Yes, indeed, it will be missing a very clueless man. Keep dreaming that all that needs to happen is a “return” to a more chivalrous society. Talk about denial. These are not Arthurian times, and you’re going to have to do better than open my door at a restaurant. We need a lot of doors open – to opportunity, to true equality, to financial security, to safety from “natural” instincts. Why don’t you show some real manners and stop trying to turn women into Stepford wives, buddy.

@Gryphon-
I’m afraid you misunderstand the post and reading things into it that aren’t there…We never said that burping the alphabet and ignoring kids was manly.

Oh, but you did.

Could we perhaps say that equality shouldn’t mean embracing and outdoing men in things that were traditionally considered masculine? That making out with other chicks for attention and lifting your shirt for beads and getting smashed and burping the alphabet and dressing in sweatsuits really has very little to do with being “liberated?”

You might start quibbling about the difference between “manly” and “things that were traditionally considered masculine”, but the inference in the paragraph above is clear.

As a non-American, I have no idea what “lifting your shirt for beads” means. You have some strange customs.

However, my husband pointed out this blog post and I loved it, but several of the comments have disturbed me for two main reasons, but first-

Ariah questioned why Chris’ wife felt comfortable with allowing him to make the “tough decisions” and offered advice that she seek counseling for insecurity issues.
Speaking of which, why, when things get tough, does your woman want someone else to take care of her? She should get into counseling ASAP to discover why she doesn’t trust herself enough to make good decisions.

I do not have issues with any of Chris’ comments, btw. I tend to defer to my husband on both big and small issues. And aside from not being able to make small decisions (I get overwhelmed very easily, I don’t like the cereal aisle in the grocery store, too many choices), but I don’t feel the need to have control over those big decisions. I state my case, I state my desires, I state what I feel would be the best choice and why, but I trust HIM to make, not only the best but the right decision for our family. Not because I don’t trust myself, of course I can make the decision, but when it’s a decision that effects more than just me (and in a marriage, it ALWAYS does) then only one person has to/should make that decision. Your question is why should it be the husband, well why should it be the wife? Those of you who are so unwilling to allow yourselves to “submit” or “surrender” to your husbands, spouses, significant others, and then question our need for counseling, perhaps you should look at your marriage/relationship and ask yourself how much you really trust your significant other.

1) I believe Adrienne asked why anyone in the relationship had to be secondary. The answer is sometime it’s necessary, and it’s called sacrifice, which is exactly what a true marriage is all about. Sacrifice is the basis of every great, long-lasting marriage. There are times when it is necessary for a husband/man to take a secondary role to his wife/woman and vice-versa.
Why does anyone have to take a secondary role at all? If someone must be the dominant person in a relationship why does it have to be the man? I am very secure in myself and my relationship, that is why I do not feel it is at all appropriate for me to be “secondary” and would never be with a man who derived his self confidence from his power over anyone, let alone me.
To believe that a marriage can last indefinitely without any form of sacrifice (thereby giving up part of yourself, including power and control, at a specific time for the good of someone else) means you’re missing the point of what a marriage actually is. Sure, two people can be equal partners in all things, but that’s not a marriage. That’s a legal contract between two autonomous individuals. And it is equally as insulting for those of us who entered to a marriage covenant with our spouses to have them compared similarly. My hope and prayer is this will never happen – however my fear is that while you are secure in yourself (first) and in your relationship (second), the first time that a major life-altering decision has to be made where you disagree with your husband on the correct choice of action and you either both try to choose different actions or he makes a choice that you don’t agree with, your relationship will not withstand the consequences.

2) For both men and women, “LOVE” is a verb. Love may be used as a word to describe some feelings, but ultimately love is a verb. Love is my husband doing most of the laundry, because at 34 weeks pregnant with child number 4, I physically cannot get the laundry up and down the stairs. Love is my husband doing most of the cooking, not because I can’t, but because he likes to cook and he’s more adventurous with recipes than I am. Love is me brushing off his car on a snowy morning before work, after brushing off mine, even though I’m already late for work. Love is picking up his pants from around the house, and getting down on my hands and knees (yes at 7 months pregnant) to scrub the kitchen and dining room floors. Love is him doing the dishes for after most meals, mostly because he likes the solitude of listening to podcasts and drowning at the noise of three other children for 30 minutes. Love is me signing off to go do the breakfast dishes this morning, because he made a wonderful Saturday morning breakfast for the family and I sent him out shopping for new dress clothes which he sorely needs and has been wanting to get for a while.

Great Post!

