But if you are going through troubling times in your marriage and are even considering divorce, you have already put the nail in the coffin. We’re talking about holding on to our NUTs here, and divorce should never be one of those terms.

I have many friends who married young, and because of this they act more like little boys who can shave. So what I explain to them is this (and it is right on board with Beat Attitude’s post).

You have to be three things to be a successful husband/father.

1. Loving – no matter what is said or what is done, you never let any other emotion overtake your love for your spouse/child. This is most important.

2. Selfless – you have give somethings up. When my wife and I got married, I had to make the conscious choice to give up some friendships and habits that were not beneficial to our relationship. Keep in mind that this was not encouraged by my wife, I realized there were things that bothered her and made the choice myself.

3. Leading – This were your NUTs come in. But your wife will not concede to these terms without you being both loving and selfless. No woman or child will allow themselves to be led by a jerk. If you are one of those guys who feels you need to be domineering over a spouse or child… well you need to stop. I feel that if you leave one these three points out, you have just made yourself into a little boy that can shave. Thus weakening your marriage.

Park your assets in a hidden, safe place, prepare for a long legal battle, and give counseling a shot, for your kids’ sake.

But also be prepared to lose your kids, house and income for a long time if things go south.

Perception is reality or if your “Spidey-Sense” is tingling then, it maybe true that your marriage is going into the toilet and no amount of marital counseling will help. There is nothing wrong for a man to look into the insights of a divorce lawyer when it comes to a Man’s rights during divorce proceedings.

Children, divorce, custody battles are heart-rending but, not the end of the world. No one ever said LIFE was easy. If your wife walks out the door with children, remember what makes you a man and trudge onward and upward.

ergo, to find out if your wife might leave you, asking her outright in this way would only create an environment of fear and mistrust, and it is quite unmanly.

Better would be to ask the question:

“what would it take for you to consider leaving me?” (or, more positively)
“what would make you feel happier in our marriage?”

The ensuing discussion has to be reconciled to what you are both willing and unwilling to compromise on. You should know what your own values are, and be prepared to justify those appropriate to their objective worth (compared to other values).

If I can get a little philosophical about this for a moment…

It’s worth noting that some things that you value, and some of your “rights” have to be given up in order to attain a greater good. Unfulfilled dreams are a source of great upset in a marriage, so it’s important to know WHY you (or your spouse) have given up those dreams, and what has replaced them.

And you need to know the ultimate value of marriage: why marriage itself is a training ground that is second-to-none for the rewards it offers: why marriage can more easily provide happiness than any of our other desires and dreams.

Humans were created for relationship. The family is a valuable God-given community in which the nature and joy of relationship can be explored. Most families are dysfunctional in some ways, because they are made up of human beings, and human beings are selfish. The marriage, or the family, is about the best place to learn to love others, and the environment in which love is best displayed.

I quickly read the book, and started applying it to my 8 year marriage. It has immediately improved. I can tell a huge difference in how my wife treats and respects me. I am a better husband and man, and have even shut down some of the things my wife used to do that really bothered me (but I was “afraid” to bring up). In addition, my attitude toward my marriage and family has gotten better. I am becoming the man I want to be. That is a great feeling.

My marriage is better now than it has ever been, and I can tell that my wife is happier.

I know I have a long way to go, but I have to tell you, Wayne’s book is worth the time and effort to read and put into practice. You will become a better man, and your wife will be much happier.

Thanks to Wayne for the great advice and guidance.

Jason Ellis

N.U.T.s – Non-negotiable, Unalterable Terms

– Keith