I struggled with a hot temper most of my adolescent life though I don’t think it was any fault of my father who had a bit of a temper himself. I think it stemmed more from a personal desire to expect perfection from myself and a learned reaction to dealing with failure or frustration in an unhealthy way.

After joining the military I got the opportunity to deal with failure frequently in an environment where a temper tantrum is unacceptable. This taught me two things that I hope to be able to use when I become a father.

1. Its okay to make mistakes as long as you learn from the experience and strive to avoid repeating them in the future.
2. Don’t sweat the small stuff (like a hot dog dropped on the ground) because in the grand scheme of things it doesn’t matter and there are many other more important things that you should focus your energy on.

Unfortunately, I’ve inherited my mother’s quick temper; as the father of a strong-willed 4 year old girl and a strong-willed 2 year old boy, I have ample opportunity to practice controlling it. To my discredit, I frequently struggle with the volume of my voice, although I’ve refrained from using terms like “stupid” and “idiot.”

My role model is my father, who I have never witnessed losing his temper. He’s a patient man whose blood temperature appears to be regulated by a thermostat, taking life’s situations and dealing with them calmly. One would think that having such an example would naturally translate into my own behavior, but it hasn’t been the case with me.

There are few things in life more difficult than the apparent oxymoron of chasing after patience. Self-control is one of those gradually acquired skills with which opportunities for improvement pop up suddenly with little or no time for preparation, leaving me blindsided when I realize that I’ve failed yet again.

At any rate, this article was a great reminder that we MUST be aware of the effect our reactions have on our children.

Or am I reading too much into a simple story?

Thanks.

@Fred, I would try to eliminate sarcasm from my repertoire as much as possible. Sarcasm is very hurtful to the person it’s aimed at, even though you might think it’s a joke. Also, it’s hard to turn it on with friends, then turn it off when at school. So to be safe, work on turning it off everywhere. If you want more ammo as to the harmful nature of sarcasm, read the classic book “Orbiting the Giant Hairball” by Gordon MacKenzie.

Great post, I’m loving all of these father-oriented essays.