However, my next little brother was different. 4 years younger than my now 14 year old younger brother, he wants nothing more than to be exactly like me. He walks like me, talks like me, and does NOT under any circumstances let our middle brother get his own way over him. I’d almost be proud of him if I didn’t know I would one day have to compete with him in some way or another. Still, at his birth, I essentially raised him, with my parents working and my grandmother succumbing to surgery after surgery to give her the ability to walk again. I made his bottles, changed his diapers, played with him, even with a 9 year age gap.

So personally, I think a lot of the dislike and hatred some siblings have comes from where their state of mind was when the other child entered the picture. I was old enough to understand and cooperate with my youngest of two brothers, but neither of us get along with the middle brother, due to his snarky and downright rude attitude.

F’r'instance, If you’d met me last week at the end of a loooooooong flight back from Tokyo you’d have quickly come to the conclusion that I was a short-tempered, humourless dick, and you would have gone away certain that you’d never want to see me again. It may not occur to you that my tremendous lack of appeal was caused by a 20-hour trip in taxis, on trains and crammed into a tiny seat in an airless tube (think Steve Martin in Planes, Trains and Automobiles). Your conclusion would have been accurate at that moment but after a good sleep and a visit to the pub I’d be back to my old, cheerful self while your impression would remain the same.

Of course it’s just as likely that an estranged brother is still the unpleasant moron he was while you were growing up. Not everyone improves with age, we can’t choose our family and some people, unfortunately, are born assholes and will forever remain.

If one gains nothing from a relationship with ones brother (while giving constantly), why would one keep that person in their life???

I still don’t understand what drove me to act like such an overwhelming pain in the ass but I’m thankful that the intervening years seem to have erased (or at least dulled) that part of my personality. In any case my brother and I had a tense relationship all the way into my early 20s – I’d throw random and undeserved insults at him, he’d be embarrassed and ashamed to be seen with me.

What healed our relationship was a trip to Australia in my 21st year. God knows why I thought it was a good idea to fly to the other side of the world to see him, or why he offered an invitation to spend a summer at his apartment in Melbourne, but I went. He’d been gone six months by this point on a year-long round the world trip, and from the moment he opened the door, groggy and hungover, at 5AM on a chilly St. Kilda morning I knew our time apart had magically fixed everything.

The next six weeks were a revelation. As we sat around the apartment watching the 2002 World Cup with a steady supply of Victoria Bitter I realised that I’d spent the best part of two decades missing out on a friendship with this incredible person: likeable, friendly, cool, knowledgeable, curious about the world and everything in it. His positive attributes go on and on while his negatives would fit on the back of a postage stamp with room to spare.

Almost a decade has passed since then, and each year has seen us grow closer. I caught the travel bug from him (for which he has my eternal thanks) so we don’t see each other as often as I’d like, but thanks to the telephone and the Internet we always keep in touch no matter where I lay my hat.

Last month I was lying in bed in my apartment in Ulaanbaatar (thanks, Scott) and my Mongolian girlfriend took it upon herself to list the things she likes about me. When she was done I realised that every point she’d mentioned – everything that makes me someone people want to be around, everything that makes me a good person – I share with my big brother. So, to paraphrase Aaron Sorkin, if someone were to ask the question ‘How are you different from your brother?’ my answer will always be this:

Hopefully in as few ways as possible.

and @steven c, man you gotta let some of that anger go man. Believe me you will regret it later. Sit down and talk to your little brother. Find the reason he is so distant and fix it.

Totally agree with John Smith, my brother and I have also gone through hell and back… a few times, but you’re completely right! That has definitely made us closer!

What the fuck do you want from me. I try and talk to you, figure out why your so damm closed off from me. Should i have not gone to college? Should I have finished off our step-father that one fateful night? Do you want to see me get a girlfriend? I tried to call tonight but you don’t fucking care. I know you have pretty much emulated me in every way whether it is through the same music, diet, beliefs, anger. Are you too dam egotistic to know where I stood for you.

I wish I had advice but i haven’t earned that wisdom yet!