Comments on: How To End a Relationship Like a Man

By: confused jerk

confused jerk — Thu, 30 May 2013 00:15:23 +0000

What if you’ve been a really bad partner to someone for years. You have kids (accidentally) but there they are. And the one who got away and broke your heart through a series of misunderstandings, bad timing, and meddling “friends” is back. How do you man up?

I guess you have to prioritize the kids first. I know I’d be happier with the other woman. But I don’t have a great reason to give for what will look like a sudden break up other than I met someone else who actually I met before I met you and I’m a terrible person and I’ve been lying to you for years and I resent you for getting pregnant. And she stuck with me even though she knew about the cheating.

How exactly are you supposed to handle this situation?

By: A Pair of Blue Eyes

A Pair of Blue Eyes — Sun, 26 May 2013 08:47:13 +0000

Reading this article and the comments has conjured up a very old pain from 25 years ago, illustrative of just how important it is to show the proper kindness and gentlemanly courtesy to someone you used to love, however briefly. I was a single mother whose husband had run off with his mistress and left me with a young child. My new boyfriend, never married and in his early 30s and who pursued me steadily, talking marriage 10 months after we started dating, and introducing me to his family, etc., dumped me in month 11 via an exceptionally cowardly letter, out of the blue and truly without any warning (which he admitted in the letter). He wrote that he decided that he didn’t want to “take on an instant family,” (meaning my young son), so at least I received an explanation.

The shock of the letter and the realization that he couldn’t even do me the honor of telling me in person still sometimes haunts me to this day when I hear of, or read of, other people who were similarly rudely treated by their former significant other. Yes, a coward he was, but it took quite a long time before I could see the silver lining: that I was spared being married to a coward as a second husband.

By: Sergio

Sergio — Thu, 16 May 2013 23:00:36 +0000

I don’t see how “I’m just not feeling it anymore” is ‘definitely not manly’ if used within just a month or two of dating. Of course you shouldn’t just say that flatly & out of the blue though, if that’s what you mean. However, it can certainly be the truest of phrases. Of course, you should have been talking about your problems long before. However, sometimes it’s not about problems. Sometimes it really is that after awhile you just don’t feel you match up well. It could cover your entire personalities. Personally (call me shallow) I first choose to talk to a woman because I find her physically attractive. I choose to get to know her, date her, have relations with her. However, you can’t always pick up their entire personality right away. Once you start seeing how they really are, maybe you don’t match up. Not that anything is ‘wrong’ with them, you just don’t match. So you’re not ‘feeling it’ & you let them know. If she asks what was wrong, you can only simply say you don’t feel the match because it the truth.

By: Thomas

Thomas — Wed, 24 Apr 2013 05:23:54 +0000

A question for the author or whoever may have a good answer regarding the issue of breaking up in person versus ending it over the phone. While I understand that having this conversation in person is much more proper, what about a situation where the relationship has been or has become a long-distance one for a period of time, and it could be as long as a month or a few months before the opportunity to meet would arise? Is it then acceptable to end the relationship and have this conversation over a phone call?

By: steve

steve — Sun, 24 Feb 2013 12:20:22 +0000

As much as I like the idea of being honest and up front about ending a relationship with a woman, I think so many many shy away from the is because the truth is very painful for the other person. I always blame the very nature of relationships rather than the person I am with.. the old ‘its not you its me’ which whilst seeming a bit of a cop out probably protects the persons feelings a bit more than saying ‘Im actually really attracted to all of your friends” Is probably something that shes not going to want to hear.

By: googly eyes

googly eyes — Wed, 20 Feb 2013 00:16:09 +0000

Thank you!!- mr manliness…part of me wants to date you, so you can break up with me. (i’m sure i haven’t thoughts this through).

If more guys (and gals, for that matter) followed this process, I would have a lot more faith in humanity.

By: Pat

Pat — Thu, 07 Feb 2013 06:59:33 +0000

Being the dumpee or dumper is never easy. I suppose doing it face to face is the better way of going about it; however, I can’t imagine there are many women who have been dumped “properly” who later extol the virtues of their ex. This particular situation of simply changing one’s fb status is pretty shallow. (Thus, I have only felt until someone is engaged, she should just leave that blank but that is neither here nor there.)

I think overall it depends on how long and serious the relationship is. Text or email may be apporpriate for something short term, while a phone call may be ok for something a little longer. For long term/ serious relationships, yes I agree face to face is the way to go. But once it is over, it is over. Does it really matter all that much how it was done? Maybe a little at most.

By: Heather

Heather — Mon, 04 Feb 2013 16:39:15 +0000

Good article but I would add that breaking up, like getting together, then getting to know each other and then falling in love in the first place, is a PROCESS over TIME. It’s not a thing that happens out of the blue or all of a sudden or within set time limits of an hour or two or whatever. The driving analogy and steering wheel thing is true and I love it. If you are doing it right, there are no jerks. Literally and figuratively. But if the breaker upper has been harboring resentment and “staying in it for the other person” or some other lie to themself, they probably checked out a LOOOOOOONG time ago and, to them, it has been a process. But they need to have a sense of respect and consideration that the other person may not have had this time that they’ve had to process and to let go. So, if you break up with someone, meet with them and talk about it. Be clear about how you feel but also don’t expect that “this is it” because you might be really laying an idea bomb on the person you are breaking up with that they need a little time to process. When you tell them, at first, they may be shocked and just be like “ok” but a day later, may really need some process time with you. Give it to them while still maintaining your honesty about how you feel. If you are breaking up b/c you really must, then don’t do it out of anger. Do it out of love and do it lovingly because even if you no longer love the other person, for whatever reason, both of you deserve to be treated lovingly and tenderly. Especially by someone who used to love you.

By: Jill

Jill — Thu, 31 Jan 2013 12:20:12 +0000

Thank you for clearing outlining a respectful manner as to part ways that honours both partners. My last relationship was ended abruptly and without any accountability when the man I thought was to be my life partner informed me over the phone while I was in premature labour with our son (who did not survive) that I was “not a priority”, followed by an e-mail the day I was discharged form hospital (needless to say he did not come to the hospital) asking me to move my things out of the house. This was almost 2 years ago, without an explanation, apology or any sort of accountability. Gentlemen, this is an EXTREME example of cowardice, so please be a man of integrity, and have compassion & an honest heart and share what’s going on in your mind when your heart is no longer in the relationship.

By: Axe of Mortal Doom

Axe of Mortal Doom — Mon, 17 Dec 2012 18:28:57 +0000

I had a problem with giving specific reasons before. I was once dating a girl that was just All-around not good enough. That’s the best way I know how to describe it. She was too immature, too irresponsible, too needy. I’m sorry to say but I was even attracted to her just physically anymore, though this is probably subtly connected to her actions. Should I have told her the real reason we broke up? That she is just all-around not good enough? I don’t think so. She demanded reasons why we broke up. I never gave them because that’s all I knew what to say.