Comments on: 6 Lessons I Learned About Being a Man from Growing Up Fatherless

By: Tanya

Tanya — Wed, 05 Jun 2013 07:39:39 +0000

I’m a single mom of 2 boys (age 8 and 13). My boys dont have any contact with their biological father. I had a boyfriend for 7 years BUT during this 7 year relationship we broke up every second month (not a good example). he emotionally abused me but loved my boys. He did everything for them, loved them, played with them, spoiled them etc etc etc

2 months ago we broke up again after he said that I forced him to be a father for my kids. The added that he hates my kids and he is done. (He said all these bad thing in front of my boys)

Last night my one son (13) said that he is the only one in his class without a father. The also asked me WHY MOMMY …. WHY DONT WE HAVE A DAD?

I know Im not a father but I try my best to always be there for them. I’m self employed and spend every afternoon with them doing homework and supporting them in sport.

I have a successful business and we are able to live a comfortable life. We have everything we need.

I wish there was something I can do – but I can’t change the past. I can not force my ex husband to be a father – . He is a bad person and not a good example for the boys.

I just wanted to share my story and I pray every day for my boys to grow up and be amazing men.

By: Rob

Rob — Tue, 28 May 2013 00:01:17 +0000

I know this article is old, but I have to say that I only wish I had your level of closure.

My father just left, not far, a half block away. He never told me, my mother never told me. Just some stranger would randomly give me money in the street, never told me why just to tell my mom I had seen someone like him.

When I was 14, he came to me and explained he was my father, but after taking me hunting once in my life, moved away and never came back. I found out he had other kids, he was not with their mothers but kept in contact with them all the time. I was just the throw away son…

By: Alfred D.

Alfred D. — Sat, 11 May 2013 02:09:03 +0000

I grew up with a father that was able to be a provider for his family financially, but was not a provider in any other way. He was generally absent while I was growing up, and even when he was physically there, emotionally and maybe even spiritually, he was absent. He’s a man of weak character. And I eventually grew to resent all these things.

I had to raise myself, and obviously a kid won’t do a good job at raising a kid (even if it is himself). Now, that I’m more mature in my early twenties, I see certain virtues of a man that I didn’t develop, but have been working avidly to develop today- Successfully.

I feel myself becoming a real man. I don’t know how to explain it exactly but I’m sure some of you here can relate to what I mean, which in itself, (the fact that there are others that understand and are working towards these same things) is a huge motivation.

Well, recently my father has fallen ill – right when I’m at the age to move and really start my own life – I could leave, but I can’t leave my mom and my little sister or even my father alone to fend for themselves. So, I’ve chosen to put my own life on hold. So,I can be their support and their rock.

I’m legally a man, but most of the time I feel that I’m in over my head, and I cannot carry such a large burden.

I found this artice from googling “becoming the man of the house.” Because I wanted to hear from people that have been in a similar position and succeeded.

As this post said I won’t run a way from my responsabilities. I find much strength from reading posts from this blog; I’m extremely thankful for that.

By: shanon

shanon — Thu, 02 May 2013 11:24:21 +0000

before i was born my mum and my father split up, when i was 2 my mum asked him to borrow some money for diapers or something, she didnt hear from intill i was 4, he wanted to see me, my mum said yes but if he disappered again he wouldent be aloud to see me. When i was 6 my mum asked him to borrow some money for school books and he called her a s*ut and said i wasnt his son (i look just like him…) i lost the will to live then, when i was 7 we moved to wgtn (my mothers step dad lived here and he was the only other male in my family at the time) and lived in cold wet houses, when i was 8 my mum met a nice guy and dated him, after 2 years he turned to be a angry ass and he left, now im turning 15 in june and i dont know who i am or what i want to be, im really shy and am bullyed often for not being as tough as others…

By: S.Thomas

S.Thomas — Tue, 30 Apr 2013 23:49:11 +0000

I lost my father 3 years ago when i was 11, It wasn’t fun. I have grown to accept it and move on, I took up blacksmithing and a little woodworking and got better at it. In a way my hobby has becomes my ‘Dad’ while not my father, it has taught responsibility, the great power of pure sweat, blood, and work, and has kept me from doing the things so many of my peers have given into such as drugs. It really did pick up on the art of manliness lessons right where my real father left off.

