Editor’s note: This is a guest post from Joe Weber.
Who: Her.
What: Potentially a relationship.
Where: …um…
It’s that last question where most guys get stuck and end up with the cliche answer of “the bar.” The reality is very few relationships begin in bars and pubs. According to a survey by sociologist David Grazian, only 20% of adults met their most recent partner at a bar. So there has to be other places to meet a woman, right?
Sure there are. But first, do yourself a favor. Forget the where for a second and instead focus on the why. Why are you looking? Be honest. If your answer is: “because I’m unhappy/bored with being alone, and I’d just really like to be in a relationship…” then you might as well be looking for a date on Jupiter. Get more than okay with yourself and be fine with being alone, and then it’ll happen. As to where? Could be anywhere. Amazing, single women are certainly out there. But they tend to only reveal themselves as such to confident men who are open to a relationship, yet at the same time aren’t exhibiting the slightest hint of desperation. Now with all that said, here’s a few non-bar places to keep your ears up…
Your Friend’s House
You got friends right? Friends that might even be married or have significant others? These friends probably throw parties/get-togethers/poker tournaments/Kentucky Derby shindigs (whatever, you get the point) from time to time. Show up, look good, have fun. One of those times your pal’s wife is going to invite her new co-worker friend to that same party. Maybe you two will hit it off. Just don’t egg your friends on to set you up.
Charity Galas / Non Profit Functions
Nice guys don’t always finish last. And nice guys show up to charity events to support great causes. Every non profit from food banks to humane societies have started throwing swanky evening affairs. Silent auctions, live auctions, dinner, dancing, etc…not a bad way to spend some cash for a good cause and maybe meet a few people along the way.
The Gym
It’s a pretty difficult place to launch a relationship, but if you’re a gym rat that gets to your health club of choice at the same set time, more than a few days a week, then you’re going to see some familiar faces. You get used to seeing the regulars. And if there’s a particular regular that you find yourself working out around that’s of some interest to you? An opportunity might present itself. Plus, if you care about your health, and she cares about hers, well there’s something in common already. But this is seriously dangerous. High adrenaline + lack of clothing almost always makes you the creep. She’s there to workout. Just like you. Respect that. But don’t shy away from it if there’s maybe something there.
Coffee Shops
They’re just like bars. Only instead of alcohol, the drug is caffeine. And the women who frequent coffee shops tend to be more laid-back and grounded.
Work
Take a look at these awesome plans I've drawn up here...to take you out on a date.
It’s where I met my wife. Actually, we met before I had the job there. I went in for the interview, saw her walk by, and felt extra motivated to land the gig. It can get pretty dicey if you’re dating someone in your workplace, but if it’s someone you really connect with? It’s worth the land mines. Just know your company’s procedure and shoot a quick email to HR. Best case scenario is that the two of you become great friends, develop a mutual attraction, and then she leaves to take a better job at an ad agency across town. Worked out perfect for me.
The Bank
The tellers. Goodness. You’re given just the right amount of time to make small talk and perhaps even make her laugh. Plus you have a natural exit each time. Let that develop. And if it doesn’t work out? There’s always the ATM.
The Dog Park
Pet owners get each other. Especially those that love their dogs. If your dog and her dog get along and like to play? Bonus. But don’t go out looking to adopt a dog just to use as date bait.
Online
Don’t laugh. You’re online right now. And as great of an idea as an Art of Manliness dating site spin-off may be, Brett hasn’t gotten to that one yet. Yes there are plenty of odd ones (both male and female) lurking on dating websites. But if you live in a city where people get married young? And those that aren’t married have a hard time connecting? It’s not a total waste of time. Two of my most favorite people on the planet met online. She’s a whip smart, big city gal with a job that takes her around the world…and he’s a works with his hands, born and raised in North Dakota, ready to match wits, hunter-type who loves his yellow lab and 57 Chevy. They ended up together because they’re perfect for each other and neither was desperate to be in a relationship. That and he resisted making his dating site profile pic one of him holding up his latest kill from a hunt. Don’t do that. Women don’t tend to like that.
An Airplane/Airport
Step 1: Leave your crocs and torn jeans at home. Attractive women seem to really be into guys who take the time to dress well when travelling. It’s probably because outside of Walmart, an airplane is where people tend to dress their absolute worst. Look down the rows of any major commercial jet and most people look like they’re dressed to clean out the garage. If you’re the guy in the suit, or even nice jeans, decent shoes, and a cotton blazer? Congrats. She’ll want to sit next to you or maybe even share a drink during a layover. The most obvious drawback is that she might not live where you live.
