers.” I couldn’t find that image though.
Thought provoking post. I really had to FORCE myself to look at the pics objectively, injecting purity and masculinity and platonic phileos into each one. How far we have fallen :(
Touching. I think that’s part of what’s wrong with America. Men are expected to keep each other at arm’s length. I really miss having a close friend. My family is good and I have a good life, but I miss a friend.
I can say this that while we men do not enjoy the same kind of intimacy we used to; women still do. Girls can sit on each others laps and it is perfectly normal. This may be because they are not afraid of being classified as lesbians.
I’m privileged to live in a Christ-centered community, with a lot of real men. We routinely hug each other and put our arms around each others shoulders- We even have men’s dances (typically of ancient Hebrew origins). We’re involved in each other’s lives and we talk intimately with each other. The system of this world seeks to divide men from one another- We’re easier to take down that way.
Fascinating post, Brett. Certainly one of your best.
When I first saw it I was hesitant, because it seemed like it endorsed homosexuality, which would have given me pause as a very proudly conservative and Christian man, and it didn’t seem to fit with what I expect from this site. But I decided to read it from start to finish and I found that it was a very balanced telling of how things were in history, no agenda, just “this is how things were.” The variety of comments on it and how everyone has interpreted it in their own way shows this balance. Kudos.
I find it interesting how gay many of the men seem to me, but to realize how much current ideas influence that interpretation. But I find the idea that these men would not have “outed” themselves to the town photographer very convincing. That’s just how things were and it didn’t mean they were gay. It makes me feel that maybe men have fallen a long way from how we used to be. I hug the men in my small group at church that I’m very close to, but I do feel a wall between us sometimes, that we don’t open up ourselves as much as possible to each other. I don’t mean we need to hold hands or anything! The men above just look very comfortable, and I’d like to be as comfortable with my friends without feeling weird about it.
Anyway, thanks again!
To echo the words of other readers, this is the single greatest article yet to appear on The Art of Manliness. It lays bare the root cause of the angst of the modern male: the answer to the question, “what does it mean to be a man?” is lost in the multitude of answers offered by a world equally anxious.
A few readers seemed to suggest that the answer to the problem of the absence of properly ordered male intimacy is the further relaxation of the supposed out-dated sexual moral norms. This is a surprising suggestion. It is precisely this abandoning of right-reasoned, ordered sexuality that landed us in this predicament. The manly, intimately dear friends in these photos were exactly NOT confused by absurd social experiments in sexual norms. In fact, the “oppressive” sexual norms are precisely what liberated these men to express their unreserved philia.
Excellent article I wonder how many of the people in history are claimed to be homosexual are labeled as such due to the simple misinterpretation of that days mores?
very cool article here. in 2012 where we just started talking about the modern day ‘bromance’, your article and pictures tell us of a time when it already existed (and more comfortably, i might add!)
i’m a gay guy that frequents this site. really cool to see something like this. i wish Men’s Health would catch on to something like this…no offense but i’m sick of the ‘how to score women’ articles…haha
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