Comments on: Losing Dad: How a Man Responds to the Death of His Father

By: Matt

Matt — Fri, 26 Apr 2013 03:39:15 +0000

I lost my dad about 3 years ago in a snowboarding accident. I was 15. I’ll never forget that night, waiting in the lodge wondering where he was, repeatedly calling his cell phone. Coming home and finding out the truth was probably one the hardest things i’ve faced so far and I don’t think I’ll ever be the same after that night. My advice for anyone reading this is to take things one day at time and keep your family close. They’re the only ones you’ll ever be able to really count on. Great article, I always come back to it every so often when I need it.

By: Rohit Ramachandran

Rohit Ramachandran — Fri, 22 Mar 2013 14:27:12 +0000

Great read. Very touching.

By: Zachary Kim

Zachary Kim — Fri, 15 Mar 2013 05:29:17 +0000

Hello. I am a Korean 16 year old boy who lost his father when he was 5. At the time I really didn’t understand death and all that, but in recent years his disappearance from my family is taking its toll on me. I’m supposed to be head of the family now and my mom is becoming unbearable. She nags me and pushes me to study hard and get some scholarships and often replaces my dad with me and emotes as such since I’m the only male in the family. I understand she’s lonely and she cares about me but I wish she would let it out in a way that’s doesn’t give me stress. A failed relationship with another man left us with a baby girl and I have to act as surrogate father. And on top of that my other sister is autistic. I try to talk to mom and when I do she avoids the subject. I would have killed myself already if it weren’t for my christian faith, but its becoming really hard to just live a normal life which is really all I want. If someone can give me advice on how to cope that would be really cool.

By: RB

RB — Mon, 11 Mar 2013 00:16:12 +0000

My father was an old guy, died when I was 15 at the age of 65. At that time, I somehow didn’t care. No one left to judge my actions, his opinion on me was important to me. I had hard times at that age and was pretty anxious.
It is just now, about 10 years later, that I begin to feel the wish to have children myself an become a better man. And remember my old man.
Our relationship was somewhat distanced, we didn’t talk much. My parents lived separately, so I didn’t see him everyday. My mother talked always bad about him. He drank regularly, smoked a lot and was quite promiscuos.
But he was an intelligent and loved me very much for sure.
Having that in mind it hurts as hell thinking of what a jackass I have been to him. Near his end his health got much worse and when I got one time to his place he came down a few stairs crawling on all four and told me he wasn’t doing well. Instead of helping him I just said something like “oh, okay” and left.
Today is the first time I shed tears for him, 10 years later.
There are things he could have done better, and I want to be a better father.
But I felt his love and he showed me wonderful things. I can clearly see in how many ways I’m just like him. It’s no good for a man to grow up only with his mother. Especially when she hates his father. I feel sorry for all that. Can’t turn time back, but readjust my memory. Too sad there wasn’t even a grave for him, so I can’t visit. I thought about changing my last name to his (my parents weren’t married), because it would just feel right.
I don’t even have my mother’s birthname, but that of the guy she married before.
This article, as many others on this great website, brings much of importance up in me. I want to thank the author and share my sympathy with all who lost their fathers.

By: Matei

Matei — Sat, 02 Mar 2013 11:24:28 +0000

I’m 20, my father died 2 days ago.I had a good relationship with him, even if my parents were divorced, I used to go at his place and crash there for a few days at least once a week, he was 61 and died of liver disease, after he died, I just went on autopilot, I can’t seem to focus on anything and it’s just that I’m not sure how I feel about it and it’s very difficult for me to find any words to say about it

By: Mark

Mark — Thu, 14 Feb 2013 03:24:52 +0000

My Dad died at 56 due to suicide by hanging. I was woken by my Mother’s screams. He had been very unwell due to mental illness. I also had got very unwell with mental illness and was diagnosed with indefinite schizophrenia and mood disorders. I lost any career motivation, started to hear voices and was put on depot injections. More recently to my sadness my Mother died due to cancer. I pray everyday for dear Sister living after cancer and all those effected by cancer.

By: Mark

Mark — Mon, 11 Feb 2013 16:52:59 +0000

I must admit, the article has insight on most all the things I am feel at this time, although I last my father 3 years ago, the pain is still overwhelming, I know 80 years was a long life, but I can’t help to wish he was still here, currently I feel the same way as Phil C. I wonder too what the point of life is… I have a wonderful daughter and wife, and I have to keep going because of them. The same time my father was passing away my wife’s sister came down with cancer. She slowly passed away soon after my father. I have lived 45 years without baring witness to death. All of this has just left me in a constant fear of the future. I feel exactly what the article said, I now have no safety net. And there is something so final about the death thing… I sure wish things were different. But now I have to be the best father I can for my daughter. I just hate to think that she will have to go through the same when I pass. I sure hope at the end, all of this will make sense,
thanks for the article, and my sympathy to those who are living with the lose of their fathers.

By: Phil C

Phil C — Mon, 11 Feb 2013 12:12:00 +0000

This is the best article I have read about how it is to lose a Dad and it should be mandatory readings for any partners of men who have lost or are losing a Dad. My Dad is dying of mesothelioma (asbestos-related cancer; in New Zealand you cannot sue. They are so backwards.) and I am at the other end of the world. I saw him at Christmas and will get out again soon but just through Skyping I can see I am losing him as he becomes so uncertain and anxious. He had such wonderful healthy with barely a day’s illness in his life. To see a proud and independent man taken down is gutting and has plunged me into depression. I wonder what the point of life is, really, when those who live honourable lives are struck down so horribly.

Thanks for the article and it is good to know I am not alone with my feelings.

By: jose

jose — Tue, 05 Feb 2013 18:52:18 +0000

this article felt like it was living and breathing. i don’t know how i made it through this article.

By: Matthew

Matthew — Sun, 27 Jan 2013 22:17:19 +0000

I lost my dad 3 months ago to suicide. I am 23 years old. My father attempted to take his life when I was 16 by drinking antifreeze. This time it was a self-inflicted shotgun wound. My heart is broken apart by the death of my father. Knowing that he took his life, how miserable he was for years and years just makes it worse. Not to mention my grandfather shot himself when I was 8 years old. Suicide has been in my family and a part of my life for over 15 years. I miss my father so much; this article really hit home the feelings I have about my dad being gone. What makes it even more complicated is having to deal with the suicide aspect of it. There doesn’t seem to be much advice or counseling or reassurance for that. Not only do I miss my dad everyday, hearing his voice, seeing his face, knowing he’s just a phone call or short drive away, but my heart aches in knowing what he did and how he died. I constantly have flashbacks and reminders in my head of seeing my own father’s blood and brain fragments on the floor/wall. It drives me crazy. I am in my junior year of college, in nursing school getting my BSN RN. I feel like I don’t even have the motivation to continue on with school, I just don’t care about anything anymore. I have my mother and my fiance left here with me, and a good black lab, but nothing seems to help with the pain I feel. I am writing this in a sort of desperation, a plea, if there is anyone out there that has had to deal with their father committing suicide, please help me. Thoughts, prayers, advice, anything would be helpful. Dealing with the loss of my father is by father the hardest thing I’ve had to go thru, even more so than serving 4 years in the marine corps. I really appreciate this article and the thoughts/comments shared.