Comments on: The Ins and Outs of Opening a Door for a Woman

By: Nora

Nora — Fri, 24 May 2013 11:22:37 +0000

@Marvin Fuzznut

While your argument has some truth, what you’re missing is that this is basic human psychology, not about women liking jerks. Humans want what they can’t have. Why are some people bullies? Maybe because they think that if they’re nice people will walk all over them. There should be a balance.So, yes, that is why use the phrase “play hard to get”.

By: Nora

Nora — Fri, 24 May 2013 11:15:58 +0000

“Yes, you open doors for a woman, but your woman probably does special things for you. It’s madness to think that equality must mean doing the exact same things for each other and constantly keeping score.”
While it is good for you and you partner to do special things for each other, this does not have to mean doing this by preserving traditional roles, in fact, it has nothing to do with it. You’re afraid that if traditions like these cease to exist, that things will be boring? That is just because you fear the unknown! In fact, I think it will open up a WORLD of new possibilities and dynamics that the world has seldom made possible, because most women today, admit it or not, are not capable of thinking outside traditional roles.
You think discontinuing an act that makes women feel like an elegant prize will threaten your superiority somehow, and you will lose some of that “manly” quality that makes life great? Then you haven’t considered the options that will be set out for you to explore in a world where society treats both sexes equally. Imagine, no limitations, no roles, no disrespect, the sort of alliances, bonds, and exploration that can develop between the two sexes.

By: Vinc

Vinc — Sat, 18 May 2013 21:07:49 +0000

I think you should make the last sentence about saying thank you bold and something like twice as big so everybody will see it as there are sadly too many people with bad courting shall we say to know that.

By: Marvin Fuzznut

Marvin Fuzznut — Mon, 08 Apr 2013 00:01:55 +0000

When or even if a man should open a door for a woman depends on the relationship he wants to establish with that woman. Is it your mom? Your grandmother? Want her to think you’re a gentleman? Open the door. Is this someone you want to have sex with? Then the LAST thing you should want her thinking is that you’re a gentleman. Every act of courtesy will take you in the OPPOSITE direction of your goal. Remember women are crazy. The nicer you are to them the more they will treat you like the hired help. The more you treat them like they’re nothing the more they will want you. Forget what your mom told you. Women don’t want gentlemen. They want bad boys. Jerks get laid. Gentlemen go home with a nice warm feeling about how they held the door. And before anyone starts fussing at me just remember – I didn’t make this rule. I don’t even like the rule. I’m just telling you what the rule is. It was women who decided the rule. Nice guys really do finish last.

By: Chad

Chad — Mon, 25 Mar 2013 03:13:43 +0000

I I open doors for ladies and have found the gesture appreciated. Honestly, I don’t even think about it, it’s a natural response. Car doors? Just give it simple thought in advance, if the car is parked close to another car I say let me pull the car out for u, then I get in and pull it out I remain in the driver’s seat and allow her to get in unless prudence dictates otherwise i.e. she is injured or it would be difficult for her or it is a formal event. If she is driving which has happened, when walking back to the vehicle I walk with her to the door and open it, then walk around as she starts the car, and unlocks my side. Naturally if we arrive to the door and she is just now finding her keys I make chit chat to stall time till she finds them then assist if it seems natural, sometimes the lady will put the key in the door and open it for herself which is fine I’ll wait and assist in the closing of it. It takes a minute for her to unlock my side and start the car anyway so no time lost. If she is shopping I will carry bags or at least assist in holding her bags while she looks for her keys. Double doors, I go through first and hold the door from inside and wait until she is almost all the way through so there is very little if any weight from the door imposing on her, then I simply take a couple steps not missing a beat and open the next. It is a natural movement not awkward at all. If a woman gets to door first, I assume I will open it but if she starts opening it herself I take it to mean she desires to express her independence and I will just follow her in. As far as the stairs go, I think as a man I would agree about following the girl up, I don’t think it’s polite to stick my butt in her face hehe. I don’t see how one can look up her skirt.. unless its super short and then if that’s the case, we wouldn’t be dating anyway. If it’s a lady in the hall well, depends on who gets there first. If we are the only two in the stair way I suppose I would walk up the stairs just offset to her or to the other side so I’m not directly in front of her. To the gentleman who was wondering about why a man walks on the outside of side walk, I was told to do it as a kid to be a shield from overspray from mud and water from the road when a car, bike, horse goes along and to protect her from traffic mishaps. Things we don’t do I think are interesting like put our coat down on water puddle that doesn’t seem at all practical, unless it’s an extremely black tie event like dinner with the president standing up when a woman leaves the table creates more commotion that its worth. However, when guests join the table after all are seated I do stand up and greet them to welcome them and it makes them feel welcome, also I do pull the chair out and push it in as she sits for my special lady as well, also for an elderly sitting near me at the same table. Table manners would be a good article, such as no elbows on table a personal grip if mine or chewing with their mouth open. You can really see someone’s etiquette when watching them eat.