By: Rich

Rich — Mon, 22 Apr 2013 16:31:58 +0000

Great website. Thank You
I think I meet all the expectations of what a man is and isn’t after growing up Fatherless. Although I have all these traits and I have never been able to overcome the emptiness of not having a Dad. I am a forgiving person and hold no bitterness. The emptiness comes from experiencing a weeks worth of how it could have been. There was a construction site down the street when I was about 8 years old. My cousins and I used to go there everyday after school and hang around a crane operator named Max. He would talk to us and ask us about school and show an interest in us. He would widdle boats out of pieces of wood and put them in the standing water. When he said this is what he did with his own kids a wave of jealosy went right through my soul. I looked forward to seeing Max everyday. One day he told us tomorrow was his last day and he would be leaving. He took us all out for ice cream. I was so emotionally sick I refused to have any. I went back the next day and he was gone. I cried for a week. The emptiness that I felt that day has never gone away. I am married with children who I love very much and have willingly sacrificed for to give them the best life possible, but the emptiness has never subsided. I was given a taste of what having a father would have been like and I know what I missed out on.

By: Jay

Jay — Fri, 05 Apr 2013 12:37:00 +0000

My mom and “father” never married. They were very young when they had me. She was 18 and he was 21. I saw him every weekend until I was about 6 years old when he just disappeared from my life. That was 31 years ago. He wasn’t abusive to me or my mom and I don’t know why he left. Of course I put the blame on myself as a young child. I still feel the sting of growing up without a dad from time to time. Mostly when I hear other people talk about their relationships with their father. It’s sad.. I’m not angry at him just disappointed. I just don’t understand how anyone can walk out of a child’s life. It’s not like my mom was keeping him away from me, I’m assuming he just didn’t want the responsibility. To make matters worse I heard through the grapevine that he married got divorced and left that child as well. Repeat offender. I think I have been affected the most in that I was never taught “guy” things.. like how to fix stuff (cars etc.), sports and whatever else is “manly”. While I did mask trauma with alcohol and drugs for quite a while I came out the other end. I played in a successful rock band in my 20′s and I now have a good career, have a wonderful girlfriend and moved to a city that I love (Portland, ME). I’m talented, smart, funny and excel at most things I try… I have always stood up for what I believe in and am very strong and independent. I’m proud of myself. I don’t know how my father feels about himself but I can only imagine that abandonment of 2 children weights on him.. especially as he ages. Sometimes I think about contacting him to ask “why”.. but what would that accomplish? Now I put my efforts into being the best uncle that I can be. That’s all I can do.

By: Tom

Tom — Wed, 03 Apr 2013 16:54:32 +0000

Im 19, my father died when I was four years old. What Ive learnt, or gained from this, Faster mental maturity, I feel Ive tasted too much of the crappy side of life for my age.emotions too powerful to supress, low self worth, no confidence, more prone to stress, depression. Cynical and cold hearted to all appart from my closest of friends and my amazing girlfriend. Growing up in poverty destroyed all materialism in me and I know how to be happy with how ever little I have. My best friends ARE my family, Ive become detached from my mother, seeing her fuck so many and sink so low down the alchoholic spiral realy did a number on me. Got two siblings from her seccond, extremely abusive marriage which I wish I could forget. Growing up without a dad, or even a father figure is a passive problem. Its tough, but once you take control of your life in late teens things get better.

By: mccoy

mccoy — Tue, 02 Apr 2013 18:06:34 +0000

As a single mother to a four year old boy, I’ve been thinking for years that “I can’t teach him how to be a man”. Those words quoted from a favorite movie of mine, but I thought made perfect sense. Now Im questioning that thought, that I can’t teach my boy how to be a man, mabe I can’t, but at least I now have the knowledge and tools to give him so he can learn to grow into a man the way he sees fit. I trust that, mainly because I have God in my life, and I trust Him.

By: Aurora

Aurora — Sun, 31 Mar 2013 06:37:00 +0000

I was raised by my grandparents. I did see my mom but, I haven’t ever really lived with her. She pretended when she was pregnant with me that she wasn’t by wearing tight pants. When I was born she only kept me for four months then dumped me with my grandparents, just like my older sister (except at nine months). Then, tried it with my younger brother but, ended up giving him up for adoption at the hospital. Never met my father until the age of 14 when he called for the first time EVER. The call lasted about fifteen minutes, him saying “bye, I love you.” and me awkwardly just hanging up. He started sending me pictures and gifts like he was trying to buy my love. My mom slept with so many men, with each of her SEVEN KIDS she has three guesses for each one who the father could be (except for the youngest), so I’m not even sure if he is my dad. I swore to myself that if I had kids, they would NEVER go through what I had to.