I asked her like some 20 minutes ago, about how i can make her happy again and enjoy our marriage but she replied with an answer which is not possible as at now. please advise me what to do.

I agree with bert. Methinks it’s the stupid (low EQ or IQ) people of both genders that give everyone else a bad rap, esp. since the internet lets anyone rant publicly. It’s up to us to sift through the crap and to not be swayed by thoughtless accusations because the smarter peeps aren’t necessarily the “loudest” and most heard. That’s what critical thinking is though, innit (like common sense, everyone ought to have it but few use it).

@Bonzogal, doesn’t it depend on the person at the receiving end? If you know will suffice for the (probably either too-chill or too-simplistic) receiver, why not? I can dig the female/non-verbal cues thing for sure…

it’s all relative, innit.

First of all, MAJ, this is a generalization. It is unfortunate if you have never had a woman apologize to you in your life, for I’m sure plenty have done you wrong, but that does not mean it is true for every woman. I can say this with 100% surety because, as a woman, I apologize fairly frequently – sometimes I am first, sometimes I am the only one apologizing, and other times it is the other way around. But I do apologize, because, as a human, I screw up rather frequently.

Anyhow, the core issue I would like to address is the validity of “reason” vs. “feelings.” While it is true that men tend to operate along more linear and idea-based thought patterns, this should not invalidate emotion-based and relationship-based thinking, which women tend to focus more on. In other words, to the man, it might seem like there is a problem that can be fixed; to the woman, it may seem like the conflict within the relationship arising from the problem is more important than the problem, because the problem is likely short-term, while our relationship will hopefully outlast that.

So when a woman wants to talk about “feelings”, it’s not necessarily that she is being wishy-washy or attacking you. It may be that she is simply thinking on a different plane – an interpersonal instead of analytical one. And while there is certainly interplay and overlap between these two, I think the real problem in our culture, as suggested by many feminists – not misandrists – may be assuming that interpersonal factors are always inferior to analytics.

As for texting – I LOVE texting, but it’s true that it’s really easy to misread texts, especially for women who rely more on nonverbal cues than men. It was wrong of the wife to snark at the writer-inner regardless of the situation, but maybe she did feel snarked at too. I’m for face-to-face communication in anything that is too complex to say in 160 characters.

Texting fun chatter is fine; texting anything of substance says, “I don’t give a serious crap about what I’m saying to you.” There are definitely some messages for which some media are not correct. I wouldn’t submit a report to my boss on Transformers stationery, and I wouldn’t apologize to a loved one via text.

Thanks.

Texting is a form of communication for young people. If you are older then it is probably not appropriate simply because you aren’t any good at it (not just talking about thumbing but expression). You need “old school”.

The world is changing and I assure you this conversation won’t even be going on 20 years from now.

My son is carrying on a dating relation right now with a girl in another state almost exclusively by text. How many carried on their dating relationship by phone and had their parents say “what do you talk about?”. They didn’t understand that the telephone was a form of connection. Young people connect by text. They don’t see it as cowardess to use a text to say “I’m sorry”.

I’d be curious as to what would happen if he actually took aussie’s advise and sent a text-flower. If he had never done it before then I bet it would work just like a real flower because he “thought” to do something to impress her without focusing on the problem.

I think that is the real problem in most relationship conflicts. Too many people focusing on “the problem”. He wants his wife to stay home more, she didn’t like it. They argued. WHAT’S WRONG WITH THAT!!! As if good relationships never have conflict. The key is not whose wrong. It’s settling the conflict. Keep trying to work it out. He doesn’t even need to apologize and neither does she. BUT YOU BOTH NEED TO WORK IT. Someone needs to step up to the plate. She isn’t willing so responsibility falls to you. No chivalry, no feminism, just common sense.

Having been happily married for 27 years and having gotten married at 21 years old, I should have been divorced. That’s what happens when you only listen to classic canned conventional advise which most people here are offering. So much for the return of the real man. A real man is a man who understands what is important, not what is right (socially speaking).