Comments on: A Generation of Men Raised by Women

By: WATANABE!

WATANABE! — Fri, 29 Mar 2013 01:42:40 +0000

What brought me to this article was a google search on men raised by women. My father was inactive although he lived with us, he was abusive to my mother as well. He died when I was fourteen and he was thirty nine. I got alot of manly influence from friends, NBA players, an uncle or two and my mentor. My mentor helped me stay out of trouble by introducing me to the life of a DJ. Needless to say, I learned key skills like mingling, conducting business respectfully, and delivering what the customer wanted. After going away to college and living abroad I returned home and needed a place to stay and my mentor conveniently needed a roommate, first sign. I’ve been living with the guy a whole year now, and have come to realize that this guy violates a lot of man codes. He gossips, he bad mouths other men to get women instead of upplaying himself and his qualities, he’s overly anal about domestic things around the house, and worst of all he nags like a bitch and has a victim mentality. I’ve brought alot of women home and I know there’s been nights where he had no choice but to hear me fuck all night… But I’ve yet to hear him or see him with woman. I now wonder what bad qualities of his I may have acquired… At least I got the getting women to the track part down pat

By: Keith

Keith — Tue, 26 Mar 2013 17:45:54 +0000

Man was first placed upon this earth with a purpose and an ordained position in the hierarchy of a biblical God or mythological diety. Men have been giving the assignment to be that which the rest of creation was inhabited for him to lead. His soulmate and the fruit/children offspring of that relationship were meant to be safe under his covering and by his nature to be provider and protector. It’s not sexist to understand and the nature and nurturing of the women\mothers in our lives. They have known each of us at least 9 months longer than the rest of us will ever know. Yet there is a time for growth inside of each acorn-soul. Every branch and limb must be cultivated by both parents even when they chose to exist apart. I once read its been said “A man has a right to be the father of his children”. It should not be equated with the right to vote, the right to bare arms or drive an automobile. A mans rights to his children, especially his son(s), are his responsibility, no matter what decree or disconnect that is needed to creat a more solid bond with the legacy before and after another manhood turns into a generation of building instead of breakups. I love my sons as if my life depended on it. I hope they see it in my eyes and know it in their hearts. You dont have to be a myth to your sons. You can still be a hero by fighting the war of status quo with victorious living for them to follow. Don’t give up!!!

By: Kamilo.

Kamilo. — Sat, 02 Feb 2013 00:58:08 +0000

Amazing article. Matt Reichert I think you need to calm down, not everybody is religious, and everybody has different lives and different experiences. I see you totally didnt get the editor`s point either – by saying that this article makes it seem as if a dad being more at home with his family is `plausable`. What you say that a man`s FIRST responsibility, is to take care of himself and then his woman and children, is totally bezerk. What kind of man is immature enough, to after having kids, still be thinking about himself and putting himself before his kids. Maybie I understood you wrong here. If i didnt, you need to take another good look at your priorities mr. That`s softly speaking. I didnt have a dad around and I was raised by my mother, which gave me everything, I`ve had it all with her. She has been my whole family.. but -a mom is a mom, and a dad is a dad. Ofcourse kids raised with their mother longed for that masculine role model. This article tackled that pretty accurately. Read it again.

By: Tom

Tom — Sat, 19 Jan 2013 16:43:21 +0000

My experience being raised by a single mother had a devastating effect on my life.
My parents divorced when I was six, and I was raised by my mother. I love my mom with all my heart, but I came to realize she did me a great disservice. I can still remember her bad mouthing my father for not spending more time with me, for not paying the child support on time. Oh she never came out and said it like that, it was always phrased like “Your father won’t pick you up this weekend, he has to work” or “You’ll get that new bike as soon as your father sends the check”. It made me ashamed of, and angry at my father. I couldn’t count how many times she would say something like “Your so sweet” when I did something she wanted, but it was generally followed with “Unlike your father”. In my teens, just like any other teen I rebelled, but by this point my rebellion consisted of passively avoiding whatever the conflict was about. The few times I dared argue or raise my voice I was treated with “You sound just like your father!”. I had been trained that doing nice things and doing as I was told earned praise and any resistance earned the label of the shameful father.
I’ve never been able to maintain a relationship because I’m a sweet little doormat, feeling ashamed anytime my wants conflicted with my partners. Now I’m in my thirties and I finally having a decent relationship with my dad, but I’m still digging my way through my insecurities.
Many things didn’t click until I was much older, such as my mother, as an RN had much greater earning potential than my father, yet chose a low paying job at a not-for-profit. Or that while I lived in a three bedroom house, my father lived in a one bedroom duplex. I’ve always wondered how many of those weekends I missed with my father were because he was working extra to pay child support and alimony.
I don’t blame my mother for everything, I’ve talked to her about it and she regrets a lot of the things she did. When she and my dad were having problems, she sought support, unfortunately the support she found was a feminist group that convinced her she needed a divorce, and to fight for as much money from my dad as possible. To support me of course, it was all about supporting me, and if my dad fought back he was obviously a bad person.

