Comments on: Look ‘Em in the Eye: Part I – The Importance of Eye Contact

By: Silas

Silas — Mon, 04 Feb 2013 20:08:47 +0000

I’ve learned how to deal with it. Another art of manliness.

By: Michael

Michael — Mon, 04 Feb 2013 18:55:35 +0000

Scientists have actually shown that people who are lying and/or trying to hide their emotions, tend to make more eye contact due. This is due in part to the fact that they want to make sure someone believes their lies, and doesn’t see past their facade. People who are telling the truth, actually tend to look to one side or the other, because they need to remember something, and because the vast majority of people formulate their thoughts best by looking away from people for a bit.

By: Vigilante

Vigilante — Mon, 04 Feb 2013 18:26:42 +0000

So here’s my problem. I start out a conversation with decent with eye contact, but the more I think about whether or not my eye contact is good/bad/creepy/elusive, the harder it gets to maintain. I start getting the shifty eyes. Looking forward to more on this subject. It is certainly something I need to work on.

By: Attila

Attila — Mon, 24 Dec 2012 03:50:42 +0000

I dislike to make eye contact with strangers or people I mistrust- to me, it’s a form of opening up and letting your energy out through your eyes. Then- only God knows what comes back to you as payback. I have actually felt nauseous after eye contact with some people- especially those whose Eyes Glaze Over.

By: jfds

jfds — Sun, 25 Nov 2012 04:18:25 +0000

I’m a male and I generally dislike eye contact. I’m fine with eye contact with females and I’m fine with brief glances with other males but the second another male tries to maintain prolonged eye contact with me it makes me generally dislike the guy haha. I usually find straight away that I have mismatching personalities to them anyways. I’m very much an introvert so I usually enjoy deep conversations, however, I find it near impossible to have deep conversations when looking straight into someones eyes as it draws too much of my attention onto that instead of the subject at hand. I’m fine with women since I don’t usually have ‘theoretical / technical’ conversations with them, but with the males who makes too much eye contact from my experience I can’t really connect with them on the level I’ll like to, and I usually find the conversations lack any depth and the majority of the time it almost feels like the entire reason for the conversation was just so they could make a personal statement instead. Basically they’re pricks lol. Obviously this is just a generalisation based on my personal experience.

By: Brent

Brent — Fri, 05 Oct 2012 11:56:09 +0000

Very interesting article. I would also consider myself the alpha type. Social gatherings are so painfully boring. I find this to be cultural, however. I take after my mom (more northern euro) and my dad is a typical jewish guy. If I dont hug and kiss him every time I see him he thinks im mad or depressed. I love him as my dad but Id rather give a handshake. Ive never noticed anything about eye contact in my life other than I know deep down that if I dont look directly into someones eyes as they are talking it is somehow a major sign of weakness/disrespect/not caring what the person is saying. I find being unable to focus into someones eyes as a sign of a very “male type” brain. My little sister is autistic (im pretty sure) and I dont think she ever looks at me when we are talking unless she asks me a question. She is very male type brained, if you will, and doesnt make for small talk or phone calls or even direct eye contact. While my other sister can look at me directly and talk for hours on end. I have read that very male typed brains lead to autism while very female typed brains lead to schizophrenia (attaching feelings and emotions to inanimate things or abstract ideas) I find this personally to be true. I, however, believe I am a mix of both. While social interaction CAN be painful I can compartementalize in my brain to respond respectfully and seem like I have genuine interest. Eye contact doesnt bother me at all and being confident without being to dominant is what I aim for. Personally, I think people who stare down most of the time are people who are too insecure to look at you normally without punking out themselves and seem ridiculous while they are doing it. In LA no one will look at you as you walk down the street or hold doors open. Its a very scary “poker face” look that everyone has of every social class and walk of life. Its a like a “hustle or die” and “every man for himself”‘ way of life down there. New York is totally the opposite.

By: C.R

C.R — Tue, 06 Mar 2012 22:26:24 +0000

I am on the autism spectrum and eye contact is very painful to me and even trying to compensate by looking at the bridge of the nose or over the persons shoulder is very difficult for me-I just cant do it.

By: Anon.

Anon. — Tue, 21 Feb 2012 20:08:41 +0000

What about people with iris defects or heterochromia who purposely avoid eye contact due to societies lack of acceptance and constant questioning of such conditions. Many people will look down on someone with different eyes as being somewhat less of a person. And in some cases as retarded. I know this as I’ve experienced it first hand almost every day.

By: Melly25

Melly25 — Thu, 16 Feb 2012 14:02:25 +0000

Generally I avoid eye contact with strangers because they always seem to want something from me. Ignore the vagrant panhandler and he’ll go away to bother someone else. I’m simply too busy to engage every person I meet. Seriously, I must have some sort of “friendly vibe” that makes people want to take up my time!

By: Julie

Julie — Sun, 12 Feb 2012 21:03:57 +0000

This is a great article. A healthy amount of eye contact truly can do wonders for social interaction.

However, I’d also like to second Brendon’s comment re. eye contact sometimes being too assertive. In my experience, it’s mostly salesmen intent on making a sale, but occasionally others, too, whose eye contact is excessively intense and has the distinct feel of being a play for dominance. For me, it is very distracting and causes both unease and distrust in the person behaving this way. For eye contact to be comfortable, I think it’s important to be able to glance away from time to time.

Personally, being able to look to the side gives me a chance to both listen and think about what the other person is saying; conversely, if gazes are “locked” there just isn’t much room to process anything else. All I can think is, “stop staring me out, this isn’t a contest!”