Comments on: Loss, Grief, and Manliness: What Every Man Should Know about Losing a Loved One

By: Alec

Alec — Sat, 11 May 2013 06:29:13 +0000

Thank you for writing this article. I lost my dad to sarcoma cancer three weeks ago. I’m 28. Still in shock. Some days angry, some days irritable. Other days withdrawn and quiet. And yet other days that feel normal and I am ok. Throughout all of it, I have thrown myself into my career even more, thrown myself into my family even more. One day at a time.

By: Sue

Sue — Mon, 25 Feb 2013 03:58:52 +0000

I hardly know where to begin. My son lost his precious wife in a tragic auto accident, after being separated for 4-1/2 months and a day or so before she was coming back to him. He had taken himself off prescription drugs on his own; he started to drink heavily to numb his pain and grief. In 7 months he lost his job. He has three small children to support and a teenage daughter. He lost his father five years ago and at least 10-12 friends and family in the past ten years. I KNOW that God has a remarkable plan for my son’s life. He just is not there–yet. If anyone can recommend any detox programs, counseling, employment help(he never finished high school)–I would be eternally grateful. His Mom

By: Manuel

Manuel — Mon, 15 Oct 2012 16:27:26 +0000

Very informative article. I lost my wife a year ago. In fact a devastating time. You don’t feel like enjoying anything anymore. It’s a horrible period a loving person has to experience. Nevertheless, we have to accept it as part of our lifes. I can only recommend you to seek professional help if you can’t see any betterment. They can help you process your thoughts and feelings. You can talk anything off your chest. I used to call an online coach (recommend Your24hCoach). I didn’t want to burden my beloved ones to much. But don’t isolate you and seek your way out of it by drinking or alike. Spending some time with your best fellas is a perfect advice to get your mind of it. And it’s more than true, give yourself time to grieve.

By: Losing Dad: How a Man Responds to the Death of His Father « flakes of nuisance

Sun, 27 Jun 2010 05:29:08 +0000

[...] very painful significance. When I last wrote for the Art of Manliness, I spoke to the ways in which men grieve. It is not surprising that many of the men who responded to that article alluded to the loss of [...]

By: Losing Dad: How a Man Responds to the Death of His Father | The Art of Manliness

Wed, 09 Jun 2010 03:58:34 +0000

By: mark

mark — Tue, 02 Feb 2010 00:35:24 +0000

i’ve never been on this site before, but finding it very helpful, and very informative. i too have lost, get this, my mother, father and my sister within a two year period. on top of leaving a 10 yr. relationship under the not so best of circumstances. i’ve had to deal with all of this my own my own, which at times probably is not the best way. their are times i blame myself, their are times i’am mad at myself, everything seems so unfair.. i miss all of them so much. especially the fellow who wrote everytime i look at a mirror, i see my father, i can relate.i mostly regret not telling them i love them, as much as i should of. it’s been two years now, and i still have moments, where i totally break down and cry, which according to my father,is not very manly.it just overcomes me.their has been times when a bottle of booze has been my best friend. i don’t the grieving to ever leave, cus that’s what keeps me remembering them, but i just wish it would get easier.i do think, like the gentleman said, your not a man untill your father passes away is so true, i lost my way thru life. i have no footsteps to follow.

By: Alexander

Alexander — Sun, 24 Jan 2010 02:59:02 +0000

Hi,

Pete:
My Dad died in 04. I was 16 and I’m now 22. I find it hard (well, more like really hard) to focus on anything. I’m lucky enough to have Mum living with me. I don’t know what I’d do if I were alone. For a while, we didn’t do anything that needed doing around the place, and no tidying. The place is a mess, and so I know how hard it is to tidy a room.

I’ve been trying to focus, and I don’t have any answers. I’m barely scraping through at uni. I’m failing a good few papers. I got a warning letter at the end of last year, so I’m going to have to lift my game.

If it were possible, I wouldn’t be selling the house right away.

It must be really difficult without a will. It wasn’t that easy for us, even though my Dad had a will. Dad has some adult “kids” from a previous marriage as well as me. Even though we get along ok, I do recall some minor difficulties.

About Christians: I went to a Christian school. My friends are all Christian. I feel like there’s no-one to talk to about it, as I think they’ll try and get me to go to church and accept God. Really, I want to say to them (but don’t want to end up no friends, so don’t): “why should I believe all this? Give me some reason to think this is real.”

Maybe you should try to talk to those 60+ people you mentioned. Also try to keep in contact with your Dad’s friends. I know that’s really hard. I feel quite shy talking to them, since I don’t know them all that well.

I’m sorry to hear about your brother, Faith. I don’t know what to say.

Kate: It’s hard to contain your pain and avoid lashing out at people. He may have seemed like he meant what he said, but I don’t think he did. I think he’ll regret what he did – maybe not now, but I think he will. I’ve lashed out at Mum (not physically, thank goodness) a bit and pushed her away at times. I regret doing that.

By: Kate

Kate — Sat, 16 Jan 2010 20:06:12 +0000

My boyfriend recently lost his mom unexpectedly. His response was to lash out at me. He did not want me at the wake or funeral saying that he needed to be strong for his dad. He said many hurtful things and broke up with me. I do not blame him as I know it was the grief, but he has left me confused. Did he really mean all those things he said? Or was it truly the grief? All I want to do is be there for him, but he has completely pushed me away. Is there any hope that he will come around and realize what he has done? Prior to his mom’s death he also lost his dog. I happened to be with him at the time. He had a similare response, and I gave him his time and speace and eventually he came back around, but this grief goes much deeper, and I am just not sure what to do.

By: Dan

Dan — Wed, 25 Nov 2009 22:11:08 +0000

I know this is late in the mix, but in case anyone’s reading these comments down the road, a great book on how a man can observe grief in a mature and beneficial way is “A Grief Observed,” by C.S. Lewis. Admittedly, this is a Christian perspective, and may not appeal to all, but it’s a helpful book.

Interesting note: He wrote it after his wife passed away, and he released it under a pen-name, and his friends started mailing copies to him to help him cope with the loss of his wife.

By: Faith

Faith — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 20:18:37 +0000

Neither of my brothers really like me, but I’m worried about my eldest, Joe. Our dad died 7 years back, and he still has problems, Which would be ok, except that He has been treating said problems with alcohol. Which has managed to screw with his life on several occasions except he still sees alcohol as his friend. Is there anything I can do to help him? I don’t know about psychological help, none of us could afford to get it for him… But maybe I don’t know enough about that. Any suggestions?