So keep laughing ladies, you will find your lives incomplete, as though something major is missing (because it is). Hearing things that resonate with the truth but shatter your whole world outlook is scary. Denial is the first reaction. My soon to be wife understands this and together we try to cleanse ourselves from the filth that is modern American “culture.” I let her be a woman and she lets me be a man. She keeps telling me how natural it all feels, even though our degenerate modern culture says otherwise. She has found freedom in embracing her femininity as I have in embracing my masculinity. It really is liberating (contrary to popular belief).

So the next time you find yourself admiring a manly man instead of chastising yourself from being attracted to him (or his manliness) and become filled with self-hate and hatred of men, why don’t you try acting vulnerable or feminine. You might find the results are better than the usual complaining with your girlfriend who always agrees with you or taking it out on your castrated boyfriend.

There is a lot that I’m still discovering I want from a woman, and my current love interest is showing me how many things the women from my past were missing.

The best way I can summarize the problems we see are that men and women aren’t made aware of the problems with their behaviour.
Men aren’t called on acting like lazy, irresponsible chumps, and women aren’t called on being catty and using convenient idea from a movement that once made a big difference to the lives of women.
Men aren’t called on complaining about being married and bemoaning being bachelors, and women aren’t insulted back when [those that do] insult half the population.

I think I have an interesting perspective on womaness, because I was born in America to foreign parents and travel a lot. I know women from a lot of different places and we talk. American women tend to be the leaders in demanding their husbands are their equals, as being told by many commenters. While I see women from Medeteranian/Middle Eastern/Russian culture being more about family and home. I know a lot of American women torn between staying at home or working… They tend to think if they stay at home they are GIVING something up and if they WORK they are miserable because how can they juggle everything. Because lets face it, children want their mothers. Mothers are nurturing, caring, they kiss booboo;s and make them better, not daddys. Oh, and another thing, American women work because they want ALL the comforts – a big house, a nice car, nice clothes etc… Where as I think foreign women, can make ends meet better. They can take a cheap $20 dress and wear it with pride so that they can stay home with their kids. Most foreign women would do with less and have a quality home life.

I think this is sooo true. Women who raise there own kids have more confident and happy children. American society is falling apart because kids feel entitled to everything, and money can buy anything in their parents minds. Kids need their parents to be parents. Their moms to be moms and dads to be dads. THIS DOES MAKE A DIFFERENCE.

I know there is such a thing as house dads now a days, and I dont think it makes up for a mom. I once worked with a girl whose mother worked out of the home and father was the primary care giver and the little girl, burped and farted and thought it was funny. She was rough, whiney, and rude. I am sure if she had her mother she would have been different.

Look at american society? Don’t you notice those of past generations to be more simple and more satisfied with life? More caring with better manners? These days there are more train wrecks. More violence, more crime and more egoist attitudes.

Just a couple days ago, I walked in to a labroatory to get my blood drawn. When I walked in the waiting room was packed not an empty seat. There were older people, younger people, and even a 2 year old with her own chair. I thought it was extremely sad that when I walked in, a very pregnant lady of 7 months, the person who got up to offer me a seat was an older woman well about the age of 70, she had a freaking walker!!! But sat there the 2 year old, her mother didn’t even notice, very very rude. If that was my mother, I would have immediately been swept into my mothers lap and my seat would have been offered to the pregnant woman. WHat the heck is wrong with manners these days? Ofcourse, I didn’t take the seat but I am so surprised no one thought that our exchange was at all interesting. People are oblivious these days.

I am so saddened by all of this, and tehre for have started my own equivalent of AOM called, http://www.beingalady.com , its really new, but I am on a mission, a mission to help women remember what it is to be a lady.

Ciao,
Victoria

Just my thoughts… I’m a tattooed goth chick and gun enthusiast that writes erotica novels for a living, but I’m also a dedicated wife, mother of 2, and a homemaker that loves to cook, garden, keep a clean/organized home, and rush to the door and kiss my husband when he comes home from a hard day at work. I think a lot of women use feminism as an excuse to bleed men emotionally/financially dry and it is disgustingly wrong. I am a strong feminine woman with bold ideas, and I need a strong mentally masculine man to complement and balance me, not some whipped head-tucked man-boy that cowers whenever I have a girl tantrum. Luckily I found such a man and can’t imagine living without him. If he gets angry I comfort him and help find a solution, and if I have a mommy meltdown he talks me off the proverbial ledge. Above all else, no matter what happens, we RESPECT each other, and you can’t have a happy healthy relationship without it. Period.

Feminism was a war that leveled the entire nation of masculinity in order to kill chauvinism. I believe resources like this blog are excellent for rebuilding the admirable aspects of manliness, while omitting the bad. But this cannot work without effort from the former conquerors (females), and that means women who use the feminist war as an excuse to mentally abuse, insult, and demean the ‘enemy’ forever, are thwarting the recovery effort. A true rebuilding cannot be completed in this post-war environment unless women know their place, as well as men. I think a female version of this website would be a great addition.