Comments on: Is Forgiveness Manly?

By: Scott Brenner

Scott Brenner — Sun, 07 Nov 2010 23:07:53 +0000

Forgiveness should be given freely of my spirit but with discernment; this, too, should be done often. I learn to strengthen my spirit by giving it away in the form of forgiveness.

By: Musashi

Musashi — Thu, 04 Nov 2010 21:31:07 +0000

I take it on a case by case basis. I have felt fulfilled and at peace by taking vengeance on certain people in the past. It also may have even prevented them from doing to someone else what they did to me, or at least made them understand there were actual, real, non-spiritual repercussions.

I have also forgiven some as well. I usually tend to forgive those whom I wish to become better people, or feel that there is some remorse on their part.

It depends on where one draws the line. I certainly don’t let people who have zero sense of responsibility get away from hurting me unupunished. I tend to communicate with humans on human terms (forgiveness) and beasts on bestial terms (revenge).

By: Lee

Lee — Mon, 01 Nov 2010 19:11:59 +0000

Just a little something to add to the Christian perspective. Also the Dalai Lama is no slacker when it comes to forgiveness.

“Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.”
Buddha (500bc)
“Those who are free of resentful thoughts surely find peace.”
Buddha
“To understand everything is to forgive everything”
Buddha

“Take forgiveness. Two levels here. One level: forgiveness means you shouldn’t develop feelings of revenge. Because revenge harms the other person, therefore it is a form of violence. With violence, there is usually counterviolence. This generates even more violence—the problem never goes away. So that is one level. Another level: forgiveness means you should try not to develop feelings of anger toward your enemy. Anger doesn’t solve the problem. Anger only brings uncomfortable feelings to yourself. Anger destroys your own peace of mind. Your happy mood never comes, not while anger remains. I think that’s the main reason why we should forgive. With calm mind, more peaceful mind, more healthy body. An agitated mind spoils our health, very harmful for body. This is my feeling.”[1] (Quoting the Dalai Lama)

By: Lowdown

Lowdown — Sat, 23 Oct 2010 15:46:54 +0000

Forgiveness has little or anything to do with the person you are forgiving. It is a necessary element of moving on from a hurt in an emotionally healthy way. Many people hold grudges for years much to their emotional and physical detriment while the object of their disdain and anger has no clue about the feelings of that person and is enjoying their life. Forgiveness releases you from those bonds which are enslaving and unhealthy. The difficulty most people have is in getting over the concept that the protaganist does not deserve forgiveness, but it isn’t about them, it is about you. When thought of in those terms it is much easier. It is like dropping a lump of hot coal you are holding in your hand. Why would you continue to hold it?

By: NotoriousRoscoe

NotoriousRoscoe — Sat, 23 Oct 2010 09:29:29 +0000

The biggest problem for many people is knowing when they have the right to forgive. I’ll never understand the parents, spouses, and siblings of murder victims who “forgive” their loved ones’ murderers in dramatic courtroom proceedings. The only person with the right to forgive is the person to whom the wrong was done. In the case of murder, the only person with that right is the victim, who is beyond the ability to provide that forgiveness. The other people in the fading wake of that person’s life are mere survivors, who have no rights whatsoever to forgive.

By: KBT

KBT — Thu, 21 Oct 2010 05:10:42 +0000

Remember. Forgiveness is not putting away your guns. Forgiveness is choosing not to pull the trigger.

It has a lot to do with judgement and repentance. A man (and I use that term loosely) berated my wife one day. Once I learned of this I confronted him. I did what my dad and other geezers used to call “reading the riot act” and spelled out certain doom for any future infractions.

I could see in his eyes that he was done. There would be no more problems and he apologized to my wife. The incident ended without a punch being thrown and after that he was always respectful.

I chose not to “pull the trigger” which would have turned me from a vindicator into a tyrant. I accepted his words of contrition and returned to him some dignity. To me, that is forgiveness.

A man with a little dignity to save and nurture is far less dangerous than a man who has lost it all. Forgiveness is not just manly, in any conflict it can be vital.

By: Edward

Edward — Wed, 20 Oct 2010 20:23:29 +0000

Ok, I’ve beaten this one to death enough so after this last Comment, I’ll be done.
Josh (#42) quoted Matthew 18 which is the corret response considering Jesus is the only true and soveriegn source of determining right and wrong on all matters.

By: Daniel Putman

Daniel Putman — Wed, 20 Oct 2010 17:15:59 +0000

On Forgiveness:
I’m by no means an expert but I forgiveness is something that I view as one of the vital influencers if your life goes well, or totally craps out.
First, I would say that Forgiveness is happens in your Will first. And the nice thing about your Will is your Will has no emotions. So a person can Will to do something that they feel very much like you DON’T want to do it. And that is often the challenge of forgiveness to Man up to the things that you really don’t want to do.
Second, forgiveness is hard because it has to do with a lot of pain. And that pain is justified. We are attacked, abused, lied too, robbed, abandoned, all really real stuff. And the goal is not to think about what happened is “not a big deal,” it is real stuff. And I think it is right to say that heal/dealing with this stuff takes time, it takes energy, it takes soul searching and all that good stuff… But it will never happen until a person decideds to forgive. Forgiveness opens up the door to be healed, if a person doesn’t forgive then they wont heal.
Which means that we don’t have to feel “over” something to forgive the person for it, often we can’t because in or to feel “over” what the person has done, we must forgive them first. It is a rational desicion, then the emotional aspect comes later. So if you have forgiven someone, but you still feel the pain, that is okay. you have forgiven them, what is needed is healing from the hurt.
Last, is a old adage that I see is complete truth. “Hurting people, hurt people.” We have all been hurt, that is something we can’t avoid, but unless you try to deal with your stuff you will take it out on other people. So the stuff that has hurt you in the past, will hurt your loved ones in the future. And this is something I tell people a lot, that unforgiveness hurts many, not just you, but your wife/husband, kids too.

So forgiveness is Manly, because it is fighting for those you love. Manly people never give up, or give up on those they love.

By: Jason A.

Jason A. — Tue, 19 Oct 2010 13:05:05 +0000

I find it is naturally very easy for me to forgive others for some reason. I am not one to hold grudges although I’ve experienced my fair share of transgressions. However, my problem lies in my ability to forgive myself, which I find hard to do in most instances and nigh impossible in others.

By: Edward

Edward — Mon, 18 Oct 2010 16:30:55 +0000

Big Fully, I am sorry to hear about your family. That is very sad. But if you read my Comment again, I think you would agree it provides the method and pattern for amending the situation via sincere remorse and forgiveness from both parties. But you are right that vengeance does not apply in your parents case as it was not criminal (although it may feel like it).

Justice is what the violated party receives via vengeance from the governing authority that is placed upon the violator. Therefore, Justice is a result of vengeance, and in criminal matters, it is very good. Perhaps I should say it is very, very good.