Comments on: A Man’s Primer on Funeral Etiquette

By: steve

steve — Sun, 02 Dec 2012 16:49:54 +0000

Interesting article. What about a former (25 years former) fathers funeral? Are flowers 1. called for 2. appropriate 3. sufficient?

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By: Janice Underwood

Janice Underwood — Wed, 02 Jun 2010 12:15:08 +0000

Who is expected to attend when the obituary states that there will be a private internment ?

By: Sue

Sue — Mon, 19 Apr 2010 22:21:06 +0000

I stumbled upon this site while searching for advice about a man in my life who didn’t attend my mother’s funeral with me last week. (He didn’t visit with me in the hospital in the days before she passed on, either.) He said he’d go, even a few hours before the service, but when it came down to it, he had a list of excuses why he missed it. I am angry and disappointed and was searching for advice/stories how others have felt about this dilemma. I don’t know if this is a forgiveable act or not. We’ve been together for 9 years, live together, and I’m basically supporting him while he’s been out of work for a year (not the first time). He expressed sympathy for me and hugged me and said he’s sorry. But somehow this doesn’t seem like a thing someone would do if he cared about me. I was hoping to find out it was somewhat common/normal and I was out in the woods with my grieving feelings, but your words here spoke volumes. I’m still torn on what to do, but I wanted to give appreciation for a wonderful blog/article entry. The emphasis on respect and compassion and duty are evident in your primer and I believe it rings so true.

p.s. the email address is legitimate. :)

By: Paul

Paul — Mon, 19 Apr 2010 07:44:30 +0000

I am just about to attend the funeral of a good friend’s family member. The family is Catholic – who and how do I ask for a Mass Card, and does the church matter?

By: Cate

Cate — Tue, 30 Mar 2010 03:04:51 +0000

Jake M: I would think that one doesn’t have to be Irish to carry on the shoulder fashion. I think it’s pretty cool too. And if it were me, I think it brings me closer to the deceased and more of a tribute rather than “a burden”.
Others: I’m a big time genealogy (family roots) buff and am honored to see the graves of my ancestors. Even though I’m not Jewish, I like to place a stone on the tombstone that I visit and probably photograph – to me it symbolizes that the person has been remembered by at least one person. It allows me to wonder what their life was like and how they died.
I don’t “cotton” to any one religion, or I should say any religion. So if I’m attending anything that gets religious – prayers, songs, etc. I just remain quiet out of respect for those around me. I’ll stand when they stand, sit when they sit, but I don’t drop my head or close my eyes and still remain visually respectful for those who do. (Others feel comfort while I think it’s a waste of time. :/ ) Too many arguments and wars start from someone getting pi.sed over some kind of religious slight or difference in belief. Live and let live.

By: Cate

Cate — Tue, 30 Mar 2010 02:44:41 +0000

Question concerning military funerals, as I attended one recently for a young Marine:
Should I stand when the coffin is removed from the hearse by the military escorts and carried to the stand? I did, followed by about a dozen others, while the other 100+ did not. The reasoning in my head: the flag, while on the coffin, is in movement. And as a salute to the Marine and the flag, I had my hand over my heart.
When the flag is being removed and then folded, I stood with my hand over my heart again – respecting the flag and the Marine. If I recall, the 21 gun salute and Taps were played during this time too. If Taps was played separately, does one stand?
I participate with many veterans and active military groups but have not been to many/any full military honors funerals. Have always understood that while the flag is in motion (parades, color guards, etc.) one should salute the flag with the hand/heart or military hand salute if a veteran or active military.
Wishing to care and then to share………’cause it’s not being taught like it used to be.

By: Liz

Liz — Mon, 29 Mar 2010 03:25:27 +0000

So, I’m definitely not a guy, but I find myself interested in this blog anyway.

I just wanted to comment that being a pallbearer is one of those things that men do that I find intriguing. It seems, from the outside, to be an especially masculine (not in a sexual way, but just in a way of being that I can’t quite put my finger on) thing to do — a ritual in life that belongs to men. It’s an act for which I have a great deal of respect and admiration.

By: Shaun

Shaun — Thu, 25 Mar 2010 20:30:34 +0000

@Jake M

Regarding your comment on athiests, It isn’t about not wanting to have ceremony nor about forcing our way of thinking on others, its about the overt need for god or the like to be referenced that causes us to be uncomfortable and we don’t know how to respond to it, I personally take no comfort in the “he’s at peace, with god” etc that gets said during funerals.

I much prefer a remeberance ceremony rather than a religious funeral/cremation as it doesn’t shut those out who don’t hold the same beliefs and can allow people a moment of silence to either sit in quiet contemplation or pray if they choose.

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