Comments on: A History of the American Bachelor: Part III — The 20th and 21st Century

By: forangy

forangy — Mon, 04 Mar 2013 11:09:14 +0000

I know a guy in Europe who is 40+ and has lived at home his entire life.. he lives in a large house on the top floor with only him and his mother… was never married, no kids… He does work full time everyday but never cared about getting his own place… lives in a very small town… I think it’s more common behavior for Europeans or overseas..

By: Art Nesten

Art Nesten — Tue, 08 May 2012 15:33:49 +0000

Brett, I understand your aversion to declension narratives of culture. As long as older generations have decried changes in younger generations, the younger generations have been dismissing them as nostalgic. That said, things have obviously changed, and changes are meaningful.

For example, one might point out that while the average age of marriage of men in the 1890s and the 1990s is within two years, the reasons for the age being what it is today are different. It was economically much harder to be married and have a (larger, pre-Pill) family in 1890 than it is today, since present society is so much wealthier per capita (thanks to technological development), so men had to wait longer to generate the ability and wealth required to prove to the bride’s family he could take care of her and their kids.

In so far as modern culture emphasizes happiness on my preferential terms rather than though some objective good that is greater than oneself and independent of personal preference, a marriage age of 28 in a wealthy society reflects confusion about purpose, a fixation with being entertained, and a relative lack of responsibility beyond oneself and one’s arbitrary preferences. A marriage age of 26 in the culture of 1890 reflected none of these. There are limits to evaluations based on comparing numbers out of cultural context.

By: Chris

Chris — Wed, 02 May 2012 16:44:43 +0000

Pardon the grammatical errors above! I wish their was an edit feature.

By: Chris

Chris — Wed, 02 May 2012 16:40:10 +0000

I think in marriage or committed long term relationships, a man has to have a partner that wants to be a team mate rather than a queen. I still thin the man should be a strong leader in the relationship and by doing this create the stability for it to become long term. Many men fail at this by trying to hard to satisfy a womans need and many women will let you do that to the eventual demise of a team.

Respecting one another is so important. to me that is the biggest failuer of today’s marriages. I think a larger and larger group of women do not respect today’s men. That is by our own doing and by the general competitiveness between men and women now for jobs careers, etc.

A beautiful Marriage is the ultimate sacrifice of self. It show, when successful, the deepest level of bond two people can make. That sacrifice on both sides is something that…over years of respecting one another and truly caring for one another….can only be experienced through true commitment.

I’ve caught a glimpse of it within my own relationship and have seen it in others. It’s not a perfection. It’s an experience and if you do choose it, is worth pursuing.

If you don’t then there is nothing wrong with that and there is plenty of reason to wait on the person that would be as ready for it as you are when you decide to take that step.

Today young men and women are in a fight to find that it it is only more and more difficult the further away we go from respecting each other as men and women. You can see about all the experiences that people have that led them to where they are now. The lack of respect men and women have developed for one another is tragic but telling of our culture and future.

By: Joe

Joe — Mon, 30 Apr 2012 19:14:47 +0000

I stumbled across this website this morning as I was deeply strugging with navigating me way through this life as a 27 year old single male.

Articles, and websites for that matter, like this give me hope that our society is not turning into the ridiculous portrayal of “bros.”

Thank you for what you are doing here. Consider yourself one loyal reader richer!

By: Kerfin

Kerfin — Mon, 30 Apr 2012 05:04:14 +0000

Great article. Very interesting how the times shifted the percentage of bachelors within a time period as short as a decade. It makes me wonder where the bachelor will go in the coming years.

By: Chris

Chris — Fri, 27 Apr 2012 20:18:01 +0000

Brett and Kate,
Great article, as always, and by the comments it’s a controversial one. I willingly and gladly got married at 21 with (almost) no looking back. We’re going on 8 years now. My wife has made me a better man, there’s no doubt about that. I was never big into the free, party scene (I’ve always been told I’m mature for my age) but I realize that getting married that young isn’t for everyone, and that’s fine. My big concern is seeing the “bros” out there who are determined to be 17 forever. They never want to grow up, never want to have any responsibility, and refuse to become a productive member of society. I bare no animosity toward the 20/30-something bachelor who owns a home, has a good job and a long-term girlfriend but just doesn’t see the point of marriage. I look toward the single man of the 60’s that you pointed out, for example. What frightens me is the 35 year old man-child who still spends his weekends getting hammered with his bros and sleeping with as many women as will let him and he has no plans to change. I foresee their illegitimate children without a father figure continue to take this irresponsible behavior to the next level, and the cycle continues and spirals out of control.