Church
Now don’t go showing up to some church just so you can pick up the ladies. Even if they don’t immediately sniff out your insincerity, success will mean snagging a devout woman who will eventually discover your true intentions and the fact that you’re not on the same page. But if you’re already the religious type, church is a great place to meet women. First, the odds are already in your favor with women outnumbering men at nearly every church. Second, many of these women are looking to meet Mr. Right, so they’re approachable. Third, you know right off the bat that all these women likely share your same religious beliefs and values, which is an important factor in the success of long term relationships.
Many churches have singles programs that you can join. Sign up for the activities and get involved.
Despite the benefits of meeting women at church, there are a few drawbacks. The dating pool is often small which can create a lot of drama. For example, you can date one woman one month and decide it won’t work, so you break it off. Problem is you’ll still have to see her Sunday, which can make things awkward. Things can get even more uncomfortable if you decide to date another woman in your congregation. Tread carefully.
The Rest – Where Women Tend to Be
Rec sports leagues, volunteer organization events, bookstores, affordable furniture and decor stores like Cost Plus World Market, even Bed Bath & Beyond. These are all places where you can, if you so choose, engage a great looking woman in conversation without coming off as creepy. How do I know? I asked a panel of six female friends, and they all agreed that these extra locations should give a guy ample opportunities to strike up a conversation with someone whom he probably has something in common with. For the shopping locations, they’re relatively gender neutral but are also places where most women will gladly give you her opinion on an item (a new book, a bottle of wine, something that hangs on a wall). Activities like sports leagues or volunteer organizations guarantee you’ll have something to talk about. Whether it’s the cause you’re supporting, or the softball game that was just played. Just be your normal charming self, dress like you care about your appearance (because you do right?), and let it happen.
As a final note, keep in mind that women aren’t specifically in these places to be picked up by a dude. They’re working, exercising, and relaxing. So be wary of becoming an annoyance, where she has to dread seeing you walk in the door at her place of work or has to switch her workout time to avoid seeing you at the gym. Start with really short, passing chit chat, and slowly work towards having a little longer conversation. If she’s giving off signs that she’s into you, then continue. If not, then back off. And if you can’t read those kinds of social cues? Well you should probably work on that before you start dating.
Time for an AoM poll… Where’d you meet your significant other? Leave it all, bars included, in the comments section below.
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Joe Weber is the Director and Editor of www.Dappered.com where affordable style is the one and only focus. He believes that living right, living well, and looking good doesn’t mean you should go broke in the process.
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Friends houses are the best imo
We met at a mutual friend’s NFL keg party. It took us a while to actual date each OTHER instead of others in the group, but there was an instant connection.
Grocery Store or Library! Although I have yet to win the relationship lottery (being 21 and all) I have gotten a date out of the grocery store and one out of a library as well…
I’ll also give a +1 to church (but that ended horribly (I had to attend a different church for a while), as said, tread lightly…) and +1 to friend’s house.
I met my wife on Yahoo chat in an Ohio room 9 years ago, married a year and a half later (8th anniversary coming up this month). It all started with a recipe for Shepherds Pie.
Originally met through friends while in college, and then reconnected years after on Facebook.
I met my wife at a weekend conference when we were both undergrad seniors. We were going to school on opposite sides of the country, but hit it off enough that we kept in e-mail and IM contact and eventually started dating. It was long distance most of the time until the wedding, but it worked out.
Online! We met on okcupid.com, a free and very low-key site. It’s been two years, and in another year we’re getting married.
I met my significant other on Youtube. He made video, I subscribed. He saw that I subscribed and started up a conversation based on the books I mentioned I liked on my profile. Relationships will find you, you don’t need to go looking for them.
Libraries would be another good place to meet someone. :)
I met my wife at a weekend church sponsored conference. We’ll be celebrating our 35th anniversary in June so we think that the whole thing worked out pretty well.
Hey! An Art of Manliness dating site! Now THERE’S an idea! ;)
The grocery store is a great place. Hang around the wine aisle for about 10 minutes on a weekend afternoon and you’ll see someone you’ll want to talk to.