The worst part is many people that are upset that I blame my mother at all. Or that I have disdain for feminism. I’m told that I need to “man up” and accept responsibility, yet we can only do as we are taught, until we learn something better.

By: Robert

Robert — Tue, 11 Jan 2011 14:34:01 +0000

This is the mother for our future!

By: Sal O.

Sal O. — Sat, 08 Jan 2011 16:03:29 +0000

@ Matt Reichart

Although the recession is slowly getting better, traditionally male-dominated industries (like retail and manufacturing) remain hard hit. The strongest and fastest growing industries include healthcare (nursing in particular) are often female-dominated. For many people it is an economic necessity to be a stay-at-home dad. I am a stay-at-home dad and economics was a factor in my decision. My partner is a nurse at a nationally ranked hospital. I work(ed) as a retail store manager. With the birth of our child, my partner’s salary and benefits were much better than mine. In fact, when we factored in benefits like health insurance and added in the cost of daycare in a major city, my take-home was minimal. As time goes on, my partner will always make more money than I do. She has two Bachelor’s degrees and is both a RN and a CPA. Me, I have a BA in English Lit. I’m fine with that.

The other part of staying home with my child is the ability to be a very pro-active and involved parent. No, I am not a helicopter parent. And my child is only six months old, but I am far more involved in areas like her healthcare. As she gets older, I will continue to be a strong influence on my child’s development. I come from a traditional two-parent home. My folks remain together, happily married for 40 years. They have always made it clear that a man does what is best for his family. That means putting children first. My dad took a leave of absence to care for my brother when he was an infant and required care after a surgery. Doing whatever it takes to take care of your family, that’s what a man does. It’s not irrational. It’s dedication and love.

By: Niko

Niko — Fri, 07 Jan 2011 00:58:45 +0000

This is a really great post. I’ve been following this site for about three months now and feel that it is having a positive affect on my life and my role as a man. thanks for writing.

Niko

By: Pidass, Stu

Pidass, Stu — Thu, 06 Jan 2011 11:07:54 +0000

Having no male influences are better than having bad male influences. I was raised by a pack of ferule females, and it got me a long way in this world.

Stu

By: matthew

matthew — Wed, 05 Jan 2011 20:29:06 +0000

Brett et al.
I am an admirer of Tyler Durden and his delusional ‘Jack’ self. I have not read all comments but I might suggest Orthodox Christianity as a measure by which we may better understand the notions of motherhood/fatherhood and its role in our lives as women and men. It is also interesting to note the role burly beards, our adoption by death through Christ as “sons” of God (male and female alike, as daughters of that period were held in low esteem), and the Orthodox understanding of God as ‘Our Father’ plays in the daily lives of all mankind and specifically Orthodox believers.

Much of life has been stripped away by our ‘modern world’ yet there is authenticity and satisfaction to be had for those who dare to fail and sweat and bleed.

There are martyrs in our midst, read Fr. Arseny: http://www.amazon.com/Father-Arseny-1893-1973-Narratives-Concerning/dp/0881411809

I stop by AoM from time to time as it is entertaining and useful, plus I am a fellow Okie (lived in Edmond and OKC) and very near you in age.

On the Eve of Holy Theophany,
John the Forerunner

By: Dean Mehrkens

Dean Mehrkens — Wed, 05 Jan 2011 12:24:47 +0000

Excellent article. I think you’ve framed the issue very well. Now if we can only convince men to overcome their upbringing to stand up and act like men.