Comments on: How to Weather a Break-Up Like a Man

By: Donny

Donny — Tue, 23 Apr 2013 22:22:56 +0000

My fiancee left me after 3 years, we tried staying friends. We ended up as friends with benefits. That lasted until a few weeks ago when I found out she was in a relationship with another man. It was like losing her all over again. This time I lost my temper and truly regret it. I think I was more upset by the fact that I became “the other man.” I never expected her to be “that” kind of girl. I’ve got to be honest I’m unsure if I’ll ever love again, even though I’m young (21). I know many will say “You’re just young.” or my favorite “There are plenty of fish in the sea, swim around a little.” I have little to no confidence due to several factors from my past, as well as an extreme weight problem because of a physical disability (this hasn’t stopped me from trying, but it’s a lot harder to lose weight without cardio.) I’m not looking forward to the next four or five years. I really dislike dating. I’m extremely uncomfortable meeting new people, especially being the size I am now and I don’t open up easily. I’ve got a long road ahead of me and boy is it gonna suck, but I’ll be a better person because of it.

By: donkey

donkey — Mon, 22 Apr 2013 11:30:34 +0000

Man I have to deal with this sh*t after 6 years of relationship. Its tough and it hurts like hell(I really love her) but I’ll survive, somehow, I always did ;)

By: Marcus

Marcus — Sun, 21 Apr 2013 22:48:09 +0000

Your level of depression over any set back in life is commensurate with your position in yours. If you have a job you hate (or no job), no money and nothing going for you, you’ll be devastated and it will be very hard to get over. If, on then other hand, you have a good situation going in your personal/professional life you’ll feel it but you won’t be crippled by it. It’s like getting a parking ticket. If you’re broke, have no job and you get that $75 ticket in ’87 Aerostar with no back window, you’ll spiral into the abyss. BUT, if you have secure and gainful employment and a couple hundred grand in the bank, BFD. Point is: shore up your insides first before life tries to gut you.

By: john smith

john smith — Thu, 18 Apr 2013 19:39:24 +0000

Great article but I have one question. How do you get over the fact that you never received closure on why it happened? Both my previous relationships were great and then they both just stopped texting me. I think I wasn’t forward enough with the first one, but with this one, I thought I did everything right. I can’t get out of this honeymoon period in my relationships and I got closure from neither. Found out later on that the first one got a new boyfriend a couple months later and the one I’m going through now, I just don’t know. So how do I deal with not knowing why it didn’t work? I feel like I can handle a break up if I know what went wrong.

By: Nicky

Nicky — Tue, 09 Apr 2013 14:31:04 +0000

This is really good advice. Thank you.

By: JM

JM — Sat, 06 Apr 2013 05:25:31 +0000

My girlfriend of 3 1/2 years broke up with me 2 weeks ago. I’m not really sure what happened. She had been upset at times during the relationship and expressed this to me, but it would seem to come and go, but never be anything too serious. I went away for spring break, and when I come back, she tells me there’s someone else. She didn’t cheat on me, but at a time when I wasn’t around (about 2 weeks), this other guy was. I went to see her to talk about things and hopefully work through her doubt, but 20 minutes later I was on a train back to my apartment. The next day she told me she was starting to have feelings for this other guy. We didn’t speak for a week, and Tuesday she told me that she thinks she made the right decision. My world is upside down right now. We’re young (21, 20) but I really saw myself spending the rest of my life with this girl. The past two weeks have been extremely difficult for me. I’m holding on hoping that this is just a temporary thing, a phase that she’ll snap out of, but each day that seems less and less likely. I just don’t understand how you could go from being in love one week, to noting literally a week later. I’ve tried to keep contact to a minimum, but its so hard to sit here helpless. I’ve lost my best friend and the girl that I’m in love with. She was my first girl friend, and so this is my first real heartbreak. I know that she needs to do this right now, and I’m hopeful about the future, but I don’t know how to move on.

By: Wheel

Wheel — Mon, 25 Mar 2013 07:14:44 +0000

Great article and there’s a few in there that I hadn’t thought of so thank you.