To answer the question, I’ve met girlfriends through coffee shops, friends, online and work. All obvious places that we frequent already. Just open your eyes.
I was 27 when I met my wife. I was invited to preach at her Churches Bible Conference was introduced to her. I am thankful that I waited for the right one that God had for me
I met my wife on a Christian dating site. I was still on my free trial. Be married 9th years in July.
College classes are a great way… My girlfriend of 2 years and I met in math class freshman year, and started dating sophomore year.
Thank you for including that cautionary line about the gym – don’t be that guy.
Bank Tellers = hell no
Reason:
I’m a guy, and after two years of working at the bank. no one, and i mean no one guy has ever been successful in picking up one of the ladies. Number 1, half of them are in relationships. The others that are actually single, hate people that go to the bank. I haven’t seen one guy even swoon a lady, not one. The only guys that make the ladies swoon are the unattainable ones. Guys that are ridiculously good-looking that will never pick up a chick at the bank. Where i was, this was more common. Some guys have been successful at getting their number past the glass, but it typically goes nowhere. It goes as far as flirting for both sexes.
The real tip with tellers should be:
If you do go to the bank a lot, go to all of the tellers. The only way you can win over one chosen lady – make sure all the guys and gals at the bank have your back too. Which means, when you come in – everyone wants to talk to you. Then after the rapport with everyone, ask one to see if chosen lady is even single. If everyone digs you most likely the girl digs you too and will talk to you. But let’s say you come in once with a problem, and you shout. it’s over. done.
I was her waiter at TGI Fridays when she was out with some triends, we were married a year later in Las Vegas. That was 2 kids and 16 years ago and she is still hot.
In the Army. She was in the class ahead of me!
Work… we were both Auditors.
I met my wife online.
Coffee shop! Technically, we first met in high school, but it had been over 7 years since we had last seen each other. We barely knew each other that night. Remember all it takes is one tiny connection between two people to open the door to conversation…the rest happens naturally!
In a romantic private mountain hut in a world-heritage park… seriously. One of our mutual friends invited us up there for a week of bushwalking (hiking), and we just hit it off. Six months so far, things are going great!
I met her in an internet chat. It wasn’t a dating chat, and we weren’t there to date, but we argued. Apparently, a well-spoken argument was impressive enough for a friendship to form, and then, more. Didn’t intend it, but it happened. We’ve been together for 6 years now.
Bank Tellers = NO. I never trust a woman who has access to my bank account.
I met my wife in college during a meeting of Reformed University Fellowship, and then we went to the same church. We didn’t end up dating until the summer after her graduation, and then we were married a little over a year later. We’ll have our fourth anniversary this summer.
Met her on matchmaker.com 10 years ago.
Met my first Fiance’ at the Dog Park. Didn’t work out. Met my wife on eHarmony. Been happy ever since.
I met my beautiful bride twelve years ago in a bar. It’s quite a story that we tell. I was in a really bad place and time in my life. I was a single 24 year old with absolutely no responsibilities except to myself. I was an absolute drunk on top of that; so I had the trifecta going, I was young (immature and stupid), single, and an alcoholic. What’s not to like about this so far. Anyway, I had just received my first, and thank God, only driver’s achievement award (DUI) the night previous and was set for a night to just lick my wounds when my buddies drug me out to meet some friends. The friends just happen to be two ladies. One was the gal my buddy was sleeping with and the other was an unknown to us. We had a drink and then decided to head to a few other establishments and enjoy the evening. Well, the entire night this other gal is flirting with me, but as was typical, I was not picking anything up. I mean, I was having a good time and joking around with her but wasn’t picking up on any signals that she was in any way interested. So she finally had enough of my thick forehead and went to explore other options. About the end of the evening, she was back at our table when the song, “Brown Eyed Girl” by Van Morrison came on. I asked her to dance (rather sheepishly) and to my surprise, her answer was, “well…yeah, I’ve been waiting for you to ask me all night!” We made our way to the dance floor and just a few moves into it, we were the only two on the floor. Don’t get me wrong, the place was packed, but at that moment, she and I were the only two in that room. It was amazing. After the song was over, we kissed and here we are, eleven years later, with four beautiful daughters and a great marriage blessed by God. As an aside, shortly after our getting together, we learned we were pregnant with twins. It sobered me up almost instantly and I’ve been nothing more than a casual (one or two drinks a month) drinker ever since; and those are typically on date night with my bride.
