I would liked to have met him.

Best wishes to all of you

Jules – Karratha – Western Australia

I was working over 80 hrs a wk along with full time school online, but when I finished my degree and quit one of the two jobs, I found myself “sleepwalking through life.” I always felt hungry for more and could never quite put my finger on what it was. I experience joy and good times here and there, but slowly lost interest in many things I love and became unsatisfied with life.

SET GOALS

I searched for the things in the past that made me happy and wondered what had changed; but still couldnt find a reason. I finally picked a hobby and went with it. I applied myself to Networking and a remodelling project at the same time. Along with this came deadlines, and as I completed them on time and even as I had to push myself to those completions, I found a feeling of purpose and accomplishment and realized that was what I was missing.

Without goals we have nothing to look forward to. Setting goals that WE want to accomplish and then applying ourselves gives pride and CONFIDENCE when completed, and at times even during the work.

Set goals and give yourself something to look forward to. There is theme in philosophy that it is not necessarily finding the ‘answers’ but the journey in searching for them. I believe the same applies in goals. So much good (including a feeling of self worth, pride, and CONFIDENCE) comes from the WORKING towards goals.

Two weeks after I got out, and 1 yr after coming back from a deployment i was now a civvie and sort of in shock on Christmas Day, coming from a combat arms unit where no matter how much you might dislike someone, overall, you’re all brothers, to…’nothing’….no schedule, no expectations. It wasn’t easy. Dad and I had a long talk. He’d done 25 years between active/reserve and he knew how it could be. It helped a lot. Still miss it some days, you remember both the good and the bad. My roommate has never served and at 25 seems a bit lost, he knows what he wants to do just not always how to get there. As someone who’s already done everything he wants to do, I find my purpose in serving as his role model in how to get things done, as well as several men i know who never served, their boys are enlisting, and at age 33, having served, traveled the world and worked many jobs, I can offer advice to them on how things work without coming across as parents do (and get ignored) at times.

Find something to do that keeps you mentally organized. Too many of my surviving brothers who’ve gotten out tend to get ‘lost’… keeping in touch helps. Makes you feel old when you realize your first new troop is now a 3-deployment staff sergeant!

MH–thanks. Wow, what a journey you’ve been on.

Wilbur–you’ve got what it takes. It sounds like you’re doing everything you need to be doing right now. Way to go!

Kemo–yes!

So many good stories here. Thank you, again.

Its great to hear stories from the AoM fraternity. I’m 33, from Kenya and my struggle is no different.

I recently returned home after being in foreign countries for several years. The adjustment was stressful to say the least. Who knew one could be so lonely while in the company of people whom you once knew?

Unexpectedly, I lost my job here and along with it my sense of purpose, self worth and identity. I hit the bottle. Hard. Chased after skirts, and made every excuse not to face up to my situation.

Recently, I began to crave for more of a life. I began to go to church and also try to figure out my man-issues. My dad has not been a great role model especially on tougher issues so I’ve had to go this one on my own. I stumbled on this website, and along with my spiritual reawakening have began to shed light on how I should live my life.

This morning I read this story and knew instantly what I need to do. Quit mopping around, quit wallowing in the cesspool of self pity and simply get a move on.

I know this may sound like empty rhetoric when one is so battered, because I’ve been there. But now I realise that manhood is about standing tall in your own essence. Its about standing across the mirror in the morning and being honest with my reflection.

Thanks for a wonderful manly website, and thanks to all who share their stories. What an inspiration!

I don’t usually comment on AoM posts but this one struck me. This is in response to the author’s question on regaining confidence from a challenge other than the military.

In 2000, at the age of 19, I was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder, a mental illness that’s basically schizophrenia and bipolar disorder rolled into one. I spent 10 years in and out of ER’s, hospitals, and psych wards. My psychotic breaks were insane and maddening. I’ve done a lot of damage to myself, my family, and other loved ones.

After a decade or so of intense personal trauma I decided to start picking up the pieces and moving forward. I admitted myself into a residential rehabilitation program for people with mental illness. I completed the program and moved into my own apartment. I take care of myself completely and don’t have to rely on others for basic care like so many others who won’t make it. I pay my bills on time, drive, and have hobbies I enjoy. I try not to take my life for granted.

Although, I’ve been stable for nearly 3 years I haven’t been able to work due to anxiety and fear despite the fact that my ultimate goal is to be economically self-sufficient. I live off SSI and food stamps right now. I’m grateful to be where I am at this point in life, especially after seeing so many others who won’t make it on their own.

The simple idea of Shifty simply going to work hit me hard. If I want to fully recover I need to add “order and purpose” to my days. Not just for the sake of monetary gain. But, to rebuild my confidence that has been shattered in early manhood.

I’ve decided that I’m going to start volunteering time at the local VA doing what I can to help veterans. And I’m going to pursue a career that will enable me to regain a sense of purpose.

I’m moving forward. Slowly. But, I’m still moving forward.

Thanks again for a great article.