By: H

Fri, 27 Apr 2012 17:09:42 +0000

The comments seem to have focused on the institution of marriage and gone off on a religious tangent. Meh. There is more to relationships and manliness than an invisible man in the sky and having his approval.
On that note, religion does not factor into the equation for the young men I know. The reason people I know get married is a desire to cement a relationship in the eyes of society with a bit of traditional ceremony to it. Many of those taking part in the ceremony are not even remotely religious. More and more I see people foregoing the ceremony for a civil union whereby they take on the same rights and responsibilities without the religious context and costly fanfare.
A more interesting topic is my opinion the Bachelor himself. What forms him, furthers his development into maturity or conversely retards it. For some it is the freedom from responsibility and the freedom to do as the wish that compels them to remain single, for others it could be more a matter of economic necessity or high mobility job requirements that keep him single.
Yet other element could be the spoiled-for-choice factor you have these days, there is practically a limitless number of relationships to explore, and this can cause people to fall into a changing up pattern instead of working with what they have. In that sense I don’t find arguments “of there not being women with similar values available” all that convincing. I also refuse to believe that the majority of bachelors are just slacking off avoiding responsibility.
The article itself was focused largely on the young man, which perhaps is the target demographic, but judging by some of the comments there are also quite a few older gentleman among the readers. It would be interesting to have some views on how the bachelor ages. As in my view a man can most certainly have redeeming manly qualities without being a family man.
I see the future bachelor being more modular to cope with a more modular society in general. People will continue to move through life at ever increasing speeds, changing things up, reinventing themselves and not spell checking their comments. Thank you for making it this far through mine.
For the ladies concerned about being tarred with the same brush as the “ho” I offer my sympathies. I would not want to be judged by the conduct of some of my “bros” either.

In conclusion, thank you Brett and everyone else who commented in an interesting read.
-H
m/24/Single

By: Ralmon

Ralmon — Fri, 27 Apr 2012 14:21:59 +0000

@ David:

Marriage is more complex than that. Though marriage provides a healthy and stable environment to make a family and do provide an socially acceptable means of having sexual favors, many marriage primarily isn’t an exchange for sex of for familial reasons:

Many married for religious reasons, like the the marriages of Joseph Smith of early Mormons (though we have to question the real motive). Weather its because of the order of God, or the union of to souls, religion has strong influence on our decision to marry.

Or they are means of celebrating the couple’s union, just like how we celebrate debut or manhood rites. In this case, the reason is mainly cultural. It is a celebration of ones translation to one part of their life to another.

Marriage is also seen as a means to gain resources (wealth), power and status, especially in the field of politics, like Bill Clinton’s. Marriage is used to gain influence, power or just to have a helping hand in his/her political regime (political partner).

Still, some married for appearance, like Tiger Woods’. Essentially, Woods married to take the appearance of a family guy and garner support and sponsors.

Some do it plainly on impulse, some because of pressure, some because of ‘need’ to ‘settle’ and lot of other reasons.

Marriage is really a very important and complex subject. No one has to put it on a pedestal but certainly marriage or absence thereof is important and has great impact on our lives. No, we should not put everything on a pedestal but that doesn’t mean we don’t even put a thought about them. That would not be wise.

By: David

David — Fri, 27 Apr 2012 00:41:51 +0000

This website is quite interesting. I’m a 27 year old male and medical professional (not a medical doctor) living and working in the northeastern US.

I am single and have no desire to marry right now. I admit to having casual relations with women and we are fine with it. They are part of my social circle or friends of friends, etc. We see operas,etc.

Like I stated, this website is interesting. I came across it accidentally because I am a fan of dressing nicely (sport jackets, blazers, etc). This site provides an idealized version of being a man. It’s just that. The “lost art” is just a set of social constructs. Everything is in flux. There are ways of “being a man” that survived natural selection at a social level.

Marriage might just be an elaborate exchange for regular sex. It might be an established institution because it creates nuclear families which may be better for society and thus the institution lives on.
Think about it. No need for flowery attitudes and putting everything on a pedestal.