Met her at church, then found out she was also in law school with me.
This both agrees with and challenges your article. I met my wife at a bar, where I had met several women (and found it easiest to meet women there). However, I was working at said bar, so I guess, technically, you could say that I met her at work. So did I meet the woman of my dreams at a singles bar, or at one of the alternative places you offer? Yes.
Good morning Brett,,,,everyone.
I met the girl of my dreams when she moved into the apartment above me. I offered to make her some dinner and she said yes.
I was with my brother at the time and told him the instant I saw her. I am going to marry that girl…..19 years later next month we are still married and together
Life for me turned out great because of my dearest. I will never forget 4-5-91. The day we met.
Just writing this puts a smile on my heart.
I love her so
Eddie in INDY
DANCE CLASSES. Seriously. Can’t dance? You will learn. That’s why it’s a class. Look for ballroom, salsa, or swing. (Swing’s the funnest, that’s what I do.) You don’t even have to fork over a bunch of cash. Most cities (especially large ones) have a dance scene where a club or organization hosts a lesson + dance for usually $10 or less every week or month. Almost always, girls out number guys, so the odds are in your favor. Lessons are set up so that everyone rotates and you will meet every girl there. Even if you don’t really want to meet people, go to dance classes. Why? IT’S FUN. If you go to dance classes regularly you will (guaranteed) meet awesome people (many of them female), have fun, and gain some awesome skills that you can break out at the next wedding you attend.
I met my last boyfriend while dancing, and I have known so many couples that got together through dancing. Why don’t more guys dance? Girls love it when a guy can dance.
At work. Love at first sight man.
I met my wife in high school. a friend of hers set us up after i broke up w/ her best friend. haha
Love the blog and this topic is exactly what I was asking myself recently.
I’ll add to your list the following favorites:
- museums (interesting openended conversations that reveal both people’s sensitivity and intelligence)
- parks ( relaxing and natural )
- on the street ( if she’s taking a walk, she may enjoy your company)
I wouldn’t exactly recommend it, but I met my significant other on World of Warcraft. It’s pretty easy to meet like-minded nerds via online games. I also dated a guy I met at church who was really nice, but we both grossly misjudged the other’s age and didn’t go on a second date because of the creepy factor. Bookstores and libraries are great, too!
A housemate invited several of his friends, including my wife-to-be, to our house quite often.
Met wife #1 at church. Met wife #2 in an online chat room. 2 strikes.
There won’t be a “wife” #3, but for the next relationship I guess I should try a bar. ha!
Farmer’s Markets and community fairs.
I met my to-be-wife the first day of college orientation. We ended up at the same table and it turned out we both liked to write, so we started a writing group.
I’ll second dance classes, that’s where i met my partner, i dance ballroom and you’re always outnumbered by women, it’s a fantastic way to meet people.
A friend’s house. Well, dorm. She was visiting my friend (Who I actually had a thing for, but it didn’t work out) and we hit it off right away. Lots of texts, all-night phone calls, and a Bo Burnham show later, we’re together. Strange/embarrassing way to meet, but I’d never change it.
All of my ex-girlfriends and my current girlfriend I met through friends, and/or, family and away from bars.
All of the “other” girls I have come across came from bars.
Coffee Shops, I love Coffe Shops. And I give +1 to dogs and Internet.
My sister’s best friend. (Pre-screened for craziness!)
I met my girlfriend of 3 1/2 years (and going strong) through folk dancing. She’s from Chicago, I’m from near Toronto, and we met in Indianapolis at a festival both of us were performing in. Nothing says “sweep her off her feet” like a good Viennese Waltz…of course, she has to be able to keep up.
+1 to libraries. Had an interesting summer fling during my high school years. Had to get 50 hours of community service for some honors society, so i spent the entire time volunteering at the library. Fortunately enough, she was also doing the same thing. I Started out working at the internet and information desk and one day saw her shelving books. Next day I grabbed a trolley filled with books and went to it. At a certain point we were shelving books in the same aisle and started talking, which quickly led to flirting. Originally scheduled for working 3 days a week became every work day. Things did get heated, but nothing explicit. You can be amazed at how few people go to the back aisles haha. Long story short, after the summer was over, I never saw her again, no fb, no myspace, no etc. She will always be my Black Magic Woman! haha
Just GO for it! You really do need to sack up! Don’t let an opportunity pass you by.
