Comments on: Dressing and Influence: The Right Look for Different Meeting Types

By: Wayne

Wayne — Sat, 14 May 2011 01:05:48 +0000

You aren’t your fucking khakis.

By: Brucifer

Brucifer — Fri, 13 May 2011 01:25:16 +0000

I frankly get really irked at chaps who spout stuff like “REAL men don’t need to dress up” ….. as a lame excuse to dress like slobs. Just as it is a fallacy to assume that because one is posh-dressed, one is a fop, it is also a fallacy to think some dude in crud-stained jeans is all tre’ macho and that.

There is frankly no more pathetic and unmanly a sight than seeing a 6 ft-something, 250 lb ‘he-man’ man being dragged by the ear by his wife or GF into a proper mens clothing store to get a suit and tie for a wedding or other event. Guys that otherwise look like their could chew iron and spit nails, look like little babies, kicking and squirming. Pathetic! I want to hand guys like that a diaper … then, teach the wimp how to tie a proper Windsor knot.

Adaptation is the most ancient of survival skills. Manly men should be able to quickly adapt to the terrain they find themselves in. Yet, some men who might think nothing of having several pairs of different cammo pattern clothing for different hunting environments, don’t seem to realize that a suit is nothing more than ‘cammo’ clothing for a different type of ‘hunting’ environment.

As friend Anthony has tried to illustrate to you, a REAL man is able to adapt his clothing and his demeanor to a variety of situations.

Hence, my own closet ranges from biker leathers to hunting/camping clothes, to nightclub outfits, to several business suits, … to my very own tailored tuxedo (what, ME rent!?) With this variety of couture, I am able to easily and comfortably travel in a wide variety of social circles and ‘look like I belong there’ in any number of urban and rural environments. Like the old country-western song goes, “I’ve got friends, in high and low places….” I know biker-gang Presidents. I know Corporation Presidents. I owe that in no small part, to being able to adapt and dress to blend-in various types of people in various social environments.

By: Doug

Doug — Thu, 12 May 2011 15:51:59 +0000

Very well stated Aydika !!

By: Aydika

Aydika — Thu, 12 May 2011 15:15:19 +0000

Antony, I’m really struck by the power of this post—mainly by the simple truth of what it outlines: We are individuals with our own personalities, goals and intentions — and every choice we make is part of that. Including what we choose to wear.

Aware of it or not, we step into each experience with specific intentions; and every choice we make — what we say, do, wear — is part of acting on those goals. By simply being conscious our intentions, we can align every choice we make with our desired outcome—not to manipulate people, but to achieve what we wish to do and communicate.

What @J.D. Tuccille said captures it well:
“To dress well as appropriate to the situation is to take control of the image we put forward. And dare I say, it’s also fun?”

Yes! I dare say: It is.

Great article, Antony. Four thumbs up!

By: Doug

Doug — Thu, 12 May 2011 15:13:15 +0000

This is a great and timely topic for me since I am ‘teaching’ my 14 YO son how to dress. Together we picked out his own suit and sportcoat last weekend at a decent clothing Dept Store- he had the final say however and he seemed to be surprised at how the Men’s Dept. salesman was so professional and knowledgeable about dressing – a new area of knowledge openign up. Looking at his classmates, it is clear that many parents don’t take the time to do this at all – much less in a caring way. I have definitely learned the importance and significance of dress in my 43 years – influences such as scouting, military, teachers, clergy and most of all my Dad! have shaped me strongly – and this all in a world where people constantly chanted “it does not matter what you wear ” – esp in my church (Catholic – jeans and t-shirts of course). My biggest nugget of learning is that clothes are ‘most often’ a reflection of what’s inside – not that they are the Rx to make you a better person or a perfect indicator. But to counter, I have also seen many instances where a uniform (in scouting or military) does in fact influence individuals to change what they are inside – bit by bit.. I have worked in the aerospace industry most of my career and the hallways are full of black and white photos of our pioneering thin-tied, khaki and loafer-clad predecessors – my Dad was one of them. And we wonder why we now can’t seem to be as successful as they were – and with much less Then look at the more recent photos with engineers and technicians wearing jeans, sneakers and t-shirts. Correlation is not causation – but it sure makes you wonder alright.

By: Dan P

Dan P — Thu, 12 May 2011 13:55:38 +0000

@Tom — y’know, I used to be the same way in dress as you — absolutely loathed “dressing up”, would normally wear jeans and polo shirts (for work, anyway — outside work was a T-shirt).

That ‘dress code’, if you will, changed _really_ quick when I received the opportunity to do some on-site work with one of my company’s clients in NYC. I didn’t wear suits 5 days a week, but the experience has definitely changed my outlook on what I wear. I now regularly wear slacks and a button-down shirt to work (no ties, that’s going a little too far for the environment), and make sure to keep everything in top form (ironed shirt, etc).

As to your “women get all the nice stuff” comment — I think it’s more the idea that a woman can pretty much look good in anything. Couple that with the fact that (barring a T-shirt and those “trendy” holes are already in them jeans) most everything in the women’s sections of a department store are, to some extent, already more “dress-up” looking than the men’s side. It also doesn’t hurt that they have a few options in dressing up (pants/skirts/dress) — though this is a relatively recent development, as women used to be “dress or nothing” during the same time when it was “suit or nothing” for men…

By: TJ Davis

TJ Davis — Thu, 12 May 2011 07:17:06 +0000

Kudos on the A&M refrence! Gig ‘Em!!

By: Shawn G

Shawn G — Wed, 11 May 2011 15:55:06 +0000

The beauty of this site is that it addresses both the outward appearance as well as the inward reality. Brett and Kate you do a good job of focusing on the whole person as opposed to just one aspect of a person. This is how we become better men. If you simply try to grow one area and not others you’ll never be a whole person.

By: Tom

Tom — Wed, 11 May 2011 14:26:00 +0000

I loathe to dress up. I posted on FB the other day: Thank God I’m not a suit. I’m thankful I don’t have to do that and never have had to do that and I make a pretty good salary in a professional atmosphere. No one has ever said anything to me. Yup. Cargo pants and a pullover work for me.
One thing that really cracks me up when I’m watching classic movies or old TV shows, is that the men are always in suits and ties. Ward Cleaver for example. There were only a handful of times when Mr. Cleaver was seen in casual clothing. It’s like you had to dress up to do your TV show.
Men’s dress-up is boring. Women get to have all the fashion fun. It sucks.

By: Samuel Warren

Samuel Warren — Wed, 11 May 2011 13:40:30 +0000

Another extremely helpful article Antonio. I was recently promoted at work from a position where jeans and a t-shirt was acceptable, to one which requires sportcoats, and an occasional suit. Your articles here have been an invaluable way to learn all the little things that no one else ever seems to know. I do wish you’d consider an article on hats with dress attire. It’s hard to tell what is ok, and what just won’t work until you’re in the situation with hats.