My girlfriend and I broke up just over 2 weeks ago after surviving an amazing and a very satisfying 14 month long distance relationship. She no longer wanted that for herself nor felt that she could cope with the heartache and emotional challenges of a long distance relationship. I could still hold on but understood the pain that she was feeling. We had no workable plan to be together. Bottom line was that we wanted more for each other and couldn’t settle for giving each other like 30% of we had to give each other because of the distance apart. And I was not able to secure a job in her city across the other side of the world. Vancouver you suck when it comes to engineering jobs!!! It’s heartbreaking, painful, sad, paralysing and at times very frustrating. I feel anger at the circumstance, a circumstance that I could not change. There’s no way around it, we have to feel this. How could we not after such a loving, romantic and deeply enriching relationship? The best path forward was to go forward separately (GOD DAMN IT).

What I’ve learned so far is:
1. Its okay to feel sad, it’s okay to cry (forget what your mates tell you), its okay to feel down; its okay to curl up and feel like it’s the end of the world.
2. There’s no time limit to healing. Some heal faster, some heal slower. Take the time you need. If you feel stuck, see a therapist. I have in the past and will be shortly (even though I’m not stuck).
3. If you have close friends (preferably female), talk to them. The more you talk about it the more you’ll realise that you’re not the only one that’s going through this experience. If you don’t, see a therapist (I don’t have one close friend where I am so I’ll be seeing my therapist just to chat to).
4. Stay off the booze. As tempting as it may be, it will only lead to numbing the feelings which need to be released. If not, you’ll find that they’ll come out eventually and involve a bar fight, road rage or total destruction of your furnishings. Trust me, I’ve been there.
5. Shake up your routine and try something new.
6. Believe that you will survive because history has shown that you will.
7. Reflect on what you learnt from that experience about yourself and what you want or don’t want in a future relationship.
8. Let the other person be. You’ve loved them for the time you’ve been with them and probably have a lot of respect for them. Be happy for them even if they aren’t with you.

Enough from me, I’m off to shed a few. Yes it hurts and will continue to be gut wrenching for some time.

By: Richard

Richard — Fri, 22 Mar 2013 11:50:02 +0000

I’m married but I’ve been seeing a girl on the side for a couple of months. Finally I came to my senses and realised this wasn’t a good thing for me to be doing as it was affecting my marriage, and well, it’s just wrong. I broke it off with the girl last night and have tried to stay friends with her but unfortunately she fits into your category of furious, profanity-spewing juggernaut and doesn’t want to speak to me ever again. So I have to deal with the double-whammy of dealing with the guilt – knowing that I’ve hurt this girl, plus dealing with the pain of losing her as well.
This article offered me some good advice – thank you.

By: paul

paul — Wed, 13 Mar 2013 03:33:09 +0000

Hi all
i was in a long distance relationship for 3 years and had six-eight vacations together.Have thousands of mails and letters saying how wise ,strong ,great…..our love was.Though after reading all the above posts …..most of my things have been either answered or clarified to great extent.its been three weeks she broke up…..and each night i get up in between and search for her and morning has never gone by when am not thinking of her…though with time and above posts…its lowered on richters scale
BUT I JUST WANNA KNOW ONETHING

@erin and if somebody else can answer ill really appreciate…!!

when i could see she wants to break up ……..we both were hurt and just few hours later when i am in deep pain…she is in arms of another guy…..skating around and to me…much fine
if erin says ….let it go and its her effort to move on or distract herself, fair enough ,i got nothing to say , but what my mind wants to know is…..how this happens that u sleep the very next nite with someone…..hugging the way u hugged ur previous bf or in no time u have started sharing a smile with an another person
Its none of my business….i got it….roger…true……….BUT explain me the business
is it like a robot who gets his programme changed or updated next minute
i have read all above posts and all we r talking is find/love ur ownself,gym,work,many good posts…..aimed towards moving us on and feel better but how it works for a women……(again i got no business…as erin said)…but just for my knowledge
grab another guy who was always winking at u
next day…..camp out…bike out
and next day same hug goes to him
and she has something to say to u too…that i had it all for u….but its u who lost me…….!!!!COMON MAN ITS KINDA UNNATURAL
sorry guys but do share what u feel about it

By: EDC

EDC — Wed, 27 Feb 2013 22:16:48 +0000

CBG

I’m with you on a lot of what you say. We weren’t together as long as you were, but, she was my best friend and there’s a big old hole in my life. Doesn’t help that I recently moved for work and so am away from my friends and family.

Chin up fellas. Use this time to reflect and concentrate on becoming stronger. Sleep, exercise, go to work, eat your veggies and whatever you do, don’t be afraid to phone your mum : )