What I originally thought would be a dull, and tedious 50 hours of volunteer work became 100+ hours of feeeling so alive.
I have met and dated women from many different places.
Internet dating sites, Conferences (common interests), Bookstores (one of my favorites – key on what they’re reading), Super Market (always a good convo starter – have you tried this X before?) , Street Corners (Hi, How’s your day been?), School (Classes and such), Hotel Lobbies / cafes (Are you from around here, I’m looking for something fun to do – what to you recommend?), Coffee Houses (Loving my cup O Joe – how about you?), Shoe Stores (I have terrible taste, which of these do you like best – be sure to find some sort of crazy clown shoe to add to the mix), Museums (I just don’t get it – what is this piece saying to you?) … and other places. All that said, I found the keeper on EHarmony, turns out she knew a bunch of my friends already and I dated one of her friends a while back – happily married for a few years now and she’s totally cool.
BTW – you know that fat, goofy guy with the hotty? The one that made you wonder how in the world that happened? It was me. :-)
+1 to okcupid, it’s free, well-designed and it’s matching suggestions are pretty good. I’m a year into a relationship with a girl I met on there, as well as garnering some memorable dates and making a handful of new friends too.
And +1 to Linda’s suggestion of dance classes! It’s a great way to meet new people and generally have fun. Salsa can be quite intimate, while swing (for example; Charleston) is great for getting the blood pumping and putting a smile on your face. And girls genuinely do like a man who can dance.
My wife and I shared a back yard as kids. Two decades later I moved back to the same neighborhood. Her parents still lived there and we were reintroduced by her mom over dinner. A few years later we were married and will happily celebrate our 18th anniversary this year. To this day we joke that it was an arranged marriage!
I must say that not only are the articles so very entertaining, the comments from everyone always are as well. Hilarious AND great stories.
I myself haven’t found THE significant other just yet, but after high school’s adventures I’ve had success in classes and the campus library (relatively recently back in college), bars and clubs (USA and abroad), and even walking down the street (non-hookers).
I dig the museum locale idea. I didn’t meet her there, but one ex- was a museum addict for all intents and purposes. I imagine you can find some hot little artsy numbers there as well as some classy females of the cultured and intellectual variety. Thumbs up on the dancing classes. I am inspired to join one upon my return from the Middle East. Although I have never taken any such classes, my attempts at dancing at non-clubs have indeed gotten the job done for me on more than one occasion – and it started with me dancing by myself!
I first met my wife when we were 17, at a church youth group…we dated in high school but split up when we went to different colleges. Five years later, we met at a bar and things picked up almost where we left off… 25 years ago. I get two points.
On my last day of work, a mutual friend arranged a ‘chance’ meeting for us. Seems we were both hoping to meet each other and it never quite worked out… until that day.
I met my wife of 18 years at church. We dated for about 4 months and I asked her to marry me. We were married about 5 months later. Best 18 years of my life!
I met my beautiful bride at a college bus stop. We were both students at this college and we would ride the same bus. One rainy day at the bus stop, while waiting for the bus to arrive, we started talking. That was twenty-six (26) years ago! Guess what is our first photo in our wedding album? Yeap, a photo of the bus stop where we met.
Great post. I met my significant other on line.
You don’t see until you stop looking – I say!! I met my beatiful woman on a snow trip, mutual friend had invited both of us to stay at the ski lodgings. Great environment for fun and playfulness, everyone’s there for a good time and there’s naturally a common link between everyone there (yes, snow!!).
But here’s the kicker… was dead set absolutely not looking or even interested in meeting someone at the time. Seems being completely comfortable in your own skin makes for attracting the woman!!
I think the first point made in this article is the most important – don’t be desperate!
I met my wife at church, The reason that I met here there is because I wasn’t looking for her there. I would strongly advise church is NOT a place to go specifically to meet woman.
I met my wife and prior to that met many past girlfriends at a Happy Hour. Yes it is a bar but you will find women who may never go out to late night bars stopping by to meet friends after work. Often trivia or some other event draws them in.
In a mud-pit. At a youth-event when I was in high school affectionately termed “Yuck Day” which consisted of a full afternoon of food/shaving cream/mud pits and the carving of watermelon helmets, I had the blissful pleasure of meeting my now wife. I guess this would technically fall under the church category overall, but our “how-we-met” story always seems to entertain.
