Comments on: How to Firmly Say No Without Coming Off Like a Jerk

By: Joel

Joel — Thu, 10 Jan 2013 02:57:29 +0000

What about if a woman asks you for money or to pay for her cell phone bill or is always expecting the guy to pay for everything for her and her two kids?

By: shegeek

shegeek — Tue, 21 Sep 2010 22:35:23 +0000

tekende: offer to teach these people how to draw. Enthusiastically share with them the fun and empowerment of acting on their own ideas, and of honestly doing the hard work to develop their own skills. They will have to either put up or shut up.

By: Ben W

Ben W — Thu, 16 Sep 2010 17:32:33 +0000

Wow. This article has helped me already. I generally work with my old man. He wanted me to work this weekend with him. I already had plans and wasn’t sure about how to go about saying no and not offending my own father. After a simple discussion about how I can’t break plans for something that is brought up on short notice, it worked. I couldn’t do it, and he knew it. AOM Saves the day

By: Dave Dee

Dave Dee — Wed, 08 Sep 2010 09:46:38 +0000

Nice one Brett (and Kate), all too often people throw out “no” with a snooty indifference towards the other party. The honest and fair approach works best for me.

By: wolfshades

wolfshades — Mon, 06 Sep 2010 17:07:27 +0000

When ever I sense that the next word I’m going to say after “no” is “because”, I end up biting my tongue. “Because” implies that I should have otherwise said yes. Like it’s a moral imperative.

It’s not. It’s my right to say “no” and it’s my right to keep my reasons to myself. And people will think what they want to think of me – that’s their right too. The ones I know and love will appreciate that I’m being honest.

By: MisterFox

MisterFox — Mon, 06 Sep 2010 09:35:39 +0000

I don’t particularly have problems saying No. Sure, it’s always painful when it’s someone I care about. However, if I don’t want to fulfill their request, I just won’t. I’m glad I got there. Unfortunately, I refer way too much to the “consolation prize.” Promise them to take them out for a coffee or lunch or make it up to them otherwise, and while I always stay true to what I promise, I always think afterwards that money can’t keep a relationship going.

Oh well.

So this article was a good reminder. Thank you very much.

By: Droid Does

Droid Does — Fri, 03 Sep 2010 13:36:23 +0000

RE: Gary V August 30, 2010 at 12:41 pm:

I dont think its about the “dont take no for an answer” society as much as it has become a problem based in the fact that the last two generation’s of workers have not heard NO for an answer from their mommy and daddy ever. In fact, they havent heard NO until they went out into the real world and got a job, which, for them, is usually right after college. So their social skills also lack.

By: Matt

Matt — Thu, 02 Sep 2010 02:03:30 +0000

Funny enough, in the cases like Gary V pointed out above, the pushier the person is, the EASIER I find it to say “no.”
I think “I’m not available,” “I’ve got too much on my plate right now” or “it’s a bit out of my budget” are perfectly reasonable for turning down a lot of invites (I use them pretty frequently myself, and they’re often the truth) but it can be trickier to turn down a request for a favor.
Of course, if it’s a reasonable request, I can do it, and the person genuinely needs my help, I’ll usually say “yes.” If not, well, see pushy people above.

By: Kyle E

Kyle E — Wed, 01 Sep 2010 17:23:52 +0000

Great article! This is a huge problem of mine. I’m just now getting to the point where I feel comfortable telling people no. Your suggestions are top notch. Thanks!

By: Brett McKay

Brett McKay — Wed, 01 Sep 2010 15:51:18 +0000

@Brandon-

It doesn’t matter if the polka festival is a desirable or an undesirable event. It falls on a Monday night, and every Monday night is family night, so it’s out of the question for the responder either way. There is no lying or being disingenuous here. If it’s not family night for the responder, then he shouldn’t say that it is. And if polka night falls on a Wednesday, then this “no” shouldn’t be used. Perhaps the confusion is arising from the idea that each of these no’s can be used in every situation? Such is not the case. Each no should be used in a situation where the no is sincere and honest. For example, if you didn’t wish you could say yes to something, you shouldn’t pretend like you did. That would not be the right no to use in that situation.

Looking over the other no’s I can’t even readily come up with a hypothetical where they would be insincere.

I also disagree with your idea that a no should almost always be personal or else it is insincere. Many no’s have nothing to do with the person asking and everything to do with your personal circumstances.