Comments on: The Problem With Porn

By: O

Sun, 19 May 2013 18:51:15 +0000

I agree with all of this article I have been subject to most sides of this fence I have worked in webcamming, phone sex, as an escort and stripper and I have also been in relationships where porn and these “work ” activities I have participated in have become a problem for me cuz the person I was with was into them – men where constantly disapointing seeing the way they behave has caused me a lot of heartbreak I got into sex industry young 15 cuz a porn addicted bf I’d been with since I was 12 fed me to a 35 year old couple a child psychologist and his grade 2 teacher wife and its been one challenge after another my bf I have now has been watching porn for so long he wants me to get gangbanged on film and makes me do the dirtiest shit ever I HATE porn for what it has done to society to my life I have eating disorders I am uncomfortable being around my bf with even remotly pretty females around I am very pretty I’ve forced my body to look like a cartoon from a heavy metal magazine cuz I’m so insecure Iwish you men would think of the butterfly effect what some girl is doing to turn u on WILL trickle down to your daugdaughter’s
Its funny in my industry the biggest pigs are the most protective fathers … Why do u go around placeing your daughter in a bubble just to pollute her world outside of the bubble ???
Porn is selfish any man who would rather watch porn than respect his wife’s feelings is not a man it is a selfish little boy who should go back to his mom for more parenting …

By: valerie

valerie — Sat, 18 May 2013 23:18:33 +0000

I am no prude. I like porn. To enhance our sex life. But when your fiancee is constantly looking at porn. Says what he does privately is personal. It tends to ruin my self esteem. I am a beautiful woman. Guys try and pick me up all the time. With my man…I feel sub standard. I don’t even believe he wouldn’t cheat on me anymore. He is away working. 6 days now and has admitted to pleasuring himself 3 times. I offered phone sex but has no interest. I am leaving the relationship. He just has no interest. I could walk around naked and he wouldn’t even notice. Oral sex is nil from him. Doesn’t like it. Is THAT normal? He does not understand how much he hurts me.
So to guys out there that think it doesn’t hurt their girls….you are wrong. Guys reading this….please advise or commemt from a male point of view. PLEASE

By: Ryan_1980

Ryan_1980 — Sat, 18 May 2013 19:26:17 +0000

This is a very interesting article on a hugely important topic.

To update it slightly, though, I think you would also need to acknowledge the new-age so-called ‘feminist pornography’ that has appeared in the last 5 years or so. This especially has relevance to your point ’1′: it’s goal is to focus more (or exclusively) on female pleasure — almost to the point of objectification of the male. In fact many female producers openly boast that their intention is to objectify men (in some sort of reverse revenge rationale you would suppose).

Nonetheless the addictive properties remain the same: I feel addiction is the correct terminology since the male orgasm-dopamine-circuitry is one of the most intensly rewarding aspect of the human body.

I think men badly need support and help to protect themselves from the problems that many of the contributors outline above.

By: Brian

Brian — Thu, 09 May 2013 09:16:32 +0000

About #4, diminished sexual response, it’s important to point out the growing problem facing young men: porn-induced erectile dysfunction.

In the past 15 years we’ve gone from 56k modems to high-speed HD porn in almost any genre you can think of. And many men are now realizing that by escalating the genres and the amount of porn they watch, they are effectively desensitizing their brains to be turned on by real, normal sex.

Guys: if you are experiencing porn-induced ED, just know that you CAN fully recover and have a normal sex life again. I went through it, and while it was a difficult process, it IS possible. I fully recovered and now have a great, fulfilling sex life.

Seek info, educate yourself, and start your recovery!

By: Srinivas Kari

Srinivas Kari — Tue, 07 May 2013 02:22:40 +0000

This is my stance: If you have a good husband/wife who is on the same page when it comes to sex (similar sex drive, similar opinion about sex etc) then you should stay away from porn. However, since very few people in the real world are lucky enough to have such good partners, I think that porn fills this void: think of it this way: those who have the money to afford good food buy it; those who cannot afford food (eg people living in third world countries) will eat just about anything, even if it is not deemed healthy by medicine and mainstream society (like cheap fast food, street food etc). To those people, porn is just a way to release built up sexual energy. It is at least better than getting no sex at all.

By: nick

nick — Sun, 05 May 2013 18:56:51 +0000

I think porn has a negative effect on my relationship with my new girlfriend. This is the first relationship ive been in since my ex left me and my son 7 years ago. She was my first and I really didnt want to get over her and find a new relationship. So I relied on porn. And I was depressed and I gained a lot of weight. Now I finally met someone new and she is great. But I have had a hard time maintaining an erection many times. I think this has a lot to do with my reliance on porn for the last 7 years of my life. Im used to having “sex” with multiple women every time I have an orgasm. And being able to choose whatever physical attributes I desire at the moment. So this goes with the overstimulation theory in the article. Thank you for the article. I really love my new girlfriend and want to overcome my erectile dysfunction. She has many orgasms. I dont. She wants to feel like shes making me as happy as I make her. Im sure theres other psychological aspects to the problem as well, but I think the porn is the biggest. Shes also married to a man that I used to concider my best friend untill I found out how bad he treats her. She has a baby boy as well. Ive been a single father for 7 years and this is a huge change for me. She is also overweight like me. Not to much. I still am attracted to her, but I am used to the really skinny girls in the porn. I am going to try really hard to give up the porn. I think it will help a lot. Thanks again for the article.