There are so many places to meet women. The best thing to do is not limit your beliefs to the fact that you can only meet a woman in certain places. I think you are better off having the belief that the possibility of meeting them at any opportunity is a great way to go about things.
Obviously some places are more likely to be successful than others. However an opportunity might spring from the most unlikely place so always be prepared.
College – just another reason why you should go…
I met my girlfriend online. Knew each other in high school over thirty-five years ago and we both went our separate ways. Renewed our friendship two years ago and it has grown from there. We live in different states but manage to see each other every three to four months. Talk everyday on the phone and regularly online.
Women are everywhere if you are paying attention.
I met my wife at work. After the divorce 8 years later I met a woman in a bar and we had a relationship that lasted 6 years. Neither of us frequented this pickup club, however she was there with a friend to cheer her up after a break up and I was there with some friends who wanted to go dancing. We easily found each other across the room.
I have met them at Starbucks, church, seminars, car rentals, airplanes, conventions, concerts, flower shops, where ever they are, quite frankly. It is all about you, the man, not discounting a situation as an unacceptable place to meet and also holding an intention for an encounter that does not drive the woman away. Trust me, any significantly aware woman will sense what your intention is.
The woman I am getting ready to marry, my second in almost 30 years, I met at a seminar.
My wife and I met at a local coffee shop. This list is pretty good, and it’s true – don’t laugh about the online one. My cousin and several others I know met their significant other online.
I met my wife at church.
I met my wife in high school (1980). I still remember the first time I saw her. She walked into class–late–and when I looked up from my desk, the first thought that came to my mind was, “I’m going to marry that girl.” Our affection developed over the next few months while preparing for a state piano competition. Then she moved away.
We corresponded for over 3 years (writing letters by hand) and then one day I determined to see again. I sold one of my horses to buy a plane ticket, traveled halfway across the US to see her on the third day of my visit. We were married 2 months later and have spent the last 26 years having the time of our lives!
Looking back, we had no idea what love really was all about. I’m almost 48 years old now, and am more “in love” today than I have ever been! We have learned so much about life, love, happiness, faithfulness, patience and sacrifice. It’s a life worth living.
Funny story, my girlfriend and I who are very churched people met in a dimly lit bar…… at a new years party, but a busy bar none-the-less.
Speaking of bankers, I used to do some banking for the company I worked for. After a few times of going there and seeing the teller and making small talk (no intentions other than banking from my side), she one day asked me if I had a special girl in my life. Bear in mind that I was about 20 and she was in her late 40′s. The conversation awkwardly progressed and she was asking for her daughter. It was quite awkward after that.
I met my wife at Silver Dollar City in Branson, MO. There was a “Youth in Bluegrass” band competition, and she was playing bass with her family, and I was playing banjo with a different band. We were the only two people our age, and she was (and still is) extremely attractive. I struck up some easy conversation, and then I manned up and asked her dad, that’s right her FATHER, if I could get to know her and potentially start a relationship. We got married about 1 year later, we’ve been married for almost 3 years, and our second child is on the way. Music is a great way to meet women.
I guess you could say I met my girl at work. Her father owned a company that did subcontract work for my company. They invited me to their Christmas party, and the rest is history!
I met my wife through an online dating site. I will admit, at first I was embarrassed about this fact, and kept it from people I knew. I found, however, that the general quality of the women I dated from the online site were infinitely better than the trash you normally find at the bar or club on a Saturday night.
I met my girlfriend of three years online through one of the websites you have to pay for to get a listing. I had tried a few of the free site with little success. I guess you get what you pay. Kathi was the second woman I had met with and the connection was instantaneous. Closest thing to love at first site I have ever experienced.
Met mine at a church-sponsored University (BYU). 27th anniversary next month.
For a true gentleman, there is no problem finding women to meet/date/marry. I have several women friends who are all gems, and all would be excellent friends, companions and lovers. They are waiting for a man, not a man-child. They are waiting for a man who works hard, plays hard, takes responsibility for his actions and loves life. They do not want a hipster who works at a coffee house at 30, who is “working on his next CD release” and plays Halo every night.
There are a lot of men who are afraid of commitment. I understand they don’t want to get burned, but if you don’t get near the fire, you’ll never get warm either.
