Comments on: Man to Man Episode #4: How to Feel Like a Man When I Look Like a Boy

By: Matt

Matt — Mon, 13 May 2013 21:03:13 +0000

We Jewish people aren’t famous for being brawny and burly (although there are many Jews are definitely are), so we have had to adapt over thousands of years to our own definition of manliness: This involved literacy, the ability to analyze, ambition and success at the workplace, and stubbornness.
Websites like the AoM are handy however because they teach us all the little rules and tips and tricks to get through life day by day. In conjunction with the aspirational and moral values of ones culture or tradition, AoM seems to be able to teach us all the little things that add up to something substantial: How to be assertive and focused, organized and handy. For someone like me, those last three things are the springboard to a better future.
Another sidenote-
There is also a “Superhero” aspect to Judaism, where “saving the world” or healing it rather, is an imperative. This concept is surprisingly secular, in the sense that fixing the world doesn’t involve evangelical bouts of converting the masses, but rather it involves fighting injustice and inequality regardless of religious or cultural barriers. It’s no coincidence that some of our favorite superheros in American culture- Batman, Superman, and Spiderman, were the brainchildren of Jewish comic book writers. Such creations are indicative of motivations with the Jewish unconscious and surely the same applies to countless non-Jews.

By: Trent C

Trent C — Wed, 01 Dec 2010 20:19:12 +0000

I’ll agree with pretty much everything that has been said. I’m turning 20 in February, and I’ve recently been caught up in this “transition” myself. I still don’t always feel 100% like a man versus a boy, but I’ve got some time to finish growing up. I’ve never been scrawny because I tend to stay around 170-180lbs, but I did find that lifting weights did a lot for my self-confidence. I picked up Brazilian Jiu Jitsu and I love it. It definitely helps. Something about men makes us like to fight others, and I think martial arts are a fairly safe and acceptable way to help with that. I cannot agree more with learning to do things for yourself. I remember when I was younger, the first thing I would do when I had a problem was call my dad. I always felt like he could solve anything, and I still do. But part of growing up meant solving problems for myself instead of having my dad solve them. If I have a problem, I’m going to try it myself (provided it’s not too terribly dangerous) before I resort to Dad. If I can’t do it, fine; I’ll cave on that. That tends to help me feel like a man. I think one of those qualities that my dad possessed that I loved was that he is a hard worker and doesn’t think twice about helping people, so I tried to emulate those qualities and I’m getting better at it. Volunteer in your community, learn a skill, or pick up a manly hobby. I don’t mean if you’re 18 you’ve gotta pick up something your grandpa might do, but maybe try building something or learning to work on a car. Pick up public speaking because it builds confidence. Write something. I wrote a novel that’s going through being published. Pick up an instrument. I’ve done piano but I wanted something more manly so I take drum lessons and I love it. Guitar works too. These people have great advice, and I’d take a look at what they have to say.

By: Christofer

Christofer — Tue, 30 Nov 2010 00:59:09 +0000

Guys, I feel you. I’m a senior in high school and it was extremely tough watching everyone else around me have bigger bodies and stronger muscles or even bigger brains. The best thing I could tell you is that when you open a door for a lady, or you stop or back away from a fight, you become the bigger man because if you look around, no other guy is doing what you do because they are still boys. BEING A MAN IS HAVING INTEGRITY AND COURAGE, NOT BIG MUSCLES OR BEARDS. Watch the guys around you and see if they can step up to the plate like you do.

By: Dan

Dan — Mon, 29 Nov 2010 20:22:35 +0000

and always dress how you want people to view you. you only have one chance at a first impression, and the clothes really do make the man!

By: Dan

Dan — Mon, 29 Nov 2010 20:20:21 +0000

FAKE IT TILL YOU MAKE IT. Feigning confidence is a great way to build confidence, you will be amazed at how well recieved you are. but dont be cocky, or rude, nobody likes that. Go to a party where you only know 1 person, and try to talk to every single person at the party, about whatever they are interested in. everyone loves attention, and the more you give, the more you’ll get.

By: Euthorian

Euthorian — Sun, 28 Nov 2010 00:46:14 +0000

The truth is, being a man (or any kind of mature adult, for that matter) is mostly communicated by being confident and capable, especially under pressure. You can partially train that ability through going to the gym, practicing martial arts, learning a new skill, learning a new language, reading new books, etc., but the main way to do it is to challenge yourself.

In other words, do things that terrify you. Seek out those things which make you uncomfortable even to consider. Push yourself to the very limit, and your limits expand. Conquering your fear instills a certain level of fearlessness that, even in the absence of all other so-called “manly” traits (appearance, facial hair, musculature), will make you seem far more a man than the majority of untested individuals around you.

By: FM Jump

FM Jump — Thu, 25 Nov 2010 16:42:53 +0000

Spend time with other men that inspire you. Know what you stand for and your confidence will be based on that. Men can read that. Its an unspoken language. Boys have not developed any real core values that they are willing to fight for yet.
Also, if you are unfit, just get your body in shape enough to look like you would be a challenge in a fight. This will give you physical presence and confidence.
Finally, Dont panic, be prepared to take up the slack wherever needed, dont complain, realize that leadership is all about service. Be prepared to serve and respect will follow.

By: Vaughn

Vaughn — Mon, 22 Nov 2010 22:59:32 +0000

I can remember feeling this exact same way. I was a senior in college, job hunting, beginning to shop for a more mature, job-market ready wardrobe when I began to realize that despite my feeling like it, I was beginning to function in a noticeably more mature way. Simply noticing that my actions were becoming gradually more mature was not enough however, to make me feel like the man I was undoubtedly becoming. It wasn’t until a string of events took place in early 2009 that I really began to perceive myself differently.
1) My car broke down. All on my own, using only what I’d learned growing up watching dad repair the family mini-van, I diagnosed the issue down to a blown alternator, bought a second battery, and limped the car 60 miles home where I repaired it myself while my dad was out of town on Business.
2) I graduated from College. It was the final step that solidified my enterance into the “real world” and I’ll never forget the feeling I had when my dad and grandfather shook my hand and addressed me “Congratulations Mr. Johnson”
3) I was hired. By a Fortune 500 corporation, given a dress code, business cards, a corporate blackberry, and salary. Along with a 60 hour work week and all the stress of being “the new guy”, lets keep it in perspective.

Those three things took place all in a matter of two months and catapulted my perception of myself from boyhood, to that of manliness. I know each were fairly circumstantial and it cannot be assumed others will have the same fortune (or misfortune as it were) but I hope it provides at least a glimmer of hope that with time, and when that time is right, the transition to manliness may just reveal itself.

By: Ian

Ian — Mon, 22 Nov 2010 20:37:51 +0000

I would suggest having your great adventure. Go out to the woods or do a road trip. This adventure can be used as your goodbye to feeling like a boy.

By: Angel

Angel — Mon, 22 Nov 2010 14:46:01 +0000

I often feel most masculine when I have good posture. In my opinion, it does not matter the build of the man, but the stature of the man that denotes masculinity. I try to remember to not slouch, have my chin up, shoulder back and chest out. That usually boosts my confidence a bit. Another thing is just falsely projecting confidence. “Fake it until you make it,” usually works when you are feeling less confident as a man. It keeps you in the mode of surety an again projects that you are a confident individual. After a while, you wont need to “fake it till you make it” because it will be second nature.