Comments on: The Importance of Trusting Men in Your Circle

By: Andy

Andy — Tue, 20 Sep 2011 17:41:04 +0000

Wow, Steve Harrington.
Good work and thanks for letting me see your wounding around men knowing and expressing feelings. If I didn’t know better I’d call you bigoted because your words are so post-femisist in as far as you have bought into the feminist idea that it’s only women that can express their true feelings.
And then there’s those bigoted ideas about ‘baby boomers’. So much judgement and shaming, a little anger maybe?
Thanks for letting us know how you feel. LOL
I invite you and everyone reading this to a men’s retreat were no one guarantees your safety and your life is in your our hands. Where we will be considering:
IS MY ANGER ANY GOOD?
onthecommonground.org/retreats/fall2011

in brotherhood,

By: Pouyah

Pouyah — Thu, 15 Sep 2011 21:59:58 +0000

prosperity is in keeping the balance.
I think your female friends help you “understand” emotions and delicate points in daily life etc etc, and your male friends help you “understand” manliness and the value of being truthful, hard working and just. etc etc.
The conventional wisdom holds that you need both to enjoy your life since it’s always easier to go too far in each direction neglecting the other.

By: Matt Banning

Matt Banning — Thu, 08 Sep 2011 00:42:38 +0000

I agree. guys got to stick together and trust each other. too much hate now and days. even my friends sometime don’t trust each other.

By: James

James — Wed, 07 Sep 2011 15:23:13 +0000

You’re not alone S. My father sexually assaulted my sister growing up and that really screwed me up regarding sex and making male friends. It caused me to be this over correcting nice guy, but as Machiavelli noted, it will bring a man ruin, and it almost did.

The military taught me a lot about myself, men and relationships. A former supervisor of mine was a marine from a fatherless house and he was such a good role model and friend.

I’m 28 and in college, so I see a lot of sophomoric behavior, but I don’t judge them like I used to. Guys have to learn lessons the hard way sometimes before they realize what’s right, but some may never.

By: Mike

Mike — Tue, 06 Sep 2011 12:21:55 +0000

This is something I really need. My wife and I have talked about it for years how I have no male friends, or any friends really, other than her. I haven’t quite figured out why it’s that way though. I have no interest in making friends with most people I work with. It either seems like they are too immature or just don’t share the same interests as me. It has always been hard for me to really connect with someone though I guess. Even in high school, I had tons of peers who I played sports with or would greet in the hall, but not many I could really confide in or have a good relationship with. It was a bit easier to find companionship when I was a Christian and had church functions and groups I could take part in, but unfortunately it is hard to find those kinds of “mens groups” elsewhere. Not really sure where to look for male companionship without some kind of religious organization.

By: S

Mon, 05 Sep 2011 20:02:35 +0000

article is very true. for myself, no father in the house, raised by a very nice(but very weak) mother. no steady male role models either. add to that, I was sexually assaulted when I was 8, by a 12-year-old neighbor. I never told, never dealt with it until recently(I’m about to turn 42). Now, It didn’t turn me gay or anything, but, does that experience fuck with your development as a man? you bet. add to that today’s society, which DETESTS masculinity in any form, because women find it threatening, and you have a recipe for disaster, also known as my life :)

I have a successful career, no relationship luck at all, small wonder. emotional issues cropped up full-speed 5 years ago at the height of my success, which led to a major downfall. if I had learned to trust other guys growing up, plenty of things could have been avoided. always found myself confiding in women(big mistake) about stuff that only your “boys” should know. I’m a little better now; at least I know what the issues are, and I’m working them out. thanks for posting this.

By: Steven J. Richardson

Steven J. Richardson — Sat, 03 Sep 2011 08:48:35 +0000

Great article. If I had to nit pick I’d say the “rehab or worse” comment is misleading and flat out wrong. Many men who come out of rehab and establish a strong presence in AA will find some of the manliest men they will ever meet. The alcoholic is a combination of all the men that you described at the top, but has a boiling potential to be the best man he can be. Few embrace the challenge but if they do, yet will find a group of men from all walks of life to learn from, embrace and love. Going into rehab and consequently adopting AA made me the man that I am today. AA taught me to love other men; to not shy away from another man who might be able to teach me something due to an inferiority complex or fear. That display of affection and guidance
between men is about as manly as you can get in my humble opinion.

By: FInding the Man

FInding the Man — Fri, 02 Sep 2011 04:44:17 +0000

Such a great article! Isn’t the truth that we as men need each other in order to become better fathers, husbands and men in general. For too long society has told us it is not ok to be a man and that the husband who wants to spend some time with his friends is selfish and neglectful. While too much of anything can be a bad thing, overall, men spending time together being men doing manly things it is one of the healthiest things a man can do to better himself as a person.

By: Brad Alexander

Brad Alexander — Fri, 02 Sep 2011 01:14:20 +0000

They say men have to sit in silence for hours, fishing, just to break the ice before they get into deep topics that take women 5 minutes.

But I think what you are saying makes perfect sense. Men want to talk about things and develop close relationships with men they trust. But we are afraid. We don’t want to come across too deep too soon in a male friendship. But by making the first move I think many men would open up quite quickly.

By: Claucio

Claucio — Thu, 01 Sep 2011 23:49:27 +0000

Hi. I’m from Brazil and I’ve followed AoM’s articles for six months or so. All I have to say is
congratullations. This is the best post I’ve read around about manliness, and sure I’m sending the link by e-mail to my circle friends. Thanks!