DB
Met my wife when we were both on the rowing team in college. On the rowing team, the men and womens squads traveled to the same races and sometimes practiceds at the same time. Plus we went to a lot of the same parties because of that. We were friends for probably a good year and a half before we actually dated. Hit our 10 year wedding anniversary last July.
Continuing Education Classes
My city has a catalog of classes put on by independent teachers – photography, dance, cooking, art, travel, welding, etc. There’s where I met my fiancee. If you meet somewhere where you both enjoy the activity, then you have at least one thing in common (other than alcohol).
As for work:
For me, work was a bad idea. I thought for the right person it was worth the shot, even if she worked in my department. At the time, I thought we were both adults so if it goes south we can work through it. While now I don’t regret it (what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger), it made my life hell at work for a long time. While we dated she played “hard to get”. Well, I eventually got tired of the games and broke it off. She took every chance to get back at me. Pot shots in front of management. Spreading rumors to and turning coworkers against me. Fabricating complete conversations that never happened. I was surprise-audited in my position, and she was randomly selected to run the audit. I actually kept all the notes/gifts she gave me during our relationship as proof to HR just in case she retaliated with a sexual harassment suit. Eventually she went through a couple other people in the office.
I guess ours would fall under the “work” catagory…at the time we were both working as raft guides in North Carolina. Ten years later and we’re building our dream home and having a grand time together!
I met my wife twelve years ago on Yahoo! Personals. She was a database goddess. I was a hardware\support guy. The computer was a very comfortable medium for us. For both of us, we tend to be more comfortable and express ourselves best in writing.
Being part of a generally younger generation, I met my wife online. Just two adults talking about videogames on a forum, and it went from there. Still together almost nine years later.
This article is interesting to me because it’s universal. I’ve seen a marriage crumble just recently undone because two married people met up at a gym and ended their respective marriages. It’s obviously good for a couple to spend some time apart with individual hobbies, but it’s still something to keep in mind.
i met my soon-to-be wife at a nonprofit we’re both heavily involved in.
I met my wife of 30 years (and still happily counting) at a Christmas party my parents were hosting. She was dating one of my friends at the time. I was with someone else as well so we didn’t really talk much but we had the same friends so our paths crossed several more times over the course of a year. We both were not dating anyone so I decided to ask her out in January, 1981. We were married by September.
The meeting between my wife and I falls into the “through friends” categroy, just that it took place at a bar (both DDs for the night).
It had been stated before, but it seems to some that the best way to meet womne is to stop trying. A few day before I met my wife a girl on whom I was seriously crushing, and with whom I was good friends recently informedd me that there would never be anything more between us. then I went out to a brithday bash, and there was my future wife. I was not trying to be charming, I was myself.
I met my wife at work. I thought she was stand-offish at first to my advances. Turns out, she thought I was gay. Nope. That was eight years ago, five years married this summer, and three children.
I met her (4 years dating 1 year marriage) in the honors dorms, at an ice cream social, playing Risk (a month after deciding not to actively date).
My father says it best: don’t look; encounter women in your daily life, be confident, be yourself. Besides, I’ve found that I tend to favor the women that like me when I’m myself.
in my very early twenties, I was dating/engaged to a “not the one” but was not mature enough to know it, and not able to figure out how to properly dis-entangle myself. I heard rumor at church that someone’s mother was curious about my station in life because her college-age daughter was interested in me. The rumor was supposed to cement my wrong relationship, but had the opposite effect. I was able to fully able break things off. The funny thing was that the searching mom was told “oh, he’s engaged”. and the daughter totally lost interest. The funnier thing is that months or even a year later I met this other girl while helping a guy plan a young-adults outing. We hit it off shakily at first, but dated for three years and married a month or so after she graduated college.
the hilarious thing is that years after we were married, I was describing this whole story, and my wife was the curious girls younger sister!! It will be 19 years this July and it is totally awesome.
A Halloween Party
I met my wife while volunteering at the local animal shelter.
I met my wife in a hostel I was working at while traveling. Beware of lengthy and spendy immigrations processes if you do this!
We met ten years ago at school (Boston Univ.) – it was my reach school and her safety school. The selfish part of me is happy she didn’t make it into Princeton.
We met in the Army–we were officers in charge of sister platoons while stationed at Schofield Barracks, HI.
