Comments on: Being Fully Present As a Man

By: Rohit Ramachandran

Rohit Ramachandran — Sun, 24 Mar 2013 00:12:18 +0000

So true! Great words of advice from you all.

By: Buradi Marusu

Buradi Marusu — Tue, 14 Dec 2010 18:02:06 +0000

Very good article but there was one thing bugging me – the treating of alcohol. It is true that alcohol is often used to numb senses and this way causes people to be less present in a situation but it can be used for the exact opposite. Alcohol can give us the ability to be more present by allowing us to be ourselves more openly and genuinely. Feeling numb and bland while sober is a quite common thing to some people. Drinking a suitable amount of alcohol can help to build up some emotion and real presence.

By: Steph

Steph — Tue, 14 Dec 2010 03:59:06 +0000

I really loved this article especially as I struggle with a man who isn’t really present at all and I don’t think has ever been challenged to at almost 35 years old. My only question would be for the men out there how can we encourage you, our partners to be more ever present in their personal lives and relationships when they are so closed off and trained to be that way? By no means is it easy or do we want to change the men we fell in love with but being present can make relationships change for the better in a more open and accepting environment for both people.

By: Bruce

Bruce — Thu, 09 Dec 2010 19:21:51 +0000

Great article. I could’t agree more.

Thanks

By: Stan

Stan — Tue, 07 Dec 2010 07:31:11 +0000

The photography paragraph struck a chord with me. I’ve caught myself in the past using a camera to shield myself from the discomfort of a gathering of friends or family in which, for esoteric reasons, I find myself unable to viscerally participate in the good cheer which I observe others sharing. Now I make it a point to put away the camera whenever I enter a potentially awkward social environment, and let others snap some photos to share with me later. On a slight tangent, I think most camera users could benefit from some basic lessons on composition, camera controls, and lighting. To take a poor photo totally wastes the moment.

It hasn’t been easy for me to forgo the camera for candid shots, which I believe capture an authenticity that escapes the far more common “say cheese” pictures, but I look for compromises. For example, when watching my daughter at her soccer matches I only bring the camera along if my wife is also there, and we take turns. While one of us keeps the SLR on and ready to capture our girl’s awesome ball play, the other stands free to cheer and enjoy the action. I’m quite fortunate that my wife is as good a photographer as I am.

By: Chris Kavanaugh

Chris Kavanaugh — Tue, 07 Dec 2010 04:39:16 +0000

Simmons claims to have had sex with 4600 women and yet he is hostile to addictions? OY VEY! such a meshugennah shmuck to be quoted on AOM.

By: TimRC

TimRC — Tue, 07 Dec 2010 00:44:08 +0000

Thank you. This was a great read! I really enjoyed it!

By: Remo

Remo — Mon, 06 Dec 2010 02:10:01 +0000

Excellent article thanks for posting.

By: John

John — Fri, 03 Dec 2010 13:57:44 +0000

This is an EXCELLENT article and by far one of the best I have read on this site. Thank you to the author for opening my eyes to the things I have been blind to for so long, and for providing me with the tools and insight to better myself in my relationships with others. Especially with my wife and children, as I am guilty of MANY of the distractions described in this article…

By: Justin

Justin — Tue, 30 Nov 2010 21:02:55 +0000

Is it bad that I just tweeted this?

But in all seriousness (I actually did tweet it though) I agree 100% with the article. A long time ago I realized the destructiveness of being ill-present (before twitter & facebook even). I saw this with cellphones, texting, and digital cameras. I noticed people were so difficult to get in touch with IN PERSON. Like you’re always interested in something that’s not present. Like a little name on your phone you keep sending messages to. If you want to socialize, I’m right here, in the flesh. That’s how it should be. Digital cameras — people are always taking pictures of things and I used to be that way too. They became so cheap that LITERALLY everyone and their mother had them, and they ALL wanted the same picture (how about one person take one picture then share it with the group? It’s almost selfish the way everyone needs an individual picture of the same thing on their own device).

Facebook, I believe, is the worst form of social interaction. It provides SO MUCH content about a person except one very important part — the actual person. But you “interact” and feel as though that’s enough. No, when I see you, I want YOU to tell me you had a baby and show me the pictures. I want YOU to tell me about your drunken shenanigans and how you stole a telephone pole while in your poop stained underwear (that shouldn’t be on facebook anyway). Also, I’ve long since stopped accepting friend requests (however I keep an active account because it does serve as a decent way to lightly keep in touch with distant relatives, but I’m *rarely* on) because I don’t want to know your “favorite quote” or “favorite movies” or your autobiographed “About Me” or your whimsical thought of the moment. I want to learn about you from interacting with you, not reading from an LCD (or AMOLED ;) screen. My point is that people need to keep some element of mystery about themselves which is part of the fun in meeting/knowing people and being a human. Showing it all to the world just isolates us in a not immediately obvious paradoxical way.

And for crissakes when I’m talking to you get off the f*ing blackberry. And when you’re driving. Gosh, humanity really is becoming terrible.