By: CJ

CJ — Thu, 10 Jan 2013 04:41:30 +0000

I’m from the American South, so door-opening is an important part of my upbringing. There are two rules for opening doors, one for each sex: if a woman’s about to go through a door, YOU GET TO THAT DOOR AND OPEN IT FOR HER, DAMMIT. If a man’s about to go through a door, you open it if you’re in front, let him get it if you’re in back, and take the door handoff if you’re with a group.

By: StrayDataPoint

StrayDataPoint — Mon, 07 Jan 2013 21:01:56 +0000

Hey,
-I’m sorry if that was said before, but holy dog 130, i can’t possibly catch up-

I like the general tone of the article, and especially the insistence on “do not insist”, but I think you got it wrong when it comes to the reason some women reject this chivalry. The problem is not -at least in my experience- that they need to be independent about every single act (the woman that doesn’t like you open the door for her on a regular day may be perfectly comfortable with you doing it when she actually needs it).
The problem is that chivalry is, by practice, a selective institution: traditionally, men didn’t hold doors for maids or prostitutes. Or women of “questionable value”, a group who was, of course, identified by the fact that other men refused to hold their doors.
Normalizing chivalry leaves “denying chivalry” open as a form of aggression, and this is a thing that actually happens, to this day. And some women are worried that the guy holding the door for them is a guy who would deny them this act if they had seven face pierces and purple hair, and don’t want to encourage his categorizing of people.
Of course, the suspicion that your guy is trying to pidgeon-hole you (or anyone) into a definition of “propriety” shouldn’t have a place in any relationship, so what I said doesn’t apply to the playful coreography of an established couple.
But for first dates, my reasoning seems a better explanation of her refusing chivalry than “she’s no fun”.

By: Beth Verdekal

Beth Verdekal — Mon, 24 Dec 2012 08:02:46 +0000

Dear Mr. and Mrs. McKay,

Thank you for continuing the tradition of sex-based manners, and feeling fine with it. I used to reject the idea when much younger, but as I grow older I have become a chivalry (and manners) enthusiast. Chivalry embraces a man thinking outside of himself to consider others and take action. It embraces a woman, often the giver/caretaker, to receive a courtesy. Your pic of the woman holding the umbrella for the man as he opens her car door perfectly exemplified the kindness reciprocity that two people share when both consider the other as they move through life. I’ve found that when a man is chivalrous I relax more, knowing that I’m in the presence of someone else who notices where help can be offered.

By: marcia

marcia — Sat, 15 Dec 2012 19:37:41 +0000

To Wendy Pan:

No, you should not open and hold doors open for men, unless they are elderly. It defeats the notion of male-female etiquette and here in Europe, men do not like those kinds of “equalizing ” gestures at all.

By: marcia

marcia — Sat, 15 Dec 2012 19:35:18 +0000

One detail left out…In a crowded public setting, such as entering a restaurant or a store, the man enters first and holds the door. The idea behind this is that if someone comes flying through from the other side with a gun in his hand or knife, the man will be the protection.