Here’s a strange one, but I’ll stand by it. I met my girlfriend at a gay bar. A group of my guy/girl friends wanted to go to dance. So I went, not sure what to expect. As soon as I got there I made eyes with this beautiful girl who started talking about me to these guys. I didn’t know if they were possible boyfriends or gay friends. Turned out to be latter. We continued to make eyes all night until I said hello. At some point in our first conversation I simply mentioned I wasn’t gay! We went on our first date and were completely inseparable until she left at the end of the summer to teach school in Korea. True love or a summer fling? I now don’t know. But she’s on my mind a million times over any other girl I’ve dated or met and the times we spent were priceless. Being open to slightly different situations shows your neutrality, openness, and confidence in yourself. Plus many beautiful and interesting women have gay friends and go to those bars to escape the usual bar crowd.
Met my wife through a mutual friend in college. She was hanging out in his dorm room when I stopped by. Met her again a few months later – she is hanging out in his room again. I end up being friends with their circle, so I see a lot of her over the next year. I’m interested (read, desperate to date her), but she keeps looking at every other guy. We get to be great friends, try a few dates, but never really get anything going.
I get my head screwed on straight, realize this is a dead end, and start trying to date the cute girl I’ve been tutoring. The instant I stop being desperate, my future wife gets interested in me, and goes on the offensive.
We’ve been together for 10 years and going strong. My desperation almost killed the relationship before it started. Chicks don’t dig desperate.
Great Article – some friends and I have had many discussions around this because it can be very difficult.
I met my wife of five months through some friends. She was actually dating a friend of a friend when we met. About a year later we met back up and started a relationship. A year later we were engaged and married.
I found the Bar route to be a dead end, I believe it depends on what exactly you are looking for in a significant other. For me, I was looking for a best friend and that is how my relationship started and still is today.
Heh, I met my future wife in 7th grade jazz band.
I met my wife in a class I was teaching. But it wasn’t until her best friend set us up on a double date that I figured out she admired me for anything other than my amazing teaching ability, LOL.
Friend’s house, friend’s house, FRIEND’S HOUSE!!
Just say “yes” to those game nights, bbqs, etc. It’s the hands-down best way to meet an awesome mate.
Sorry, but this article is pretty lame. I find it odd the author gives more warnings about meeting a woman at a gym than he does at work (just because he met his wife at work does not mean it is a good idea). I’ve gone out with people from work and the adage of not “defecating” in the same place that you eat proved true. If your special someone happens to be someone at work then do it, but for “dates” this is not a place I’d recommend.
The take-away from the article is true though: women are everywhere, but you don’t need 3,000 words to say that. Get used to talking to people (not just women) in general. Do it without an agenda or attachment to outcome. You’d be surprised how the seemingly stuck-up hottie is actually way nicer than you might think. I’ve met women like this for years and never once have I met someone ho as rude to me.
Met her in our Uni common room … On two and a half years now. Wonderful, beautiful woman.
My husband was about to despair of finding a wife any way but online. He works in an almost-all-male industry (refrigeration), had no prospects at his smallish church, and his hobbies tend to be male-dominated as well. Then a mutual friend invited me to a movie party at his house, and voila, his future wife walked through his front door.
I myself had success meeting a couple neat guys who I had good relationships with by going out swing dancing and by getting involved in ministry at my church. I too would post a warning about going looking for a wife at church: if it goes well, it’s fantastic, but if you break up, it’s going to shake up your church life a lot. Don’t do it unless church is a natural part of your life- but if that IS the case, and you see someone you’re truly interested in, please! go for it! the single Christian girls of the world beg you!
Our families knew each other from church and school. Her brother dated my sister for a little while. I saw her behind me, walking home from school, and slowed down to be polite. We walked home together most days and got to be good friends. We probably would have dated except she was older than I and my pride wouldn’t allow that. We re-met in a bar after 6 years, and both of us drove our friends crazy for the next few days by saying how great it was to see her/him again. That was in August. We were engaged by October, and married a year after that, 25 years ago.
While it’s true enough that “women are everywhere,” finding a target rich location, i.e., one that has mostly single women (rather than married) and where you are likely to find that you have something in common with them, is two steps toward a successful meeting. The article mentioned a panel of six women as a source of information. Women giving advice on dating is always a bad idea, not to be trusted.
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