I too have a child — congrats Bret — and no doubt it gets hard to do these sort of things when you’re being a father. The thrill levels change but that doesn’t mean they have to end. In fact it’s better if you can get a way for a little bit. Practice a little manliness and come home and extend that feeling with your children. In other words be a good father. On a daily basis, it’s a feeling of saying “I’ve done something good today.”

I’m 19 and according to the ancient greeks I’m not yet a man because I’m still studying. But I love art of manliness and because I’m kind of old fashion are inspired in becoming a real Man.

This man to man idea is pretty cool. I thought that Seths question was interesting and your suggestions was also a smart one. I also take time to push the pause bottom.

Yet I wish to give a slight suggestion to waking up from this unconsciuous mode. I found it is very rewarding to uncomplish projects. I for instance unread to write several books and movie scenarios. I know I might never get them fully done but just working on them is fun. In a more realistic point of view, I recently ran the 16km: Paris-Versailles ( yeah I’m french ) and I loved it. It was fun, physically demanding and everyone congratulated me. Next race coming up is the semi-marathon(that’s going to be a tough one). If you have goals too I suggest you work on them. You might start one and forget about it. But knowing that you have it will lead to wanting to accomplish it and will be a spare wheel for the futur.

By the way, I don’t if you can send me direct e-mails but I’m American and French and am willing to give any tips on how we do things here in Paris (France): à la française.

;)

Interestingly, the whole idea of having a separate room for your baby is pretty much an American thing. And it seems traditional enough, but man, you gotta check this out:

In college, I had a wonderful psychology professor. Her name was Dawn Hopper. She wasn’t a ‘textbook’ professor–She gave us all the knowledge we needed, but her lectures were always incredibly down-to-earth and she always related lessons to real-life situations and stories. She was a big follower of the work of Abraham Maslow, but also taught us a lot of evolutionary psychology, which is where things got interesting. She’s a very conservative (Not politically) woman who came from traditional Italian and Russian families and was always using evolutionary psychology to back up her life advice, such as supporting monogamy and the like.

Mrs. Hopper is a parent of, like, 4 or 5 (All now grown) and she was always imparting wisdom about parenting and I’ll never forget the things she taught especially about raising babies because, admittedly, I’m one of those young guys who actually has the goal of settling down and having children early in life. Now, this relates to giving our babies their own rooms. Personally, I don’t think it’s wrong and, most certainly, I don’t think parents have faulty intentions. However, what I was taught by Mrs. Hopper was this: Keep your baby in your room with you–Even in your bed. Not just for safety reasons, but even as babies, personalities are forming from day 1. What keeping them in the room with you does–Aside from generating a strong bond–is it helps develop self-importance in the baby. They learn their worth early on with subtle parenting practices like these, which feeds into Maslow’s principles on self-worth. And don’t worry about cut-off ages. If you have a son, you can teach him manliness even when he’s still snuggling between mom and pop. And don’t worry about a cut-off age. There’s no such thing. My professor taught me that contrary from popular American thought, this makes kids stronger, not sissier, and in many cultures, was widely practiced. It creates a sort of neural safety net for when they get older. As a prime example, she used Natives. By no means culturally similar to us, but very grounded in nature and even as adults, their children often shared tents with them. Their families were exceptionally close.

Here’s another thing I learned, but I’ll keep it short because I went on a bit with the bedroom topic. If she can, get your wife to breastfeed as often as needed. Aside from the first feeding being necessary for transmission of anti-bodies and the immune system, subsequent feedings again create a strong bond and develop the self-importance/ neural safety net I was talking about. One thing my professor said she did was, whenever her babies cried, she propped them right up on the teet. It calmed them immediately and in the most natural way possible. Even at ages slightly above whatever the ‘cut-off’ is considered, she did it. And another thing, she said never to worry about where you are, restaurant, shopping mall, wherever. People may be turned off by it, but what’s less natural: Breastfeeding a kid when they need it or denying them (Which has an emotional impact) because you don’t want to creep overly prude passersby? Oh, and she never used a bathroom. She believed the saying “Don’t eat where you crap” was just as valid in such cases.

Anyway, that’s my little bit. I’m not saying other ways of parenting are improper, but I definitely get the vibe that her advice was the best way to go. Certainly look into it.

And may I say, CONGRATULATIONS! I hope the journey into parenthood for you is an amazing one and that every day is filled with illumination.

Sincerely,
Matty

Personally when I feel like this, which I know many people do it’s time to start asking yourself some big questions. I take some quiet time, (away from the family), I sit down with a pen and paper and simply write what first comes up for you (without over analysing!). If you want to have a go, you might want to ask question such as –

What do I really want?
When I look at my life right now, what do I notice is missing?
If I knew my purpose today what would I doing?
Where in my life do I already know I can find inspiration easily?
What would today look like if I were living my dream?
If my life is as perfect as I think…why do I feel this way?

And so on….

The better questions you ask the better answers you’ll get! Be prepared to go perhaps where you’ve never gone before…

I hope that helps

Jamie

Oh, and good point about the deep breathing exercises.