Comments on: The Art of the Dinner Date

By: Sarah

Sarah — Fri, 22 Feb 2013 22:27:43 +0000

Please please please let her finish her meal first. She will(and I have been in this situation) feel like a pig for the remainder of her meal, and be embarrased that you watch her eat. Simply pay attention to how colse to being finished she is, and slow down until she is finished. You may feel awkward, but it will be much appreciated!

By: Strong Man

Strong Man — Mon, 01 Nov 2010 18:02:32 +0000

Excellent! This is a good advice–especially the reminder to actually ask her out on a date regularly.

Thanks!
–A Good Strong Man

By: Alexandria

Alexandria — Mon, 25 Oct 2010 21:17:09 +0000

You know, it’s funny: as a teenager and college student, I was adamant about paying my own way on any date, no matter how poor I was, to prove that I could take care of myself. Now that I’m in my mid-twenties and do quite well for myself, there’s less pressure to ‘prove’ anything. It’s wonderful to go out with a gentleman who actually pays for the date. Or, if they aren’t in the place where they can pay for an expensive date, take the time to plan a date they can afford, and then execute it with charm and humor. It may be a little archaic, but there’s something about a man paying without hemming, hawing, or expectations that makes a girl feel special.

And boo on you for playing games–if you offer to pay half, don’t be nasty and use it as a tricky test. Sincerely offer and then do it if they graciously accept. Besides, a lot more goes into whether they get a second date or not than if they accept what they perceive as a genuine offer to split the bill. Like, oh, I don’t know, good humor, manners, kindness and intelligence?

By: JJ

JJ — Mon, 25 Oct 2010 13:48:36 +0000

A tip from a girl- if you eat anything stringy (eg spinach) and you aren’t sure if there’s something in your teeth, have a mouthful of water and slip away to the loo to check in the mirror. Better safe than sorry :)

By: KG2V

KG2V — Mon, 25 Oct 2010 00:01:58 +0000

As for a woman offering to pay etc (particularly on a first dates, or when you get a woman – even NOT on a date who complains about you holding doors – I’m of the age when we delt with a lot of that – hint, I went to my 30th reunion this week), a line I heard once, and I’ve used many times since

“I’m sorry, but I have to do XXX for our safety?”
(which will usually earn you a puzzled glance, or a Huh? type of comment)
“Well, if I didn’t, there would be an earthquake from my ancestors spinning in their graves”
(has earned me more than a few chuckles offering seats to pregnant women on the NYC Subway – some of whom want ME to sit because of my bad leg, having a cane) – It’s also embarrased more than a few younger men to stand up, then offer me their seat after the woman sits

By: Dave9

Dave9 — Sun, 17 Oct 2010 20:28:24 +0000

I’m in my early 40′s and have dated a lot in the past few years, mostly women in their 30′s. I’ve found that there is an age split with regards to who should pay: Older women are more comfortable with having me pay, younger women more frequently want to split. I think this is because for us older people, who are aware of the formality/rules, the man who pays is seen as classy or gentlemanly. For younger women, they see it as a power play and may see you as old-fashioned or just old. There may also be an education/class split, but it’s less clear.

So I usually play it by ear and see which way my date leans based on our conversation. Strangely, the dates where I’ve insisted on paying have not panned out at all whereas the dutch dates have been the ones that developed into LTRs for me. But that’s probably because my target demographic is highly educated nerdy women.

To the person who asked about what to talk about and what are the rules: You need to pay attention to the specific person — there are no fixed rules. You have to observe and make educated guesses. EG. a woman who is a crunchy granola artist who does ceramics is more likely to have liberal leanings (and be okay with going dutch) than a conservative stockbroker MBA (even though she probably makes way more than you.) But this is a generalization and the point is to pay attention to the (hopefully) fascinating creature in front of you…

By: Astrodiva

Astrodiva — Sat, 16 Oct 2010 05:12:04 +0000

I always offer to split, and on the first date if the guy actually does make me pay half, I’ll never go out with him again. If a guy Really likes a girl, he is usually willing to pay, even if he’s broke and he has to borrow money from his best friend or his brother in order to be able to afford it. Why should I deprive my date of the good feeling he gets from treating me? Seriously, of all the things in this day and age that a guy can spend his money on (beer, xbox etc,) if he seriously can’t afford to buy me dinner at least once than that really says something about his priorities and about how much he cares about me.

By: Marsha

Marsha — Fri, 15 Oct 2010 18:49:27 +0000

Excellent article.
I’m in my mid-thirties and I am of firm belief that when dating the man pays for dinner and drinks. Once we’ve been dating for a bit, I will invite him over for dinner, prepare a picnic lunch, prepare him cookies/cake, or give him a small, thoughtful gift of some sort but I will not pay for dinner. As out of place as it may sound, I believe part of dating is the man showing me he can support me which includes varying the type of place we go to depending on his budget for the week/month and I am there to prove the type of wife I would make which includes showing off my cooking and hospitality skills.

By: Yosa Addiss

Yosa Addiss — Fri, 15 Oct 2010 15:42:59 +0000

If I am on a dinner date, I always offer to share the bill, and am flattered if the gentleman pays.

If it is going well, and I would like a second/future date I can then say “then perhaps next time I’ll cook?” I think it is nice to return the favor of a meal, and to give my date the hint that I am interested enough to invite him to my home. Alternately, if my date buys the movie/theatre tickets, I will offer to purchase the snacks/drinks, or dessert after.

Talk about smooth- I received flowers the morning after a first date- he had ordered them prior to the date!

By: Sarah

Sarah — Thu, 14 Oct 2010 18:31:30 +0000

Re: Paying for Dinner
There have been excellent points made on both sides of the issue, but I thought I would share my experience.
In college I went to dinner with a guy and offered to contribute to the bill, but not surprisingly he insisted on covering it. By the time we went to dinner again, we were going as a couple. When that bill came, I declared that it was my turn. He protested of course, saying it was his job, but I insisted that if I was going to be his girlfriend I reserved the right to take him out to dinner once in a while. From then on we followed a loose turn-taking arrangement but never worried about it too much, since we knew there would be plenty more dates and it would all even out in the end. Within a few years we were engaged with a joint checking account, and it hardly matters any more who puts the card down.
I don’t know if our system was right or wrong from an etiquette standpoint, but I know it worked for two broke college students in love, and maybe even helped us establish the very equal partnership and marriage we have today.