Comments on: 30 Days to a Better Man Day 17: Talk to 3 Strangers

By: Francisco

Francisco — Tue, 10 Aug 2010 01:31:06 +0000

@Shoku
Your problem is in your first sentence: you think that you can’t succeed, so you don’t. You need to change your thinking or self image or both. And chill, bro. Your brain wants to help you, so let it. Read a book called “Psycho-Cybernetics” by Maxwell Maltz.

By: Dance Like Zorba the Greek: Getting in Touch with Your Wild Man | The Art of Manliness

Wed, 14 Jul 2010 23:56:13 +0000

[...] attractive woman you’ve been saying “hi” to for the past few months on a date. Talk to a stranger. Yeah, they’re not very dangerous, but all these activities involve some risk. You could be [...]

By: Shoku

Shoku — Mon, 05 Jul 2010 17:35:13 +0000

I can’t seem to succeed with this. I lock up terribly and if I can keep myself from stuttering too heavily to be understood the long delays I need to form a coherent thought really don’t lend to positive responses.

I’m not so socially inept that I can’t talk. Even with this trouble around people I don’t know, I can prepare ahead of time and do a passable job of starting talking to someone but I still get anyone to really start talking. I’ve really only had people go as far as they could to give me one word replies to any questions I ask them.

From the look of things I’m horribly difficult to approach and doing as much myself doesn’t put people at ease. Of course, I’ve looked around quite a bit for advice on how to do this so I’ve seen over and over the generic advice like smiling and other body language and the actual advice for topics that are so unlike anything I would say that I won’t ever be able to form them on the spot (without some additional explanation of how,) but altogether it has just been a long string of years where I don’t improve and worse I can’t see why.

By: Brett

Brett — Thu, 20 Aug 2009 17:21:08 +0000

Thanks for sharing your insights, Eli. Your dad sounds like quite the man.

By: Eli

Eli — Wed, 19 Aug 2009 17:23:47 +0000

When I was growing up, my father used to talk to everyone. He would talk to the cashiers, the people at the Service station (gas station), the banks, my schools (principla, secretary), etc. He would not jsut say idle banter, but would strike up long conversations. Now, eh wasn’t flirting, he was discussing “things”, but I never really understood it until I got older. Now that I do the same thing, I can move to the front of lines, get things done faster, if I forget my wallet it isn’t a big deal as the “know” me, etc. It also helps to go back the same places all the time, but I’m memorable sicne I talk to people. I also get to know things and make contacts. If you are a business professional, always talk to strangers, but also keep with you some business cards (and a “contact card” on your phone/pda/whaterver so you can send it to them) on you at all times. You never know when you can hand one over and make a great deal. On that note, always prep your 30-second elevator speech so you can answer that time-old question “What do you do, buddy?”…

Great post, as always. Thanks again.

By: Sundance

Sundance — Mon, 27 Jul 2009 00:45:56 +0000

Good article, great site!

I believe that modern media has dramatized the ‘crazies’ for ratings and coupled with the ongoing “orange” terror threat level people think that a polite stranger has a psychopath agenda.

The cure? Smile and say “hi” to strangers. Let people know that you see them and you accept them. (grain of salt here – don’t get too friendly with Johnny Gangbanger when you’ve got the wife or kids in tow.)

And when you’re in a conversation and don’t know what to say – follow the advice above and ask a question. People love to talk about themselves. Look at me, commenting on a post as a stranger to strangers about what I think. And I wasn’t even asked! = )

By: Chris Thompson

Chris Thompson — Thu, 23 Jul 2009 19:04:28 +0000

I would suggest volunteering as a great way to make friendships. There are tons of groups (I like the Jaycees http://www.usjaycees.org/) and you’d be able to find a group that shares your desires. Having that shared connection of volunteering makes talking to strangers much less daunting.

By: cupcake

cupcake — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 10:25:44 +0000

Fore some reason the majority of people tend to be on defense. too many times when I smile and say hi (especially sales clerks) they sometimes look offended as if im there enemy ….really strange! As much as I love people Its really difficult to connect in small ways much less bigger ways like meeting new friends. I admire people who socialize with ease. As for me, my friends are my co-workers and family until I figure out what im doing wrong out there. Sometimes, I feel like its no use but I know in my heart I will never give up and now that ive found this article I feel like I have some guidence …really cool. thanks! I will start a conversation with 3 people tomorrow. What have I got
to lose:)

By: cupcake

cupcake — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 10:20:09 +0000

Fore some reason the majority of people tend to be on defense. too many times when I smile and say hi (especially sales clerks) they sometimes look offended as if im there enemy ….really strange! As much as I love people Its really difficult to connect in small ways much less bigger ways like meeting new friends. I admire people who socialize with ease. As for me, my friends are my co-workers and family until I figure out what im doing wrong out there. Sometimes I feel like its no use but I know in my heart I will never give up and now that ive found this article I feel like I have some guidence …really cool. thanks! I will start a conversation with 3 people tomorrow. What have I got to
lose:)

people is able to meet others easily, As for me my friends are my co-workers and family

to connect

By: Matt

Matt — Mon, 29 Jun 2009 12:55:59 +0000

Fantastic. This speaks directly to one of the books featured in your Essential Man’s library: Dale Carnegie’s classic “How To Win Friends and Influence People”

Reading that book and/or taking the Dale Carnegie course (which is still offered, after nearly 100 years) have greatly improved the lives of many people.