By: Codered

Codered — Tue, 02 Apr 2013 12:31:24 +0000

I found out about this article from Fight The New Drug. Thank you for writing! Porn has destroyed my now ex-husband and is trying to destroy our boys. I’m so tired of fighting it but I appreciate all the help in exposing the truth about what the effects really are. Again-many, many thanks

By: Anonymous Female

Anonymous Female — Thu, 28 Mar 2013 04:25:57 +0000

I just broke up with my boyfriend who was a porn user. Before I started seriously dating him we had a discussion about it where I made it clear I did not like it and that I was wanting something that would transcend that garbage – a meaningful soulful relationship between us and us alone, in our hearts, soul and minds. His response was “I’d rather be doing it than watching it.” For some reason, that simple answer was enough. I was too trusting and just wanted a partner to love me after years of neglect from a previous husband. It wasn’t until way over a year later that I discovered his porn use. He wanted me to run an errand one day and it was clear to me he was chasing me out of the house in a hurry. Red flags went up. I left the house and then discovered he was sexually interacting with another anonymous female on an Internet site. (I couldn’t believe women put themselves out there like this). I was devastated and realized that this was the reason I was being chased away. (I would have had sex with him anytime he wanted, but preferred the virtual sex with a stranger. It devastated to me to realize the fantastic relationship I thought I had was a fantasy in my own mind) He said he wouldn’t do it anymore when I freaked out and was crying and distraught. I became more suspicious as time went on and realized he was using this site several times a week – basically whenever i left the house. I then realized after three years, I couldn’t do it anymore – be that freaky girlfriend always checking up. Because he had lied to me on several occasions, I didn’t bother asking him whether or not he was using. He also wanted no real meaningful commitment to me (marriage) and that I was all about his life and our future was about how we could both achieve HIS goals. I had no direction of my own. I got a job (thank God) and decided I should get my own house as he had all of the assets in his name and my own funds were dwindling each year I was with him. Although I explained these various issues to him countless times, he never understood any of it. It was mind boggling to him that he couldn’t understand any of it. All he could see was that I was leaving and therefore I was causing the relationship to fail. I now see that his lack of empathy was probably due to long-term porn use. (I had also been in physically abusive and mentally abusive relationships in the past and it was like he didn’t really believe me or think that these were big deals.) Being single may be lonely but at least I don’t have to wonder what he’s up to anymore. I guess I just decided to stop caring. Sad but another learning experience I will never go through again.

By: Mark

Mark — Tue, 26 Mar 2013 04:59:49 +0000

I am now in my 30′s and currently in a ‘healthy’ relationship with a girl I love. I have watched porn for as long as I can remember and I now know that it is responsible for setting up high expectations of the looks of my previous partners and the sexual explicitness I have expected. My current partner does not watch porn and never has at a mature age but has no issues with me watching porn as so she says (I watch once of twice a week).

Something is happening of late in my relationship as it starts to grow. My partner is very open about things but is not as explicit as previous partners. When she talks about previous partners I think about things more graphically leading to unnecessary jealousy. I feel this effecting my performance in the bedroom… always hoping to do to her the things I know she is not comfortable with and then I continue to watch porn to satisfy what I cannot do to my partner.

I found this article very interesting to read and hope it helps me remove my self from porn and give my partner the respect she deserves.

By: Alex

Alex — Thu, 21 Mar 2013 14:35:53 +0000

My boyfriend was addicted to porn before we met, and he hated it, and tried to stop. Once we got together, we started off with him watching it occasionally, but I soon found this very upsetting. For me, it was so troubling because his relationship with porn wasn’t one of mindless images, he had quite strong attachments to certain women, and it was that which really upset me.
It also affected the way he looked at me and other women, he became much more objectifying when he watched it, and it made him look at other women more. Our sex life also was damaged as result, it felt so much less passionate and close.
So we agreed that he wouldn’t watch it, and it was something we both wanted. He didn’t like the way it affected him, or so he said. But he found it very hard to stay away from it, and he often got urges to watch it, which we discussed.
About 4 months after he stopped watching it, he admitted to me that for the past 3-4 weeks when we had sex he had been thinking about other women. Mostly he had been thinking about porn stars, but also 5 of my best friends on different occasions, and even pictures of women he’d seen on my facebook feed. This almost broke us up, but I couldn’t leave him. He felt like it was an effect of having watched porn for so many years before, and because he had desires to watch it again, but he also felt that if he had continued to watch porn it would have only happened sooner.
We stayed together and he vowed to continue to try and not watch porn until his urges were finally gone. It feels like a maturity thing as well. However yesterday, our first night apart in 3 months, he watched it again. And I don’t know if I can continue with this constant battle, which always seems to fail. Should I just tell him to watch it if he wants? He insists it’s something he wants to be rid of, but he’s finding it so hard. I hate porn, I hate how it messes up teenage boys and I hate how it has basically ruined our relationship. I think people don’t realise the corrosive effect it has on young people.