Comments on: How a Man Can Grieve for a Deceased Friend

By: Kristy

Kristy — Sat, 04 May 2013 22:46:45 +0000

My boyfriend lost one of his close friends this January 2013. A year before, he lost both his grandmother and a close childhood friend. We had just met in November 2012 and started dating in December. As soon as I heard about his friend passing, I wanted nothing more than to be there for him through this hard time, but it seemed like he wanted to just be alone, which I accepted and told him I am always there for him. He has definitely pulled away more and more and doesn’t answer phone calls or texts so I have been giving him alone time and space so he can heal. I feel like our relationship is in limbo though and he will not tell me if he still wants to stay together or separate for awhile. I feel like the best thing to do is just be patient until he comes to me and wants to talk.

Does this sound like the right thing for me to do?

Thank you for this honest article and providing some insight on how men tend to grieve differently than women sometimes.

By: Mary

Mary — Sun, 24 Mar 2013 20:39:59 +0000

We lost a close friend on March 11, 2013. The memorial is March 30,2013. My husband just starts crying out of the blue. He ask if we have to go to the memorial , and I tell him yes, your friend would want you to be there.

starts crying ou of the blue and ask if we have to go to the memorial. I tell him yes, it is the right thing to do and our deceased friend would wan him to be there.

By: Jeffrey

Jeffrey — Mon, 18 Mar 2013 07:19:14 +0000

I had a friend who died a couple of days ago. I came to this site for comfort, not sure if I should continue crying or not. I’m in high school and so is he. Sixteen seems too young to die, especially since it wasn’t drugs or an accident of any kind. It was his heart that failed. He was a track star and band member as well as an AP Student and a good friend. It seemed as if he was able to connect with everyone. At first, I held back from crying, trying to man it out. Then I went on his Facebook wall, and like many others, posted a meaningful comment. There were a lot of “likes” on my post on his page, and every time someone went and “liked” it, I would go back and re-read it. Doing so each time seemed to make it harder and harder, starting from just rereading it to tearing up and then full out crying.
Life is sometimes very unfair, but hey, it has its ups and downs. I know it’ll get easier as time goes on. I have found some comfort here. This is one of the most powerful articles on the website. Well done.

By: CJ

CJ — Thu, 10 Jan 2013 04:31:08 +0000

I had a friend in high school who died of brain cancer in April of 2012. He hadn’t even finished high school yet (I was a junior in college). When I found out he had died, it never hit me; I was so stressed out from projects and finals that it just didn’t register. Once I got caught up on all my work, it hit me like a ton of bricks. I distracted myself with my guitar and my piano, but every now and then (like when I read this article) it still hits me pretty hard. When this happens, I listen to the Billy Joel CDs he bought me in high school as an unsolicited thank you for driving him home after musical rehearsal (his family couldn’t afford a car for him).

By: Attila

Attila — Mon, 24 Dec 2012 04:00:31 +0000

My view is that you HAVE to allow yourself to FEEL whatever comes up – and have to be ready to go.on the roller coaster- trusting that you will get back to the base safely. I know of too many people who seem to act as though nothing happened- even after losing their parents. There may also be some cultural issues—every person that I have known who has returned to work THE NEXT DAY after losing a parent is of Anglo-Saxon Protestant background (Southern). As a Souther European- this is perplexing.to me. It appears to be a form of denial.

By: Kris

Kris — Wed, 19 Dec 2012 02:49:55 +0000

I lost my best friend when I was 20. We had grown up together, and graduated together in 2008. He went into the U.S. Army, 82′nd airborne. He was deployed in Afghanistan and his HUMVEE took and IED in Feb 2010. I worked for the local police dept, I got the call early one morning that Zach had been killed in action. I went into shock, I do not remember the rest of that day. At the time I worked for a great chain of command, the SGT and the LT drove me home and advised my family to look after me, they also gave me 5 days off no loss of pay or vacation time, during that time there was lots of grieving, and remembering the good times, it was a long recovery, however I can say if the men that I called my friends and my family, I wouldn’t have made it. I was able to relieve Zach’s family of some of the burdens of planning and organizing. Now almost 3 years later I still talk to his mother and father almost every week, and we will go up to the New Mexico national cemetery and visit him, we also host a ski/snowboard race in his honor every year.

By: Tim

Tim — Fri, 19 Oct 2012 13:29:18 +0000

I was a soldier, an Infantryman in Iraq. On Memorial Day of 2007, I lost 8 brothers. These men and I were close to varying degrees, but these were all men I had trained, trained with, or learned from.

Let me say this and be perfectly clear: Do not be afraid to talk about it.

Most of you will be lucky enough to not witness your friends’ deaths, especially violent ones. But no matter how they died, losing a close friend is a trauma that there is no way to prepare for. It’s a trauma that you need to talk about. I can honestly say that talking about what I had witnessed and the pain I felt from their loss is the one thing that kept me from putting a bullet in my head or drinking myself to death.

In addition, I’d like to thank you for writing this down for the world to read. Trust me, I know how hard it can be. I want you to know that you and your friend’s family are in my thoughts and prayers.

By: Kris

Kris — Fri, 05 Oct 2012 11:03:19 +0000

Two reasons why men cry, memories and/or regrets, solution is simple for a simple man. Make great memories and live without regret. I lost friends and family, however, i have good memories of them, and honestly I have no regrets. A man is man, and if tears must flow then they must.

By: Jude52

Jude52 — Thu, 17 Nov 2011 13:17:31 +0000

Thank you to all who commented. My oldest daughter died at age 11, seven years ago after a life long illness. Losing a child is devastating for a father. I think of her every day, and while things have gotten better, some days are still a struggle. A lot of what has been said here is good advice: exercise; avoiding alcohol, etc.; talking about the lost loved one (which is something many men often do not do well). I recommend a book, “Swallowed by a Snake: the gift of the masculine side of healing” by Thomas Golden. It’s a book about how men grieve differently than women. The author is a therapist who specializes in counseling men in grief. There is a companion book called, “So you know a Man Who Is Grieving” which is a good guide if you have a male friend who is grieving and you would like some guidance on how to help him.

By: Jude52

Jude52 — Wed, 16 Nov 2011 04:42:24 +0000

Thank you to all who commented. My oldest daughter died at age 11, seven years ago after a life long illness. Losing a child is devastating for a father. I think of her every day, and while things have gotten better, some days are still a struggle. A lot of what has been said here is good advice: exercise; avoiding alcohol, etc.; talking about the lost loved one (which is something many men often do not do well). I recommend a book, “Swallowed by a Snake: the gift of the masculine side of healing” by Thomas Golden. It’s a book about how men grieve differently than women. The author is a therapist who specializes in counseling men in grief. There is a companion book called, “So You Know a Man Who Is Grieving” which is a good guide if you have a male friend who is grieving and you would like some guidance on how to help him.